I can't tell how long we've been sitting around when I catch myself scrutinizing Judai again. With the robe off, I can fully appreciate how thin he is. I could count his ribs if I felt like it, and it's not pretty. Still, it could be worse, I guess. Can't say I would categorize him as a walking skeleton, and I saw with my own eyes how much of his strength he retained. That he looks so sickly now is probably the lighting. The shadows cast by the flickering lantern are kind of eerie.

I don't like the sight. I turn my gaze at the ground, but the image stays. It makes me uncomfortable, and I start tapping my right foot at some point. The bare skin makes absolutely no sound against the straw mats underneath.

The silence becomes unbearable, and I can't help looking up to string a question together: "Can I ask you something?"

Judai sighs and places the lantern back on the bedside table. "Fire away," he permits, but he doesn't look at me. I understand, though. I mean, why would he?

"Did you apologize to Sora and Kari?"

"Eh?"

He obviously didn't see that coming. Frankly, neither did I. I have about a million questions, and this particular one is pretty low on the priority list. Why of all things I blurted it out... Hmm. I guess because it's safe.

Another welcome effect: It snaps Judai out of his lethargy. He leans back on his hands, a mixture of guilt and exasperation showing on his face.

"You mean because of that 'snow savage' thing?" he moans. Almost wails, actually... That was one sudden pitch-heightening, and I'm just short of dissolving into giggles. I hope it doesn't show, but I guess it does, judging from the look Judai gives me. But he doesn't say anything, just rolls his eyes and ends the silent exchange. When his voice cracks, it cracks, nothing worth dwelling on. "Anyway, no, I haven't. But I suppose I should."

"Yeah, that would be a good idea."

"Tomorrow then," Judai announces and flops to his back. I pretend not to feel bothered by his invading my bed-space... At least he's lying down.

Silence reigns for a moment. I ponder lying down myself, then suddenly: "You hear that?"

Hmm? I listen intently. Indeed, it's not as silent as I thought. My eyes are drawn to the open window, could it really be... "Rain!"

"Rain..." Judai repeats pensively. "Rain means customers."

"Uh-huh..." Right, that's a statement I totally expected.

"Come on, don't be like that."

Huh? "Like what?" I'm confused, and ripping my eyes away from the window doesn't really help matters. Judai looks peaceful enough, just lying around, arms crossed as a pillow and eyes closed.

"Like dismissive."

"I'm not being dismissive."

Judai cracks open an eye, and I can sense the disbelief. But it's true!

"I just didn't know what else to say..." I offer meekly. "I'm sorry if I hurt you..."

I'm not sure if I should feel reassured or offended when he chuckles briefly and sits up. "A more upbeat tone would be a good start."

I hum noncommittally. What am I supposed to say about that? Thanks for the advice? Shut up, I'm not that backward?

"You're full of surprises, you know that?" Judai rips me out of my internal debate. I'm not sure why, but it's kind of amusing to hear.

"I'll say," I retort, looking up while a small smile sneaks onto my lips. "I didn't peg you as the type who laughs a lot."

"Well, I didn't peg you as the type who apologizes a lot. Back in the cave, you fought and mouthed off and you were just so amazing and inspiring..."

I raise a doubtful brow. "Inspiring? You hand gagged me, mister! Wouldn't call that inspired."

Hard to tell in the dim firelight combined with Judai's skin color, but I could swear he's turning red around the nose. He runs a hand through his hair, or at least tries as much. The tangles won't let him go through with it. He's flustered, and it's... cute?

What an idea.

While I contemplate that discovery, ascribing it to the fact that the hand movement distracted from the decidedly uncute rib cage, Judai pulls his act together. "Yes, I did," he states emphatically. "And I'd do it again if it means saving your sassy butt from getting beaten."

Oh really, would he now? "Not on my watch, you won't," I call upon the sassy butt in question. "I prefer to decide by myself when I get my butt kicked, thank you very much."

Judai shivers. Maybe I overdid it, it's not like I don't know what he's aiming at. Still, I think that needed to be said.

"Okay, my turn to give a lesson in social skills: Being protective is one thing. Being patronizing is something else altogether." Wait. That sounds familiar. "You're not the one to decide what I'm allowed to say and what not, daddy turtle duck."

Whether the last addition softened the blow or spearheaded it, I'm not sure. Judai buries his face in his hands with a muffled groan anyway. "I guess I deserved that."

"I guess we both did," I sigh, already pondering the best way to coax my friend out of his fingers again. In the end, I settle for standard procedure: poking. Judai's arm springs to his side, defending from an intruder that's long gone.

"Hey!" my friend complains, just quiet enough not to wake the others. I don an innocent grin.

"What, no puppy noise this time? Pity."

Yup, it's official: Judai is capable of blushing. "Shut up!"

"Aww, why? It's cute."

"I don't..." He cuts himself off, opts for a huff and takes a dive into his pillow. I hastily lean to the opposite side, hoping to avoid getting a foot lodged into my hip. Judai doesn't even notice. "That's it, I'm not talking to you anymore. You're behaving like an eight-year-old."

"Right, and you're a real paragon of maturity over there."

"Hmm, sounds like something's buzzing in here..."

I suppose I'd feel offended if I weren't so busy chuckling. "You do know you're essentially admitting defeat with that?"

"You do know you're asking pointless questions?"

"Always." Still giggling, I climb over Judai's legs to slip back into my own bed. The heat has subsided significantly, and I welcome the blanket to cover the goosebumps on my arms. Nothing like a soft mattress and fresh bedclothes!

A low "I'm sorry" penetrates the blissful fog in my mind and I turn to Judai, not quite sure I didn't mishear.

"Hmm? For what?"

He buries himself even deeper into his pillow, if that's possible. "For invading your space like that, back... there. I wasn't thinking."

"It's okay," I assure him gently. "So long as it doesn't happen again."

"It won't. Promise."

I find myself smiling mildly at the sincerity in Judai's words. Resentment I didn't know I was carrying disappears, leaving me with a feeling of warmth and peace... and sleepiness. I close my eyes and curl into a more comfortable position. About time that my mind settles for the night...

That I wake to strangled sobs tells me that my dreams couldn't have been all that terrible, if I had any. Without even bothering to shed my blanket, I do a crab and belly-flop next to Judai, covering us both in the process – something Judai neglected, and it's painfully hard to miss. His body is way too cold.

Something keeps me from trying to hug him this time, some feeling it would only make matters worse. Maybe it's just my fear of rejection speaking. But the upshot is that I pass the time lying around, chin resting on my crossed arms, wondering if there is something else I can do while Judai next to me is shaking and clawing at his pillow. Is there any way to get my hands on a handkerchief? I doubt it.

I don't know how long it takes for Judai to calm down, to cry himself into exhaustion and lie still.

"Nightmare again?" I ask in an attempt to be soothing. Among all those useless questions such as 'Are you okay?' or 'Better now?', this one seems to be the least useless.

"No," Judai whispers, however, sending a flash of surprise through me which I quickly brush aside. "Just stressed."

"I see..." So he didn't sleep at all, I guess. I wonder if I should try again with asking about it?

Turns out I don't need to: "It's just... I should be happy, right? That I'll be on my way home tomorrow. But truth be told... I'm scared. I've been gone for a whole month. I can't help thinking, 'What if something happened? What if a fire broke out and I wasn't there to quench it? What if grandma fell ill?' What if some problem arose and I couldn't be there because I was too stupid to check my surroundings?"

Whoa there! That's some serious self-blame, is it not? "You know it's not your fault, Ju! Besides, I'm sure your grandma is okay. I mean, I don't know her, and losing a loved one can't be all that easy. But you know how we Fire Nation people are. We soldier on, day after day." I free a hand and place it on one of his. "Don't beat yourself up. It'll be fine."

Judai responds by releasing the pillow and gripping said hand instead, tight enough to be uncomfortable. But I don't mind, just squeeze back until I feel him relax, noting with relief that he's not freezing anymore.

Silently agreeing that we both have enough, we let go of each other. I roll to my side, back facing Judai. I said everything I had to say, the rest is his business to sort out, while I probably should take my blanket and return to my side of the bed. But I can't bring myself to do it. It would require moving from my current spot, which is way too comfortable.

"Did you just call me 'Ju'?"

So much for comfortable. I seriously need a second to think about that, but I'm afraid I did. "Well, 'Judai' is a bit of a mouthful, isn't it?"

"It's two syllables, it's not that horrible."

"Does it bother you?"

Pause for reflection, then: "No. It doesn't."

I smile to myself. "See? Problem solved." It was an odd question, though... Kinda apropos of nothing. I wonder what's going on in Judai's head... "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. Even if something happened, there is no point in fretting over it now."

"True." I keep silent for a minute, then decide it's safe to ask one of the more important questions haunting my mind. "There is something I've been meaning to ask..." I pause to give Judai time to react, but nothing happens. So I continue, "How comes we're hugging and holding hands all the time, but Kari isn't even allowed to touch you?"

"We're barely touching now," Judai points out, voice hardening. "I've had enough of strange people touching me to last me a lifetime."

That... hurts. "Do you want me to leave you alone then?"

I can hear Judai sigh behind my back. "You don't feel like a stranger, Kami. I don't know you well, but it doesn't matter. You've seen me at my lowest, and I tried to pull you down with me. And yet you fought to snap me out of it. You still are. I trust you."

I trust you. Oh, AgniAgniAgniAgni! I don't know how to deal with that! Trust? That's just about the last thing I needed! I came here to detach myself, not to build an even stronger attachment!

"I'm sorry, Ju, but... I'm afraid I'm a disappointment."

"What makes you think that?" He sounds puzzled rather than pained. And in its own cruel way, that's even worse.

"Because I can't trust you the same way." I roll from beneath the blanket, out into the cold of the night. Put some distance between Judai and myself. Why is destiny so unfair? Why is my airbending getting in the way of... everything?

I curl into myself, choking on tears. And suddenly, the roles switch – for this time, it's Judai who picks me up. Literally grabs my arm and pulls until I find myself sitting on his thighs in what would have been an awkward kneeling embrace if I had any strength to spend on caring about such details. But like this, I just collapse into Judai's arms, grateful for the warmth and support.

"It's okay," he whispers soothingly. "I know it's different for you. Take your time. No reason to cry."

I can hardly believe that someone can have so much unwavering faith. Especially in someone like me. It's overwhelming; relieving, elating, and a bit terrifying.

I pull back, by now hiccuping only a little tiny bit. Head hanging low, I wipe my eyes with limited success. I feel so hot, way too hot. It's all so new, I want to run away and hide under a stone. I can't handle this situation.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I manage to croak out. "Why aren't you asking more questions? I could be a spy for all you know."

The notion must be rather amusing, because Judai bursts into that special Judai-laugh which never fails to lift my spirits. "A spy? Please. As if spies were so obvious about their origin. Plus, if you were a spy, what could you possibly gain from befriending a busboy living in the back of the beyond?"

I hum thoughtfully. That's kind of an argument, actually. "I don't know. Though I've been told they're plenty talkative, those busboys and barmaids."

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Judai inquires in mock-offense, causing me to smirk smugly.

"Not at all, why would you think that?"

I snicker, feeling better by the second. Before I can think better of it, I fling my arms around my friend, almost knocking him over in the process. Almost.

"Thank you, Judai. Thank you so much. You have no idea how much it means to me." That phrasing is stupid. There is more I want to say. So why don't I? What keeps me from adding it?

I can feel Judai's arms wrap around me to return the hug, and I realize I'm being irrational. What could happen? Besides, using one's tongue isn't all that hard.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me. I wish... I wish I could tell you, but..."

"Some things are better left unsaid."

I nod, knowing he would feel it. "It's better for everyone involved. Including you."

Assuming he wouldn't turn away from me if he knew (I'm daring to hope by now), Judai could be prosecuted for not reporting me. Apart from that... I don't want to set him up for the same dilemma I'm facing. Friend versus Fire Nation.

Actually, now that we're here... I guess it's now or never. I slip off Judai's legs, realizing only now how inappropriate and weird that was. No time to go all red and stutter-y though, I've got more important stuff to think about.

I take a deep breath. "Say the Fire Nation oath with me?"

"The what?" Judai blinks at me nonplussed. Can't say I blame him, that request should be coming well out of the blue from his perspective. "I mean, sure, let me just..."

He scoots over to the edge of the bed. I follow, it makes sense to plant your feet on solid ground and sit up properly. Once we're both settled, I close my eyes and bow my head to get into the right mindset. Humans are creatures of habit, after all, and beds are always radiating a temptation to slouch.

It speaks for itself that Judai and me don't need a signal to start at the same time, attuned as we are to citation partners. Judai said he'd been to school for only four years, meaning he's been out for five. I'm not surprised to find it doesn't matter. The oath was made to stick.

My life I give to my country.
With my hands I fight for Firelord Ozai and our forefathers before him.
With my mind I seek ways to better my country,
and with my feet may our March of Civilization continue.

I've been speaking those words for eight years straight. Never saw anything wrong with them. So what now? Do they feel wrong now?

"Are you alright, Kami?"

"More or less. Bet that was the strangest request you've ever heard, huh?"

"Nah," Judai proclaims, however. I tilt my head questioningly, and my friend shrugs. "You'd be surprised what kind of weird stuff people blabber about when they're drunk. One time, there was that guy who set one of our tables on fire and sang about how he'd dance on it until it breaks. He didn't actually pull it off, but still. Recipe for disaster, I'm telling you."

What the... Okay, that is weird, gotta hand him that. "And the inn is still standing?"

"Well, let me put it this way: I'm a natural fire extinguisher."

I frown. Judai's acting rather unconcerned now, which is jarring, considering that he had a minor breakdown over it earlier tonight. "Right, you said something along that lines... Sorry for asking."

"No problem, I kind of started the conversation. But I do wonder what this is all about?"

"Well..." Oh Agni, I feel a headache coming up. I couldn't think of a satisfying way to voice my doubts before. Pressed for it now, I still have no idea. "It's complicated..."

"Wow..." Judai states, brows knitted. "You do hit the secretiveness hard."

I sigh and shake my head in resignation. "It's all the same problem, actually. There is that one... abnormality in my life. I didn't choose it, nor can I get rid of it. I have to live with it, for better or worse. It's just... really confusing."

"Abnormality?" The skepticism underlying the words is hard to miss. "You seem normal enough to me. Apart from your looks, I guess, but you can't actually make a secret of them. Unless you can somehow earthbend, there shouldn't be much of a problem, right?"

My heart skips a beat. That one hit too close to home, like waaaay too close. Judai must have noticed the shock, because he continues, "You can't earthbend, right?"

"No, I can't. If I could, I would have done so before." I lean forward and cup my face in my hands, trying to look uncaring. It feels like I'm grasping for straws here, but I'm not actually lying. "My appearance only gets me categorized as a colonial, which is not exactly pleasant either. People can be very judgmental. Even my own parents tell me not to get involved with colonials."

"Whom you obviously didn't listen to."

"They don't understand!" I moan, feeling slighted by the comment. "You see, in my family, I'm the only one who looks foreign, and... I never really told them how much I was hurting. When I ran into Kari, I felt great. She didn't judge me by my looks. But it's really really hard to be around them. They have different views, different mannerisms. And they don't always reconcile with mine."

Dreadful seconds pass, then Judai replies, "I think I get it. You're afraid of treasonous thoughts."

I like smart guys, I really do. But this time, maybe I should have tried for someone whose deductive skills are less developed. Not that there are too many options available, but still...

I shake my head again, refusing to look at Judai. "Actually, you're wrong there. I'm not so much worried about accidentally turning traitor or anything, I'll always do what's best for my country. The thing I'm unsure about is... What exactly is the best for my country?" I take a deep breath. I got this far, now let's get the rest over with as well. "That's the question which scares me. Because a century-long war isn't the obvious answer."

"But a victory in that war is." I finally dare to glance at Judai. He doesn't sound reproachful, or even remotely confused. He seems pretty relaxed, actually, if lost in thought. "You're the educated one here, so correct me if I'm wrong, but as far as I know, most of our iron ore comes from the Earth Kingdom colonies. We get our supplies from there, and in return, they get our knowledge. And the colonies are a better place for it. Isn't it so?"

I can only blink. Maybe he isn't that smart after all. Or, more likely, willfully blind towards all the bloodshed accompanying the whole thing.

"Don't look at me like that," Judai complains, arms crossed. "I'm not naive. I'm suffering, too. But who are you to stop this war? That forest is burning, and everything we can do now is make sure to limit the damage and get the greatest spoils. We have to win. Because we can't afford to lose."

It makes sense, I guess, but it's also kinda tragic. No choice but to go forward and make the best of it.

I lift my feet off the ground and place them on the bed, trying to hide behind my legs. "It sounds so easy when you say it..."

"Then what is your problem?" Judai asks, surprisingly gently this time around. "I know you don't want to be that uncertain, so what's eating you? Do you think there is another way?"

I nod. "The Avatar. He could stop the war, and make it that no one wins or loses."

Judai groans and rubs his temples. "You're not making sense. You know as well as I do that the Avatar is dead. Sure, he'll be reborn, probably is. But a Water Tribe Avatar would be more interested in winning this war rather than flash-freezing it. Just do both of us a favor and put that idea out of your mind. Okay?"

It's not the result I hoped for, but I sense that this is as far as I can carry things without arousing suspicion. "Okay..." I sigh. "Thank you."

"Don't overthink it, you'll just drive yourself crazy," Judai advises, stretching all the while. He's tired, so much is clear.

"I noticed." A yawn is crawling up my throat. I'm tired, too. But... "You're not freaked out by my thoughts?"

"Not more than you. I didn't expect you to bring up the public enemy number one, but else? I can see where you're coming from. Weirdest nighttime conversation I ever had, though." He shakes his head and rubs his eyes. "I think I should try to get some more sleep, nightmares be toasted."

"Good idea," I agree and immediately plop onto the soft mattress. Judai needs to cover some more distance, but flings himself down on his bed with similar zeal.

"Good night, Kami."

"Good night, Ju."

The heat is killing me... But I don't think it's the only reason why this chapter was so hard to write. I feel there is too much dialogue in it, but this is already the toned down version. Plus, there is only so much two characters can do in a bedroom. Well, apart from gymnastics.

Anyway, one Chapter Deluxe, both for the update time and because I really needed to get this stuff out of the way. Hope it wasn't too horrible. (Though it does look better now that the editor is through with it...)