While it's true that James likes writing the occasional story, he also likes helping his friends with their writing ideas. So it's no surprise that he's helping his friends with a work of complete fiction, and singing what he feels is an appropriate song. Weird Al's music is not mine, and for a variation on this classic, check out chapter 235 of STR2D3PO's The Pup Pack.

"Come on, James, I know you like creative writing, but you don't actually believe this, do you?" Amber scoffed, seeing James reading one of Dorrie's astrology books.

"It's all for fun, Amber, and you know better than to take this seriously, right?" Sofia asked.

The girls were watching James writing. This time, he wasn't working on royal documents; Amber saw him writing horoscopes with Dorrie, Candice, and Lucinda.

"Of course it's all for fun!" Lucinda smiled. "Right, James?"

"Of course," James agreed. However, he began speaking in a strange accent, which the girls thought was a mix of Madam Ubetcha and Professor Popov as he picked up a dazzleball, waving his hand over it. "Now ladieees, let me gaze into my crystal ball and tell you your future…"

"Really, James?" Candice rolled her eyes.

"Okay, ve vait on ze crystal ball…onto ze cards!" James picked up Candice's tarot cards and started dealing them out. He picked out a random one.

"James, do you know what you're doing?" Dorrie asked.

"You betcha!" James grinned as he held it up. "Ah, ze card with the lady holding a bird surrounded by grapes…That means ve all sing a happy song!"

"Oh, brother…" Amber rolled her eyes.

"Yes! Your brother sings a song and everyvun joins in and picks a card for each line!" James grinned as Lucinda produced some lively music.

James sang in his normal voice, Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Lucinda took a card as she joined in, Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Dorrie found her card as she joined in, Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Sofia found her card as she sang with them, Taurus
You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

They all sang together, That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Candice joined in the song with her card, Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest

Amber found her card as she joined in, Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Sofia found another card as she sang, Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Lucinda found her next card as she sang, Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick

Everyone joined in, That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

James found another card as he sang, Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.
Where was I?

Amber picked up another card as she sang, Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Dorrie found her next card and sang, Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Candice found another card as she sang, Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Lucinda found another card and sang, Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

Everyone finished the song, That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today

"James, can I try something now?" Candice asked as she collected the cards everyone picked up during the song.

"You betcha!" James smiled.

Candice arranged the cards, discreetly motioning for the girls to surround James. "Ah, your fortune…" She picked up a random card. "You will be surrounded by several lovely ladies who will teach you a lesson about messing with magic…and speaking in such a ridiculous accent!"

"And this time, the fortune's real…Rictusempra!" Lucinda aimed her wand at him, hitting him with a spell.

"Lucy?" James spoke in his regular voice just as he fell laughing onto the bed.

"What do you know? These fortunes are real!" Amber grinned as she and the girls tickled James, making the spell stronger.

"You betcha!" Lucinda grinned over James' laughter.