AN: I actually don't like Valentine's Day that much. It annoys me. (Then again, I don't care for Twilight, either. Must be connected.) All the same, I had this idea and it made me giggle. Because chocolate is too mainstream for supervillains.

This was the sweetest thing he ever did (or tried to do...) for me. You have no idea how touched I was.

I was...impressed. And rather worried-what if it backfired and she fell off the roof again?

SwordStitcher-One day, preferably during a record blizzard, I shall truss him up and leave him in a nice, deserted alley. Just to make him realize how COLD Gotham can be.

Just-Me-and-My-Brain-I caught pneumonia. Again. It was very unpleasant, and it was entirely that flying buffoon's fault. Public health menace...

Batman doesn't know which is worse-being attacked by two groups of henchmen or the two booby traps he walks into trying to get away.

The first one is a series of trip wires and those horrid fake cobwebs. The second one, which he stumbles into whilst trying to get said cobwebs out of his gauntlets, is a thick, weighted net. To add insult to injury, the thugs come at him again when the net has settled.

They all scatter soon enough, but it takes him a minute to see why. Then he spots the Scarecrow materializing out of a darkened spot on the roof. Well. This is new. This is not the Scarecrow's MO. Perhaps someone has hired him…or Tetch stuck one of his cards on his head.

"Crane?"

"Ah, our guest of honor…Kitty?"

Oh, no.

"Jonathan?" Her voice is coming from the other direction. "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?"

Well. This is awkward.

Crane pulls the mask off and puts his glasses on.

"I knew you were planning something." he grumbles. "You're a terrible liar."

"So are you. I take it the men are yours?"

"You did the net, huh?"

They hadn't planned this together? What? He was confused.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

Oh, come on! He is not a Valentine's day present, and especially not for these madpeople. Knife, knife…ah! Knife.

Alfred's going to be upset when he sees all these bruises, but it can't be helped.

"Hey!"

"Where's he…never mind."

"Prat."

Batman drops onto a small balcony, gasping and hoping they don't give chase. He's lucky they didn't gas him.

The last thing he hears before he takes off into the night are the terrible words, "I hear Harley managed to get the Boy Blunder. How long d'you think that'll last?"

THE END