My eyes flew open with a start, a small, choked sound escaping the back of my throat. I jolted upright and snapped my head from side to side, but saw nothing except the dimly lit rectangle of an uncovered window. Outside, I could see stormy clouds, buildings; inside, I heard the steady breathing of others sleeping nearby.
It had just been a dream. Haunting, suffocating, but not real. I hugged my legs to my chest and tried to slow my ragged breaths.
"Bad dreams, huh?"
Disoriented as I was, I couldn't place the owner of the quiet voice. Startled, I looked around until I spotted an orange glow near the window. The glow flared for a moment and I could make out Reno's face in the shadows, taking a drag from a cigarette.
"Yes," I admitted, my voice still a little shaky, and rested my chin on my knees.
The redhead hummed and returned his gaze to the scenery outside. We sat in silence for a while. He was seated by the open window, close enough to look out and occasionally flick ash out of it, though the man himself stayed cloaked in shadow. I wondered if he was obeying some deep-rooted Turk instinct to keep away from open windows. Maybe I had just seen too many spy movies.
Once my eyes had adjusted to the dim, his white shirt almost seemed to glow in the darkness, tinted red in Meteor's sinister light. His long bare legs were stretched out before him, crossed at the ankles, and a pack of smokes twirled in the fingers of the hand that was resting against his thigh.
"Go back to sleep, Fitz. You'll need it."
I couldn't follow his suggestion, not with the nightmare still fresh in my mind. Instead, I got up and tiptoed over to the window on bare feet.
"And you don't?" I asked as I looked over the deserted street outside the window, keeping my voice as low as his.
The storm had abated, leaving an eerie stillness behind. I couldn't help but feel there was something ominous about it. One last lull before a final onslaught.
It should have been much colder, considering it was January; that was what Elena had told me earlier during one of the few short times I had traded words with the other woman. Subzero at night, maybe even a layer of snow covering the cityscape above-plate. As it was, it felt like a mild autumn day. Meteor was playing havoc with the weather, too.
"Yeah, well, my dreams ain't that great either," Reno said, bringing the smoke to his lips for another long inhale.
I looked up at the harbinger filling the sky. It was huge now. Was this world damned as well? Had I survived impossible odds just to perish on another planet? Worse still, had I condemned the people on Earth for nothing? I shivered and hugged myself tighter.
Reno flicked the stub of his cigarette out of the window and got to his feet without a sound.
"C'mon, let's go to the kitchen if you're gonna be stubborn 'bout it. Don't wanna wake the others, yo."
After one more glance at Meteor, I followed him. Once he had closed the door behind me, Reno flipped on the light above the sink. I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut, raising a hand to shield them from the sudden brightness.
"Oops. Guess I should've warned ya, huh."
When I opened them again, he had opened a cupboard and was removing a bottle from an upper shelf.
"Want a drink? It's the cheap stuff, but hey, booze is booze."
"Sure."
I wasn't very fond of hard liquor, but maybe a stiff drink was just what I needed to soothe my rattled nerves. The redhead fetched a tumbler from another shelf and put it down on the counter with a soft clink. He yawned as he poured a generous dram, sliding a hand through his hair to push it out of his drowsy eyes and muss it up in the back. Had I ever seen the man without his goggles before? The hair was liberated from its usual ponytail, too, instead clinging to his shoulders and back in crimson disarray. It looked even longer like this.
"Hope you don't want ice, 'cause there ain't any," Reno said as he handed the glass to me.
"It's fine like this. Thanks."
I took a tentative sip and made a face as the liquid burned down my throat, then stood in the middle of the kitchen, one arm snug around my waist and the alcohol gripped in the hand of the other, feeling rather out of place. At what point did having a drink in someone's kitchen become extraordinary? My life had careened so far from normality that I had forgotten how I was supposed to act in a situation like this.
By contrast, the Turk seemed perfectly at ease, despite wearing nothing but boxer briefs under the wrinkled dress shirt, which was held together by a few middle buttons. As if to emphasize the impression, he leaned back against the counter and took a casual swig straight from the bottle. He grimaced and set the whiskey down, then turned his half-lidded eyes to me. He smirked as he looked me over.
"You look pretty ridiculous in that getup, Fitz."
Despite being such a skinny guy, Reno's sweatpants had bunched up around my waist when I pulled the string tight enough to keep them from falling down. The t-shirt was loose, too, its sleeves touching my elbows. I shot him a dark look.
"You gave it to me. Blame yourself."
"Couldn't have ya run around naked, fun as that might be. Gotta put in some effort to look good 'round the boss, yo."
"Says the man in underpants."
"I'm wearing a shirt, ain't I? That's pretty damn respectable for fuckin' four o'clock in the morning."
He grinned and I responded with a chuckle, taking another gulp of my drink. The second mouthful was just as bad as the first. I tilted the glass back and forth, watching the amber liquid swirl around while I forced the second sip down. Whisky had been James' favorite, preferably Scotch, preferably Highland; as particular about his drink as he had been about his technical minutiae. I had looked into buying him a bottle once. Even the youngest ones had been fifty years old and worth a month's salary.
And now James was dead. My jaw grew tight and my fingers flattened against the glass surface, knuckles whitening.
I thought of Anita, of the poor man I had injured, of all the faces I had been surrounded by in the past weeks. Without the protection of the blast doors, the Gateway explosion must have obliterated the whole floor. It was likely enough to collapse the whole underground structure. Anyone evacuated to the surface would find themselves without supplies or shelter. Stranded in the middle of a wasteland, with no hope of a rescue.
Fourteen years ago, humanity on Earth had been building starships. There had been projects aiming to revitalize the soil, to create more resistant crops. Even without the Gateway, there had been hope. What was left for humanity now?
"I'd appreciate it if you could, y'know, not crush that glass. It's my last nice one, yo."
Reno's voice brought me back to the present. I blinked furiously and downed the rest of the alcohol in one go, squeezing my eyes shut in a grimace as I gulped it down, then set the glass down on the table behind me. Reno snorted and raised his eyebrows.
"Sheesh, didn't mean you had to choke it down like that, babe."
My throat was on fire. What pathetic penance for what I had done.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to help people."
I sensed a change in the air as soon as I had blurted it out. It was enough to make me falter, but I couldn't stop anymore.
"No one should have died except me, but it went wrong. It all went so wrong, but I just kept going, I had to, or I thought I had to... And I... I killed him. I killed all those people. I killed them!"
Reno stayed still as the words kept tumbling out, leaning back with his hands on the edge of the counter as before, but the sleepy countenance was gone. His eyes were watchful, never straying from my face.
"And now you gotta suck it up and move on. Sucks, don't it?"
It was an impassive proclamation, not comfort or advice. A statement of fact, based on personal experience. Brutal honesty. I should have expected nothing less. Why sugarcoat the truth when we both knew what I was?
"I ain't sayin' it's gonna be easy, and I'm sorry you had to find out what it's like," he continued after a moment's pause, with a more contemplative tone than I was used to hearing from him. "But you're a survivor, Fitz, and a damn stubborn one. We got that much in common. You'll get through it."
I glanced sideways out through the window. Meteor wasn't directly visible this far from the pane, but the view was painted red with its gloom. It was a matter of days now, perhaps even hours. My struggle would be short. The remnants of humanity on Earth would not be blessed with such a swift end.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this."
"Is it ever what it's s'posed to be? It is what it is. That's all there's to it."
"It is what it is because of what I did. Did I..." My voice failed me, shrinking to a whisper. "Did I do the right thing?"
Reno barked a cynical laugh.
"Sweetie, I'm the worst person to ask about right and wrong."
I stared out the window. Ever since it had sunk in that I had escaped the fate I had brought down on the others, the guilt, the relief, the shame, the anger and all the feelings I couldn't even name had coalesced into a hard ball of hurt in my chest. Now it was gnawing at me, creating a hole that left me both numb and raw at the same time. I didn't know how to stop it. It would grow and grow, until there was nothing else left.
Reno sighed.
"Look, there's no point beatin' yourself up 'bout that sorta thing. It ain't always about right and wrong. Sometimes life gives ya nothin' but different kinds of shit to choose from, and you just gotta pick one and move on."
C'est la vie. I turned my gaze down to the floor and pressed my arms tighter against my stomach, blinking away tears, again and again. I knew Reno had a point, but that didn't make me feel better.
I saw bare feet step into my field of vision only a split second before I felt a hand touch my hair. He tucked my head under his chin, stroking the back of it. His other hand found my shoulder, his fingers kneading with an unhurried pace, coaxing the tension out of my muscles.
"I know you've had a rough time. I know you didn't want any of this, but... It ain't all bad, is it?"
I wanted to tell him that yes, yes it was, that I had failed and had nothing left and it hurt so damned much inside, but the words died before I could form them. It was his voice. Reno's world was falling apart, both metaphorically and literally, yet for the first time since I met him, I heard hope in his voice. It made me stop and think. Then, it made me stop thinking.
Reno was so close that I could sense the heat radiating from his body. I pressed my eyes shut and let it seep in to take the edge off the hollow ache in my chest. I hadn't realized how much I craved a touch from another human being.
"No," I mumbled. "It's not all bad."
He took a slow, deep breath. When I did the same, the scent that surrounded me was all his; shower-clean, tinged with the smell of his shampoo and the cigarette he had smoked. I liked it, I liked being near him. For just a second or two, I let myself enjoy the luxury of feeling safe.
"For what it's worth, I'm glad you made the choice ya did," he murmured. "Not just 'cause it gave my world one less headache to worry 'bout, but because it brought ya back here, alive and in one piece."
My breath caught in my chest. There it was. A glimpse of a life that could be, the tiniest sliver of a future.
All too soon Reno pulled away, though he let his hand linger on my neck as he peered into my face.
"Chin up, eh, Fitz? You didn't come all this way to give up now. You said so yourself, yo."
"Yes," I said with a brittle smile. "I did, didn't I?"
"That's my girl." After a gentle squeeze, he let his hand fall to the side. "It gets easier, y'know, once you let it go."
I shook my head slowly.
"How can I do that?"
The question was rhetorical, but Reno answered anyway.
"'Fraid I don't have an answer for ya. Still workin' on it myself, I guess."
He flashed a wry smile, then yawned and scratched the back of his head.
"Right. Enough chattin' for one night, eh? C'mon, we can still catch an hour or two of sleep."
Once we had returned to our makeshift beds in the darkness, I stared up at the ceiling, listening to the steady breaths and soft snores of the Turks around me. I went over our talk in my head, mulling over his advice. Different kinds of shit, indeed. If I had allowed Orca to return, there would have been other deaths on my conscience. Perhaps even more deaths. Perhaps the deaths of the people now sharing a room with me.
Reno's unapologetic bluntness had one benefit. When he claimed I would get through this, I could believe him.
With the comfort of that thought, I eventually managed to drift off into a slumber. While not the most restful sleep, it was free of dreams.
For the second time in two days, I woke up to a trembling world. This time, however, the danger was real.
Working on instinct rather than conscious thought, I scrambled for the nearest cover and ended up under the desk next to Elena. I held on to both the table and the other woman, trying my best to remain where I was. Something crashed to the floor and moments later the window exploded almost right above us, making both of us yelp in surprise as a shower of glittering glass hit the floor.
When the tremors ended, Elena let go of me and peeked out from under the desk.
"Everyone okay?" she yelled.
The response was a noncommittal grunt, which sounded like Rude, followed by an indignant shout.
"Oh for fuck's sake!"
I peered out to see Reno stand on the other side of the room in his underpants, looking at the smoking corpse of his TV on the floor.
"I just bought the damn thing. Still s'posed to be under warranty, only the place I got it from was crushed under a chunk of HQ last week. Fuck my life."
Elena crawled out from under the desk and hurried to the bedroom.
"Tseng?" she asked, rushing in without knocking. "Sir, are you all ri–oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry, I'll just leave now!"
She nearly stumbled over her feet as she backed out of the room, then slammed the door shut and leaned back against it, a horrified look on her beet-red face.
"What's the matter, Laney?" her redheaded colleague asked with an impish grin, instantly perked up by this turn of events. "Get an eyeful of our glorious leader?"
"He wasn't wearing a shirt," she whispered.
Reno's raucous laughter made her turn a darker shade of crimson, though it was unclear whether it was due to his amusement or the fact that she only now seemed to realize she was speaking to a guy in nothing but underwear. She grabbed her uniform and fled to the kitchen.
"We should leave," I said, looking at the cracks in the ceiling with concern. "There will be aftershocks."
"Agreed," Tseng said, emerging from the bedroom fully clothed, making the final adjustments to his tie. "Be ready to move out in ten."
Strapping myself into the armored suit wasn't the quickest process at the best of times, and was made even worse by stiff, sore muscles and no stand to keep the parts easily accessible. By the time I finished, with some aid from Reno, the others were already waiting for me. Once we got out into the street, though, I was glad I had it. The air was filled with thick smoke and several buildings along the street were on fire. Terrified civilians scurried past, heading for the train station, as we each surveyed the destruction.
"Shit, man, look at this mess," Reno said hesitantly. "How are we gonna get everyone out in time?"
"This is..." Elena sighed and fell silent.
"Bad," Rude finished for her.
Bad, indeed. My heart sank as I scanned the surroundings, seeing no signs of the neon yellow and orange of Reeve's rescue teams. This was way beyond checking near-empty buildings and guiding people to evacuation points. There were only five of us. What were we supposed to do?
"You're not giving up, are you?"
Spinning around at the sound of the authoritative voice behind us, we were greeted by an unexpected sight. There must have been a dozen men and women behind us, all clad in the same dark Turk suit.
"Holy fuckin' shit," I heard Reno breathe next to me.
I would never have thought I would see such a collective display of stunned surprise from a group of hardened agents like the four Turks in my company. Reno's face shone with an endearing mix of disbelief and childlike happiness, the likes of which I hadn't seen since my sister got a bike for her sixth birthday.
"I don't fuckin' believe it," he grinned. "That fucker in the sky's gotta be playin' with my head. First Fitz shows up outta nowhere and now you guys? I gotta be trippin' balls, yo."
The same sentiment was apparent on the faces of Tseng and Rude. I couldn't see Elena's, because she was embracing someone, but the other woman's features were visible. The family resemblance was unmistakable. My chest tightened and I had to look away. Some wounds never healed.
These had to be the Turks that had vanished. I felt rather awkward as I watched the smiles and shoulder claps. I wasn't a part of this reunion, but under the circumstances I couldn't just walk away and let them have their moment in private. So there I stood, all too conscious of every curious glance being sent my way, grateful for the shelter provided by the helmet's mirrored surface.
Screams rang out from a building across the street, bringing an abrupt end to the greetings. The Turks reacted with decisive speed. Teams sprang into action at Tseng's command and spread out along the streets.
Mine was assigned to one of the burning buildings, where one of the newly-arrived Turks snuffed out the flames on the first floor by calling forth blasts of ice. I had seen some of the rescue workers heal people with a green glow the day before, but this was the first time I had seen such primal magic in use. I slowed to a halt, watching her work, but an impatient Reno spurred me into action.
"C'mon, Fitz, while we're young! You're the only one who can get in there while the smoke is this thick. Move!"
Move I did, and so began the most precarious rescue operation I had ever been a part of. Meteor was so close it seemed it would touch the top of Shinra HQ's ruined tower at any moment. We could no longer see the sky. It was madness, staying to help while the city shuddered and crumbled around us, yet the Turks remained at their posts and I with them.
I moved rubble, I carried the injured, I dragged people out of burning buildings, until everything began to blend together into a hell of flames and smoke and blood. Sparky's cooling system was failing, its air filters were congested by ash and dust. The visor had been cracked by debris from an explosion, compromising the airtight seal. My lungs burned, every fiber of muscle ached, and I could barely stay upright during the frequent tremors.
Reno worked tirelessly, like a man possessed. As we pulled the living and the dead from the flames, I kept seeing the faces I left behind on Earth. I wondered whose faces he saw.
After yet another of the earthquakes, his voice cut through the ringing in my ears. I glanced up to see Reno standing across the street, next to Rude. I thought I could see a trickle of blood along one cheek, but it was hard to be sure with all the scarlet hair stuck to the sides of his sweaty face. His shoulders sagged and his suit was in a state far beyond saving, but the eyes gleamed bright blue, fierce and ready.
"Yo, Fitz!" he shouted, waving me over. "We need somethin' from HQ and might need your help gettin' there. You up for it?"
I gave him a tired nod. A trip to Shinra HQ through the obstacle course of concrete and rebar littering the streets sounded like a walk in the park at this point.
We were almost at our destination when the ground shook again. This time, however, I was nearly blinded as a stream of pure light shot through the sky, blocking out the red glow of Meteor with bright white. I stared in baffled awe, until strong fingers gripped my arm and yanked me back into motion.
"C'mon, we gotta run!"
I was half-pulled into the lobby of Shinra HQ and onwards, trying to blink the dancing spots out of my eyes. When I was able to see straight again, I found myself crammed inside a toilet stall with Reno.
"Why does this have to happen now," he groaned, rubbing his eyes in frustration.
My mind was racing, thinking back on what I had just witnessed. What the hell had happened? That had not been a normal earthquake. Could that energy have been...?
I slammed the stall door open and ran out of the room, ignoring Reno's startled protest.
"I refuse to die in a fucking toilet!" I yelled without looking back.
If this was the end, I wanted to see everything.
I slowed down as I reached the lobby and approached the front doors. Brightness poured through the shattered glass of the facade, weaving spider webs of light across the unsteady floor. My pulse hammered in my ears as each cautious step brought me closer to the lightshow, until the doors parted and granted me an unobstructed view.
Stepping through, I tore off my cracked helmet to see every last detail with my own eyes, instantly greeted by the sharp tang of ozone and other. I didn't register the dull clang as the helmet hit the asphalt, nor the rapid footsteps behind me. I was mesmerized by this light that moved with a life of its own, bursting forth from the ground and dancing to the rhythm of the tremors it created across the defeated city.
"It's the fuckin' Lifestream!" Reno cried.
The air hummed with electricity, making my skin crawl and tingle even through the suit, as tendrils of pale green energy flowed and congregated before our eyes.
The Lifestream. The essence of all past and future existence, the lifeblood of Gaia. After decades of wasting away on a dying, defeated world, I had no words for the emotions that overwhelmed me as I watched this planet come to life and fight back.
"This is the best," I heard Rude rumble somewhere behind me. It must have been the longest sentence I had heard from the man.
As I slowly spun in the light, stunned by the staggering display of Gaia's might, my eyes locked with Reno's. I received a smile, accompanied by a tender gaze, and then he was right beside me. Warm, chafed lips pressed a kiss to my temple, followed by an arm wrapped around my shoulders. Such simple actions, yet they shifted my heart into a whole new gear.
"Enjoy the show, babe. You ain't gonna see this twice."
We shared another glance, then together, we turned our attention to the drama in the sky, watching as the Lifestream battled Meteor. My eyes were glued to the spectacle above, but I heard the gasp and felt Reno's hold tighten as Meteor was pushed back. I could hardly breathe while I watched pure white combine with the green glow of the Lifestream, the two energies coming together for a final blow so bright it forced my eyes shut.
Only once the light began to fade, did I realize I was hanging onto him just as tightly as he held me. I looked at Reno, and he looked at me. His eyes glittered with pure excitement, while tears were flowing from mine. He grinned, I laughed and we embraced.
Meteor was gone. We were still alive, on a world that was still alive. A world that was wounded, but could recover. One that would recover. However I could, I would make damned sure of that.
A/N:
And so we come to the end of "The Unwelcome Guest". The end of FF7 was always planned as the end for this story as well, and I think this is a good place to stop and take a break.
A break? Yes indeed, a break. This is NOT the end of Therèse FitzEvan's story. It was supposed to be, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized there are still so many open questions. What will Tess do now that she's free to go wherever she wants? Is she really as free as she thinks she is? Where will she go, who will she meet? What will happen between her and Reno? Will her deal with Reeve still hold? Will she come to terms with the choices she's made and being an outsider in a strange, new world? It's also a chance to explore Gaia in its post-Meteor recovery phase, which to me is an interesting idea in itself.
So, think of this as the end of part one. Part two is already in the works, and I'll start publishing once it's complete enough that I can keep the chapters coming at a steady pace. Probably (hopefully) in a month or two, if all goes well. If you want to be notified when that happens, following me as an author will take care of that.
With that in mind, I would love some feedback on part one! What do you think after reading the whole story? What was your favorite part? What didn't you like? What could have been better, and how? Are you confused about something? Is there something specific you would have wanted to see? Please do review if you feel so inclined, or send me a PM with your thoughts.
Finally, a huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed (especially loyal reviewers VendettaSmiles, XXTakaraXX and AlwaysRunning9), faved, followed and sent PMs. I can't properly express how much I appreciate the feedback and encouragement! Getting those notifications in my inbox makes my day, it really does. Hell, it makes my week! And last, but certainly not least, special thanks to Mr. Stompy and fellow frug elaborator U for all the offline support. You're awesome.
I hope I'll see you again for part two.