Phew! *wipes forehead* This is a very strong chapter. Well, at least I think so, and I do hope you took warning. I didn't pick 'Angst' as a genre for nothing.

And a double-meaning chapter title, because I'm a sucker for puns. Sue me.

I don't mind walking much. There is the occasional complaint about the heat, but really, I've seen worse. It's pretty cool for a summer day.

"Come on, guys! This is nothing!" I spur everyone on, walking backwards in order to keep an eye on the rest of the group. Unsurprisingly, I'm holding the front. "Can't handle some sun? How are you planning to keep walking when noon comes round?"

"Will you just shut up for a minute?" Toph grumbles. "I can't hear myself think!"

"Thanks, Toph," Sokka deadpans. "It's not the sun up there that is hard to handle."

That comment is confusing enough for me to freeze in mid-step. "Huh?"

But Aang seems to get it. "Nothing wrong with a sunny disposition, Sokka."

"Well, if this goes on, I'll get a sunburn," Toph continues and I roll my eyes to the heavens. Oh Agni, what did I kick off here?

But Aang giggles, and Katara joins in. I shake my head in disbelief and turn around, facing forward again. It's silent for a while, everyone's saving their breath.

It's very much true, though. The heat, I mean. There is barely any shrubbery around to provide some shadowy relief. Or cover, for that matter. There are walls, both hillsides and depressions, which are quite effective as such, but they also force us into a line which can't be broken out of, and right now, the sun shines in such an odd angle at us that there is no escaping its grip. Or anyone's sight who might happen to stroll around this same line. Or above.

"I really do hope we don't run into another patrol," I speak out my thoughts and slow my steps, falling back to Aang. "Why are you guys in the Fire Nation, anyway? Wouldn't it be easier for you to hide out at the Northern Water Tribe or something?"

"Uh, that's kind of my fault," Aang explains uneasily. "Let's say we've ended up at Crescent Island without really meaning to. Since then, we've been on the road."

"Right..." I'm really curious how they got to Crescent Island, but I suppose no one's going to tell me. It seems to be a sore spot for Aang, and I don't pressure him. I rack my brain for a subject to change to, and I'm very pleased with myself once I come up with something. "Hey, since we have time now, how about some firebending theory? I can walk you through it while wal... never mind."

Aang giggles, before one of his eyebrows takes a detour downwards in a mixture of skepticism and concern. "Right... I think we should do that."

Now it's my turn to be concerned. "Look, Aang, I know what you must think about firebenders and firebending. But there is nothing to be afraid of. Fire isn't inherently evil. It's danger and destruction, yes, but it's also warmth and light. Think campfire! It doesn't necessarily cause harm. There is a reason why the Fire Nation is the most advanced nation."

"Yeah, because it destroys everything else," Sokka pipes up from behind, words charged with sarcasm.

I shoot him a glare. "You're not helping!"

"She's right, Sokka," Aang interrupts matter-of-factly. Suddenly, he has everyone's attention, while he himself turns forward with a faraway look in his eyes. "The Fire Nation is the most advanced. And it was even before the war. But that's not necessarily a good thing."

"What do you mean?" I ask. The Water Tribe siblings seem to know already what the little Avatar's aiming at, and Toph pretends not to care.

"Look around yourself."

I do, but I still don't get it. The landscape is marked by strip mines. Trenches, hills which were banked up by human hands. A lot of dark brown, the stray patches of grass are more of a sickly yellowish color rather than green. Well... maybe I do get it.

"You're referring to the somewhat reckless exploitation of resources, right? I've heard the Air Nomads value the preservation of nature over progress."

"Nature is not a toy." Aang is very adamant about that, that much is clear. He is tense, almost grim. "I can feel the spirit's grief everywhere."

He could have meant "the spirits grieve" just as well, but I suppose it doesn't matter. "Is that an Avatar thing?" I try to distract from the subject. "Because I don't feel anything, which either means it's Avatar stuff indeed or I'm a terrible airbender. Not that the latter would surprise me much if it were the case."

As Aang fails to answer, Sokka kindly jumps in, "It's an Avatar thing." When I direct my gaze at him, I catch him raising his hands, gesturing from one side to the other. "You know, great bridge between our world and the spirit world?"

I quirk my brows at his display. He drops his arms and stares back, somewhat offended.

"Seriously," he insists. "Get used to it. Stuff like that happens a lot."

"I'll keep it in mind."

Only now I notice that I fell back, while Katara stepped up and started talking to Aang. As far as I can tell, she's consoling him, but it seems sorta intimate so I desperately ransack my brain for another subject I could kick up with Toph or even Sokka. Anything not to listen in.

"So, you guys are traveling a lot, I suppose? I bet you have quite some tales to tell!"

"Sure," Toph responds with suspicions-inducing glee. "If you want to hear how we kick some serious Fire Nation butt, let me know!"

I wince, I should have seen this coming. No matter how nice those people actually are, they're still my enemies. "No, thank you very much."

I put some distance – or Appa, to be precise – between me and the rest of the group, retreating into my own thoughts. While I decided the night before that I can't dwell on the fact that I'm totally out of my depths here, it's easier said than done. I'm lucky that I haven't lost anyone I love yet. All members of my family are stationed somewhere relatively safe. In the Fire Nation itself, in the quieter colonies... But about half a year ago, Mimi's best friend Hirai lost a cousin at the North Pole, when the whole Fire Navy was wiped out by no less a person than the Avatar himself.

I already forgot about that. I never met the guy, I don't even know his name. I barely know Hirai, his parents disapprove strongly of their precious son associating with an airbender. I can't blame Mimi for letting it slip, he's known Hirai since forever and he was too young to understand. But yeah, it's impossible for me to miss Hirai's cousin in any way, so why is he sneaking into my mind now of all times? It only complicates matters which are already complicated enough as they are.

I'm glad Appa's enormous body shields me from the rest of the group. I promised Sokka I won't let any harm come to Aang. Such a premature move. The urge, the need to turn the little Avatar in and end this war is so overwhelming, it hurts physically. At the same time, it feels so wrong. Aang is so cute and adorable and good-natured and I couldn't live with myself if I sentenced him to death, or a fate even worse than that. He's a child, for Agni's sake!

I squeeze my eyes shut and press a hand onto my mouth, choking back a sob. I can't cry now. It would cause uncomfortable questions at best, at worst... well, I can't judge yet what these people are capable of once they realize how weak I really am.

I'm only vaguely aware of my surroundings, I'm so busy struggling to keep my emotions under control that I neglect the rest of me. My legs are shaking, ready to give in. I can't take another step. Sounds reach my ears, muffled as if carrying through water, but they don't reach my mind.

Only a loud bellow snaps me out of it. Shock takes over, freezing my limbs and probably widening my eyes as well. Before I know it, I find myself on my knees, trembling, breathing heavily, and when I look around, there are Sokka and Katara peeking out from behind a ruffled Appa. Toph is nowhere to be seen, but I expect her behind the sky bison also. Aang for his part has materialized a few feet away from my face, just now relaxing from what appears to be a bending stance and heaving a sigh of relief.

And I break. Screw the caution, screw the self-control, screw it all! I need to cry now. All that anguish needs to flow out, be expressed and, ideally, resolved.

A hand is placed on my shoulder. "What's wrong?" Aang's voice rings out, with a hint of panic in it.

"I'm sorry," I sob quietly, wiping my eyes to no avail. The tears keep coming. "I'm sorry, Aang."

"But..." He trails off, clearly at loss for words.

"Let me handle this," Katara speaks up then, softly shooing the airbender away. I sense her squatting down in front of me, but I don't dare looking up. Just thinking about betraying Aang is unforgivable. I don't deserve their comfort.

Katara waits for me to calm down, resting a hand on my shoulder. I'm thankful for the silence, I certainly don't want anyone to ask "Are you okay?" when I'm clearly not, and she seems to understand that.

Once I'm somewhat back in control and my brain starts to work again, however, she asks gently, "Do you want to tell me what upsets you so much?"

I shake my head, still not trusting my voice.

"I know it's confusing right now," Katara continues. "You're torn between the loyalty to your country and the loyalty to your friends. I understand. And I'm sorry that I can't offer a solution right away, but I'm sure we can figure it out."

"You have no idea..." I croak, a fresh load of tears welling up. "I don't... I should have never..." I trail off, unable to form a coherent sentence. I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. "I shouldn't be here."

"Don't think like that. You know, I believe it's meant to be this way."

"I don't," I respond tiredly. The tears finally stopped running and my voice became steadier. Now, I just want to lie down and take a long, long nap, after which I would wake up in my bed and all this stuff would never have happened. "I'm sure destiny wouldn't choose someone like me for something so grand."

"What makes you think so?"

I sigh. Now that I'm over the crying part, I'm starting to feel slightly annoyed. Do I have to spell it out? "Because..." Because I'm just me, which is probably not the reason Katara wants to hear. "Never mind..."

"Come on," the Water Tribe girl encourages gently. With the rustling of clothes, she gets up and an outstretched hand enters my vision. Numbly, I take it and let Katara pull me to my feet, which causes me to meet her gaze more or less by accident. She smiles mildly, and I can't help smiling back. I feel better the very instant.

"Thank you, Katara."

"It's okay." She let's go of my hand, only to grip them both and add, "You'll be okay."

"You keep saying that," I tell her, doubt worming its way back into my mind. "But optimistic words aren't going to fix anything."

"You won't believe what optimistic words can do," Katara plainly shoots the notion down and I knit my brows at her, but I don't comment. I guess I'll just take her optimistic words for it.

"Right..."

I jerk my hands free and turn around. I can't tell her about how a part of me wants to turn Aang in so badly, especially within the hearing range of Sokka. They won't understand anyway. To them, the Fire Nation is evil. That I wish for this war to end just as passionately as they do will probably fall on deaf ears.

"Hey."

Aang's face appears in my line of sight. He even bends his knees to meet my lowered gaze. I flinch back half a step, I've never seen anyone behave like this around me, and it creeps me out. That I almost trip over Katara and make her catch my shoulders doesn't help matters.

"Careful there!" she scolds lightly, clearly amused.

"Sorry," I mumble and turn back to Aang, raising my brows at his serious expression. "What is it?"

"You see me as an enemy, don't you?" he half states, half asks and instantly, my head explodes with contradictory responses. I bite down on my lip, I'm sure everyone can hear my pounding heart, so I will it to calm down.

Katara's hands on my shoulders have tensed up, I can feel it through the fabric of my tunic. Both Sokka and Toph have crossed their arms, the former looking distrustful, the latter intent, as if listening to something only she can hear. Aang appears increasingly downcast, which is what shocks me most. I've gotta do something about it, and fast!

"No, it's not that!" I yelp, not really caring what I say as long as it makes him feel better. Then I manage to pull my act together, dropping my gaze in the process. "I mean... I'm just really confused, okay? Don't worry, I'm not going to turn you in or anything, it's just... my brother's best friend lost a family member at the North Pole," I add on a whim, feeling I need to give at least some explanation for my breakdown. "Just... give me some time to come to terms with the fact that I accidentally befriended his..." I trail off. I can't just say killer, I refuse to apply it to Aang. But I feel the word floating in the air anyway. The tension is palpable.

"I never wanted it."

I look up, alarmed at the sorrow and remorse in Aang's voice. The little Avatar is staring at his toes, and I can make out a telltale glistening in his eyes. Aang is on the verge of bursting into tears himself!

Before I know it, Katara is gone from my side and rushes to his, pulling him into a tight embrace. "It's not your fault, Aang," she comforts him softly, causing a question mark to pop into my mind.

It's not?

"I know," the little Avatar mumbles, the voice steadier than I expected, but the tears unmistakably resonating in it. I still have no idea how the comprehensive sinking of the Fire Navy is supposed to be not his fault, but looking at Aang's trembling form, I find myself believing it. Which makes me feel sorry for ever bringing it up, however, if I tried to comfort him myself, I'd probably mess it up. So I just leave it to Katara, and instead gather my shattered courage. It takes a few seconds, a couple deep breaths and silent self-persuasion, but once done, I grab Sokka's wrist and drag him in Appa's direction.

"Hey! What...?!"

I keep going til we're on the other side of the sky bison, hidden from Aang, Katara and... no, not Toph, actually. When I release Sokka, he looks at me accusingly.

"You know, you were supposed to cut me off. Like, with a 'Shut up!', so everyone can see you're an inconsiderate jerk?"

He says it so matter-of-factly that I lose composure for a moment and start waving my arms frantically. "What?! I'm not... Alright, anyway!" I decide that I stumbled over my own tongue often enough for today. "Listen, I didn't mean to hurt Aang like that, I was just trying to clear some things up so you guys don't get the wrong ideas. This is a very sticky situation I'm in right now... but I digress." I take a deep breath, my words have become increasingly hectic – a fact Sokka honors with a raised brow. "Sorry. What I'm trying to say is... Will you tell me what exactly had happened at the North Pole?"

Sokka crosses his arms and leans against the wall of the trench we happen to be in right now. His brows are furrowed, but not in an angry kind of way, more like... sullen? I'd almost call it grief-stricken.

"It's not a good memory."

I used to be very good at Humor (if I do say so myself). But lately, I've been writing so much Angst that I can't pull off proper jokes anymore! T.T

I discovered a tumblr post with English synonyms for 'say', sorted by conveyed emotion, and I was like, I found a treasure box! *.*

Yeah, that's the kind of stuff that makes me happy. I mean, I read a lot of English books and try to get the words from my passive vocabulary into the active bunch, but well... English is not my mother tongue, can't be helped. I'll keep trying. ^-^

So, this turned out longer than expected. So much about sticking with 2k, this one is like 2.8k (without A/N). Well, I don't really care one way or another, what happens, happens. Hope you enjoyed~