*Sigh*

I'm so mad at myself right now.

I bought a pair of ear buds. Used scissors to cut through the plastic case it comes in. Cut straight through the wire. I paid 15 dollars for those things…It's one of those moments that you wish you could have a do-over. Ugh! I hate moments like these.

After this story, I don't know what I'm going to write. If I'm going to write anything, I need to think about it now and get the whole plot in my head before I can write it down. Any ideas? Another King Bob/TJ sounds good, but I'm willing to write anything you all have in mind.

Go forth and read on!

Journal,

JoJo's not answering my phone calls or texts. After that kiss, things have been getting weird with us. Maybe I should let the smoke clear after that accident before we talk again. I need to sort out my feels for him, while I'm at it.

Poor Zack. I'd get sick for him in a heartbeat if I could. All I can do is get his mind of the pain. He said the sweetest thing to me today.

~*~V~*~

Where the hell is that look-a-like?

I've been looking around for Ralphie all day, and I haven't seen him at all. He knows I'm after his ass. Any other day, he'd be right with Spinelli and the others, but not today. Not the week after Tommy Gun, who I'm sure is his brother, pops up at my doorstep.

When I looked at my reflection in the mirror after a shower Saturday night, I couldn't stand looking at the color of my hair. That, along with the freckles, remind me too much of him. I bleached it blond again yesterday. That's how much I hate this guy.

I'm in gym right now, and I'm in the middle of a game of dodge ball. Ashley's sitting on the side of the gym. We don't want her to get hit in the stomach. She managed to get 98% of the girls to get on my team.

I don't hit girls. I'm aiming for Vince and Gus and don't want to miss. Mikey, not so much. That wouldn't be a fair fight.

Mental note: after school, find them and see if they know where Ralphie is.

BAM! Landed one right on Gus! C'mon El Nino! STEP YOUR GAME UP.

"I hope that you hold nothing against me for hitting your boyfriend," I said to Theresa while I was giving my arm a break.

"I'm mad at him for not putting up a fight," she said, sending a ball flying over to the other side of the court. It landed, hard, on some unfortunate soul. Nice aim. I nodded before I got back to the game. If Ralphie was here, he would the victim of my onslaught.

"Can you tell your boyfriend and his friends to meet me after school? We need to talk."

"Will do. Watch out for Vince though, he's aiming for your head."

The coach blew the whistle, signaling the end of the game. My team one by a landslide. Most of the guys on the other team were afraid of hitting the girls too hard and that helped a ton. We all went back into the locker rooms to change. I checked my phone for any messages. Nothing. I put it in my pocket, grabbed my backpack and headed towards my last class of the day. This class always goes by fast, and I need to leave. I'm heading straight home after talking to the guys. Zack will be back to the doctor by then, and he's probably waiting for me to come home. He didn't want me to go to school today; he wanted me to stay home with him. I would've love to, but I had to go to school. There wasn't much I could do, but I told him time would go by fast and I'd be back before he knew it.

The teacher is making a big deal for us, especially those close to turning 18, to get out and vote.

…

I'm not voting. This election is crazy, on both sides.

Great, a report due next Monday. Lovely.

When the bell rang, I grabbed my bag met Ashley outside of class.

"What's with you today?" She asked me. "You've been quiet, more than usual."

"I have a lot on my mind. Nothing to fuss over," I said before I kissed her forehead. "I'll be better by tomorrow."

"You should be happy. There's only a month and a half left of school!"

"That soon? Doesn't the school year go into a week of June?" I asked her

"On any other year, but we only go into June to make up for the snow days we use. We had no snow day, so the year ends early," Ashley explained. "Didn't they do the same in juvie?"

"Nah, we had school all year to keep us busy. This is going to be my first summer vacation in years. And to think, I saved summer vacation before fifth grade. How's it going with your parents?"

"Ugh. Nothing's going. I'm not here on Friday 'cause they're taking me to the first of many of doctor's appointments. Wish me luck."

"Of course. I have to go meet some people in front of school. I'll call you later tonight." I kissed her one more time before she walked off and left the school. As I walked towards the doors at the front of the school, I pulled out a cigarette and my book of matches. As I opened the doors I lit a match and then the cigarette. I was met with the sight of the five people I didn't believe would show up. "Wow, you all came."

"Theresa said it was important," Gus said. "And she threatened to break up with me, though I'm sure she didn't mean it."

"Relax, this'll go by fast if it goes as smooth as it should," I said. "I'm sure you all remember to horrible sight of me bashing someone's face on Saturday, along with all the blood."

"What the hell was wrong with you?" Vince asked. I kept my eyes focused on the smoke coming from the tip of my cigarette. "You know what this reminds me of? That time when you lost your fucking mind and went around beating the shit out of any kid you could reach."

"Ah, the highlight of my existence," Alex hissed from his corner inside my head. "So much rage was coursing through you that day. I had a buffet on all that anger and hate."

"It was nothing like that. I know that guy. He's the one that blinded me. I don't want him anywhere near me or Zack because a month ago I found out he went to juvie because he raped his four year old neighbor. I believe that constitutes a murder, but I settled for a beating. He had the nerve to come up to me and to ask me to introduce him to Zack and I lost all rationale. You only saw me beating him up and tried to get me off of him, which I understand. It, from your point of view, looked terrible and you wanted to stop it. But I didn't beat him into a pulp for no reason. Besides, he got up and walked away. He's fine. Bastard's built like a brick house."

"Damn. Next time, we'll let you do whatever the hell you want to the freak," Spinelli said. "Sorry 'bout that."

"You don't have to apologize. You did what you thought was right. Now, I have to get home. My brother is in incredible pain and I have to be there." I started to walk away from them, but I remembered what else I wanted to see them for. "Where's Ralphie?"

"He's out today. He said something about his brother being in town," Gretchen said. Ah, shit. What a coincidence.

~*~V~*~

Quietly, I opened the door to Zack's room. I peeked inside, but he wasn't awake. He was snuggled under his blankets in his pajama's sleeping away. I won't wake him up. Rather, I put down my backpack in my room and went downstairs. The bunnies were asleep as well. They're cranky if I wake them up, so I only took Duracell with me. I sat on the couch and put Duracell down next to me.

"You need a break away from all those kids of yours, don't you?" I said to her halfheartedly. "Don't worry, they all have homes waiting for them." I reached for the remote on the coffee table when something else caught my eye. Under the table, I spotted a book, a large book. I picked it up (it was heavy, too) and sat it on my lap.

'Oh. It's our photo album. Why do pictures have to be so heavy?'

Opening to a random page, I saw pictures of a little girl with black hair, playing, running, dancing, things that little girls did. These are pictures of Becky when she was little. She looks tolerable.

I turned a few more pages and she got older through each page. I stopped when I saw one a picture of her, around the age of 6, sitting on the couch and doing her best to hold a screaming, crying baby.

….Is that me?

Aww, I was chubby even when I was a baby. On my birth certificate it says I weighed 8 pounds 2 ounces. Aren't babies supposed to be like 5 or 6 pounds? I'm bald in these too.

As I kept turning, I saw pictures of me growing, sitting in a high chair eating and being as messy as a baby could get. Hair came gradually. While mine was growing, I was pulling on others hair when it was in reach. Heh.

I turned one more page, and I was on the floor with another baby, it looked like a girl about the same age, and I was tugging on her hair as well. Of course, she's crying, and someone's trying to get me to let go. The little girl looks familiar.

…

Is that Spinelli? This is too funny. Okay, okay. Moving on. I absentmindedly flipped deeper into the album. Eventually I ran into pictures that I wasn't in. These must've been taken when I was gone. And there's a new baby in some of these. Zack. Unlike me, he was born with a full head of jet black hair and wasn't crying his head off.

'I should be in one of these pictures holding him,' I thought.

"Oh, please. You would've dropped him without a second thought. That would've been a good thing, though." Said Alex.

"Hey Mom," I said, going into the kitchen. "Did the doctor say what was wrong with Zack?"

"It's definitely strep throat. He's going to be stuck in bed for at least the rest of the week," She said. "He's been asking for you all day. He's really attached to you."

"I don't mean to sound rude when asking this, but why did you and dad have Zack?"

"Zack….we didn't plan on having him. We love him all the same, but he was more an accident."

"Why….didn't you tell me about him when he was born? I found out about him when I broke out of juvie and tried to break in through my window. I saw him standing up in his crib, shaking his raddle," I said. "A letter would've been nice….."

"Yes, that's what we should've done. We already told you how we thought it would help you adjust better with little contact with us. In hindsight, it was a terrible idea, but there isn't much we can do to fix that now, can we?" The sound of a bell ringing interrupted us. It was much louder than the bell I have in the cage. "That's Zack. When I got him up this morning, he could barely talk. I bought him a bell to ring when he needs something. It'll make him feel better to see you."

"I'll go get him," I said. I turned and walked out of the kitchen, picking up Duracell as a walked through the living room. "I hope you don't mind me cutting your vacation short." I carried her upstairs and put her in her cage. After, I opened the door to Zack's room. He was sitting in his bed, and stopped ringing his bell when he saw me. He smiled, and that hid the obvious pain he was in.

"Hey Zack, how are you feeling?" I gently asked him.

"…it hurts," He managed to say. He held out his arms to me. My heart melted like ice under a magnifying glass on a hot summer day and I picked him up. I sat on the floor (his bed was too small and I'm too heavy for a toddler bed) and held him in my arms. "I don't wanna be sick…." He said, laying his head on my shoulder. I heard him sobbing and he cried onto my shirt.

"I know, I know. You won't be sick forever. You'll feel better faster than you'll know." He continued to cry and I held him until he calmed down. It's all I CAN do to comfort him. Eventually the tears stopped flowing and he calmed down on his own.

"You're my best friend," I heard Zack say. "We're buddies."

"Thank you so much for so saying that Zack," I said. "Sometimes I think I'm not a good big brother to you."

"You're the best big brother ever, 'cause you scare the monsters in my closet away, and tell me how I have to be brave, and you have bunnies."

"Then I'll keep up the good work. Does it hurt to talk?" He nodded. "Then maybe it would be best if you didn't talk a lot until your throat feels better. Only saw a few words, like yes and no, okay?"

"'Kay."

"I think I might have something that'll help you be brave." I picked him up and carried as I walked into my rom. I went straight for my closet and opened the door. There was one box left, filled with a few things from Duval. I kneeled down, still holding Zack and opened it. Sitting on top of everything else that was inside was my trademark red cap. I kept it after all those years of not wearing it. I couldn't throw it away. It was a big part of who I was. I picked it up and gently placed it on Zack's head. It's big on him, and I looks like it'll fall off easily.

"I used to wear that all the time," I said as Zack took it off and look it. "If I ever took it off, people would ask me where it was. It was my trademark. I never went anywhere without it. I want you to have it, 'cause it'll help you be brave. Do you like it?"

"Yeah. It's red."

"Good. I want you to take good care of it. I don't need it anymore." I helped him put it back on. It fell over his eyes. "Don't worry, you'll grow into it. It'll fit like a glove before you know it. Let's get you back to bed before mom starts to worry."

~*~V~*~

When I managed to get Zack to sleep, I went out for a walk and found myself down at the lake. It's been a week since I stopped lighting fires. I left my box of matches at home so I couldn't light a fire if I wanted to. Instead, I picked up a bunch of rocks and skipped them across the water.

'Should I tell Ashley about me and JoJo kissing? It's not like anything else happened. I was half expecting us to have sex to break all the tension that was hanging in the air,' I thought. 'All we did was kiss. Hmm. Would I want Ashley to tell me if she kissed another guy? Yeah, I would. I'll tell her, calmly. She's going to kill m—"

A small rock hit me in the back of my head interrupted my train of thought. I rubbed the back of my head where I was hit and turned to see who had the nerve to hit me. Ralphie. What a surprise. He stood at the edge of the lake, tossing a small rock up and down in his hand.

"Heard you were looking for me," He said with his smile plastered on his face.

"Why'd you hit me?"

"You looked so focused and it seemed like the only way to get your attention. Why do you want to talk to me for all of a sudden? You couldn't stand me at first," He said. "Have you realized that you should join the bandwagon and be my friend?"

"No, and those threats you sent me made me hate you more," I snapped. "You don't threaten people you want to be friends with. It's a pretty shitty strategy."

"You're right, which is why I didn't do it."

"Do you have a brother? That's what I wanted to see you for."

"A brother? Yep, I have an older brother. Thomas, but we all call him Tommy."

"What's your last name?"

"Gee, you sure want to know a lot about a person who you don't want to be friends with. Rifle, my last name is Rifle. I'm Ralphie Ronald Rifle, tongue twister, I know. My brother is Thomas Rilfe."

"Ah. Thanks," I said, turning back to the lake. "You can go now."

"You're an asshole, you know that? People try to be friends with you and you treat them like shit. Do you even hang out with the others when you don't need them for something? Or are they just sources of information that you come to when it's convenient for you?"

"I case you haven't noticed, being friends with them is not high on my list of things to do. They're barely on that list at all. Do I want to be friends with them? I'm not sure, but that's none of your business. Acquaintances, yes. I'll talk to them, have conversations, like acquaintances. Friends? Ha. We're probably never going to be friends again. If we do become friends, then we aren't going to be as close as we were before all this shit happened. Still, I'll never be friends with you."

"Fine. Don't be my friend," He said. Finally, he gets it. "It would be a shame though is something happened to your brother."

"Don't you dare threaten Zack!" I yelled at him. "I will kill you in front of everybody and be put to death by the electric chair before I let you do anything to him!"

"Right," he said, turning away from me. "I'll see you later, Freckles."

A cold chill jolted up my spine when he called m Freckles. I hadn't mentioned that I was called that in Duval to him. The only way he could've found out was through his brother. Tommy Gun is without a doubt his brother. Thomas Rifle? Tommy Gun? Too similar to NOT be the same person.

I need to get home and check up on Zack. I know he's unharmed, sleeping away in his bed, but I have to see to settle me nerves after what Ralphie said.

I won't let him lay a hand on Zack.

I dropped a class! I had to, it was too much. But yeah, like I said in the note above this chapter, I'm totally willing to hear what you all want to be written. Something new and not done before (or not that often) is preferred.

Reviews are Highly Appreciated!