HEART WORLD

~ Shin ~

"Shin, you're late. You were supposed to come in at ten and it's past noon now." Toma was scolding me the second I got in to work.

"I saw the clock, you don't have to tell me," I muttered.

"Why are you late? The manager's going to be angry, you know."

"Michi got sick, so I stayed with her."

His eyes widened with concern. "Is she okay? Should I go visit her?"

"She's fine, and you can do whatever you want. Why did you set me up yesterday to be alone with her? I didn't ask for your help."

"Come on Shin, you know I'm just trying to help you guys get some closure."

"Leave it alone, Toma."

"Well how did it go then, if you're so upset about it?"

Well, we had both ended up falling down in front of each other, so I guessed that made us even. And then I'd stayed up all night making sure Michi wasn't sick enough to need a hospital, so I was running on fumes now. Not that it wasn't exactly worth it. She had looked peaceful then. Whenever she was awake she had a tense air about her, even if she didn't know it. "… We're going to talk later," I mumbled.

Toma grinned. "And I did such a horrible thing to you, huh?"

"It's only a talk. We'll go back to avoiding each other sooner or later."

"Oh, come on…" He sighed. "It used to be really fun working here with the three of us, right? Remember the time she ate all those parfaits so we wouldn't throw them away?"

I smothered a laugh under my hand. "Yeah." I'd probably never forget it. There had been allowance for so much unbridled laughter at the time that it had become nostalgic for me. Michi was a funny girl, always loving her food. But I could tell with a glance that she had become thinner, probably not eating enough from grief. And then this morning, looking at me with such a serious expression and her hair just a mess in her face… I didn't know whether to be glad that I could still laugh at her and thus with her or be worried.

"You really don't want things to go back to normal?"

"Don't talk like it's easy. You aren't directly involved in this."

"Of course I am! I'm your best friend, and your only real friend at this point. Come on, Shin. Of course I'm involved, with you and with Michi."

He was right. As much as he annoyed me with his butting in, he had been there supporting me and my dad from the start, unwavering, since it had happened. "Okay. I get it."

"Good. Do you want to work in the back today?"

He knew that I wouldn't have to deal with people if I was able to do that. Of course, I worked in the back more often now since my presence had a tendency to make local customers uncomfortable, but I appreciated it nonetheless. "Yeah."

"You guys are so boring!" Mine sighed as she swept into the kitchen area. "Always talking about the same thing."

"Stay out of it," I muttered.

"Maybe I would if you two didn't have these conversations in public. Anyways… I've got two specials ordered." The special included a cute little act from a female employee that, while it disgusted me, generally made more tips.

"You always do…" Toma sighed. "You get on it, Shin. I'm moving to the front." He left but Mine stayed, frowning at me.

"What do you want?"

"I'm just waiting for you to finish the order before I take it out. But since I'm here, tell me about Michi."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm curious! She quit working before I started and now she's coming back, so I just want to know what I should expect."

"I don't have much to say."

"You're so difficult! Well is she nice, is she easy to work with, things like that. I'm looking forward to getting another girl here, but I don't want to be disappointed."

"Fine. She's nice. Doesn't work in the front but is a fast cook and dishwasher. Happy?"

"Uh, I guess? Why doesn't she work in the front?"

I couldn't hide the small smile that came to my face because my hands were busy and it was too strong to just suppress it on my own. "She has some difficulties with the whole maid act."

"Huh… That's the first time I've ever seen you smile."

I turned away sharply and finished making the order as fast as possible before shoving it at her. "Go away."

"Haha, now I'm interested in her. Michi, right? I'm looking forward to it!"

Ugh, this was going to be great… I'd questioned Michi's intentions so much before and even told her a lie about my father to gauge her reaction because she had broken my defenses before I'd had an opportunity to bolster them. Part of me was being irrational, angry at her for being concerned about me and not my father, but I knew that was wrong. I couldn't expect her to feel sorry for either of us. I was just mad at myself for caring so damn much when I was trying to turn off all of my feelings.

After work, thankfully managing not to get chewed out by the manager (Toma probably had a hand in it), I went to the park as promised. Michi was there waiting, and once I got close enough I realized that her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying a lot recently.

"Hi, Shin." The smile she attempted to give me was at odds with those eyes, the crinkle in her brow that told me she was upset. After knowing her for so long I had just figured out how to read her without even trying.

"So? What do you want to say?"

She hesitated. "Can we walk?"

We set off on the path wordlessly, and I wanted to sink into the silence, the kind of silence we had always understood together.

"I'm afraid of being alone." I was almost startled when she spoke again. "Remember? That's what I said to you the day we met."

"Yeah." And I had admitted to having the same fear. I'd been hoping she'd forgotten.

"I just… I feel alone, and thinking of you, talking to you, makes me feel like I'm not. Because no one else understands, really. Shin, I don't want you to feel lonely either."

"I never said I did." The way she was talking was bringing old feelings back, how so much caring was implied, and it made me panic.

"Don't lie anymore, please." She reached for my hand again, and I wanted nothing more than to feel that warmth I had lost again.

"Just stop, Michi!" Even though she looked stricken at that, I had to keep pushing her away. This could go too far. It would be so easy to think that I could just forgive everything and be by her side again, but no matter what I wanted it wasn't right. Still, all I could do was hold on and hope she didn't change my mind.