Sticks and Stones - Chapter 4 - by Emma Nisbet (grnfield)
Monday – four days after collapse
I start to become aware of my surroundings very gradually. I feel like I've got a car sitting on my chest and breathing – well that's just no fun at all. I lie there and try to take stock of body. I'm vaguely aware that I've got IVs in both arms and by the slight burning sensation 'down below' I've obviously got a catheter in as well. So I've got fluid going in and fluid going out, that can't be a bad thing – not comfortable but not too bad.
I lie still and listen to my surroundings. I don't feel like I want to wake up completely yet.
I hear the beeping of a heart monitor – who's being monitored I wonder. I guess it might be me, kind of figures with all the other things stuck into me at the moment.
There's a little hustle and bustle but all in all it's pretty quiet. I'm obviously in the infirmary.
What happened to me? Why am I here?
I try to think back and start remember.
P7X-962 - feelings of dread all morning – missing UAV - report to Hammond on the MALP. What the hell was that noise? Danny – got to check on Danny. Dust cloud – from the pyramids - damn. Danny – Danny is in the pyramid. Got to run – got to warn him.
DAMN, I remember
The pyramid – the top came down and the sides caved in. Daniel was under there. He didn't answer his radio because he was still inside. Have they got him out? Is he alive? Is he OK?
No…I know there's no way he could have survived a collapse of that magnitude. Hell - I wasn't even under there and I'm obviously well bashed up.
How long have I been unconscious? Please not long enough that I've missed helping the search and rescue. Not long enough that I've missed the remembrance service or the…funeral.
Sure I know we've done the remembrance service before but that was without concrete proof that he was really gone. This time – the final time – there would be a body. At least what used to be his body - like Claire and Melburn before him there wouldn't be much left to bury. At least this time though he will be able to be laid to rest next to his parents.
I hope Carter's thought to find out where they are buried. Somewhere in New York no doubt. Danny never mentioned where they were – never mentioned going to visit their final resting place. I hope he knew where they were – that would be too sad if their only child was unable to ever visit them.
Carter will be able to find them. Daniel spent so much of his life alone - he deserves to have companionship for the rest of time. Who knows maybe he and his parents will be reunited in the afterlife.
Charlie's buried next to my parents so he's not alone. Maybe Daniel and Charlie can keep each other company. I'd like to think that my two 'kids' are watching out for one another. Hell, I obviously didn't watch out for them well enough – did I? They both gave me their complete trust and I let them both down - I couldn't save either of them.
I know that Daniel could have never replaced Charlie – I wouldn't have wanted him to. He sure wormed his way into my heart though – like the second son that I never had.
I've got to stop thinking like this. It's bringing tears to my eyes. God damn it why do my eyes hurt so much? How come I never noticed it before?
Without thought my eyes fly open and this causes the pain to flare immeasurably.
"Aargh," I yell, "what's going on?" Quickly I clamp my eyes tight back shut again. It doesn't do much for the pain but it makes me feel marginally more in control of my own body.
Two large hands clamp down hard on my arms as I try to sit up. I automatically try to flinch away from my unseen assailant.
"O'Neill, you must be still. DoctorFraiser has been most concerned about your condition." A deep voice close to my ear states.
The person holding me down is obviously Teal'c. He must have been sitting by my bedside in that god damn uncomfy chair waiting for me to wake up. I realise that I am still pulling away from his restraining arms and deliberately try to relax myself slightly so he will let go.
I don't react well to being restrained. It brings back too many memories of my time as a POW in Iraq. I never have quite got over the fear of being of being pinned down in the dark, and that's basically what's happening now.
"Let me go, Teal'c" I say, trying to keep my voice calm.
Teal'c doesn't release any pressure on my arms – maybe he thinks I'll just try and get up again as soon as he does.
"Teal'c, you've got to let go of me…" I know I'm raising my voice but I can't help myself. "Teal'c – NOW." I can't help it but I almost yelp the last word.
I think Teal'c must sense that he's starting to panic me as he lets his grip ease off slightly – not enough for my liking but an improvement none the less.
"O'Neill, I will only cease to restrain you if you give me your word that you will not attempt to move. You have sustained multiple injuries to your body and you will only succeed in aggravating these if you try to sit up."
I try to take a calming breath but this makes my chest spasm and I end up half dazed as a massive coughing fit wracks my body - God that hurts. Mental note to self - that's now two things in the 'not to do at the moment' list – opening eyes and coughing.
Teal'c has the foresight to roll me gently onto my right side to help ease the coughing. This seems to help somewhat and I feel slightly happier as it also means that he doesn't have hold of my right arm any more.
"Teal'c, that's enough. Please help the Colonel lie back down again." That was Dr. Fraiser.
I dare to try and open my eyes slightly to acknowledge her but soon realise that this really isn't a good idea. It feels like I've got half a desert tucked in behind my eyelids.
Janet obviously sees what I'm trying to do. She puts her hand gently on my arm and says, "Colonel, keep your eyes closed for the time being - don't try to open them - I'll irrigate them again shortly. You've got a lot of dirt in there and you'll only make things worse."
I nod slightly say, "Whatever you say Doc."
"Now I've got to ask you the usual questions, you know the routine, Colonel." Fraiser says gently.
I nod again "Yeah, I know Doc, go ahead."
She starts with "What's your full name, rank and date of birth?"
"Colonel Jonathon O'Neill, USAF 66-789-7876-324. Based out of Cheyenne Mountain. Date of birth, October 20th 1952." I answer promptly.
Janet then asks me, "Do you know where you are, Colonel?"
To which I answer, "I'm very obviously in the infirmary, Doc."
"Yes, Colonel you are. Do you remember what happened?" she asks softly.
"Damn it, Janet, I don't want to remember." I snap back at her.
"Colonel, I need to know what you remember. You were unconscious for nearly 24 hours and I've had you sedated for a further 36 to ease the strain on your lungs. I was beginning to wonder if I'd missed something when we got you back here – it's taken you so long to come round from the sedatives." I've obviously been worrying her while I've been out cold.
"The pyramid Doc…" My speech falters and finally stops all together. "…the God damn pyramid…"
"Yes, Colonel, go on" Janet urges.
"God, Janet – you want me to relive it? There was some sort of earthquake. I fell down, couldn't get up. The pyramid – there were cracks appearing all over it and there was dust everywhere. Then the top fell in and the sides followed it. Daniel was still in there, he couldn't hear my warning on the radio. Being crushed to death just like his parents - that was his greatest fear. His most frequent nightmare was of falling rocks in dark confined places. Oh my God, his biggest nightmare came true, Janet. He must have lived his last moments in sheer terror. Oh my God…Janet."
My eyes are starting to water again. No I'm not going to let that happen – it hurt too much last time. Get a grip O'Neill, you've got an audience now. I know I should have guessed that one of my team-mates would be sitting by my bedside, watching my six but honestly it never crossed my mind before Teal'c grabbed me. Not the usual team-mate – that was always Danny's place. Same as it was mine to sit by him when he made one of his – all too frequent – trips to the infirmary.
Oh God, that's something that's never going to happen again. Despite my best efforts I'm starting to lose control of my tear ducts again. What hellish drugs has Janet got me on? Things don't normally affect me like this – when did I turn so weepy? I'm special ops trained for Christ's sake – I don't cry – well not in public anyway. I think Daniel is the only person in the SGC to see me with my defensive barriers down. He's seen me like that a couple of times in fact. Mainly because of Charlie – at Christmas, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death. I still find birthdays and Christmases especially hard – they just serve as reminders to how many I missed when Charlie was alive.
The tears are escaping from the sides of my eyes now and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. My breath hitches slightly and I hear Janet talking to Teal'c.
"Teal'c, now that the Colonel's awake I suggest that that you go to the commissary, take a break and get something to eat. I'll stay with him for now. It's pretty quiet in here; the nurses can handle the other patients for a while."
I'm glad when Teal'c agrees "I concur, DoctorFraiser. I will consume sustenance and then retire to my quarters to Kel'no'reem. If you should have need of my presence please do not hesitate to convey a message to me."
As he stands up I hear the slight scrape of a chair leg on the floor, then his soft footsteps fade away as he leaves the room.
Next I hear the swish of the curtains as Janet pulls them around my bed and I feel a soft cloth wiping the sides of my face where the tears fell.
"Thanks, Janet." I whisper.
"No problems, Jack." She says softly. It's not often the doctor uses my first name and I appreciate the sentiment. "I guessed you would rather Teal'c not see that. I'm not sure if he realised what was happening but if he did he didn't react. He may just think it's from all the dirt that got into your eyes when the pyramid collapsed. You really must keep them closed for me though. They should really be covered but I knew what you'd think if you regained consciousness and found yourself blindfolded. We cleaned out and irrigated both your eyes several times while you were unconscious but it will need doing a couple more times before they start to feel anything like comfortable again."
"OK, Janet, I'll keep them shut as long as you promise not to bandage them. Deal?" I ask.
"OK deal, Colonel." the doctor agrees.
"So bring me up to speed with what's happening." I ask Janet. "I take it the Search and Rescue teams have gone back to the planet? How are they getting on? How are they going about moving the stones? I mean there is a chance that he's still alive under there…"
"Sir," she says gently. "It's been four days…four very hot days on P7X-962." She's stroking my hair now, just above my ear. I don't think she realises that she's doing it, I think it's a subconscious comfort thing.
"General Hammond has been ordered to scale down the search if they've not found Daniel by the end of the first week. He'll keep sending men though for another week after that but then the Pentagon has demanded that no more resources be used up in what they are calling a 'futile search'. Daniel is officially listed as missing, presumed dead, sir." Janet says this last part in little more than a whisper – she can't believe it either. "He's really gone this time isn't he, sir?"
"I think so, Doc. If he'd stayed where I left him he wouldn't have had time to get down the tunnel and outside once the tremors started. There were too many twists and turns and I couldn't stay on my feet myself – specially towards the end of the quake. No, I'm afraid he wouldn't have stood a chance." My military persona is making it's way to the surface now and I'm talking in a somewhat detached voice. Jack O'Neill's not here any more, the Colonel has come out to protect him. If Jack comes too soon back then he's going to break down and do something stupid. He nearly did it before – when Charlie died.
Ironically what Jack needs, more than anything else in the world, is the one person that he can no longer have. The person who anchored him, the person who grounded him after Charlie, the person who's causing him to go off the rails this time – Daniel. If Daniel hadn't rescued him before then The Colonel would have never managed to get Jack back on track…ever.
"When can I get back there, Doc? If two weeks is all we get then we need all the manpower there that we can get. I need to be there – he's my responsibility." I sigh as I say this before I continue. "Janet, I need my eyes back."
"Colonel, I realise that you want to get back – that you want to help – but as your doctor I'm not going to risk your health unnecessarily." she tells me. "I'll wash your eyes out in a moment but be warned it won't be pleasant now that you're conscious. Also Colonel you have to realise that you're injured as well."
"I kinda guessed that – the SUV sitting on my chest gave me some sort of clue." I comment.
She then proceeds to give me a run down of my status as it stands. "Colonel, you were partially buried under rocks and rubble when SG-2 found you, so much so that they thought that you were probably dead. Your chest obviously took a huge blow and you have severe bruising around your sternum. That's why I've got you on a heart monitor – which I'm sure you've noticed. I'm happy with your rhythm and I'll probably remove the monitor this afternoon. Now that you're awake I can take the catheter out too. You have IVs in both arms at the moment supplying fluids as well as an antibiotic mix. You badly wrenched your right knee - that's going to require physical therapy, and you suffered multiple cuts and abrasions. The dust and dirt coated you pretty comprehensively and you inhaled a fair amount of it too. Luckily you threw your arm over your face as you fell to the ground so you weren't lying directly face down in the sand. The dust particles are extremely fine and I don't think you'd have survived if it weren't for how you ended up lying."