++++++ I do not own the Walking Dead apart from my OC's ++++++

Twenty-Three

I could have gone with the rest of the group to clear out the inner courtyard instead I chose to stay behind and keep an eye on the perimeter. There was two reasons for this. One I hadn't slept all night and was obviously tired according to Daryl and two because I wasn't in the right mind to go into a yard full of walkers. When Daryl and I debriefed with Rick this morning, I briefly saw my dog tag hanging on a chain around his neck-where Rick got the chain from I have no idea.

So I stayed in the guard tower and kept guard.

About an hour later, Lori made her way down to the tower to tell me that Rick and the others had cleared out Cell Block C and were heading deeper into the prison to so some recon. I came down and headed through the gate.

"Can I talk to you?" Lori asked me as we walked.

"About?" I inquired.

"Rick," she frowned. At the mention of his name, I could see how it pained her. It made me feel incredibly guilty about what was going on. "I'm not stupid, PJ. I can see the look he gives you when he sees you…he used to look at me like that you know?"

Jesus what did she want me to say? I didn't know what to say so I just kept my mouth shut. A part of me was yelling at me for breaking up a marriage whilst the other part did a good job at sneering at me, telling me that the marriage was already broken. I was conflicted. Conflicted does not go well in the field.

"Have you do anything with him?" Lori inquired. "I know I have no right to ask, seeing what I did with Shane but I thought he was dead." Lori was hanging on by a thread here and I could see that no matter what I said or didn't say was going to cut that thread.

"We just kissed," I told her. "Listen, Lori, I-"

Lori grabbed a hold of me and forced me to stop dead. "PJ, I think I lost the baby."

I froze. "Say again?" I shook my head. "You haven't felt it move?" I had no clue what this meant for the baby if it was infected but I did know that it would chew its way out of her. "Why are you telling me?" I asked her. "I'm no doctor. You should speak with Herschel."

"I want to speak to you," Lori argued. "I haven't felt the baby kick, I thought it was because I was exhausted and I haven't eaten properly in a long time."

I gripped Lori's arm tightly and dragged her towards the cell block.

"PJ wait!" Lori snapped, wrenching her arm from my hand. "I came to see you because I need a favour from you." She cleared her throat. "If the baby lives and I die during childbirth I want you to kill me."

I shook my head. "Lori-it's not going to happen."

"Why not?" Lori asked me. "How many women died in childbirth before modern medicine? If I come back, what if I attack it? Or Carl, or Rick or even you…If I do, if there is any chance, you put me down immediately, you do not hesitate." She choked back a sob. "Me, the baby…if we're walkers, you don't hesitate and you don't try to save us. Ok?" I sighed and nodded. "It might have been better if we never made it off the farm."

I snorted. "Says you-Lori. There's a lot we have to live for you know. This baby is another chance for you."

Lori shook her head. "My son can't stand me. And Rick-after what I put him through he turns to you-"

"For nothing," I told her. "We just kissed, Lori."

"I tried to talk to him but he pushed me aside. He hates me, he's too good a man to say it, but…I know him. I put him and Shane at odds, I put that knife in his hands." She shook her head. "PJ, you need to be the one that puts me down, and the baby down if we die. And you have to look after Rick. You need to pull him back to the proper path, he can't keep leading this group like he is otherwise everyone will die. Can you promise me that PJ?"

"I can't," I whispered.

"You have to," Lori answered.

"And if you both live?" I answered. "What then?"

Lori shook her head. "When I had Carl I had to have a C-Section. I'll need to have one with this baby. I know that."

"And Herschel?" I asked Lori. "Are you adamant that he can't save you? Or is it that you don't want to be saved?"

"Just promise me," Lori whispered.

I nodded. "Ok Lori, I promise. But I'm doing this for you-not for Rick or for me. For you." I held out my hand but Lori suddenly hugged me.

"I knew that underneath the exterior there was a human being," Lori assured me. "I see it when you attend to Jade."

"I used to be like that all the time," I told her. We started off towards the cells again. "Towards the end of my first tour something happened…something I don't want to talk about but it defined me. Made me who I am today."

"What was it?" Lori inquired.

I shook my head. "No, Lori. I'm not going to tell you. I don't need people to pity me or see me any differently. This is me now, just go with it. Ebony never even knew-it's not something I like to tell everyone." I turned back to her. "Lori-don't tell Rick."

"What would I tell him?" Lori asked me.

"He still loves you," I assured her. "You're the mother of his child. That sort of love doesn't go away overnight you know." What am I trying to tell her really? Here I am, the woman who comes in from the cold and starts messing around with her husband, albeit I haven't actually done anything yet. I should be the last person to try and convince Lori that her husband still loves her considering I'm the one who has feelings for a married man.

"How many times have you kissed him?" Lori suddenly asked me.

"Twice," I confessed. "Look-I'm sure you can understand how uncomfortable I feel discussing this. I deserve it, totally, but I don't feel right talking about your marriage."

"My marriage was over the moment I slept with Shane," Lori cried. "If my baby lives-I don't want my sins to carry over to it. You'll look after it, look after Carl and look after Rick. I still love Rick but that spark we had was long gone even before the world fell apart." She patted my shoulder and headed back into the cell block.

I eagerly followed, anxious to pick out where I was going to sleep.

"Aunty Jay!" Jade shouted from the top floor.

I glanced up and smiled when I saw her. Kid needed a haircut. "Do you have somewhere to sleep?" I asked her.

Jade nodded. "I'm sleeping with Sophia and Beth," she announced. "But I wanna sleep with you," she pouted.

I shook my head. "No baby girl. Aunty Jay is gonna sleep in the end cell alone so I have some leverage if something happens." I jogged up the stairs and ruffled her hair up, "you can come see me once I sort myself out and we'll give you a haircut. You and Sophia."

Jade's bottom lip dropped. "But I like my hair!" she cried.

"Can't afford to have it long baby girl," I smiled. "A walker could get you."

Carol stepped out of the cell behind the girls. "I still say you're good with the girls. Why didn't you have any of your own?"

"Long story," I whispered. "Involves a gun and a grenade and the scorching sun."

Carol wrinkled her nose up. "That sounds awful."

I laughed.

Yeah, it really did.

I threw my bag, my bow and my quiver on to the top bunk and lay down on the squeaky mattress. There was a lot to think about. Who would have ever thought the apocalypse could be so damn complicated?

Not me, that's for sure.