With most of the difficult stuff occupying the space in my brain out of the way, I can finally concentrate on giving Sokka the report he wants. I'm not sure why it matters, but it's a good feeling to get it out in the open for the others to deconstruct. Well, and also for myself. A lot of stuff makes more sense in hindsight.

I sum up how I walked too far away from Appa. That landslide I heard? Probably the cave being sealed. Someone saw me, and possibly assumed I saw something as well. But they weren't going to let me get away anyway, so yeah. That cage smelling of burned wood? Figures. Just wondering where they got all the wood. Isn't there a simpler way to determine firebending abilities which doesn't involve putting up new stakes all the time? (Toph is for attacking. Sokka remarks on how the slavers probably didn't like the idea of getting themselves set on fire by a spirited teen, or miss out on a child who's too scared to fight back. Give them something to burn and leave them feel unobserved is a good idea. And I'm scared of Sokka.) I continue with how I tried to jump out, and Aang gasps in shock. He then proceeds to hem and haw a bit before revealing that earthbender guy quite possibly saved my life, or at least prevented a couple bones from getting broken. With my current level, I wouldn't have been able to control the flight phase of the jump, maybe launch myself into the ceiling, or the stakes. The latter makes me shudder, impaling yourself is probably not the most pleasant way to die. I hastily resume my tale to get the image out of my mind.

I talk about registry-guy (Toph wonders aloud how much money I may have raked in, making me shift uncomfortably), about meeting Judai and Nila (I leave out the details) and how I got the idea to use meditation to pretend being dead (really not the best of ideas; apart from the risk of permanent damage, there is also the thing about cutting up corpses to find out what caused the death in the first place... good thing the doctor wasn't a professional). I explain how I sneezed earthbender guy and doctor into the wall (eliciting general laughter from my audience), how I ran into swordwoman and disarmed her, and how I would have preferred sucking the sword into my own hands over blowing it away if I would have had any idea how to do it (Aang promises to teach me). How I got recaptured, freed myself and took the last two slavers down with a chair. What a struggle it was to get everyone up and running (Judai certainly wasn't the only defeatist in there... I wonder what made him change his mind), and how we were caught, explaining why earthbender guy mistook me for some sort of spirit. Then Aang fills me in about his and Toph's side of the rescue, how they tracked down the firebenders with their seismic sense and freed them. It's the same way they found me. According to Toph, airbenders have a telltale lightness to their steps, something she mentions casually enough for me to take a moment to process... And then my brain implodes.

"Can you say that again?" I ask, half hoping I misheard. It can't be right, can it?

"What? That we're around two pussyfooters?" Blunt as always. It's not the same wording, but apparently she means it. I can barely wrap my head around the idea.

"I don't understand. I mean, yes, I can airbend, but I'm not an Air Nomad. I obviously don't airbend my feet. Why would my steps be any different from regular Fire Nation people?"

"Well, you obviously do airbend your feet," Toph comments and turns to Aang for an explanation. "Twinkletoes?"

Sifu Avatar scrunches up his face, I can almost see his mind whirl. "I've never heard about anything like that. I'm sure there are records, but..." He trails off and starts tracing circles on the tabletop with a finger. "I don't know. I should know."

Katara, who happens to be sitting next to Aang, puts an arm around his shoulders. "Aang, I know how important your heritage is to you, but it's not possible to memorize every bit of Air Nomad history. And that's okay. I'm sure there are relics out there. And you can ask your past lives! The knowledge of your people is not lost."

Right... there is that. Avatar or not, Air Nomad or not, Aang is just a kid, with limited knowledge and limited memory. Must be harsh to be the last of your kind...

The little Avatar looks up to face Katara, and they hold a long gaze. At this moment, I'm willing to bet every last coin on them being mightily in love. Sokka seems to share the sentiment, he turns away with his nose wrinkled in mild disgust. He has the decency not to comment, though.

"Thank you, Katara," Aang says, smile back in place, then directs his attention at me. He scratches the back of his head, apparently deep in thought. "I can only guess for now, but I think it may have to do with a subconscious need to be light on your feet. To avoid something, or generally being a hectic person. Could that be?"

To avoid something? More like someone. A lot of someones, but one someone especially. Aang's words flood my mind with unwelcome pictures, memories of fleeing from Hide, of zigzagging through crowds, of flitting along corridors, in and out of sight. Light on my feet indeed.

"Yeah..." I mumble testily. "Could be."

I place my hands on the table and push myself upwards. I'm not mad at Aang for figuring it out, but the memories have put me in a generally bad mood. Plus, it's late. Time to follow Judai's example and catch some sleep.

"I'm off to bed," I announce firmly and turn around. Open the slide screen and close it behind me to be enveloped in the silence and relative darkness of the sleeping area. The calming effect is immediate, and I realize what kind of impression I must have left. Not a good one, definitely. My upbringing asserts itself, demanding instant rectification. I take a deep breath and poke my head back into the center room, to be met with confusion and skepticism.

"I'm sorry, that was rude of me." I sigh. "Thanks for the clarification. And good night."

Aang smiles reassuringly, signaling the lack of hard feelings. "Good night."

"Good night," Katara joins in. Sokka rummages through his backpack, but lifts a hand in acknowledgment. Toph yawns. I guess I can leave them like this.

Sliding the screen shut again, I heave a breath of relief before finally paying heed to the bed. The lanterns are still emitting a wan light, as promised, and I can easily make out Judai's sleeping form, curled up under the blanket. I can't help smiling at the sight. It radiates serenity, something we both need. I tiptoe around the bed to the lantern on Judai's side to blow it out before taking care of my own side of things, get rid of my clothes and flop down on the bed with a rapt sigh. Sweet softness! Everything left now is extinguishing the last lantern and waiting for sleep to set in.

Which, as per tradition, takes a while. I toss and turn, constantly rolling from one side to the other in a vain attempt to find the most comfortable position possible. Without the influence of my friends, my mind refuses to settle. I think about Aang, his promise to protect the people of the Fire Nation from the other nations' vengeance. Can he really do it? Does he have enough power? He might be the Avatar, but he's still only one human child who can only look after one place at a time. Who is to say that one army won't march in while he's busy placating the other?

Another matter my thoughts circle around is my bed mate. After so much teasing, I can't help considering... I mean, yes, we do stick to each other like glue, but that's mostly because of a shortage of alternatives. We happened to be stuck in the same cell, and we're close in age. It's a weird basis for a friendship, and apart from that, I don't even know if we have enough in common to make it work in the long term. But I'm certainly willing to try. I don't want to lose the first Fire Nation friend I had in ages.

The question related to both is: What exactly do I want to talk about? There is that vague idea of loyalty. Treachery? And how do I phrase it without giving away too much? Judai has been very accepting so far, didn't question all the oddities we threw at him. How far can I stretch his patience before he snaps? Do I even have the right to do it, morality-wise? Wouldn't it be like... taking advantage of him? But even so, I'll go crazy if I don't talk about it soon.

I feel the urge to groan, to scream, to growl; to vent the frustration in some form. I swallow it, I don't want to wake anyone. Instead, I pull the blanket over my head, trying to shut out the cruel world I had the misfortune to be born into. It quickly becomes stiflingly hot. Bah!

In the end, I kick the blanket to my feet, cross my arms behind my head and close my eyes for a breathing exercise. Not that it's the right way to do it, but I don't feel like taking the professional route right now. It's calming enough anyway, and finally puts my mind to rest. For a few minutes, at least. Here goes nothing...

I just managed to drift into a semiconscious state when I pick up on... something. A shift in the air I can't quite place before I'm fully aware of my surroundings and the gasps become increasingly hard to miss. Alarmed and very much awake, I shoot up into a sitting position, just in time to find Judai doing very much the same – only much slower and less frantic. His breathing is still erratic and disconcertingly loud, but even that fades quickly.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" he asks softly, but I shake my head and shrug.

"Not really. Nothing to apologize for. You're not the only one who has trouble sleeping, y'know?"

Judai emits a sound which sounds suspiciously like a huff. And I mean the derisive kind. "Figures," he mutters, tone matching my prior observation, which I do not like. I frown, anger bubbling in my chest.

"Now what's that supposed to mean?"

I don't get an answer, and the moonlight shining through the open shutters of the window next to the stairs is not bright enough to read Judai's face. To see if I can spy the remorse I feel entitled to. But I do see that he has kicked back the blanket by now, and goes on to hug his knees. A sight which is awfully familiar, and it makes me want to slap myself for jumping to conclusions.

It wasn't disdain I heard. It was bitterness. Which probably makes my own hostility into an overreaction. No wonder he doesn't deem it worthy of a reply.

"Sorry," I mutter, directing my gaze at my outstretched legs. "Misunderstanding."

"Who knows..." is what I get back. Probably the most cryptic thing I ever heard.

"Come again?"

Judai sighs and lets go of his knees in favor of crossing his arms behind his head and flopping back into the pillow. "I'm tired. Even I don't know what I'm saying."

I feel a wry smile tugging at my lips. "Welcome to the club. Do you think you can go back to sleep?"

There is a moment of silence, then: "I'm not sure I want to." He sounds almost disgusted, and I try to ignore the worry gnawing away at me. I'd tell him he has to, but I don't want to pull the mommy turtle duck again. Plus, I have no room to speak.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about?"

Oh, I see. We're going down that path. "I don't know. But I know that most things become easier to bear if you share them with someone else."

"Look, I don't need you to tell me again that it's over, okay?" Judai growls in response and turns his back on me, head tucked in between his arms. "I know that."

Classic defense move. It stings a bit, and at first I'm surprised. Then I wonder what I'm so surprised about. All that turmoil... I guess it's called a 'personal issue' for a reason. Some secrets are meant to be kept. No matter how much I want to help, if that's what he thinks is best, then... so be it.

"Okay," I say as neutrally as I can manage. "I won't ask further."

"Thank you." Judai relaxes, I can see his arms unlock. He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and sits up to grab the lantern on the nightstand. What he does afterwards is... a mystery. With his back still turned at me, everything I know is that he keeps the lantern in his lap and appears to wrestle with it. Curious and slightly unnerved, I crawl across the bed to look over his shoulder. But with the lantern in Judai's shadow, it really is too dark this time around.

"Uh... What are you doing?"

"Concentrating here," he shoots me down, voice strained. "But maybe you can see if you find..."

Whatever he wanted me to find, it's overridden by a hiss. The room lights up, and for a moment, my attention is split between the flame in the lantern and Judai reflexively putting his thump and index into his mouth.

"Blazing beeswax," he mumbles around them while I'm still busy processing the whole incident. The burning lantern allows for only one explanation, but... what?

"You're a firebender?" I ask tentatively, and Judai finally pulls his fingers out of his mouth.

"Firebender?" he snorts, half laughing, half scoffing. "That's a stretch. I can't even light a candle without burning myself."

Whoa... I don't know what to say. But it looks like I'm not the only one with an infinite supply of bending-shaped frustration.

Lacking any better ideas, I cover the last couple inches and sit on the bed's edge next to Judai. I'm not sure whether he notices or not, he seems mesmerized by the little lantern in his lap. He even holds it like something precious and fragile. It's saddening to watch, and I direct my gaze at the flame.

Which is not a good move. Not at all. I just need to look at it, and right away, I feel envy rearing its ugly head.

Do you have any idea how much better my life would be if I could do that? Seriously, I wouldn't even mind getting burned.

I try to shake off the notion, but I can't suppress it altogether. It lingers, gratingly.

"Seems like the universe hates us both, huh?"

"Hmm? Oh..." Seems like I succeeded in startling Judai out of his reverence. "I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't complain about my wrecked bending in front of a nonbender."

Wait a minute... What? Wrecked? Does that mean what I think it does? "It's fine, but... What do you mean with 'wrecked'?"

"Broken, messed up, ruined, disabled, weakened, out of whack... Take your pick," Judai snarks a rather impressive row of synonyms for someone who claims not to read. Then he shakes his head and adds listlessly, "Ah, forget it. It's not your problem."

He's right, it probably isn't. But that doesn't mean I'm going to forget. The golden word to latch onto is 'weakened' if you ask me, implying that it used to be stronger. It's a bit weird to think that people can randomly lose their fire, but not unheard of. When teaching firebending, it's generally said that the power comes from a desire to fight for and protect everything precious to you, something which is an essential part of human nature and shouldn't actually be possible to lose. Which is why I never believed it when I heard stuff like that. But now that the living and crestfallen proof is sitting next to me, I wonder what it means to lose your firebending. How does it even work? If it's fueled by fighting spirit, then okay, I can raise my hand and attest to Judai's lacking in that department. But from what I've gathered so far, it doesn't seem like a recent problem. He fought back against the slavers at the beginning, right? So there's no way he would have been sorted as a nonbender.

Something's wrong here, deeply wrong. The question is: What?

Who saw that coming? o.ô

I've been kicking that idea around since... I don't even remember, but I have an outtake from chapter 17 where Judai firebends briefly to show how he knows what happens to firebenders. He is one. He just doesn't make a point of it because it's so pathetic.

So yeah, loads of headcanon again. Since the Fire Nation twisted firebending to be fueled by rage, my theory is that Sifu Jerkbender's problem is a lot more common than he would know. I think even Iroh suffered from it, and that it was the real reason for his "dragon-slaying". Even Ursa being a firebender is my personal Epileptic Tree (or an off-the-wall theory to those whose vocabulary hasn't been ruined by TV Tropes). I mean, she is Roku's granddaughter, right? But she doesn't have the rage to meet firebending requirements. It makes firebending heavily personality-based on one hand, on the other hand though, I also believe that the propaganda that children are fed in school is enough to keep the flame alive, and some twist of fate is needed to knock it down.

Oh, and I've been doing Chinese. If you put Aang's name through a dictionary, you come up with 'peace' for 安 and 'rise' for 昂, which I think is a very airbender-y name. The 卡 Sokka and Katara share means 'card' though, or 'to block/stop/check'. I'm not sure how it connects to the Water Tribe siblings, if there is anything to connect at all.
Anyway, I took a pinyin dictionary and tried to build names for my two non-lovebirds here. Kamina kept me rolling on the sofa with all those oddly fitting meanings and the accidental irony. I settled for 錺秘凪 (anyone with a better grasp on Chinese is welcome to correct me), mostly because it looks nice. I couldn't find a Chinese meaning for the first character, but the Japanese one is 'metal jewelry', so yeah. *shrugs* The second one means 'secret', and the third... Oh boy. Again, I couldn't find a Chinese meaning for it, but the Japanese one is 'lull'. As in non-existent movement of air. Delightful, isn't it? And since it's the 'na' part of the name, her nickname removes that part. There is no non-existence of wind around the people she trusts. Boom, baby!
I mean, it's all entirely accidental, and I laughed so freaking hard, but wow! I love it!
Judai, on the other hand, was difficult. Finding a nice character for the first syllable was easy enough, and also somewhat funny when I found a ju-pinyin which means 'to rescue'. The dai though, goodness gracious! That seems to be one horrible word in Chinese. Evil, lazy, dumb, depraved, poison, dangerous... and fetters. Did I mention fetters? Or capture? There is also that one which can be sorted as dai, but is more commonly pronounced as li (because there's a million Lis... I'm sorry). It's harmless enough in and of itself, it means 'attached to', but combined with a certain nu-character, we get nú lì, which means...

(Take a guess. Hint: It fits. It's cringy. It's kinda obvious.)

Slave. Holy macaroni, I can't even... What did I do? That was the point when I told myself that I'd take anything which is not inherently negative and makes at least an iota of sense. There are a couple harmless dais like belt, bag, dynasty, big or loan, but... yeah.
I ended up with 菊戴. The first character means chrysanthemum, and the hard-won second one is 'support' (or 'to wear [a hat/glasses]', but let's ignore that).

Okay, that's it for this overly long A/N. If you'll kindly excuse me now, I'm off to drown my sorrows and regrets about Judai's name in a banana smoothie...