49: Picnics

of suspiciously normal food with extremely suspicious people.

"Dedede, I'm so glad you could make it today!"

"Y'dragged me outta my bed… pulled me all the way to the window, nearly ki—"

"Nearly kissed you? Don't be delusional, Dedede! I did nothing of that sort!"

Dedede sighed. "Whatever."

"I think he was going to say 'killed'," Bandana Dee offered. Kirby stared back in response like he already knew that by reading the stars late into the morning.

Originally, Dedede hadn't planned on going to Kirby's insane idea of a playdate, or whatever. Only then did he realise he didn't actually have any plans at all, and when he opened his door to go pee, he found Bandana Dee saluting on the opposite wall. When had he been standing there for? Oh, the past two hours. Why? I had patrolling duty but it was already taken, so I just stood outside of your room so there'd be absolutely no chance of anything bad happening.

Dedede had felt almost irked at how the coincidences lined up, but he dragged his pitiful head minion out for the picnic anyway.

"'M more surprised you could make that guy come."

Kirby cocked his head sideways. Dedede jerked his thumb at an object under the shade of a tree. It might've been impossible for a ball to curl up on itself and look like it wanted to die before, but now it was possible, and Meta Knight proved it so.

"Oh, Billy? Billy's always been there."

Dedede's face scrunched. "Who the hell is Billy?"

"The tree. Wasn't that who you were talking about?"

"He was talking about Sir Meta Knight, Kirby," Bandana Dee said placatingly.

"Meta? We're friends. Why wouldn't he accept an invitation from a friend?" Kirby flipped open the picnic basket nonchalantly. "He's just shy, though. That's why he's not coming over here yet."

"Yer saying he will?" Dedede found that hard to believe.

"He will. He'll come over closer and read a book and try to play off as being cool. I'll bet my cake on it." Kirby paused. "Actually, I wouldn't."

Suddenly, Dedede was scanning over the picnic box impatiently. "Yeah, yeah. So, you brought cake? Was that what you said?"

Kirby did a close-eyed nod, looking like one of those nobles of higher-ups agreeing to a statement they hadn't actually been listening to but nodded all the same just to look refined. "And for the dee, cookies."

Pulling the wrapping away, Bandana Dee found misshapen, lumpy cookies. They still looked completely baked and safe to eat, though. "Um, thank you." He wasn't sure why the great king was staring in his direction intently after that, like he was expecting something to happen. Or the kind of face he made when he was bird-watching. (Was it weird? For the king to be… bird-watching?)

With everybody (sans Meta Knight) staring at him, Bandana Dee uncomfortably crinkled the wrapping between his hands. What were they expecting? It was awkward to eat while someone else was watching, right? Or maybe—had they still not figured out how waddle dees ate? But it was still weird to show them directly, right?

"You see, De? You're making him nervous. A horrible friend, but that's no surprise."

"Me? You were starin' at him, too."

"Because you were staring at him!"

Dedede huffed like he normally did when he wasn't feeling up to putting up with Kirby's antagonism. "And what kinda cookie is that, anyway? Looks like you made it with grass."

Kirby clapped his hands once, slanting it up to his cheek. "Ooh, nice. Did that grumpy waddle doo teach you that?" After a short pause, he added, "He threw a boulder at me."

"You deserve it."

"What? I don't! I've been very nice to your tweedy little minions, you know. I gave a bunch of them some cookies just yesterday, and we had a nice chat."

Only after Bandana Dee bit into the cookie did he realise that must've been the explanation for his lack of duty that day.