HEART WORLD

~ Michi ~

"Okay, so now he's in your apartment. What now?" Musca was eyeing me with concern. "You leaped before you looked here."

I stared up at her. I hadn't even thought about that. She was completely right. What now? I mean, I couldn't have just left him alone after he'd just fallen over like that, but still... The situation hadn't yet improved all that much. Shin was sitting on the floor since there weren't even chairs or a table in the apartment, just a small kitchen, one bathroom, and two beds, one of which had belonged to…

"Michi!"

My head felt like it was about to split open as another new memory hit me.

"I know it's small," my father was saying. "But with just the two of us now, it's better to downsize."

"I know, Dad. It's fine. A smaller house just means it's easier to clean, right?" I knew we weren't exactly doing great financially, but I didn't care about living in a small apartment as long as we were together.

He chuckled and ruffled my hair. "That's my girl."

"I'll throw stuff at you when you snore though."

"I'm looking forward to it." He just laughed, happy despite the divorce he had just gone through. The memory ended there, on his dimpled smile.

"Michi, are you alright?" Musca's concern had doubled.

I nodded. "Shit, my head…" So I had moved here during middle school with my father after a divorce between my parents and then met Toma and Shin not long after that… The pieces were falling into place even more. But something was still missing. Where was my mother? Could she still be alive in this world?

"You have a headache?" Shin piped up, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Being deep into the memory had almost made me forget the present, that he was here. I would have to think about everything else later.

"Y-yeah, it's been hurting today," I lied, then looked down since my hand was wet. I had been getting a glass of water for Shin, and the water had been running and now overflowing while I had just stood there during the memory. "Oh man…" I dumped some of the water out, turned off the faucet and dried off before giving over the water and sitting across from Shin.

"Thanks." He sipped at the water slowly.

"Yeah." I stared at the floor as we lapsed into awkward silence.

"Michi, you have to say something. Even I'm starting to feel weird," Musca urged. "Come on!"

Okay, okay! "Um… So. Do you want a pillow to sit on, or something? Sorry there aren't any chairs or cushions."

"It's fine." I was starting to think he was drinking the water as an excuse to just not talk. I followed his line of sight towards the bed my father had used to sleep in.

"Yeah, I was thinking about trying to put out an ad for it, but I haven't gotten around to it quite yet."

"Oh."

"This is agonizing…" Musca groaned.

Well thanks so much for the advice.

"Okay, okay, I'll stop complaining. Ask him how he's doing. People find it easiest to talk about themselves, right?" She offered.

I nodded. It was a good suggestion, and way better than nothing. "So, how have you been?"

"Too broad." Musca jumped in.

"I mean, how's work?" I scrambled for something, anything.

"It's fine. We lost two people, but Ikki and Kent, you remember them, came back to work part-time for the break to help out. It's mostly Sawa, Mine, Toma and I."

"Mine?"

"Oh yeah, she's new. You wouldn't know her."

"What's she like?"

"Annoying."

I laughed. "You're blunt, aren't you?"

"I guess so."

I frowned. This was going nowhere, this tiptoeing and dancing around the issue. "I'm just going to stop beating around the bush… How are you really doing, Shin?"

"I'm fine."

"Now you're lying."

"Maybe I am. What's your point?"

"Wait, what?"

"My dad, though, he's a wreck. Drinking every day, all day, either that or just sleeping."

"Oh my God, Shin…" I got the urge to just hug him, I felt so bad.

"… That was a lie."

"What?!"

"He's freaking me out now…" Musca looked at the boy nervously.

"What the hell, Shin? It's not funny."

"I was just testing your reaction." He was giving me this steady gaze that felt like I was being dissected underneath it.

"But what for?" A moment ago I had felt like hugging him, but now I wanted to punch him.

"You feel sorry for me, I know that. And your forgiveness…" He shook his head. "I still don't understand your change of heart."

"I just… What happened isn't your fault, so I wanted to say I'm sorry. For saying I hated you, because I don't."

"I get it… But that won't change what happened, Michi."

"I know, I know… It's just that…" What was I supposed to say? Just telling him I forgave him wasn't going to be enough, but what else could I do? "I want to help you."

"Why?"

Why indeed? Because Musca had told me to? Because that was my only choice in this life? I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

"It's fine. I appreciate it, but I should go now." He stood to leave.

"This is bad…" Musca paled. "He's not making this easy at all…"

"Shin, please wait. Just give me a minute to think, please?"

"… Two minutes, then I'm heading home." He moved to lean against the door, one hand already poised on the knob to go.

"What are you going to do, Michi?" Musca was out of ideas now, it seemed.

I needed more memories. The me in this world had to have made some good memories with Shin. Maybe if I could just dredge something up, I could figure out what to say and what I wanted to do here…

I squeezed my eyes shut, thought only of Shin. Something had to be there. Musca had said this was fate, right? This world, the Heart World, was tied between the two of us, myself and this boy. It had to be somewhere, then, what my reasoning was supposed to be.

I felt small hands on my shoulders and could tell that it was Musca. "You can do this, Michi. You can remember everything!"

I had to do this, right here and now, to solidify my place and my purpose in this world.