Chapter 42: The End of the Beginning
Thanks for all your support everybody! After last chapter, I got a wave of reviews asserting that that one person was not representative of your general views-thanks very much...I guess I'm a bit oversensitive, then. Also thanks to some people who've never reviewed before posting one just for last chapter, and those couple of new readers reviewing their way through the story. And while I'm handing out gratitude, let's not forget the generous people who've declared this story their favourite, some even saying they prefer it to Bringer of Death or Honour Trip...I'm really awed that so many people read my story and enjoy it.
So as an extension of this gratitude, and to make up for the fact that this chapter originally wasn't that long, you're going to get both the Dead Zone special and the fourth Kai chapter today (although I've stuck the Q&A between them, so don't get to it and assume that's the end of the chapter). Don't you feel special?
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
-Winston Churchill, November 10th, 1942
"Curious..." Dr. Brief stroked his magnificent moustache as he examined the readouts from the machine, which was hooked up to Bulma's head via several electrodes. "I'm not detecting any sort of abnormal brain activity. Are you sure it's still happening-it wasn't just a one-off thing?"
"I'm pretty sure." Bulma indicated the plastic side of the machine, now half-covered with number 7-shaped indentations. "I scratched those just now without even realising."
"How strange..." Her father turned the machine off, and she pulled the electrodes off of her head, standing up and following him out of the room.
"I know, right?" she said eagerly-her scientific curiosity outweighed any fear of the unknown. "It's so specific, though-do you think it might be a message?"
Dr. Brief nodded. "It's possible. Given that we can't detect the source, it's entirely possible that it's some kind of message from a higher intelligence, more sophisticated than us. But if so, what's so important about the number seven? Seven what?"
"Exactly!" She frowned, rubbing her head. "It's so vague! Is it a place? A time? A person?" she shrugged. "I've been around a lot of experimental tech recently. Maybe it's damaged my brain somehow, and it doesn't mean anything-I could just be going crazy."
"Well, I wouldn't jump to conclusions like that, I...oh, just a minute, dear..." he noticed a passing scientist, and rushed off in pursuit of him, his brain as always trying to do everything at once. "Simmons! Have you got the test results? We don't want another resonance cascade..."
Bulma sighed. That's my dad for you...he can't stand still for five seconds... She rounded the corner, intent on continuing the investigation on her own, but bumped into a familiar figure. "Oh! Hey, Goku."
"Hi." The powerfully-built, yet friendly, man standing in the corridor waved.
"Didn't see you come in."
"Yeah, I move pretty fast..."
"So...did you want anything?"
"Well, yeah, no, I..." he stopped, thinking. "I...just wanted to see you alive, back at work. To know that the world's back to normal, you know?"
Bulma laughed. "Oh, c'mon, Goku, of course it is! Thanks to you, anyway."
"Hey, it wasn't all me..." he protested. "But do you see what I mean? When you died...I almost lost myself. It was too much. I can't...if we'd lost, you'd have been gone forever...and Tien and Yamcha and everybody..."
"Don't forget yourself," she reminded him. "The earth would be a lot worse off without its hero."
He shook his head. "No, that doesn't matter. You've got to understand, I wouldn't care if I had to die...if you're all safe, that's what matters."
She nodded. "Yeah, I know that. You're a good guy, you know. I guess that bump on the head when you were a kid left you a clean slate, and your grandpa only taught you how to be a good person...you never knew how to be anything else."
"Sure." He leaned against the wall, looking downcast.
"Goku? What's the matter?"
"..." he hesitated.
"Raditz?"
"Yeah."
She sighed. "Oh, boy. I wish I could say I know how you feel, but I don't, of course. Just know...he only did what you'd do. It was you or him, and out of the two, you had the power to stop Cell."
"I know!" He pounded on the side of his head with one hand. "I know. But I can't help thinking about it. Going through it in my mind. There must have been another way. There's always a better way...I should have been able to save everybody."
"You're not a god, Goku."
"No," he said grimly, "I'm not. I've met gods...and surpassed them." He started pacing up and down the corridor. "I don't know, I guess you're right. I can't be everywhere, but...I wish I could. I wish I could save everybody. Do you know, I even feel a little guilty about killing Cell?"
She laughed despite herself. "Yeah, that's you all right. Try not to stay sad like this for too long. It doesn't suit you. And-" she stopped talking as his outline faded and he vanished, leaving at supersonic speeds. Frowning, she looked down, seeing she'd found a pencil somewhere, and the wall was dotted with hastily-scribbled 7's. "Okay, seriously!" she shouted in frustration. "Seven what?!"
Tien looked up from his meditations. He'd sensed the approaching ki, and eventually heard the footsteps, as the traveller approached his and Chiaotzu's mountain home. Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and stood up, as the arrival approached him, cloaked in several layers of clothing against the biting winds. She pulled down her hood, revealing herself as Launch. "Finally," she grumbled. "You couldn't just live somewhere I can drive to like everybody else?"
"Uh...hi, Launch." Tien led her inside, where Chiaotzu was cooking dinner, hovering a few feet above the ground to be level with the cooker, small as he was. "Oh, hey there!" the friendly Jiangshi* called, waving and then turning his attention back to the meal.
Launch slumped down in the nearest chair, throwing off her travelling robes into an untidy heap on the floor. She unslung a bundle of cloth from her back, cradling it in her arms-this timeline's Break, asleep at the moment.
"So, uh...you drop by for a reason?" Tien asked, sitting in the chair opposite her. "I mean, people don't usually take hikes into the mountains just to say hi..."
"Sure," she said. "I need someone to train me."
"Uh..." he blinked. "Well, I don't see why not...any particular reason?"
She nodded. "Yeah. When I next see Raditz, I'm not gonna be so...fragile."
"See him next? You mean in Otherworld?"
She scowled. "No, stupid. Before then."
"Uh, hate to break it to you, but he's dead." He shrugged. "You accepted he won't let us bring him back..."
Launch shook her head. "Sorry I snapped at you, I...don't expect you to understand. But we'll meet again, in this life. I know that for a fact, just like I know the sky's blue and the grass is green. I just...know it. Trust me, will ya?"
He smiled. "Well, if you say so. So...you want me to train you? How strong do you want to get? What are you aiming for?"
"I want to be as strong as he is. Not in Super Saiyan, but his normal form."
"Can't be done. Sorry, maybe a few years ago, but the saiyans we know have just gotten so powerful recently...humans can't catch up with even their base form."
"What about the Kaioken?"
"Even with that...well, maybe I could match Goku's base form for a few seconds, maybe even have a slight advantage, but it'd be so much effort it wouldn't be worth trying to sustain that level. So basically...no, it can't be done."
She snorted. "I'll tell you what can't be done when I've tried it for myself. Now...let's get started."
"Now? Chiaotzu's about to make-"
"Now."
*(Author's note: I am informed that Chiaotzu is based on the Jiangshi of mythology, a creature something like a vampire. Of course, he doesn't exactly match the description, but I'm going to go with it, as he clearly isn't human or he wouldn't look so childlike by the end of the show.)
...And while this measurement of 'power level' is proportional to strength, speed and actual amount of ki, it would be foolish to suggest they all scale linearly...
Gohan sat back at his desk, feeling pleased with himself-he was finally going to contribute something to the world, on his own terms. He'd fought, and saved lives, when he'd been forced to, but he'd never felt like a true warrior-more like a caged beast to be launched at an enemy. This was different. So many people's lives would improve-man would become superman within a generation. Chi-Chi walked in, handing him his lunch. "Here you go," she said. "How's it going?"
"Pretty good." He indicated the screen-his mother had even bought him a computer for the express purpose of writing his book-with its first, half-typed chapter. "I'm starting with a chapter explaining what ki is-and why it's not a great idea to try and measure it like the aliens in Frieza's empire did." He had about half the book planned out in his mind-the second chapter was going to be an explanation of how to actually use ki, and some basic training exercises, and the final few chapters would be a summary of their adventures and battles, particularly the ones that had affected the Earth or the galaxy in a big way.
"Well, I'm sure you know what you're doing. I'm just glad that after I spent all those years telling you to use your head and not just your fists, you finally listened!" she joked, heading out.
"Right..." he turned back to the book in progress, taking a bite out of his sandwich.
...and on the whole, spiritual methods of detecting ki seem to work better than technological, though that is not to say...
And now, as promised, it's time for:
The Break Through the Limit Dead Zone Extremely Short-Lived 'Special'
During the time of peace after Piccolo's defeat and before Raditz's arrival...
Piccolo relaxed as the dust settled around him and the roar of energy faded back into the barren wasteland's usual silence. He could already tell his training was paying off-he was almost twice as powerful now as he'd been two years ago, at the world tournament. Still, the time wasn't right yet...he'd know. He had patience. His father had waited for decades to enact his plan for world domination...he could wait a few more years.
He looked around slowly. Some kind of energy signature approaching...he frowned. More than one. Goku and his friends? No, they wouldn't attack me for no reason... staying on his guard, he waited for them to approach.
There was a hiss of wind as a humanoid figure rushed past him, trying to intimidate the white-clad demon by passing extremely close by at high speed, then pulling away. Piccolo didn't respond as two more did the same, all settling on top of rock columns around him. He snorted. "Are you finished? Who the hell are you supposed to be, and what do you want with me?"
A fourth figure-tall and over-muscled, with dark green skin and an almost reptilian face-hovered in the air in front of Piccolo as the others surrounded him. Slowly, the leader nodded, and the other three leapt forwards, their features now revealed in the midday sun. They were grotesque, demonic-almost gargoyle-like in appearance, dressed in bright, extravagant colours, with equally ridiculous hairstyles. One wielded a pair of short swords, the second had a single two-handed blade and the third simply balled its fists as it charged. Piccolo grinned. Finally. A good workout.
Three blades swung for Piccolo, but simply swished through his discarded cape and turban, cutting them to ribbons. The unarmed creature was slightly quicker, and turned just in time to have both of Piccolo's feet rammed into its chest, flying back into a cliff face and boring into the rock with the force of the kick.
Twisting in the air, Piccolo caught the long sword between his hands, rolling backwards head over heels and throwing the wielder over his head. The demon tumbled through the air at supersonic speeds, crashing into its two-sword-holding ally. It let out a strangled cry, falling away, a short sword embedded in its stomach. The other gargoyle stared in shock as its comrade died, black blood staining the sand before evarporating under the harsh sun. "You..." the still-standing demon whispered, raising its remaining sword. "...you're a monster!"
"I'll ask you one more time." Piccolo's afterimage faded, and he stood inches from the cowering creature. "What do you want?"
Fearful, it glanced towards its motionless master, still watching events unfold. "Well, go on," the muscular leader said in a high, grating voice, "answer him! Don't be rude."
"I-uh-"
"Too slow." Piccolo wrenched the henchman's head from its shoulders, casting it aside with contempt as the body fell to the floor without its ki-supported flight. Feeling a faint energy signal from the one he'd thrown into the cliff, he launched a dispersed yellow energy wave that sent massive explosions rippling out for miles around, incinerating the final minion. Piccolo then turned his attention to the leader. "Now, you tell me. Fun as this has been, I don't appreciate these pathetic attempts on my life."
"Why, you..." the dark green monster ground its fangs, glaring at him with slitted eyes. "Those are not exactly easy to replace, you know." It sighed, recovering its composure. "The reason we've come is simple. My name is Garlic Jr.-" Piccolo snickered. "What?!" it demanded.
"No, carry on." Piccolo tried to avoid grinning. Garlic? Really? His parents must not have been fond of him...hmm...it is a 'Jr.'...perhaps it's his grandparents that were cruel.
"As...I...was...saying...I am the great and mighty lord Garlic Jr., and this planet is soon to be mine!"
"Why?"
"W...What?"
"Why do you want to take over the world?"
Garlic Jr. snorted. Impatient, isn't he? "It was before your time...my father was in competition with the one known as Kami for the role of Guardian of the Earth. Kami was chosen, and when my father tried to claim the Guardian's throne by force, he was imprisoned for all eternity...since then I have been gathering my strength, and now I shall usurp that foolish guardian! The Earth will be plunged into eternal, terrible night...it really would have been much simpler to just give my father the throne, you know."
"And where do I fit in?"
"I was getting there!" Garlic snapped. "It is well-known that you harbour designs for the Earth yourself. I won't have you stealing my prize...consider this a pre-emptive strike."
Piccolo considered this. "You're a fool," he concluded.
"What did you say?!"
Piccolo appeared right in front of Garlic, throwing a quick punch, which the demon caught, holding it back in both hands with some effort. "I said, you're a fool. Or didn't you hear me the first time?" He smiled. "Your plan didn't involve the Dragon Balls, did it?"
"As a matter of fact..." Garlic shoved Piccolo away, stumbling back a couple of steps. "...once you're dealt with, I shall gather them and have the dragon make me immortal...then my victory is assured!" The force of that punch...he shouldn't be this strong! What's happening?!
"Ahahahahaha!" Piccolo burst out laughing. "Excellent plan! You clearly haven't done your homework, you imbecile. My life force is linked with Kami's-if you kill me, he dies too...and the Dragon Balls disappear."
Garlic scowled. "Well...if you're both dead, nobody will be left to stop me!"
"I wouldn't count on it." Piccolo settled into his demon style fighting stance. "I've come to realise this planet is home to many formidable warriors...you wouldn't last long. One guy in particular would take you down, no problem. Of course, that assumes you can beat me...and let's get one thing clear. I'm going to rule this world-and not you, or anybody else, can stand in my way! Hyaaah!" Piccolo and Garlic vanished, reappearing atop a nearby rock spire, rapidly trading blows. Piccolo ducked a high kick, sweeping Garlic's legs out from under him and elbowed him down through the spire, collapsing it on top of the demon.
Piccolo exhaled heavily-he'd already been tired from his training before the fight had begun. That should keep him down for a few- Garlic cannonned into him from below, driving a fist into his face. Piccolo spun away through the air, righting himself in time to block the follow-up kick. He stepped inside Garlic's defences and hammered home another punch, but the demon held its ground. Growling, Piccolo darted to the side as Garlic's arm swung past him again, and launched a spinning back kick that knocked Garlic away.
The heavily-muscled monster took a deep breath. This is ridiculous! My minions alone should have been able to deal with him, easily-yet he's actually proving a challenge for me! He ducked left, avoiding Piccolo's leading attack as he charged, creating an opening which Garlic exploited. He swung both hands around, gripped together in a double-fisted hammer blow that sent Piccolo flying. The smaller villain grunted in irritation as he arced through the air. All right...time to end this little game. I'll use my full power...
"Hah! Now do you see?" Garlic taunted, unaware of his impending doom. "I am invincible-I cannot be defeated by the likes of you! What say you to that?"
Piccolo had, in fact, one particular thing to say to that, as he appeared in a blur of speed behind Garlic. "MASENKO...HAAA!"
And so ends the tale of a would-be conqueror who, had he just arrived a couple of years earlier (or in a different timeline, like canon DBZ), would have provided a decent challenge. As it is, the event was so unremarkable that if Piccolo was asked later if he remembered a Garlic Jr., he'd simply shake his head and remind you that there's no need for seasoning, silly, Namekians don't eat food.
What did you expect? Sometimes (like in "Yo! Son Goku and his friends return!"), a threat comes along at the wrong time, and it's not a challenge for our characters. Of course, sometimes this works the other way, too-see, the Frieza saga, in which the hero tries to take on an opponent roughly 50 times his power. Well, that's what mystical prophecies of golden super-warriors are for, I guess. Luckily, villains usually don't get those. ("I am the legendary Super Garlic!" "Pfff...Super Garlic...!" "STOP LAUGHING, I didn't pick it!")
Q&A combined from chapter 40 and 41:
Q: Would love for Raditz to meet Bardock in the afterlife... :)
A:I think Bardock, while certainly strong of will, is not quite the pure hero or villain you need to be to keep your body...
Q:I really hope that you will do the Otherwold tournament and maybe create your own awesome dead characters!
A: Well, Raditz is fighting Pikkon right now...and the only reason for a tournament was really to see who was stronger, Goku or Pikkon. In case you haven't guessed, here's a clue to what the outcome of said fight might be: Break was the same power, roughly, as canon Goku at the start of the Cell Games, and that's stronger than BTtL FPSSJ Goku, who is stronger than Raditz here. And Pikkon was about even with canon Goku. So...yeah.
Q: This was a magnificent chapter that showed Raditz's doubt in his ability to do good... although I can't help but feel that subplot. was dragged on too long.
A:Yeah, to all the people who've been telling me to just let Raditz get over himself already: a GOD has just told him "you're a hero, here, go to Super Heaven." I think that subplot is done.
Q: I can see a Bringer of Death reference with the Oniya and C-37 or whatever the sadistic robots name is.
A:I figured, if they were in the galaxy, and high command had been decapitated...C-47 probably made a coup or something, and Oniya just tagged along and ended up running everything. Oh, but Vegeta is going to be running rampant around the galaxy for a while...they could be in trouble.
Q: Goku, do a Cell and bitchslap "Mark" out of the arena. I guess that means that Hercule's even worse than Vegeta with pride. (More being a dumbass than being prideful)
A:How was it, then?
Q:Superman/Goku reference, anyone?!
A:Yup. If anyone cares, my thoughts on the Death Battle fight: The fight was entertaining and the production values were high, but the research extremely flawed.
Q: BTtL Kai Continuation?
A:Soon.
Q: The chapter itself was good, and I like all the mystery of this especially the '7' thing. Is it the 7 dragon balls? Maybe its the 7 Chaos Emeralds!
Well, I guess we'll find out, till next time!
A:Yes, our hero Sonic must gather the seven shiny magic objects and transform into a golden super-form. WHAT AN ORIGINAL PLOTLINE
Q: PS: I guess my question is... how will Goku's lack of otherworld training effect his strength and status in the Buu Saga. (Since SSJ3 was gained through being able to train non-stop for 7 years in Other World.) On the flip side of that, how will the relative strengths of Goten and Gohan be effected since Goku was alive during the 7 years of peace.
A:Super Saiyan 3, indeed. Let's just say I'm going to have some fun with it. Oh, and Gohan and Goten...I don't really know. I guess we'll see!
Q: Wait woah woah woah woah woah. Countdown Saga. 7's all over Bulma. I think there's a connection. I wonder, in the next chapter, will Bulma have 6's all over her body? And in the chapter after that, 5's.
A:You're right about there being a connection. You're not quite right about the other bit.
Q: [Review of chapter 9, during the saiyan attack]
While I like how you describe things, you are going way over the top. Even with their power levels combined, they are not powerful enough to cause what you describe over a beam struggle. Leave yourself room to grow with how you describe things, when the powers get really intense. Remember that the news crews were able to record what happened in the cell games for the most part and those energy levels were vastly more intense. Otherwise good job with the chapter, and your numbers make sense for now.
A: Well, if you remember, Vegeta shook the world just by powering up in the anime (and the manga too? I can't remember), not to mention that the attacks had enough power to blow up the whole damn thing...so that was my reasoning. Maybe you're right.
Q:As long as you can make logical changes and explain them as you do then you will be able to keep this going. I hope that you don't go crazy with power levels though in the later chapters. Guess I will find out as I keep reading.
A:Yeah, if you've caught up by now, you'll see that I pretty much gave up guessing power levels. I'll still make it clear, when possible, how powerful someone is relative to other characters, though.
Q:Nice one. Wat is TFS btw i always see it mentioned.
A:Team Four Star, a group that make an outstanding DBZ parody show, Dragon Ball Z Abridged, which is just entering the android saga at the moment. It's extremely popular among the English-speaking DBZ fandom.
And now to fulfil the second half of the promised two-for-the-price-of-one-specials-special-offer. Yes, that's right. If you don't like silliness and references (although this isn't quite as bad, humour-wise, as the previous ones), stick to the main story and ignore the following, because IT'S:
Break Through the Limit Kai, Chapter Four: Android Saga
Dr. Gero: Stop! Android time!
(androids 19 and 20 perform an M.C. Hammer musical number)
Raditz: That fiend! He's ruining a great song!
Gohan: Is he? Just sounds like M.C. Hammer to me.
Goku: How are we going to beat them? He's styling all over our-
Piccolo: Why don't you just, y'know, attack them?!
Goku: Oh, right.
(He DOES.)
Dr. Gero: Ow! My USB drive!
Android 19: Calculations indicate that we are screwed.
Dr. Gero: Nobody asked you!
Raditz: Speaking of which, can I ask you a question?
Dr. Gero: Is it "die"? Because Team Four Star already did that one.
Raditz: Crap, really?
Goku: Oh, no! Raditz's snappy one-liner was ruined! Now there's only one way to defeat these androids!
Tien: You're right! Deploy the unexpected cameo!
Frieza: I'm unexpected!
Dr. Gero: ...And that joke was from That Guy with the Glasses.
Frieza: What, seriously?
Dr. Gero: Yeah, don't any of you watch Atop the Fourth Wall?
Captain Space: I find my lack of original jokes disturbing...
Dr. Gero: (sigh) ...Star Wars.
Captain Space: Shut the hell up!
Raditz: Hey, Frieza.
Frieza: What?
Raditz: (clears throat) Hello. My name is Raditz. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Dr. Gero: Princess Bride. Seriously, are you guys just doing this intentionally now?
Yamcha: Nah. But I wish we were, your reaction is hilarious.
Goku: Raditz! I made you lunch!
Raditz: Ooh, ooh, really? Where? Where?
Goku: Doctor Gero ate it.
Dr. Gero: Oh, come on, I'm a cyborg, I don't even eat-
Raditz: RAAAAAAAH!
(kills Dr. Gero)
Android 19: Bye.
Goku: Well, that was easy. Nobody died, and we beat the androids.
(androids 17 and 18 appear)
17: Hi.
18: Hi.
Goku: Hi!
Raditz: Hi...
Krillin: Hi.
Piccolo: Screw you.
18: Wow, way to kill the mood, greenie. We had a running joke thing going there.
Piccolo: "Greenie"? did you hear that? Racism!
17: Okay, I'm getting bored.
(17 and 18 proceed to kick ALL of the asses)
Goku: ...Ow.
Android 16: And apparently I'm here too. Awww, just look at all the lovely nature around us-
Tien: How dare you, bastard! TRI-BEAM!
(This FAILS to do anything to 16)
16: I think I will smell the flowers.
Krillin: Take it back, you monster! KIENZAN!
(This also FAILS)
16: Look at the sweet little birdie.
Yamcha: How could you?! KAMEHAMEHA!
(So does THIS. What did you expect?! It's Yamcha.)
16: And apparently I just killed Tien, and want to kill Goku. Huh.
Yamcha: Finally, he says something reasonable!
Gohan: Am I the only one who was no clue what the hell is going on?
18: No, we're all just as confused as you. Whoever writes this has serious problems. Come on, 17, 16, let's get out of this chapter while we can.
(The androids leave.)
Raditz: We need to get stronger!
Launch: Put those steroids down!
Raditz: Awww...
Goku: It's okay, we won't need those.
Broly (unexpected cameo #2): Gimme! (leaves)
Goku: Aaanyway...I conveniently know a place where we can train for a year in one day.
Break: Hey, how's it going?
Captain Space: Hold on, you were supposed to arrive earlier and get beaten up by 17 and 18 along with everybody else...
Break: Well, yeah, but you forgot to write me in, since you were too busy thinking of the android 16 jokes and putting Broly in at the last minute...
Captain Space: Just get back to the story!
Frieza: I'm still here, you know.
Break: What?
Frieza: The unexpected cameo? I'm still here. Do you need me for anything, or can I go now?
Bardock: FRIEZAAAAAAA!
Frieza: Seriously? How did he even get here?!
Bardock: FRIEZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(The author gets tired of this nonsense and removes the two of them)
Raditz: Aaaaanyway. Hyperbolic Time Chamber?
Gohan: Isn't it the Room of Spirit and Time?
Nail: No, that's the Japanese version.
Goku: But don't we use some Japanese versions of words, like Kienzan? In fact, we still use the English versions of Special Beam Cannon and Tri-Beam, for example.
Raditz: I think we've used both world tournament and Budokai Tenkaichi.
Piccolo: Who writes this crap, anyway? I hope they're not getting paid.
Captain Space: JUMP CUT! NEXT SCENE!
Raditz: ...And apparently, we're in the HTC now.
Break: Seems that way.
(MEANWHILE)
Kami: Piccolo, we should totally fuse.
Piccolo: No.
(pause)
Piccolo: Okay.
(They DO)
Katas: I'm not really a cameo, but I might as well be, considering how short I'm going to last as a character.
Mr. Popo: How unexpected!
Katas: Okay, you're stretching it. Anyway...up, up and AWAY!
(He runs into a bug-like creature for some reason)
Katas: Dear Kami...what a hideous creature...Jeff Goldblum?!
?: Uh, no, actually I'm-
Katas: Wait, I've got it! Green...hideously ugly, terrible conversation and smells awful...You must be...Lord Slug?!
Slug: I heard that!
Katas: Oh come on, super-hearing doesn't let you hear me from another planet!
Slug: It does in the Broly movie.
Katas: That was full of plot holes! Like how Piccolo, after somehow hearing them from across the galaxy, also instantly appeared on the planet with the others. In fact, talking of plot holes, what about your movie?
What the hell was that 'Super Saiyan' Kaioken-looking thing? Since when do Namekians need really cold planets to live on? Surely that would just freeze your sustenance, water! And aren't you basically a rehash of King Piccolo, with the wishing for youth and everything-
Slug: Gah! Never mind! (leaves)
Katas: Sorry about that. I could keep running this joke about who you are into the ground, but why don't you just tell me your name?
?: My name...is Cell. DUN DUN DUN
Katas: What was that?
Cell: What was what?
Katas: That noise. When you said your name.
Cell: I didn't hear anything.
Katas: Well, Cell-DUN DUN DUN See?!
Cell: Nope, still don't hear anything.
Captain Space: +++Humour stocks depleted-error-error-abort, abort-end chapter+++
See you all next week!