If was right it was the 11th november 1981. And if I was right about that too- it was a full moon. And that means that Remus was alone. James is gone. Peter is gone. I left him alone. It was my fault. all my fault. my fault my fault. my. fault.
The whole day I just layed on the ground thinking about Remus. The old memories hurt. They weren't happy. Although they were supposed to be. I thought about how I would always lay in his lap and he would stroke my hair. I smiled and layed my head back on the wall thinking about his smile.
My heart started warming up my body. I was shocked first? This could happen here? My eyes flickered open and the warmth was gone. I stared at the giant dementor who was looking at me. If he had eyes. I grapped my coat and covered my face.
The dementor left after a while but the cold stayed. It was even more freezing than before. I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't. It wasn't bright in here but that wasn't the problem. I couldn't see the moon. But I knew it was there. I felt it.
That was the problem. I couldn't help him. I should be with him now. I should be there for him- I-I promised him. I promised. I crawled back into my corner putting my face in my hands. I promised him. I promised. Warm tears ran down my face. I sobbed and cried out: "I fucking promised him!", my voice broke, "I'm sorry Remus. I'm so fucking sorry". I could only whisper the last words. My voice wasn't used to talking anymore- and I probably also have a cold.
...not probably I definitely have one.
I stared at the black ceiling. Somewhere there will be the moon tonight. And I will not be with Remus. I couldn't protect him. I couldn't be there for him. He would be all alone. No one could be there for him. James was dead- I gulped. Pettigrew was- a little fucking traitor- and I..I was here..I promised! I promised...
I'm such an asshole. 'Fuck you Sirius. You and you're fucking shit promises you don't keep! You told him you'll always be there for him. You're such a disappointment. Such an asshole. Such an awful husband'
Sirius was crying. He took James face in his hands and stroked through his hair. "No...No James" Still crying he closed James eyes and mouth. It looked like he was sleeping. Sirius sobbed and tried to hold it back.
He stood up and noticed something at his feet. James glasses. He knelt down and picked them up. He just needed a memory.
Sirius took a last look at James and then walked up the stairs.
I opened my eyes. A bad dream again. I still saw his face everywhere. His shocked eyes staring at the ceiling. I gulped down my tears. It was midnight. I just somehow knew. He was alone now. Completely alone. No James, No Peter, No me. No one could be there for him.
I started crying again. I couldn't help it. James dead face, Remus in pain alone.. I can't do this anymore. I screamed. As loud as my voice could take it. I lost everything. My Prongs. My Lilyflower. My Prongslet. My husband. My best friend. My brother. Everything. Everything I ever cared of.