It was both calmly and with fear that Yuri awaited the next Monday; he already knew it was possible to feel in such a contradicting way. He was calm because the danger had been thwarted; he was anxious because he feared the next one could arise. What he feared above all was his own reactions. He feared that, no matter how many times he promised to behave reasonably, there might be some situation he would lose control over himself. He was determined to never - ever! - offend Otabek again, in any way, but he still could imagine himself move abruptly if Otabek touched him, or avert his gaze if Otabek stared at him, or run away if the situation was too dangerous. He was certain he would manage in any other case; he was able to train on the same ice and talk in the same changing room. He was even capable of laughing and joking, regardless of all this tension. He did want to believe himself again and to trust that everything would be just fine, but the last two weeks had acutely proved him wrong and showed him his own imperfection. Once - in the beginning of the month? - he had considered himself a person who could face any trial if he decided so. That Yuri Plisetsky seemed nearly a stranger to him now.

He wondered what it was he really wished for. Oh, the most he wished he could fall out of love with Otabek, but this was rather impossible, at least for now. Well, he wanted everything between Otabek and him to be back at normal - but... this was impossible as well, wasn't it? If he managed to overcome his... say, physical impulses and instincts... would it be okay? After all... friendship was a kind of love, right? If he ceased feeling... sexually attracted to Otabek, would it be fine? Or were those non-physical desire too strong to contain it within the confines of 'friendship'? He did want Otabek to look at him and see only him, to be beside him, all the time and so close it was possible. For God's sake, he wanted to skate together with him...! Could you even reconcile something like this with normal and healthy male friendship? Or was it that Yuri Plisetsky just had to show his quality, silently enduring one-sided, unrequited love...? Did he have it in him to rise to the challenge?

He did - he answered himself right away - but for how long? That, he didn't know.

In any case, Monday arrived - both too quickly and too slowly. Half past eight, Yuri was standing in front of the ice rink and shifting from one foot to the other as he waited for the keeper to open. He was early, again, but he told himself it would help him get prepared. He started his normal routine, but he managed only to change when Otabek appeared in the door. And it wasn't even a quarter to nine!

Looking at his frame in the entrance, Yuri forced himself not to blush - before, he hadn't realised it to be possible, yet it was. Even in the dim light (the keeper had yet to screw in a new bulb) once could see those splendid muscles of his chest, abdomen and arms, for in summer Otabek wouldn't clad his upper body in more than a T-shirt.

He gulped and made himself look at Otabek's face. "Hi," he said in a casual voice, or so he hoped.

"Hi," Otabek replied, staring at him intently.

And Yuri felt that even that look - perfectly typical for Otabek - turned him into a wobbling jelly. Not good... but he had expected it. Well, he couldn't show anything. He turned his head and reached for the band to secure his hair. No, his hands wouldn't tremble, he decided, sweeping his hair into a ponytail. His concentration was, however, interrupted by the noise he never really heard here. His head snapped up, and he saw Otabek close the door they normally didn't bother to shut. His heart started to race. Irrationally, he felt like in a trap.

He wanted to ask why Otabek had done it, but drawing attention to himself wouldn't do, and besides he didn't trust his voice.

"I think we have to talk," Otabek said, as if reading Yuri's mind, and took a step towards him. "We should leave it for later, but I don't want to risk you... run away again. And I really don't feel like leaving it for later."

Yuri stared at him, his eyes wide, and suddenly couldn't utter a word. His heart was pounding in his chest, as if he were skating the second half of his free programme, and his mouth was dry. His gaze darted to the door. There was no lock; he could get out. Like a wild animal, he dashed towards it, urged by an instinct that dominated his action. He had to get out, the situation was too dangerous; escape was his only option.

Without trouble, Otabek caught him by his waist when Yuri tried to pass him by. Yuri gasped and jerked backwards, his breathing quick. Otabek let go of him but was still standing between him and the door, and his face was so damn calm and impassive, like always. Yuri bit his lips, trying not to shiver. He clenched his fists and took a step back.

"Let me out," he said with some warning, although he felt he would go hysterics any moment. He took another deep breath.

"I didn't know you had a claustrophobia," Otabek replied without moving a muscle.

"Otabek Altin, I have no claustrophobia," Yuri said, aware that this scene probably was amusing if there were any bystanders.

He had to get a grip on himself. His gaze ran to the door once more, but he knew that if Otabek didn't want to let him out, he had no chance for doing it. Otabek was much stronger... and Yuri himself realised he didn't want to get close to him again. It struck him that Otabek had kept him in his embrace just a moment ago, and a heat wave crept onto his face.

He took another step back, suddenly unable to look ahead.

"Yura, have I done anything wrong?" Otabek asked.

"No," Yuri replied automatically.

"It seemed to me that way, too," Otabek agreed, and now there was some hint of irony to his words.

Yuri focused his gaze on him again. Otabek was rarely ironic, straightforward as he was. He would say his opinion directly, his comments didn't have any hidden meaning, and he didn't play with subtexts. It was one of innumerable virtues Yuri liked him for so much.

Liked...

He blushed again and took yet another step back. The door was getting more and more distant, and his chances for escape grew slimmer... No, he had no chance at all. He had to stay here... for how long? What had Otabek said? That he'd wanted to talk. Sweet God, about what? Not about that, certainly...? But what else, then?

He licked his lips and concentrated his gaze at some point behind Otabek's ear. "What..." he started and heard how hoarse his voice was. He swallowed and started again, "What do you want to talk about?" And once he said it, he felt angry all of the sudden. "Can't we talk later? Don't you trust me, even if I promise that we will talk later?" he demanded. "We'll have something to eat like... like we were to last week..." Before I ruined everything, he added in his thought and then shook his head. "First training, then talking."

"Would you be able to focus on training now?" Otabek asked keenly.

Yuri glanced at him, before averting his eyes. "Will I be able to focus after the talk?" he said, although he knew he was exposing himself.

"Point to you," Otabek admitted. "No, it's not that I don't trust you," he returned to the previous topic. "I just... don't want to wait. I want to take care of this matter before everything else."

Yuri gave him an astonished look again. Otabek not so often would say he wanted to do something. It was so unlike him to announce his will so outright, almost in a demanding manner. Then, Yuri asked himself, was it something more serious in question, now? Sure, it had to be about... why Yuri had acted so strangely of late, damn it...

"I want to talk about that what has been between us, Yura, for two weeks already."

"I've no idea what you're talking about," Yuri answered at once... and much too quickly, that he realised the next moment.

Nonetheless, in his current state, the only way to control himself was to pull back and deny. Calm analysis, seeking for the best answer and governing this conversation was completely impossible for him. He hadn't even suspected he would once need such skills when with this particular person. But he could still remember the promise he'd made with himself: he would do nothing to hurt Otabek.

"But I have," Otabek replied, never taking his eyes off him, and Yuri felt his heart make some strange acrobatics in his chest.

He stared at him in disbelief, perfectly aware of his blush. He pulled his hand to his chest, as if he wanted to guard himself. His mouth was dry again, and his head was empty. What should he... what should he say? How should he react...? He had no idea, so he kept standing like that and staring.

"We have to overcome it, Yura. You don't believe we can do it?" he heard Otabek's low voice, and now there was some softness to his words.

Involuntarily, Yuri shook his head, although he didn't know what was he answering – maybe anything or maybe everything. His heart was hammering, and he was under impression he couldn't breathe.

Otabek took one step towards him.

"No! Don't come any closer!" Yuri cried in a panic, lifting one hand. He took another step back, but then his legs touched the edge of the bench, and he realised he no longer had anywhere to run.

Otabek, however, complied with his request and stopped. "Yuri Plisetsky, are you afraid of me?" he asked in disbelief.

"No!" Yuri called out, trying to contain the scream in his throat. But it was the answer he was perfectly certain of. He sat down on the bench and pulled up his knees. He clenched his teeth, for it seemed to him they would start clattering any moment.

"In that case, what is it you're afraid of?" he heard Otabek's calm voice.

"Myself," Yuri uttered, hunching, and shut his eyes.

He was aware he'd just exposed himself even more, but suddenly he understood that whatever he might say, it wouldn't help him win this battle with Otabek. Actually, he didn't even know what it meant, 'to win'. He hunched on the bench, his face touching his knees and his arms around them. He was trembling all over - like a child that suddenly faced a monster. But Otabek wasn't a monster... neither were it those feelings filling him for two weeks now... It was him, Yuri Plisetsky, that people always called that: beautiful, ever-evolving monster. A talent that never ceased to develop... Now he was under the impression nothing could be more far from the truth. Now it seemed to him he had degraded to some very primitive life form.

A creaking noise and a tremble told him that Otabek sat down at the other end of the bench. He wasn't coming closer; he kept that distance between them. Yuri realised he could escape from here - but, at the same time, he understood that even if he avoided the confrontation now, another one would come. For a second, he wondered whether he'd rather have those few moments of blagged peace. If he could delay... postpone, just a bit, that... inevitable... But how long would he last? If confrontation was to come anyway, there was no point in stalling. Besides... He remembered what he'd written in the message. 'Let's try again.' If he ran away now, what kind of try would that be?

He took a deep breath and then another one. His fingers, clutching the fabric of his leggings, were still trembling, but he ceased feeling that panic that had paralysed him a while ago. Nothing was happening; there was no danger. Otabek was sitting there and doing nothing, only waiting patiently. There was no threat. Not at all.

For the first time in the last two weeks, he realised he felt safe with Otabek. Again.

'You don't believe we can overcome it?' Otabek had asked, but there was no question in his voice, only conviction.

"You're not running away," Otabek said.

Yuri shook his head. His face was still hidden, and his eyelids were pressed tight. He had made his decision and didn't plan to change it. It didn't mean he was going to tell everything now... he just couldn't say that... But if Otabek had guessed... anything... then Yuri would no longer deny it, it was no use. That was, in case Otabek had really guessed it right, like he'd claimed.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so pushy," he heard Otabek say.

His head snapped up, and he looked at him. He hadn't expected such words. They were so off here...! He was the only one who should apologise. "Don't...!" he said in a strangled voice. The last thing he needed was Otabek feeling guilty...!

"I was being selfish. From the very beginning," Otabek said calmly, so like him.

"I think it's the high time," Yuri muttered and then realised it. "After all... you always adjust to me. You always go with me, to say nothing of bearing with my... temper," he added in a lower voice and looked down. Then, however, he dared to look him in the eye again. "I feel like you never do what... what you really want," he risked the assumption.

"Your friendship is that important to me," Otabek replied outright, although Yuri wasn't sure whether it was a logical answer.

He stared at him in disbelief. But, it was the same for him...! He focused on those words, consciously ignoring the warmth they'd evoked in his chest. He shook his head. "I'm sorry I reacted that way last week," he said on impulse. "I didn't mean anything like that... No, I wasn't even angry with you. I'm sorry. You wanted to help me, but I... Sorry. I couldn't do... otherwise," he whispered and pressed his face to his knees again.

"It's okay, I'm not mad at you," he heard the calm voice. "I wasn't mad that time, either."

He felt like crying - of relief now. For some reason, he always believed Otabek. He knew no other person who could say the truth and nothing but the truth. Otabek had never lied to him, Yuri was sure of that one hundred percent. If he said he hadn't been mad at him, then he really hadn't... and that was despite Yuri having given him more than one reason to be.

They sat in silence another while, and Yuri felt he was calming down. Was it because their friendship was safe? Or exactly because of that very friendship that was the best thing that had ever happened to him? This moment, he knew with the full conviction he would renounce all that - all those other feelings and all those desires creating the whole net of dreams - and would stick to this friendship. As long as he could... that was, as long as Otabek didn't notice.

In the meantime, he'd managed to forget that Otabek had probably noticed already.

"Won't you tell me what it is about?" Otabek asked in a soft voice, not moving from his spot.

Yuri hunched more. No, he just couldn't say it... but something in him wished that Otabek went on.

And Otabek, as if receiving those silent signals, went on. "You'd like our relationship to... change." It wasn't a question, only statement, and Yuri felt his ear burn again. "You're not happy with the current state."

"It's not that I'm not happy," Yuri muttered involuntarily, but he decided to be frank.

His heart was beating quickly, and he felt hot, but he was holding up somehow and started to hope that everything could yet end well. He still didn't know what that good end would be, though... Suddenly, he remembered what Lilia had said the other day when he'd been standing by the shelf with the novels by Russian classics, holding the one that title he'd liked the most. 'Every story should have a happy epilogue'.

"Okay, it's just not enough for you any more," Otabek corrected.

Yuri decided it sounded terribly... but was true nonetheless. He nodded, admitting his greed.

"Then... how would you like us to be? What do you want from me?" Otabek's voice was calm... as if he really didn't feel offended by Yuri's greed.

Yuri poke out one eye from the safe shield of his shoulder and then hid it again. He knew he wouldn't be able to say it, even if Otabek asked him thousand of times.

"Do you want me to be your boyfriend?"

"No!" Yuri replied right away... maybe because he hadn't thought of Otabek that way, not even once.

"No?" now there was a genuine surprise in Otabek's voice. "I thought... Hmm, then... you just want to have sex with me...?"

Yuri felt he was getting redder, although he'd thought it to be impossible. "No..." he moaned, although should he really deny it?

The next moment he wondered how Otabek could have said something like that so calmly. Ah, of course he could - after all, he didn't feel the same way Yuri did. For him, such things were abstract and devoid of any emotional aspect. It was only Yuri who felt he was standing on the edge of a precipice and a single gush of wind might made him fall. Actually, it was fucking unfair that one of them was calm as a rock and the other was trembling like a leaf. But maybe that was that balance of nature in question.

In any case, it seemed that Otabek had figured him out. Well, it made sense. His behaviour in the last two weeks - even if it was in fact just three encounters - was far from normal, regardless of how hard he'd tried to control it. Of course Otabek had seen through him... He was the most perceptive person Yuri had ever known.

Paradoxically, now that there were no longer any secrets between them, he didn't dare to look him in the eye. He feared to see a disgust in Otabek's gaze - a herald of an end of their friendship.

"I don't want you to hate me," he blurted out. "I didn't want you to notice. I wanted... I believed it would go away. That I just had to hold on and reveal nothing," he kept talking, although every word came with difficulty. But since Otabek already knew, it was better to say those things aloud. "I didn't want you to notice," he repeated helplessly, fully aware such regret was out of place now.

"Well, I did notice," Otabek stated, and there was no negative emotion in his voice, only some embarrassment. "I'm not saying you were obvious or anything. Don't even think that, but... I just put two and two together."

Yuri hunched even more, but he couldn't really get smaller. "When?" he whispered.

"Tuesday two weeks ago."

Yuri clenched his teeth at that painful truth. He felt ashamed. Otabek had noticed right away, despite his best efforts... He was a complete loser... but then again, what did it matter now? Nothing at all. Instead, he focused on another matter. "And regardless of it..." he uttered. "Regardless of it... you still wanted to see me?" he asked, although his chest ached.

"It was you feeling bad, not me," Otabek replied, although that reply must have been obvious only to him. "There was no harm to me."

"You wasn't scared I would jump you?" Yuri blurted out without a second thought and then wished he could disappear.

"Yura, I think you're underestimating me," he heard Otabek's calm, lucid and so very firm voice.

He looked up at him, unable to understand.

"I don't believe you could hurt me in any way," Otabek explained to him, even though he hadn't asked.

"But..."

"It's impossible," Otabek said, looking him straight in the eye.

Yuri frowned. He was under the impression he would get a headache if he tried to think even more. Thus, he stopped and focused on the most crucial problem instead.

"Then... you don't want to finish everything between us?" he uttered, although his lips were quivering and he could no longer see clearly.

Otabek stood up and stretched his hand to him; there was no hesitation in his moves, only pure decisiveness.

"Yuri Plisetsky, would you skate with me?" he asked in an unfaltering voice.