27 June 2015

Before anyone questions the ending, let me just give you a footnote that while these are mostly trashy no-brainers, I do have a very good idea of the ending and I do have to write those kinds of stuffs.

Whatever you'll just get the idea in the end.

Also Cos' review(s) have reminded me—this takes place pre-Return to Dream Land.

15. Sister

of something completely fake.

"Dedede!"

The king choked on his instant noodles and spun his chair around to face the pink puffball. "What are you doing here?! The guards were blocking the front gate and I told them not to let you through!"

"It's a new method," Kirby laughed, "called the back gate." He plopped the item he was holding—a potted plant. "Anyway, you haven't been up to anything bad lately, so here's a very much heartfelt gift from yours truly!"

"I don't want your stupid plant!"

"It's not carnivorous!"

Dedede slapped the intercom on the armrest of the chair. "You! Idiots! Kirby is in my rest room!"

"Y-Your restroom?!" The voice on the other side seemed vaguely surprised.

"The room where I take breaks! The rest room!"

"Isn't that the toi—"

"Step on it!"

Kirby tilted his head and when he saw that Dedede's attention was back at him, he grinned. "Well, anyway, as I said, the present! You broke your record of sixteen days of not doing anything evil so I brought you Bob's sister, Larry."

Eye twitching, Dedede stared down at the plant. "Larry's a guy's name, ya dum."

"...No, like, it's okay, Dedede. You don't have to try so hard to sound smart."

"Are you even listening to me?!"

"Anyway, this is Larry, Bob's sister," Kirby continued, pushing the plant towards the king. "I think it's a magnificent gift, if I do say so myself. I slaved over the thought of a gift for hours."

Scoffing, Dedede chewed on another mouthful of instant noodles. Kirby hummed, filling up the silence. "You thought about it for hours and came to the conclusion of a plant?"

"A fake plant." Even more thoughtful. Wow. "And, no, that's not what I said. Larry being a gift was set from the start, but I wasn't sure whether you're worth Larry or not. But then, like, I realised it's a bestie matching thing!"

"This sounds stupid."

"No, I have Bob, you have Larry, matching fake plants! You know, the bestie matching thing! It's kind of gross, but it's kind of cool!" Kirby grinned, sliding "Larry" in front even more.

The door to the room finally flung open, and Dedede threw a look at it expectantly while Kirby curiously looked behind. A group of waddle dees armed with spears blocked the pathway, eyes trained on Kirby.

"Hiya!" Kirby greeted, not at all anxious of the fact that his only route out was thrown out of the window. Or door, or whatever.

"What took you so long?!" Dedede barked. "Get him now!"

The probable leader of the group stepped out. "Um, you said you were in your restroom, Your—"

"Get him now!"

The probable leader glanced back at Kirby, and he lowered his spear, threatening Kirby with its tip. The rest of the group followed, completely in sync, and Kirby admired the small spear show and wondered, Haha, they're all for show, right?

"You have no means of escape," the probable leader (with lack of a better title) sneered. "There are flying guards outside these walls. Surrender now or face the threat of being hurt."

"Oh, friend," Kirby said, mocking an exasperated mother, "you have much to learn. You see, in a platformer, there is no option of surrendering. It's either forward, or backwards. Most of the time, there isn't much of a point going backwards, so."

"Cease your nonsensical blabbering—"

"Just get him already!" Dedede roared, although he remained stationary at his seat, probably unarmed and left his hammer in his actual restroom.

Kirby sighed, then shrugged, rocking back and forth on his heels. "Well, I've always wanted to try and be Mario."

The probable leader was about to make another fancy-sounding question when Kirby cannon-balled up above them, and the probable leader's eyes followed the pink stripe down until he was dancing on top of the waddle dees, who, in a blind confusion, somehow did not make use of their spears.

"Let's-a go!" Kirby laughed as he reached the end, before frowning. "No, no, I got the tone all wrong! Ugh..."

As Kirby floated off, presumably back to his home, Dedede chewed his useless guards out for the next half hour, and after they left, he picked up the fake plant ("Louise"? "Liam"?) and glared at it like it had just murdered his whole family simply because.

He found himself keeping it by the nightstand, though.