Twenty minutes later, Sarah walked back from the infirmary, leaving the Doctor alone to wait for the test results. She didn't want to let him know how tired she was. 'I can't wait to lie down on my old bed.' Sarah thought. She'd never admit it, but she had begun to wonder how much longer she could live out of that small tent.
When she opened the door to her old room, there was a basket of fruit on the table by the reading chair. "Thank you, old girl." Sarah said aloud. She had learned a long time ago that the Tardis was full of surprises, she was especially glad to see that she still was after being though such a long war. Sarah quickly ate a banana before leaning back on the comfortable bed and falling asleep. 'It's so good to be home' was her last registering thought.
In the infirmary, the Doctor was looking over Sarah's test results, shaking his head with worry. It wasn't any one thing in particular but rather the sum of results that made him frown. Sarah was malnourished and dehydrated. If he had been looking at a stranger's results, he would have assumed they were in a hospital being cared for. But Sarah, she was so much like him. Too stubborn to let anything slow her down. He knew that if she would just say yes to his offer, that the simple act of living in the Tardis would fix all her physical problems. The mental pain she went through however was another matter. That was something 'he' could fix, given time.
Just the sensation of having her back in his life was exciting. He hoped that if she agreed to join him again, it would give them both the grounding that they so desperately needed. The Tardis actually felt full of life. He had forgotten what the Tardis felt like when Sarah was onboard. It was a different sensation that the Tardis projected, different than when any other companion was onboard. The lights momentarily dimmed, catching his attention. "What is it old girl?" he asked, looking around the infirmary. 'It must have something to do with Sarah', the Doctor thought and smiled. The lights dimmed again, and his smile changed to fear. "Sarah!" he cried aloud as he took off at a run towards her room.
Sarah was lost in the throes of a nightmare, but it wasn't just a dream. It was a memory that she had actually lived through. It was 36 years ago, 1975 to be exact. Sarah was at her Aunt Lavinia's house alone. Her aunt was touring in America. It was December, in the heart of winter. The roads were deserted due to a winter storm. The same storm that had taken down the phone lines and now the electricity was going off and on. "Just perfect!" said Sarah aloud to herself as she rubbed her protruding abdomen. "I know you're probably just as impulsive as your father, but I need you to stay in there. At least until this storm passes and I can tell your Uncle Harry that you exist."
Sarah looked out the window and watched the wind blowing the snow as well as anything else that wasn't secured, down the street. She had avoided telling any of her Unit extended family about the pregnancy. They were already upset with the Doctor over the way he had abandoned her. She had found out she was pregnant about a week after leaving the Tardis, thanks to a newly available drugstore pregnancy test. She hadn't even told her aunt. That was one lecture she could do without right now. Thankfully her aunt was rarely home, usually coming in late, grabbing a quick shower, a few hours sleep and packing before leaving again. If she hadn't stuck her head in Sarah's bedroom door to say she was off again, Sarah might never have known she had come home at all.
"Oh!" Sarah winced as she bent over in pain. "I thought we had an agreement little one." Sarah patted her belly. It was then that her water broke. "That's not good." Sarah said, as she looked down at the liquid on the floor. She walked over to the phone, knowing the chance of it being repaired in the middle of this storm was nil. She felt a sharp pain that doubled her over. "You are so very much your father's child!" she said aloud, trying not to panic. Sarah weighed her options. The nearest neighbor was a mile away and had gone out of the country, spending the holidays with some distant relative.
Still no phone, she thought replacing the receiver that she didn't even remember picking up. She was on her own. Thankfully Sarah had used her investigative skills and read everything she could find on pregnancy. Still, she never thought she would be the one delivering her own baby. Trying not to panic she gave herself a pep talk as she gathered towels and blankets. "I have faced Daleks, Cybermen, Sontarans, even a Krynoid as well as every kind of madman between here and the end of the Universe. I 'can' do this! I'll be fine and the baby will be fine." Sarah stopped as another pain caused her to bend over. "You really have no patience." she said to the baby.
By now she had everything she thought she would need in the bedroom. She placed everything either on the bed or on the bedside table within easy reach. Sarah undressed with as much speed as her condition allowed. She climbed into the center of the king size bed her aunt kept in the guest room. Sarah climbed to her knees and waited. She didn't have long to wait. A strong contraction hit her less than a minute later. She placed her hand between her legs and was surprised to find the baby was crowning. "I can do this!" she said through gritted teeth as a contraction hit and she pushed. "Your father is in so…much…trouble…if I ever see him again!" Sarah yelled. She took a breath and bore down again, as another contraction hit. After five more pushes she was rewarded as the baby slipped out into her hands.
Sarah quickly wiped the baby off and suctioned her mouth and nose, counted the baby's fingers and toes. "Five fingers on each hand and five toes on each foot. And you're a girl! I knew it!" Sarah smiled at the baby who was looking up at her. She placed her hand on the baby's chest and felt two hearts beating strongly. "You are so beautiful!" Sarah exclaimed as she fluffed her daughter's curly brown hair. She tied off the umbilical cord and completed the other steps she had memorized from the books. As rapidly as her tired body would allow she cleaned and dressed the baby in a diaper and a warm pink romper and wrapped her in a blanket and placed her between two pillows. "Mommy just needs to clean up a bit." Sarah explained to the child, who seemed to be fascinated with everything Sarah said. Sarah slowly walked to the guest bathroom and took care of everything she could, remembering what her research had said. She was exhausted and returned to the bedroom to find it empty.
Finding strength she didn't know she had, Sarah left the room. She held on to the walls of the hallway, willing them to hold her up, as she began her search. Hearing a noise in the living room, she staggered from one wall to the other before staggering down the staircase. Reaching her destination, she saw the backs of two men wearing the golden flowing robes and tall headdresses of the High Council. Sarah had found a book about the Time Lords in the Tardis previously and the Doctor had explained what the markings on the robes meant.
The pair turned around, and Sarah for the first time noticed her daughter was being held by one of them. "What are you doing?" Sarah yelled.
"Taking her where she belongs." the Time Lord answered simply.
"She belongs with me!" Sarah replied emphatically, her tears flowing freely.
"We will not discuss this any further." the other Time Lord said, and the pair turned away and disappeared, taking her daughter with them.
"Noooooooooooooo!" Sarah screamed as she collapsed on the floor.
The closer the Doctor came to Sarah's room, the louder and more desperate her screams were. He ran as fast as he could, unprepared for the sight that awaited him.
Sarah was on her knees in the center of the bed, tears flowing down her face as she wrapped her arms around her sides. She was seeing yet unseeing as she screamed at something or someone unknown. The same word, over and over again, "No!"
Acting on instinct alone, the Doctor reached forward crouching on the bed and pulled Sarah into his arms. "Shhhhhhh, it's all right, it's just a bad dream. You're safe in the Tardis."
Sarah woke up in an instant, grabbing at his leather jacket. "Where is she? Was she on Gallifrey when the end came? I have to know. Did she cry for me or hate me for losing her? I loved her so much. I would have given her the best life possible. I would have dedicated my life to her, you should have known that. Why did you take her? I have to know. I 'need' to know." Sarah finally slowed down as the adrenalin from the dream began to leave her body.
The Doctor pulled back from her, focusing on her eyes as soon as she had begun to question him. After she finished he stood, looking at her in shock, his mouth partially opened but no words would come out. He tried again, "Sarah, I don't…I didn't… Are you saying…?" He staggered back, falling into a chair as the back of his legs came in contact with it. His mind was reeling. They had a child…a girl. "I didn't know. Why do you think I knew?" he asked her, his mind spinning out of control with this new information.
"You sent the Time Lords to take her away from me. I would have been a good mother! Didn't you think I was intelligent enough to raise her?" There it was, everything was on the table now. Thirty six years of wondering, thirty six years of self loathing for letting them take her baby. Sarah watched him, hoping to glean what he was thinking when he took their child away.
"I didn't know Sarah, you have to believe me! I never…I never even knew you were pregnant." He rose from the chair and went to the bed, sitting down on the edge and facing Sarah. "Why do you think it was the Time Lords?" he asked, his mind going in a hundred different directions at once.
"I saw them. They took her just minutes after I gave birth. I had put her on the bed and went to the bathroom to clean up. I was only gone a couple of minutes. I left the door open, I didn't even hear them come in and take her. Do you think she was on Gallifrey?" she said as her eyes shed new tears.
"I don't think they took her." Sarah started to interrupt, but the Doctor held out his hand asking her to wait. "You said you saw them. They were at the hospital?" the Doctor asked, trying to grasp the information.
"I wasn't at a hospital. I was at my Aunt Lavinia's house…alone. There was a terrible winter storm and I was trapped there when I went in labor." Sarah watched shock register on the Doctor's face. "I saw them in the living room. They wore the same ceremonial robes and headdresses that I saw in a book in the Tardis' library. I know what I saw!" Sarah finished, more desperate now than ever to get some answers.
"You gave birth alone?" the Doctor asked, fear clouding his face. "Are you all right? And our daughter was she all right?"
"She appeared healthy." Sarah changed tactics not wanting to discuss herself when she finally had the opportunity to find out what happened to her daughter. "If it wasn't the Time Lords then who? No one even knew I was pregnant. I was very careful. I had everything delivered and left on the stoop. Not a single delivery person ever saw me." Sarah finished, hoping she hadn't said too much.
"Why didn't you tell anyone? Why not tell the Brigadier, Harry or Benton?"
"They were already concerned about my mental state of mind." Sarah began and then turned her head slightly, embarrassed. "I overheard a conversation between them about me. They were talking about a mental evaluation because I had grown so attached to you, if they had only known. Anyway, I had planned to call Harry when I went into labor. I wasn't due for another week, but there was the storm and she came so fast. My plan was to disappear with her as soon as I was able."
"Go on." the Doctor encouraged her to finish the story, needing to hear everything.
"There's nothing else left to tell. Who was I going to tell, Unit? Yes Brigadier, you had a right to be concerned. I was pregnant with the Doctor's baby. Oh and by the way, three Time Lords materialized in my house and took my baby and disappeared. So round up the troops and get her back!" Sarah hesitated, her heart heavier now than it had been in a long, long time. "I cried for two weeks solid. I told myself that you would show up any minute and take me to her. But it never happened. After six months, I went back to work. I took every assignment that took me out of the country that I could find, always looking over my shoulder for you or the Tardis. I never found either of you." She wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand.
"Here, take this." the Doctor said, handing her his handkerchief. He was beside himself with grief and guilt.
"I don't know who to believe anymore." Sarah began, wiping her eyes with the handkerchief. "So you don't know if she was on Gallifrey when…when everything happened?"
"I don't think she ever was." Sarah started to reply but was interrupted when the Doctor held up his hand again. "The Time Lords warned me the second I arrived on Gallifrey after I left you. They said they were concerned we were getting too close. Getting too close is a far cry from what we actually were. They said if I ever came near you again, they would remove all of your memories of me, of us. I knew they would do it. And I know how important your memories are to you. The fact that they threatened that and nothing else tells me they didn't know you were pregnant." The Doctor moved closer and took one of Sarah's hands in his. "I think someone else took her. We just need to figure out who it was."
"You think she's still alive?" Sarah asked, attempting to hold back more tears.
"I'm the last of the Time Lords and someone has taken our child. There's no one left to stop me from searching all of space and more importantly all of time, to find her. We can't cross our own timelines, but I'll break whatever rules I have to in order to get her back." The Doctor moved so he was only a few inches from Sarah's face. "I will work till my dying breath to get our daughter back. I promise you that. I am so sorry that I let the Time Lords dictate the way we lived our lives. I can't do anything about the past, but I can fix our present, if you'll allow me."
"Do you really think it's possible? Can we really get our daughter back?" Sarah asked.
The light the Doctor was afraid he'd never see again, once again beginning to show in her eyes. "We have to. But I need to do something I know you won't be happy with first."
"What's that?" Sarah asked skeptically.
"I need to go into your mind and see what you saw that day." Sarah opened her mouth, but the Doctor said quickly, "I know you don't want to relive that day, especially in great detail. But I need to see exactly what you saw. Maybe I can see something that wasn't apparent to you. You were weak and stressed beyond belief. Perhaps I can see something that you missed."
"I was going to say do it. I'd gladly go through it a million times if it gets my…our daughter back. Do it, do it now." Sarah said, anxiously.
"I'd rather see you stronger. This is nothing to attempt if you're not ready. Just give yourself a day, just a day. Rest, eat and just let me take care of you…please. Before you say no just remember we're in a time machine, a time machine that will go to the end of time if necessary to find our baby. Please Sarah." He tilted his head trying to get through to her.
"You can turn off the 'poor me' look. Fine, if you think it's important I'll wait…a day, just one day."
"Fantastic, what do you want to do?" he asked with a big grin on his face. A baby! They were going to get back their baby. A girl! Knowing that he needed to get Sarah's mind to settle down and also knowing that he needed to rein in his excitement, he offered, "Cards, we used to play cards."
"The last time we played cards and you lost, you threw a fit! That's not going to be very restful for me." Sarah said with a small smile.
"The last time we played I…I was a different man. But you're right, so no cards. How about a movie with popcorn, soda and me?"
"Well three of those things sound good." Sarah offered, then seeing the Doctor's face fall, added, "Yea you're nothing like your previous self, nothing at all."
"So a movie then?" he asked feeling better, seeing that Sarah was once again teasing him. He reached forward and waited on Sarah to take his hand.
"It's a date." she said as she reached for his hand. 'This was the way it should have been', Sarah thought. The way it would be again, if she would allow herself to trust him again and if he found their daughter. Maybe it wasn't all his fault…still. Her daughter was missing and he was her only chance of getting her back. If they could go back in time to find her, she would have a chance to be the mother she wanted to be, the mother she should have been and the mother she never had. If they couldn't find her…she refused to let that thought enter her mind. They 'would' find her!
As they arrived at the Tardis' entertainment room, Sarah looked up into the Doctor's eyes. He was in there, somewhere. 'Her' Doctors, both of them, and maybe this Doctor was one she could learn to believe in and maybe someday love. But for now she had to keep her eye on the proverbial prize, her daughter.
Seeing Sarah quiet was something new for him. He remembered her as such a ball of energy, so much like him. This Sarah had changed, grown up. How could he expect her not to? Everything she had been through would have knocked down half of the species in this Universe, but not his Sarah. His Sarah had kept on putting one foot in front of the other. He would reward her for hanging on. He would find their daughter and give both of them the chance for a family life that they should have had, 'would' have had if the Time Lords hadn't pulled him away.
He owed that to both of them and he would do whatever was possible to achieve it. He'd seen what it looked like from the outside when he'd been privy to another Doctor and his Sarah. He wanted that and if Sarah were honest with herself, he knew she wanted it as well. The Doctor sat down on one of the couches and settled in with Sarah to enjoy what he once took for granted. A night at home, watching a movie with the woman he loved.