Full Circle

Chapter 24 – Old ways resurface

AN: Hey guys just want to say thanks so much for sticking with this whilst I took a mini break to get used to my new schedule. I cant promise to update every week but I will do my best. I am also thinking of putting up a new story to keep things fresh haha I know im breaking one of my rules but this story is no where near finished yet so it will be forever before I have more stories if I stick to only doing 1 story at a time let me know what you think?! This chapter is not as a light and fluffy as the previous ones just an FYI but nothing too much.. Let me know what you think.. :)

It was late at night and Olivia and Fitz were walking around the White House, halls were empty and many of the staff had cleared out their offices for their new arrivals in the Ross administration. Olivia was leaning her head against Fitz's chest as they carried on walking down the hallways. Olivia couldn't help but wonder what her life would have been like if she had become First Lady.

For the past couple of weeks she had been in a funk, feeling down and having regrets over the choices she had made over the past 9 years. She didn't mean to keep it all to herself but she also didn't want to bother Fitz with her feelings and she didn't want to hurt him anymore by saying she wished she believed in them more back then and how she wished she was not only his First Lady but Americas too.

There were rumblings in the press about their relationship; it seemed they had finally caught on to their relationship again. Some were positive praising the couple for finding each other again and not letting love go whilst the majority were negative attacking Fitz when some rumours came out about his wild card phase, which Liv only blamed herself for.

She wondered what would have happened if she told Fitz about the plans for defiance, surely they would have been together he would have pulled out of the race divorced Mellie and started a family with her and re enter the race for President with her by his side and win this time cleanly. Teddy would have been theirs and who knows how many more they would have had by now.

Then she thought about what would have happened if she never left his side- if she never resigned. Amanda Tanner would have never happened, Billy Chambers wouldn't have even stood a chance, and they could have achieved amazing things in their first 4 years. She would have been able to come up with a plan for him to divorce Mellie within the year and then work on them being a couple for the public.

What if she came forward the first time her name was leaked, if she had stuck to the plan she created after he run out the clock for her they would have endured a lot less heartache. Why was I always a coward when it came to us getting out happy ever after? She thought to herself.

Thoughts about leaving after Gerry died came to her, how she pushed him away after she was kidnapped, how she sought comfort in others when really she only wanted him. She couldn't understand how she was always so worried about the optics and the press when it's her job to spin it all and she is the best at what she does.

Liv was so lost in her thoughts she didn't feel Fitz pull her into a closet, she was confused at first scanning her surroundings and that's when she saw the electrical panel to the side of them and behind her.

For the past few weeks Fitz has noticed that Liv seems off and almost distant but not quite. He doesn't want to push her in opening up if she's not ready but he cant help but worry. He only has a week left and they can finally start their lives together. He doesn't want to leave without re creating a memory for them and hopefully it will help Liv in any way, he knows that sex isn't the answer for them anymore like it used to but he wants to connect with Liv and he wants to be able to bring her back to him.

He leans his forehead against hers and whispers

'I know this isn't a happy memory for us but I want to change that for us. We were in such a bad place then and I treated you horribly but I want every place of this White House to be a reminder of how much I love you'.

He leans in and kisses her gently on the lips

'You can still slap me if you want too though'

Which brings out a chuckle in Liv and for the first time that day she truly smiles. She reunites her lips with Fitz's her tongue prodding his lips until he opens his mouth surging her tongue inside. She knows she needs to talk to him but she just wants to feel connected to Fitz. She wants to feel him deep inside of her, making her feel loved and wanted and trying to forget about all the thoughts that have been swirling around for the past few weeks.

There's no need for foreplay tonight Olivia just wants Fitz and he knows it. She peels of his t shirt first wanting to feel his body, then Oliva's top is next to go along with her lounge pants and underwear. For the next minute Fitz just spends his time caressing and admiring Liv's beautiful body, he cant believe he is so lucky that this beautiful goddess has come back to him.

Fighting the tears that threaten to fall from her eyes she puts her concentration on removing Fitz's sweats and boxers. Both naked he picks Liv up and she wraps her legs around his waist his erection poking against her stomach, she gently strokes it a few times before guiding it to her core where Fitz takes over and pushes into her.

In stark contrast to the last time they were in here Fitz is making sure that Olivia feels loved and cherished, he is making love to her, going slow and gentle, no rush, no harsh thrusts, no harsh grips, just 2 soul mates affirming their love for one another in the most intimate of ways.

There whispers of each others love fill the closet, he connects their lips as he feels Liv's orgasm wash over her and a couple of thrusts later he is joining her. He holds her close as they let the aftermaths of their orgasms wash over them not breaking their connection.

He turns them around and sinks to the floor still holding her close. He runs his hand up and down her back but stops when he feels wetness hitting his shoulder. He moves his head back to look at Liv and gently places his finger under her chin and lifts her head to meet his and what he saw broke his heart. He cups her face and wipes the tears away and pulls her back into a hug as sobs wreck her body.

Fitz tries his best to stay calm for Liv and not let her know how worried he is about her, for the first time since she came back into his life he doesn't know what to do for her. He feels lost and helpless as his love is crying in his arms.

'I'm sorry' she whispers over and over again still clinging tightly to him

'Livvie you have nothing to be sorry for babe. Whatever it is I am here for you ok no matter what baby. We're in this together'

They stay on the floor for a while before Fitz gets them redressed, his Livvie looks so lost and he doesn't know what to do. He scoops her up into his arms and carries her through The White House tunnels and back to Blair House. They enter the bedroom and he lays her down gently as she had fallen asleep along the way. He props himself up on his hand and watches her sleep

'I love you so much Livvie and no matter I am here for you, you dont have to go through anything alone ever again. Whenever you are ready to talk I am here for you. I love you my sweet baby' he whispers in her ear and holds her close throughout the night.

Today's the day Fitz never thought he would see the day he finally leaves The White House and much to his surprise Liv is walking out with him. She's still not herself and hasn't talked to him yet but he knows she is trying to work through whatever is going on.

'Are you sure you want to do this Liv?'

'I'm walking out with you Fitz. I am going walking out those doors by your side and be at the ceremony and when you depart I am going to be at your side.. Where I should have been all along' she said the last part quietly but he still heard it.

He doesn't push her on what she just said giving her the time to come to him and talk. Instead he takes her hands and kisses them both. They walk around the Rose garden for the final time

'Do you know what we should do?'

'What' he asks her

'Take a selfie here we need a reminder of our spot it can be one of our first picture we can put up in our home'

He smiles at her and they take a couple of selfies and then they get Matt to take a picture of them.

They arrive at Susan's inauguration ceremony to a whirlwind of press who have gone wild at the confirmation of Olivia and Fitz back together. Olivia tries to keep the smile on her face but when she sees Susan's daughter holding the bible as Susan takes the oath her mind is telling her that it should have been her doing that for Fitz. She looks down in the hopes the press wont catch that fallen look on her face. Fitz sensing the change in Liv his squeezes her hand tighter and kisses the side of her temple.

Susan and her daughter along with Mellie wave as Fitz and Olivia get in the limousine and drive away.

'Are you ready to head home' Olivia asks

'More than you know' he kisses her and she rests her head on his shoulder and interlaces their fingers together as they head to their home.

Liv and her team did a wonderful job setting up their home for them, he cant believe that this is his home now with Liv. Teddy moved in with them straight away and Karen would be arriving next week. He loved being able to spend true quality time with Teddy and not have to worry about a world crisis needing his attention.

Liv has been throwing herself into OPA trying to ignore everything and everyone around her. She knows she is falling back into her old ways and she doesn't know how to stop. She feels herself losing control and she doesn't know how it happened.

Everything should be perfect, Fitz is out of office, they are living together, they have Teddy, OPA is thriving again but yet Olivia feels more lost than ever. She knows that the way she has been feeling is probably due to the ending of one chapter and the start of another but she also thinks it's down to something else.

She opens her desk draw and stares at whats inside before she can even think about her next move Abby walks into her office and she quickly shuts draw. Abby has noted the change in Liv over the past few weeks but doesn't want to push her she finally has her friend back and she doesn't know what to do.

Abby informs her of the new client coming in the next few minutes and Olivia is relieved to have something take her mind off everything. She tells her get the team together and she'll be out in a minute. Before leaving she looks at the picture on her desk it's the one that Fitz sent her while she was away, tears threaten fall but the dinging of the elevator sends her into gladiator mode.

Its 11:30 pm and she still isn't back yet, he has tried her phone multiple times already and it just rings and rings. Teddy was disappointed at no Liv at dinner again; he loved Liv just as much as he loved his daddy and wanted to spend time with her. He has been drawing her pictures each night after dinner in hopes it would make her feel better. Even though he was only 4 he was very observant of other people especially those he was close with.

Olivia was sat on the floor with her back against the door. Tears were streaming down her face; she didn't know what time it was but knew it was late by the darkness that was coming in from the windows. She wanted to get her phone and call Fitz but she couldn't move she was trapped in every sense. Even her agent Brian wouldn't be able to check on her as he was stationed downstairs at the front of the building and not in the offices.

11:45 Fitz tried ringing again but got the same response. He decided to phone Abby when he filled her in Abby grew worried she and the rest of the team had left hours ago. He asked if she could come over and watch Teddy whilst he went to OPA. Whilst waiting for Abby to come over Fitz contacted Brian to go up and check on her and let her know he was on his way.

Brian immediately grew worried when he heard from Fitz; he called for the elevator and made his way up to the offices. He made his way to Olivia's office and saw it was empty but her belongings were still there. He checked the conference room and all the offices but they too were empty and in darkness.

He saw the light shining through the bathroom door and made his over to check on her.

'Olivia' he called out but got no response he could see the slight shadow of her body so he knew she was in there.

Olivia could make out someone calling her name but all that she could register was that it wasn't Fitz's voice. She looked down at the stick in her hand and a fresh wave of tears came to her. She could hear someone talking on the phone but she just wanted Fitz. He would make everything alright.

'Olivia are you ok in there?'

He got no response again and spoke into the phone to Fitz who was on his way over. He was about to enter the room when he heard Olivia call out for Fitz. Knowing that she must be in a bad way he didn't want to enter and he knew the only person she wants is his boss.

'Olivia I am putting the phone on loud speaker so you can hear Fitz'

She heard Brian speaking into the phone and she must have heard him say 'sir' and she knew he was talking to Fitz which made her call out for him. She can hear his voice coming through the phone. She needs him. She stares ahead at the wall as more tears come down her face; she grips the stick tightly in her hand. It's all her fault.

If you loved him as much as you claimed too all those years ago this wouldn't be happening now.

This is payback. This is my entire fault.

Why couldn't I believe in him the way he believed in me.

Fitz runs through OPA with matt in tow he doesn't even bother to wait for the elevator he uses the stairs to get to her faster. He sees Brian at the bathroom door and gives him a nod as he quickly makes his way over to Matt to give the couple their privacy.

'Livvie' he says gently

It takes a couple of minutes before he gets a response from her

'Fitz' she says shakily

'Yes baby it's me' he tries to say the calmest he can

It took Liv a minute to register that he is standing on the other side of the door and it's not coming from the phone. She feels so weak as she makes her way over to the door and shakily unlocks and opens the door. The second she sees Fitz she throws herself into his arms and breaks down.

Fitz scoops her up at first he is unsure whether to move into her office or stay in the bathroom, he decides on the latter wanting to get to the bottom as quickly as he can.

Just like in the closet he sits on the floor with her in his lap and holds her as she cries.

'Livvie baby what's going on talk to me so I can help'

She can hear the desperation in his voice but she cant bear the look of disappointment that will come across his face.

'Its all my fault'

'Whats your fault'

She doesn't say anything else she just hands over the stick that was clutched tightly in her hand. Fitz looks down and sees it's a negative pregnancy test. Before he can say anything to her Liv is talking about avoiding looking at him

'I have been feeling off for the past month or so at first I shrugged it off but then slowly all these thoughts kept creeping in, I kept thinking about our relationship and what I should have done differently, I kept thinking about all the things I have done to hurt you and all the things I regret when it comes to us and always walking away from you'.

She takes a breath as tears still come down her face

'It should have always been me Fitz, I should have always been by your side and I should have been your First Lady. I hate that because of me we have wasted so much time, time we will never get back. Teddy should have been ours and I would have been pregnant with our 3rd but instead Teddy's not mine, I aborted our first and now I'm holding a negative pregnancy test when I thought I was.'

Fitz cant contain his tears as he hears Liv talk he sees her getting more and more upset and he knows he needs to get her breathing under control first before anything else.

'Liv I need you to slow down and breathe for me ok, I need you to take deep breaths for me'.

He cups her chin making eye contact for the first time resting forehead against each others. He grabs hold of one of her hands whilst the other goes to her back to rub up and down to help calm her down.

'Slowly in and out Livvie'

He squeezes her hand which she squeezes back. They sit in silence for a while just breathing each other in.

'Why didn't you tell me how you were feeling Livvie?'

'I wanted to at first but they just kept getting stronger and I didn't want you to hate me, you've always wanted us to be together from the very beginning and I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I had. Then before I knew it I started going back to old Olivia shutting myself off from you and everybody else'

'You know you can talk to me about anything right'

'I know' she whispers out.

'We will have our family Liv it's just not the right time. Right now we focus on us as a couple, we focus on Teddy and Karen, we get married and then when everything is going well we will be blessed with a mini Olivia Pope who will be strong, confident and beautiful like her mother ok?

She doesn't say anything she just hugs him letting him know she heard every word.

'Thankyou. Thankyou for coming for me'

'We're in this together Livvie no matter what'

They stay wrapped up in each other a little while longer before deciding to head home. When they make it home Abby rushes to Olivia and embraces her in a hug telling her how sorry she is for not being there for her.

Olivia makes Abby stay for the rest of the night so they can talk in the morning, as abby makes her way to guest room they both go and check on Teddy who is fast asleep they both kiss him and make their way to their bedroom.

Fitz decides to show Liv Teddy's drawings for her unsure at first if it was the right idea given everything. He is glad he did when he sees her smile as she looks through the drawings.

'You are important to him Livvie. He loves you.'

She stares at the my family drawing which has Teddy in the middle of her and Fitz. She places them all on the bedside table and moves to be closer to Fitz. Her rock. Her protector. Her everything.

'I love you Fitz'

He wraps his arms around her tighter keeping her close as they drift off to sleep.