"Is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about today?" Dr. Hopper said it to both of them, but he was looking at Arthur. Belle was sure there was plenty he wanted to talk about, but he didn't seem to want to say any of it to her. It was almost Halloween, and he'd spent the last three weeks carefully not talking to her about anything of substance.
"No," Arthur finally replied. Dr. Hopper looked over at Belle who just shrugged.
"You know," Dr. Hopper continued. "You two will only get out of this what you both put in. This is a safe place."
"There's nothing to talk about," Arthur said with a shrug. "Everything is going swimmingly."
"And would you agree with that, Belle?"
Belle took a deep breath, trying to put her thoughts into order. She didn't want to have this conversation any more than Arthur did, but this was important. Her relationship with her son's father was too important to throw away like this.
"We haven't been speaking as much lately," she finally explained.
"Is that true, Arthur?" Dr. Hopper asked.
"We talk every night," Arthur argued. "We always have."
"You know it's not the same anymore," Belle replied. "We don't talk about anything except Bae."
"What should we talk about, then?" he said sharply. "Your new boyfriend, perhaps?"
"Why would we talk about George?" she was legitimately confused. She didn't like to merge those two parts of her life. Arthur and George were entirely separate entities to her and they fulfilled very different functions. It irked her that this had to be an issue.
"We wouldn't," Arthur shot back, crossing his arms and leaning against the back of the sofa next to her.
"Arthur," Dr. Hopper said evenly. "It sounds like Belle dating bothers you. Would you like to talk about that?"
"I don't think I would," Arthur was intentionally being difficult and she knew it, but it didn't make him any easier to deal with. "In fact, I'm fairly certain I'd like to discuss nearly anything else."
"You mean like how you're refusing to discuss things in therapy?"
He was about to snap back at her, but Dr. Hopper was quick to interrupt.
"Alright," he said in his soft voice. "Let's try using feeling words. Belle, when Arthur refuses to talk in therapy, how does that make you feel?"
Half of her wanted to slap the therapist and tell him to mind his own business, but she was fairly certain that would definitely be the wrong move for their continued success in counseling.
"It feels like he's not taking this very seriously," she said with a sigh. "Like I'm putting in more effort than he is."
"Oh well, in that case you're right and I'm wrong and you're the better parent," he was near to shouting now. "Is that what you want me to say?"
"No," she grumbled. "What I want you to say is that you're going to work on this."
"Arthur," Dr. Hopper interrupted. "I think what Belle is saying is that when you're distant it makes her feel like you're not as invested as she is."
"I'm every bit as invested," Arthur said darkly. "Maybe even moreso. This is literally all I have and she knows that!"
She hated when he talked like that. She didn't want to be everything to him, she didn't want to be everything to anyone – not even to her son.
"You know that's not true," she said dully, even though she knew it was a lie as she said it. "You have your work."
He gave a dark little smile when she said it, and something in her rebelled a little and refused to be intimidated.
"You can't expect me to want to be that," she said quietly. "I want to be your friend and your family. I don't want to be all you have."
He deflated a little bit and Dr. Hopper looked like he was about jump in when Arthur continued.
"You can have more children and another family," he said. "I can't."
"You're not that old," she replied. "You say that, but you could date if you chose to. You can't make this about me because it's not."
He didn't answer her this time, just grumbled and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the couch again.
"Do you think," Dr. Hopper ventured. "That Belle is right? That you choose not to date?"
"I think that's something I'd rather not discuss," Arthur shot back. "This is supposed to be about Belle and I, not about me."
"You are a vital part of this relationship," Dr. Hopper reminded them both. "Parenting is a team effort, and if one part of the team is having a crisis, the whole team is in crisis."
Belle really wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure what was going on, or what to do about it. He was surly, and she was trying very hard not to know what that meant because the alternative was too damn scary to think about. He'd started this routine up a few weeks ago, not long after Milah's death and George reentering Belle's life. She wasn't sure which one of the two events she would prefer to have caused this behavior change. He used to be her closest friend, and now he only barely returned her calls.
"Arthur," she said softly, taking the risk and reaching out to put her hand on his. He looked like he might run for a moment, but seemed to resign himself to her touch. "I miss you. I miss being your friend. Please, tell me what's wrong."
He was looking between her and Dr. Hopper like he was trapped, and she could feel him trying to fight the urge to clench his fist before all the fight seemed to go out of him.
"She let her boyfriend play soccer with my son," he muttered.
"That's it?" she blurted out before she could stop herself. George had gone with her to one of Bae's soccer practices and had helped him run some drills while waiting for everyone else to show up. Arthur had shown up while they were in the process of learning how to juggle the ball with their feet. It had been absolutely nothing. It hadn't seemed like a big deal at the time, and he hadn't said anything...but she knew how important sports were to him. Maybe she should have known.
"That's it," he snarled, yanking his hand away from hers. "Forget I said anything."
"No, I'm sorry," she said as softly as she could. "I know how much sports mean to you. Honestly, it didn't even occur to me that you'd be jealous of him and Bae."
"Who said I was jealous?" he snapped a little too fast, and Belle shot a glance to Dr. Hopper hoping for someone to explain what she was trying to say.
"How did you feel when you saw George playing with your son?" Dr. Hopper asked, looking intently at the two of them.
Nobody spoke for awhile as Arthur looked between them like a rabbit trapped in a snare.
"Well it certainly wasn't pleasant," he grumbled. "She's free to date whoever she wants to, but she knows that there are things I can't do with Bae and no, I don't like watching her boyfriend do those things."
"Belle," Dr. Hopper turned his gaze towards her for the first time in this conversation. "How did you think he would react to that?"
"I...I don't know," she admitted. "I really didn't think. I'm sorry."
"It's nothing," Arthur replied flippantly. "Forget I said anything."
"No," she insisted. "You have to listen to me. I didn't think anything of it because you're Bae's dad. He loves you and absolutely nobody is ever going to take your place. So I didn't think it would be a problem and I'm sorry."
"It's fine," he said, looking away from her. "You don't need to apologize."
She sighed, leaning towards her side of the sofa.
"I don't think this is fixed," she said after a minute. "I think you're still angry."
He didn't reply, and she knew she'd hit a nerve.
"What do you think about what Belle is saying?" Dr. Hopper broke in. "That she doesn't feel like your issues are resolved. How do you feel about that, Arthur?"
"She apologized," he replied stiffly. "I think she was sincere, and I think that has to be the end of it."
"But you're still upset with her?"
"What does it matter?"
"It matters to me," Belle said a bit sharper than she meant to. "It matters to me because you're my friend and I love you and I just want things to go back to the way they were before."
"I think we're past that," Arthur said and he sounded so tired and resigned she just wasn't sure what to say to him. "I think we're past the point of pretending like this isn't changed."
"Over twenty minutes of soccer?"
"Over everything!" he finally shouted. "Over the entire last month! Over...over everything we've gone through together you go out and start dating without even telling me.
"Why is this so important to you?" She shouted back. "Why are you making this into such a huge event? I'm an adult, I'm allowed to have a social life. Why are you so angry?"
She heard Dr. Hopper telling them both to calm down, but the blood was rushing through her ears from her anger and all she could do was watch him and try to calm her racing pulse as she waited for his answer.
"I think you know why," Arthur said in a whisper. "Don't make me say it. After everything else, please don't make me say it."
The sound of her pulse was a roar now and she had forgotten how to breathe. This was too much. It was too much to even think about. It had been too much when she'd confronted him over what Abigail had told her, and it was far too much now that he had all but said it. There was no coming back from it if he did, no pretending like things had only ever been simple between them. She both needed to hear it and couldn't bear the thought of it spilling out of him. She didn't have an answer if he said it.
It was really that simple. Belle didn't have an answer. She loved him. She'd loved him for months, but was she in love with him? She was attracted to him, and her rebellious mind flashed back to the dreams he'd haunted since their vacation and reminded her of the times she'd laid awake and just wondered. But she'd never thought it beyond that, never dreamed it would happen. Did she even want it to?
And then, as always, there was Bae. There was her son – their son – and this was his father who he loved. Bae would suffer any consequences, of that she could be certain. What could she say, when either answer would risk her son's happiness? Either answer had the potential to destroy his family. And she just didn't know. She saw countless paths sprawling out before her. He said it and she said no, and things were ruined. He didn't say it, and things limped along as they had been until they eventually fell apart. He said it and she said yes and in a few years when things didn't work anymore Bae's heart would be broken. He said it, she said yes, and they lived happily ever after. She saw a flash in her mind's eye of a child who was a mix of both of them in her arms and she wasn't sure if she was terrified or excited.
Dr. Hopper had been quiet since their last outburst, and Belle suddenly became very aware of his presence. She couldn't have this conversation in front of someone else, and she still didn't have an answer. The room was becoming stuffy and she couldn't breathe. She had to be someplace else, because there was too much here and it had pushed all the air out. She struggled to her feet.
"I'm sorry," she heard herself murmuring as she rushed out the door into the lobby and into the restroom, locking the door behind her as she broke down and cried.
She had botched it all, and now whatever it was...it was too late. She'd made a mess of everything.