So this chapter gets to me. I want to talk about the moment Yurio and Victor have in ep 12.

Also, guys, if you have a Tumblr post or any other headcanon/idea, REACH OUT because I WILL CONSIDER it. Share it with me and I'll see what I can do! I'll write a headcanon if I really agree with it, or a post if it's enough for me to use. Just do it!

So enjoy this:

Chapter Name: What His Hugs Mean

Normal POV

Victor walked with a large stride to reach them. Yurio, Yakov, and Lilia on their way to the rink, since it was almost Yuri's turn to skate his free.

The Grand Prix Final.

Barcelona.

Emotions were running high. The stress couldn't catch up to him because the adrenaline had already whisked him away. He was wired.

Yuri sucked in a breath when Victor announced his return. Lilia was frowning at Victor next to him, and Yuri could swear Victor was going to make that vein in Yakov's head explode.

Yuri took out his headphones. Nothing could drown out Yakov's yelling anyway.

He knew what that meant.

He knew what it meant if Victor said he was returning to the ice.

"Oi!" He said, grabbing Victor's arm with wide eyes. His heart was starting to race faster than the tempo of his free skate. Even now, when faced with difficulties, the notes of his program echoed in his brain, but he ignored it in favor of what it would mean if Victor was saying that he's coming back.

"Does that mean the katsudon is retiring?"

"That's for Yuuri to decide." Victor responded, wearing The Smile™.

He knew what that smile was. It was the carefully constructed mask of Victor Nikiforov, the five time consecutive champion and living legend, not Vitya.

Yuri also knew what it meant for Victor to hug someone. It was how he asked for help. It was not affection.

Victor leaned heavily into the hug. Yuri could feel his heartbeat, and it was haywire. When Victor dropped his head into Yuri's shoulder, the younger felt himself relax a bit.

"Stop him. Don't let him win gold."

The Grand Prix Final.

Barcelona.

Emotions were running high. The stress couldn't catch up to him because the adrenaline had already whisked him away. He was wired.

"Yurio!"

The group paused in their step at the familiar voice, surprised at the pain and sadness they heard in it.

All three of them turned to see Victor Nikiforov in tears.

"Vitya!" Yakov quietly exclaimed in shock. Lilia's brows flew up, and she frowned at the approaching figure.

Victor walked with long strides to meet them. They had been on their way to the rink, since it was almost Yuri's turn to skate his free.

Yuri's heartbeat and the music in his head both came to a screeching halt as his brain registered the fact that Victor Nikiforov is crying his eyes out.

When he reached them, "Yuuri wants to quit skating! I cried all night and he didn't budge - there's no stopping him!" Victor grabbed the younger's shoulders for support.

There was a moment of silence and shock before…

"WHAT?!" Yuri grasped the lapels of his suit, struggling to breathe as the thought of that stupid katsudon leaving the ice forever was spun into a scene in his brain and began playing, on repeat, behind his eyelids.

He screwed his eyes shut, willing the scene away, but his mind turned to the memories he had made with that stupid katsudon instead. The first meeting. The second. The way he had skated on the ice at the Grand Prix Final last year and piqued his interest. Their dinners and living together and training… the secret Quad Salchow lessons, their extra training at the temple and waterfall, the banquet last year, how hard Yuuri had worked on Eros and polished it to match up to (surpass) his Agape. The Onsen on Ice event.

Before he knew it, tears had pooled in his eyes.

And what about Victor?

He may not have been there for everything, but Yuuko and Victor kept him updated on every move Yuuri made. Not that he had asked, but they did. He knew what effect that stupid katsudon had on Victor.

And now, after all that, he wants to quit?

"NO!" Yuri yelled, rejecting the very thought as tears began rolling down his face. "KATSUDON CAN'T QUIT SKATING – HE'S THE BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENDED TO YOU!"

Victor pulled the younger into a tight embrace, still crying, but somewhat relived that Yuri had understood him. "You're my only hope now, Yurio." He whispered hoarsely, but then continued with a thought that had given him hope since the night before, "He might not retire if he doesn't win gold. You're the only one who stands a chance against him now." Victor's hold on him tightened, and Yuri strained to hear him over the quiver of the man's voice and his own sniffling. "Don't. Let. Him. Win. Gold."

Yuri nodded stiffly against the man's shoulder, a sudden fire ignited in him, but a small fear in him too.

What if this doesn't work?

What, you're gonna retire once you win gold?

You don't care anymore now that you got a higher score than Victor's?

Don't screw with me.

Don't disappoint me!

THERE ARE NO GOLD MEDALS FOR PIGS TO FEED ON!

He skated his heart out. He skated until he was sure his body was going to keel over and give up on him. From the way his heart was beating out of his chest, he thought he might go into cardiac arrest.

But he had fallen. He had fallen out of that Quad Toe Loop. The one that would have given him +3 GOE, with a base value of 12.3 points and the extra 10% for its place in the second half of his program.

The one that would have given him his win.

He knew it when he was skating.

Are you watching, Katsuki Yuuri?

I'm going to beat your record someday.

To make it up for his missed jump, he threw the Quad Toe Loop into a combination with a Double. Screw program placement. Screw his developing body. He could do it if he wanted to. He would do it to keep Yuuri on the ice.

If you retire now, I'll make you regret it for the rest of your life.

Baka!

He skated the end of the program. His chest was heaving from the strain. Was he dying? He hoped not. He had brought the crowd to tears, but it didn't comfort him.

Was that enough?

The tears welled up again. He fell to his knees, pushing the bases of his palms into his eyes. Every muscle in his body burned. This was too much… the combination of the release of stress from the pressure of the final with thoughts of what if this doesn't work was suffocating him. He was trying to breathe, but no matter how quickly he sucked in air, it wasn't enough.

He knew the moment he fell out of that Quad Toe Loop that he wasn't going to top Yuuri's free. It had been more than flawless. It had called on the spirit of Victor Nikiforov as a competitive skater, and used that strength to climb over Victor's past scores. And, despite everything, Yuuri was still his senior. Still someone with more experience, especially when it came to feeling the pressure of the Final.

What if I failed?

The tears overflowed.

He sobbed right there in the middle of the ice, in front of the entire skating world, cursing his own incompetence and mourning the loss of another star on the ice.

Imagine his surprise and skepticism when it was announced that he had defeated that stupid katsudon by 0.12 points. He squinted at all of them and the bright lights, willing himself to process what had happened. And was JJ still taller than him even with the podium differences?

…

Had… Had he actually done it? 0.12 points? Really?

0.12 points had saved him.

It had saved them all.

And when Victor hugged him again the next night, sobbing against him, red in the face as he thanked him over and over again, Yuri felt his heart sigh and the tension leave his shoulders.

Making us all worry like that… stupid katsudon.

*sobs uncontrollably* I can't handle this show!

I wanted to present both the idea of Victor asking for help through a hug and the idea of him literally crying to Yurio, so now you have two pieces, but the ending (the free skate) applies to both.

Ok so I diverged from the tumblr post (doodlesonice again! Haha!) A LOT but I have no regrets? I've never wanted to cry at my own writing more? YUUURIIOOOOOOOOO.

I wasn't a hardcore Yuri Angel. I just liked him a lot, especially after I started mentally calling him "smol angry kitten." Whatever salt I had left over for him though… it was dispelled when I understood what he lengths he went to in order to keep Yuuri on the ice. I started crying when I saw his mental breakdown.

Yurio's a strong kitten.

~Crescent T.