FOUR DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING

Barbara looked at their usual pub. It prompted so many memories of their relationship - conversations over pints, bickering with him, piecing together evidence, arguing its meaning, walking out on each other, making up, stealing his chips, watching him wrestle with his demons, acting out and being a complete bitch to him. "Maybe we should go to another pub?"

"No, it has to be here," he said, brooking no argument.

She sighed and walked through the door. She made her way to the back to a table while Tommy ordered their drinks.

"Hello, Barbara. Fancy meeting you here."

Barbara closed her eyes then opened them and turned around. "Hi, Stuart. Oh, Winston. What are you two doing here?"

"Just hanging around," Stuart said with faux innocence.

Barbara glared at him. "I might not be a detective any more, but I can still tell when someone's lying to me."

Winston punched her arm. "The DI organised it. We are hen-bucking with you, whatever the hell that is."

Stuart took a swig of his beer. "I told Lynley it sounded decidedly rude."

Tommy arrived with a beer and a coke. "Ah, you found each other. Good. Here you are my love, your coke." Tommy turned to the men. "Barbara lost a bet and has to go all night without drinking."

Stuart looked at her. "Why would you make a bet like that on a night like this?"

She took a sip of coke. "The rewards were potentially very high."

Stuart nudged Tommy in the ribs. "Been turning on the charm have you, Tiger?"

Tommy raised his brow. "Tiger?"

"It's a buck's night, so he'd be a deer rather than a tiger," Winton said.

Stuart shook his head. "That doesn't sound like something Barbara would give up drinking for. A tiger has more power, more drive, more…"

"Enough," Barbara interrupted. "No need to dissect our sex life."

They all laughed. "Seeing this is your hen's night and Lynley's buck's night, we thought you can't get away with anonymity."

"Stuart," Tommy warned.

"Easy stud. Nothing harmful. We're not going to tie you naked to Buckingham Palace fence or anything."

Winston pulled a large paper bag from under the table. "We had these done for you."

Barbara was handed a soft, red object. She opened it up. "A tee-shirt? Oh good… I can't wear this!"

Barbara held up the shirt. On the front was an angry looking chicken and the words 'Now I know who came first'. She turned it over and on the back in bold lettering was the word, HEN. "Stuart!"

Winston handed Tommy a royal blue tee-shirt. The front had a strutting rooster and on the back, BUCK. Barbara laughed at Tommy's face. It would be worth complete personal mortification to know he was suffering more. He still had some poncy edges that needed to be chipped away. "Classic!"

"If it makes you feel better, we have some too," Stuart said unveiling two yellow tee-shirts. He held them up. On the front was a chicken sitting on a deer with enormous antlers and prominent genitalia, and on the back, Tommy & Barbara's Hen-Buck. "At least we're not making you wear a fake tiara. I figured you'll be wearing enough real ones in future."

"Thank you. These are so thoughtful, aren't they, Tommy?"

"Unbelievably so." Barbara poked him in the ribs and his stern face gave way to raucous laughter."

Stuart raised his glass. "Cheers. Tonight is going to be fun."

The quartet had two drinks then, at Stuart's insistence, left the pub. As they wandered along several people stared at their shirts. Most people laughed but one older woman told them that they should have more sense at their age.

"Tommy here told me about the Thames cruise," Stuart said as he hailed a cab. "I booked tickets for us on one of the party boats. Tonight has a retro theme."

"I didn't mean a party boat, just a regular tourist one."

"They're no fun at all. Full of photo-taking tourists gawping about. You'll love this, I promise."

The boat was considerably larger than Tommy had envisioned and would easily hold a hundred people. The back deck was large and festooned with lines of coloured lights. Two enormous speakers had lights that cycled through the rainbow built-in behind the grill.

"This is…"

Barbara trod on his toe. "Wonderful. Thank you, Stuart."

Behind them two buses pulled up to the kerb. Tommy heard squeals of laughter. Before he could say anything the busses disgorged eighty young people dressed in bell bottom jeans, paisley body-shirts and mini skirts that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Another bus arrived with men dressed in silk pantsuits and holding feather boas.

"Well hello, big boy," one said as he slid past Tommy.

"Hi."

"You've made a friend already," Stuart said as he brought back three plastic cups of beer and one coke. "Are you sure you won't have a beer, Barbara?"

"A bet's a bet and I can't have my husband think I have no willpower before we're married."

"He already knows you can be stubborn."

"It's tenacity, and it's one of the many things I love about her," Tommy said putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Come on, plenty of time to get all luvvy duvvy on your honeymoon. Tonight we party!"

As if on cue, the speakers crackled to life. "I've been cheated by you since you know when…"*

"Abba!" A girl screamed next to Tommy's ear. "Made up my mind, it must come to an end."

The girl grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. Tommy stood still as the girl began gyrating around him. He looked pleadingly at Barbara who laughed and shrugged her shoulders. Stuart appeared next to him with a buxom blonde, and Barbara was being spoken to by a man whose hairy chest and stomach were protruding from the open v-line of his lime green pantsuit. Before Tommy could protest, they had joined him on the dance floor. The girl who had kidnapped him was gone and the concept of partners vanished in a sea of jumping, pressing, laughing bodies. "Mamma Mia, here I go again, my, my, how can I resist you?"

Tommy slowly manoeuvred his way past the dancers to Barbara. "Should we go?"

"Too late. Unless you want to swim," she shouted.

He looked out to see them drifting slowly downriver. Westminster Palace mocked him and he wondered what his peers would think if they saw him now. Barbara was singing and dancing and looked happy. He took a deep breath and began to follow her moves.

In the four hours it took the boat to motor down to Greenwich and return, Barbara had sung and bopped away to the sounds of Abba, Bay City Rollers, Gloria Gaynor, Donna Summer and a swag of Bee Gees hits. She had watched Tommy slowly lose his reserve. When he was hip-bumping two of the besequinned men and allowing one to wrap a feather boa around his neck, she knew he was at peace with the world. She wandered over and began dancing with him. He gave her such a tender, open smile that she grabbed him and kissed him, passionately. They ignored the catcalls, and made their way across the deck to the railing. Arm-in-arm they watched the Houses of Parliament come into view as they passed under Westminster Bridge. "I love you, Tommy."

He kissed her. "I love you too. This wasn't quite what I had in mind."

"It's been fun."

He nodded. "Yes, it has been actually. I have to confess, I've never danced disco before."

"Danced disco? You make it sound… you did well. Smooth moves there M'Lord. And I think Adrian wishes he was your hen."

"Sorry, Adrian, I'm spoken for."

"So he'd have been in with a chance if you weren't?"

"Of course. I'm a public school boy remember."

"I don't want Bubby Panda going to Eton." Barbara bit her lip. It was hardly the conversation to start on a party boat.

"Neither do I. Come on we dock soon. One last dance."

By the time they tumbled into the house it was nearly two in the morning. Barbara was painfully sober and Tommy had been sure to not have too many. They went straight to their room and began to undress.

"We have to keep these shirts," Barbara said.

"It certainly was a conversation starter. Do you know how many men and women offered to cure my problem or made lewd suggestions about my rooster?"

"I don't think they were talking about your rooster, Tommy. Your co…"

"Yes, thank you. I know exactly what they were talking about."

Barbara laughed and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you."

Tommy kissed. "You're welcome, but for what?"

"Going along with it. Having fun."

"Years ago, I would have been aghast, but you've taught me to appreciate life."

"Me too. I would never have allowed myself fun if you hadn't given me confidence in myself."

"We' good for each other. That's why this works and we don't need 437 reasons to believe it."

"I know. But right now, I'm thinking number 250 might be nice."

"I was thinking 561. Shall we draw straws?"

"What about we aim for both?"

Tommy snuggled Barbara against him. "Definitely one of your better ideas."

Barbara ran her finger over his chest. "Hmm, I thought so."

He put his hand over hers. "Steady. I need time to recover."

Barbara laughed. "I was being affectionate, not demanding. Did you see the look on Stuart's face when Adrian kissed him?"

"I'd have paid money to see that. Serves him right, taking us on that boat."

Barbara hit his arm. "You enjoyed it. Admit it."

"Yeah, I did."

"Were you serious about what I said?"

Tommy hugged her closer. "About loving you? Yes, very. About never having participated in disco dancing, yes, that's also true."

"About schooling."

"Yes. There are certain expectations that are unavoidable and that we'll have to work through, but we can compromise on a school between Eton and a comprehensive. There are plenty of very good day schools in London."

"Any co-ed? I don't think I want him going to an all boys school."

"What if it's a girl?"

"Then You will have her locked somewhere in a nunnery."

Tommy laughed. "Probably. Keep her away from boys like me."

"You turned out alright."

"I wouldn't have. Not if I hadn't had you by my side all these years. I'm just sorry it took me so long to see it."

"Yeah, you can be a bit thick."

"In other circumstances I would thank you for the compliment."

Tommy winced as she whacked him. His best defence was offence, so he kissed her.

THE DAY OF THE WEDDING

"Tommy's just left with Peter. Our cab is outside," Stuart said as he came into the bedroom. "Oh, wow, you'll knock him dead."

"I hope not. I want to live a long life with him. You don't think the sleeves look too long?"

"No."

"Good. Thanks again for doing this."

"My pleasure. Winston and I are happy to be your witnesses."

"Did Tommy look nice?"

"Handsome as ever, lucky basted. He could wear a sack cloth and look good."

Barbara glanced at the clock. "Time we went."

She allowed Stuart to escort her to the cab. She was grateful of his arm to lean on."

Stuart climbed in beside her and gave the address to the driver.

"Your wedding, love?"

"Yes."

"What time?"

"Two o'clock."

"Right, well I'll go the long way and make sure you arrive at two. That way you'll be about five minutes later for the ceremony."

"It's not a church. They might cancel us. Besides Tommy would think I'd chanced my mind. We gave to be on time."

The driver shrugged. "Okay love." He reached for his radio. "Despatch, this is C1256. Can you radio Bill in C5893 and tell him the bride wants to be on time. I don't want the groom to be late."

"Will do, Charlie. A bride on time? Well it had to happen one day."

The cab pulled out of the kerb. Barbara took a last look at the house. When she returned, she would be a married countess. "Wait!"