Chapter 68: Duel of the Fates
Oh man, this chapter was a lot of fun. Fusion Reborn is my favourite DBZ movie, did I ever mention that? (EDIT FROM THE DISTANT FUTURE OF CHAPTER 87: My favourite DBZ movie is now Battle of the Gods. It wasn't out at the time this chapter was released. But Fusion Reborn is still awesome.)
Two pieces of recommended music for this chapter. Music for the first half should be self-evident from what's happening. For the second half, the actual battle, if you get the title reference, you'll know.
It had been fairly recently that he'd discovered it.
The next level.
He'd hit a limit again, had found no further way to improve—the full power of Super Saiyan 2. He'd taken to meditating for increased lengths of time, trying to discover if this was really all the power that was within him—what had brought him to the mountains Pikkon eventually found him on. One day, he'd gone deeper within his subconscious than ever before.
It was so dark, down there, in the depths of his own soul. He'd drifted, lost in self-reflection, for an uncountable time. He was lost within himself, and it seemed like he'd never awaken.
Then, a light.
He realised he was still 'falling', still descending deeper into his spirit. In the blackness, he'd had no reference point, but now there was a light. A tiny point of golden light, far below him. Expanding as he neared it.
The heat was incredible. He was near, now, and this close it was a vast wall of blinding yellow, stretching out on either side, away into infinity.
Slowly, he reached a hand down. The tip of his finger brushed the light.
He woke with a start, eyes snapping open, yelling with surprise as fire flooded his veins, as light flared around his body. That was the first time it happened. He'd very occasionally tried it again, to try and accustom himself to the change.
Now, facing Janemba, he was about to put it to the test for the first time.
"What you're seeing now," Raditz said, his hair blowing in the unnatural wind of his aura, "is the second level of my race's transformation...we call it Super Saiyan 2."
"..." Janemba's eyes narrowed. It still seemed to be incapable of speech, but in this form it was at least intelligent enough to tell that something significant was about to happen.
Goku leapt back to avoid another of Broly's attacks. Something suddenly flashed in the back of his mind. "What? This energy, it's coming from the breach..." His eyes widened. "Raditz? Wow, feels like he's gone Super Saiyan 2! That's awesome, but..." he realised as he continued to dodge Broly's swipes, "...he's still powering up...don't tell me he's found some way to surpass this form! Is that even possible?"
"No way..." Gohan muttered as Turles struggled to pick himself up—the half-saiyan had felt the same energy. "He can't be about to..."
"Now this," said Raditz, lowering his stance...
"It can't be!" Nail gasped.
..."is the next level...this...is to go beyond! HRAAAA—" The blue electric sparks surrounding his body flared up, dancing around him and laying waste to the rock he was standing on. "—AAAAAAAHHH...!" Veins stood out on his forehead and neck. Sweat beads formed on his forehead, running down his face. His golden aura became a solid sphere of light, radiating out from his body. "...HAAAAA...!"
Goku finally landed a solid hit to Broly's neck, dropping the monstrous saiyan for good. Then, it hit him. This ki feels...solid! Even from this distance, the weight of it is unbelievable! He staggered back from the onslaught, clutching his head.
"AAAAAAGGGHHH!" Raditz's scream continued. The effort was almost unbearable. This power couldn't just be turned on at the flick of a mental switch. He had to drag it to the surface, kicking and screaming, every step towards it a monumental challenge.
"No!" King Kai shouted, antennae twitching. "Don't do this now, Raditz! Reality is unstable as it is—you're still not used to this! If you can't control it...!" He trembled at the thought.
The ground began to crumble, falling away beneath Raditz's feet and leaving him floating in the air. "...YAAAAAAHHH...!" Even the stoic Janemba raised an eyebrow in surprise as Raditz's power continued to rise. "...AAAAAAAAAAGHH...!" His voice began to crack. The air was drawn into a swirling vortex of wind centred around him, practically forming a hurricane around his body. The ground was shaking, not just around them, but all throughout Hell.
Nail collapsed to the ground, feeling like his mind had just been hit with a sledgehammer. "What...power! And it's still going up! What is he doing?!"
Pikkon had tried breaking down the barrier, but it seemed King Yemma's palace was stuck fast inside its strange prison, and it was beyond his abilities to free it. Of course, that wasn't what he'd been doing for the last couple of minutes. He'd mostly been gawking. "What...but...Just how strong does he have to be before he's satisfied, huh?!" Air rushed past him, pulled into the growing whirlwind, miles away.
Deep in the mountains, Tien, Chiaotzu and Launch were staring into empty space, sensing—but hardly believing—the massive power output they were sensing.
"It's...too much!" Tien groaned, covering his head with his hands. Chiaotzu was lying on the floor, eyes screwed shut. Launch stood alone, beaming. I knew you'd save us. You can't help it…you're just drawn to this kind of trouble.
Break ambled into the room—seven years old, now. Currently wearing pyjamas, and gazing up into the air with the unrestrained wonder of a child. "That's...my dad...!"
Launch wondered at this. How would she know? She barely knew him...
"That's my dad," the girl repeated in a whisper.
He'd taken a quick breath, but it was impossible to stop the scream escaping. It felt like his whole body was on fire. "—HAAAAA...!" His determination never wavered. Don't stop now!
Earthquakes wracked the landscape. The sky itself seemed to shake. The strange jellybean-looking things created by Janemba's chaotic energy cracked and split. The light around Raditz grew even brighter, the sparks even more frantic. He felt the physical changes begin. First, the wrenching pull at the back of his head as his hair began to extend, growing out down his back. "...RRRRAAAAAHHH!"
Bursts of light began to randomly shoot off the Super Saiyan's body. Janemba's grin became a frown as it found itself forced backwards by the relentless outpouring of force.
"I'm telling you, Raditz!" King Kai shouted with all his telepathic force. "Don't do it!"
The sparks around Raditz's body grew into great leaping arcs of electricity, shooting out several metres away, coiling around him like angry serpents. "...AAAAA!" Another breath. Onwards. Lakes of blood were dotted around Hell—these began to boil and evaporate.
High above, on the Sacred World of the Kais, Kaioshin blinked. He turned to Kibito. "What...is that?!"
"...YEEEAAAAGHH! AAAAAHH!" Raditz lifted his head up, yelling at the sky. The light around him was almost white now.
Pikkon shielded his face with his arms. "Damn it, Raditz, are you trying to kill us all? If you keep this up, you're going to destroy everything!"
"...And we're getting reports of earthquakes around the breach," the news anchor said, "that being the source of the mysterious attackers. It's possibly a side effect of whatever strange event has caused this invasion."
Raditz's head bent back down under what felt like an enormous weight of ki. His hair grew again, stretching further down his back. I'm not going to make it! Damn it, I knew this was risky! He forced himself to focus, withdrawing into his mind's eye. He recalled the darkness. The point of light. He made himself the point.
I've got it! Don't...stop! He managed to raise his head again. "HAAAAH...AAAAHHH...!" At last, he entered the final stages, feeling his limits shatter. He began to truly ascend. The space within his mind was vast, infinite, but he didn't lose his way back to the surface. The light, the power compelled him, pushed him back into the real world.
And there it was, as always when he did this.
A momentary mental image.
The roaring Oozaru, the primitive saiyan monster, far behind him now. But echoes of it survived here, in this.
"...GRRR...HHHGGHH...KKK...GRR...AAAAAAAAAGGHHHH!" The light was thrown outwards, blocking out the sun, as he flung out his arms and legs, screaming in triumph.
It was done.
The light faded.
"Grrr..." Janemba lowered its hand, which had been shielding its eyes from the brightness, glaring at its transformed enemy.
There was still gold, as ever. But it wasn't just an ethereal aura now. Every inch of Raditz seemed to emanate it—his body itself was glowing. His hair extended down his back, just as long as it had been before he'd cut it. His widow's peak had become a single dangling lock of yellow over his face. His eyebrows were gone, replaced with a jutting, animalistic forehead. His skin had taken on an unnatural, almost oily sheen, like he was made of something other than flesh and blood.
The blue electricity didn't recede, remaining as massive arcs coiling and twisting around him. And his face...something savage lurked behind his eyes.
"What the?!" Pikkon breathed.
"I don't believe it..." Goku said, smiling.
Launch and Break grinned.
King Kai breathed out. "We're alive...for now..."
Kaioshin stared down at the mortal realms, almost unbelieving. "In all my millenia...I've only ever felt this kind of power once before..."
Kibito floated up next to him. "You mean Majin Buu?"
Kaioshin nodded. "Yes...this man...he may be the equal of that monster! Our prayers have been answered, Kibito!"
The servant scratched his head. "Who...who would you pray to...?"
"Oh." Kaioshin shrugged. "Poor choice of words, I suppose." Well...there is the Sleeping One, but...surely that's just a legend. I've watched this universe, practically run it, for thousands of years. There's nothing higher than the Kaioshin—if there was, I'd know about it. Surely.
"Sorry that took so long," Raditz said, finally breathing normally. "But I haven't been able to practice this one much." He flexed his arm, fixing his gaze on Janemba. "I call this one Super Saiyan Three."
Janemba hissed, lashing its tail. This new development was distressing. Its enemy had changed somehow, and it didn't like that. The golden man seemed more threatening now, but Janemba couldn't quite figure out what exactly it was about him. Never mind. It was having too much fun to worry about something like that, and there was so much left to destroy.
"Well...that's over," Pikkon said, relaxing. "At least I know the fight's in good hands." Though I can scarcely believe it. In this smaller, stronger form, Janemba would have made a mockery of us—the afterlife's greatest warriors—as we were. But now, Raditz is handling it on his own! What power... "Now, about this barrier." He tried another full-power blast, but it held. "Damn it, not even a scratch! Gah, I hate this wall!" He moaned. Crack. Pikkon looked around at the noise, wondering. There it was. A single, solitary crack in the barrier. What did I...oh, you've got to be kidding me. That's its weakness? He shook his head. I guess I've got to do what I've got to do. "I, uh...hate this wall..." he repeated, mumbling. A tiny chip opened up, nothing compared to the first crack he'd made in the wall. Looks like I have to say it with conviction... "If this is somebody's idea of a joke...hmph. All right." He glared at the barrier. "You piece of crap!" Crack. "What the hell kind of weakness is that, huh? Insults?" Crack. "Insults, eh? I'm insulted that I have to deal with this!" Crack.
"I can't hold this form for long," Raditz said, "so let's get on with it."
"Hrrr..." The air seemed to warp as Janemba rushed forwards, intent on destroying this person who seemed so intent on ruining its fun. It opened with a high spinning kick, and Raditz ducked back, hair flying out behind him as he dodged Janemba's attack. He pushed off the ground with one hand, a deceptively gentle-looking motion that propelled him up with incredible force. His feet swung at the creature's head, but it caught him by both ankles, stopping the blow. He continued the movement, swinging himself up and releasing a close-range two-handed blast at its head, forcing it to let go and jump out of the way. He followed up, pressing the advantage and ramming home an elbow strike to its neck. It growled in irritation, swinging its tail at him. He nimbly jumped onto the swiping limb, bouncing off of it and kicking Janemba in the stomach, driving it back again.
Janemba snarled, trying a jump kick. Raditz dodged around it, firing another quick energy blast from one hand. Janemba hurriedly raised its hands to intercept the attack, forming a small portal in front of its face, which swallowed up the blast.
Turles spat blood, feeling his newly-gained Super Saiyan powers leaving him. He defeated me...that quickly? "This isn't the end, do you hear—" A kick to the head silenced him.
Gohan frowned. "You didn't deserve that kind of power. I hope—" He cocked his head sideways, sensing something strange. "What's..." Shifting again. But...again, it's strange. They opened a pathway, but didn't go through at all. They let something else through! I didn't think that was possible...
Raditz relaxed, calming his mind. It's going to emerge somewhere near me...probably...behind— At the realisation, he leapt into the air, feeling his own blast pass right under him, the heat singing his shoes. He landed several feet away to avoid the explosion, turning his attention back to Janemba. "You've got some weird abilities, my friend. It's no wonder you're doing all this to reality. I have to wonder if you're even conscious of it, though..."
Janemba was not happy at its continued failure to eliminate this annoyance. "GRRRAAAAHH!" It charged Raditz, swiping with one clawed hand, but he somersaulted over its head, landing behind it and punching it in the small of the back. As it stumbled, he charged up energy in one hand, splitting it into dozens of fragments as he threw it. "Blitz Cannon!"
Janemba hissed, sent tumbling to the ground by the attack. Raditz leapt into the air, then swooped back down, one fist extended, to drive it down further into the rock.
Janemba, however, wasn't there by the time he arrived. Its image faded, scattering into a thousand tiny blocks of colour, which then scattered and disappeared.
Ah, now that's Shifting as I know it, Gohan thought. But all these other techniques are interesting...who's doing all this? They must be a master! And they're near where Raditz was putting out that massive power...friend or foe, I wonder?
Janemba soon Shifted back into reality behind Raditz, a pulsing green energy ball in one hand. However, it swung at thin air, as Raditz vanished with a tiny whistling noise. He, in turn, appeared directly behind Janemba, smiling. "Instant Transmission. You like it? You're not the only one who can get around, you know."
Janemba growled, Shifting away several hundred metres, but Raditz appeared directly in front of it via Instant Transmission the very next second, maintaining his cocky smile. This process repeated for a while, a peculiar game of cat-and-mouse, with Janemba unable to find somewhere Raditz couldn't follow, and so couldn't get a more advantageous position to launch an attack from. Finally, it stopped trying to run. As predicted, he appeared inches away, expecting it to flee again. However, instead it leaned forwards, opening its mouth and firing a green mouth-blast with a mighty bellow. "RRRAAAAGH!"
Raditz skidded back across Hell's dusty ground, wincing with pain as he felt the stinging burn of the unexpectedly sudden energy attack. When it had ended, he sighed, opening his eyes and seeing Janemba Shift into view, closing the distance. "So. You finally landed a good hit on me, eh?"
"Heh heh..." Janemba bent down and picked a small object up from the ground—Raditz recognised it as one of the small clubs the ogres who guarded Hell sometimes carried. In Janemba's hand, it instantly sprouted into an ornate red-bladed longsword.
"Oh, a swordsman? Aren't you just full of surprises." Raditz unslung the Z-Sword from his back, effortlessly raising the tremendous weight one-handed and pointing the tip at Janemba. "So far I've matched you trick for trick. Stronger transformation...teleporting around...let's see what happens when we cross swords."
"Eh-heh..." Janemba made a sideways swing, which Raditz parried with some effort. The impact of Janemba's sword sent out a shockwave that shook his arm, but he held firm. Jumping back, he broke off, dodging out of the way of Janemba's second swing. However, a razor-sharp slice of energised air rushed past him, grazing his shoulder, created by Janemba's attack. Right...it can make shockwaves just by swinging its sword around...I'll have to learn how to do that someday.
It chased after him, trying to stay on the offensive. He counterattacked, and they sped around the wide plains, swords clashing in a high-speed blur. Finally, he knocked it off-balance, sending it staggering away sword arm first. He followed up with a concentrated, explosive energy blast, but Janemba simply strode unharmed out of the flames. I'm starting to realise, he thought to himself, just how tough this thing is. On one hand, I'm consistently besting it in terms of speed and hand-to-hand skill...but I don't think I'm doing any permanant damage, whereas it's chipping away at my stamina—I can't maintain Super Saiyan 3 for more than a couple of minutes. It's extremely resilient...maybe I can cut it open if I can get one good hit in with the Z-Sword, though...!
He dug his feet into the ground, watching Janemba's approach, then launched himself full-force. Both swung their swords. There was a metallic clang. Both skidded to a halt, facing away from each other, waiting.
All of a sudden, the Z-Sword fell in half, cut cleanly in two. Raditz stared at the remaining half in his hand. "Wh...wha..." I thought this thing was pretty much unbreakable! Nothing I've cut with it has ever put so much as a scratch on it! He turned, hearing Janemba run at him, and hurled the hilt and half-blade at it. However, its abdomen Shifted out of existence for a brief moment, allowing the sword to pass harmlessly through it, before reforming. "Well, here goes!" Raditz darted to the side as another sword-wave sliced by him, then leapt in, aiming a punch at Janemba's face. However, down came the red sword again, before he could connect. He threw both hands up in a desperate defence, clapping them on each side of the blade and halting it, inches from his face.
The two struggled for a minute, pushing back and forth, the sword trembling in their grip. Eventually, it simply crumbled, colours fading to grey, collapsing into dust. "Heh." Raditz grinned. "I guess your power doesn't last forever—and neither will you. Every force has a reaction." He clenched his fists, power surging around him. "Your own negative energy will be your undoing! Hyaaa!" He ducked under a swing from Janemba, bringing up his fist towards its chin. However, something suddenly lurched in his stomach. His head began to pound.
"No, not now!" He moaned as he collapsed, returning to his normal form. "That's the weakness of Super Saiyan 3...it uses up so much energy it's impossible to sustain it for long..." He backed away slowly, noting that Janemba was still eyeing him with curiosity, wondering what this change meant. "...but how am I supposed to beat this monster without it?"
Janemba had just about got the situation figured out. It laughed out loud at its good fortune, grabbing hold of Raditz's hair. He tried to throw another punch, but with a jolt of movement its arm began to elongate, stretching out to the horizon and carrying him with it. Janemba flicked its shoulder, sending a ripple down its elongated arm, the movement reaching its whip-like conclusion at the exact moment it let go of him, letting him fly back, barely conscious, into a cooling blood pond.
This isn't good... Pikkon hovered, uncertain. He's lost almost all of his power. I should go help him, but... He glanced back at King Yemma's palace, still encased in its strange prison. The barrier was significantly cracked, but it would probably take ten minutes or so of sustained shouting and cursing to break through it. "Can't leave it here...I have to free Yemma, so he can start to restore order...but Janemba has to be stopped, and Raditz can't do it alone anymore..." He gritted his teeth. "What do I—"
"I believe I can be of assistance," said an imperious voice. A strange-looking creature floated down towards Pikkon, hovering next to him.
"What manner of being are you?" Pikkon asked. Whoever he is, he's hiding a lot of power. How much, I wonder...? I've never seen him before, but he seems...familiar, somehow...
"That matters little. The object is the salvation of the universe, correct? The prevention of the destruction of all reality?"
"That's what it looks like. The creature that's causing it, Janemba, has to be taken out before we can restore order, but every second that goes by before we free King Yemma plunges the universe further into chaos..."
"Very well. I've observed your efforts...this barrier's weakness is insults, it seems. How curious..." The newcomer flew over to the wall. "Stand clear."
Pikkon chuckled. "I wouldn't bother. It took me several minutes just to get it this damaged, it's hardly—"
The creature leaned over towards the wall, cupping both hands around his mouth, and began to whisper. It lasted twenty seconds, and Pikkon heard nothing, strain his ears though he might. Finally, the creature straightened up, stepped back, and nodded. "There. Now we can get on with our real business."
The barrier shattered into a million pieces.
"Wha...what did you say?" Pikkon gasped. "There's an insult that devastating?"
"But of course," he replied. "It wasn't hard for a mind like mine, to find...the perfect solution."
Alternate final line of dialogue: "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste..."
Q: Really, I hope you don't intend on bringing Nappa back proper, but leaving Vegeta to rot in Hell. Also, why cut Raditz's hair (yes I know a SSJ3 Raditz would look silly, but I wanted your reason)?
A: All right, let me get this out of the way. First, Nappa hasn't come back 'proper', he's going back to Hell when this is all over.
Second, and more importantly (and please don't kill me, let me explain): Vegeta will not appear in this Fusion Reborn arc. (Sort of. See two paragraphs down for what 'sort of' means.)
There are two reasons for this, one in-story reason and one 'dramatic' reason. First reason: He's not entirely evil, as shown in his dying speech. He was not pure evil, and therefore wasn't able to rank among the 'villains of history' and keep his body in Hell (and, on the flipside, wasn't a hero by any means). Second reason: His story is done. It reached a satisfying conclusion in my eyes. I think he went out in a very dramatic, fitting manner, and having him come back to continue to harangue the heroes would lessen the impact of his 'final words'.
As for 'sort of', I won't spoil it, but...just don't expect him to have as large a role as in Fusion Reborn.
Oh, and finally, as for the hair: He had it cut because it'd get in the way.
Q: Any chance Bardock shows up?
A: No, same reason, his story is done, it would cheapen his parting words to Raditz. The villains that are appearing, though? They just can't let go. They don't know when their story is done. And that is why they get their asses kicked.
Q: Oh come on! At least give us the hilarious mental image of Raditz's carpet dragging hair!
A: Well, it happened the first time he transformed...
Q: Excellent but will there be Fusion?
A: Maybe.
Q: Excellent chapter! The one plot hole I saw was when Janemba had Raditz in his grip, & Raditz used Instant Transmission to escape. If he was *touching* Janemba, that wouldn't have worked, as he'd be bringing Janemba with him. I'm not sure how that could even work...maybe he could use IT, & transport himself & Janemba's hand to punch Janemba in the face with his own fist? I dunno.
A: Er...hmm. Well, I done goofed. Nice catch.
Q: Lastly, how is Turles matching a SSJ2 in power?
A: He's spent decades eating the Tree of Might's fruit. In the movie, just one fruit was more than a 10x boost to his power...
Q: As long as Super 17 destroys Star Wars: The Holiday Special, then everything is good.
A: He barely needs to. Even according to the people who made it, it never happened.
Q: I hate how Turles achieved SSJ. i wouldn't even consider him a true Saiyan. I know that the whole point is to show how Turles cheated his way to power but he has too much power. It would've been fine with the Might fruit alone but SSJ took it too far. Seriously, a FPSSJ Turles could rival a SSJ2.
A: Well...Gohan didn't like it either? Is that any consolation?
Q: In chapter 43, right before Raditz finishes Bardock, did anyone AT ALL notice the similarity between Raditz's 'wish' and Goku's at the end of DBZ?
A: That was so long ago I can't even tell you if it was intentional or not. Probably was a deliberate call-back to it, but it might not have been.
Q: 17's pissed. Oh so very pissed. it seems that Broly is struggling, even with the constant power increase of LSSJ, then again, he is probably only about as strong as SS2, maybe a bit weaker so he can't really hurt those damn Super Androids.
A: Yup. And yes, he's weaker.
Q: So, quick question; where would you put these two Super Androids in terms of strength? On par with Hatchiyak (Gamma Protocol)? Or maybe closer to LSSJ Myuu-Broly?
A: The latter. Once he learned to control his power and really started kicking ass, that is.
Q: Okay...I'm really not into this whole Break/Broly relationship hints. He's old enough to be her father, even with those who "frozen in stasis" thing...this is the equivalent of pairing Goten up with Bulma...
A: Seriously, people, it's no more creepy than, say, Captain America getting into a relationship with a modern woman. He's not physically or mentally old, only technically. Broly is 30-ish. Break's in her twenties.
Q: So is the design for Super 18 the same as the one if searched on google? And super 17 is like GT except no energy nodes?
Also will there be art for raditz's new look?
A: Yes, yes, and hopefully.
Q: Overall im liking the story and im gonna continue to read on but I have to say its seeming awfully fast paced right now hopefully the righting is stretched out some with more Dialouge etc in future chapters. [chapter 11 review]
A: Yeah, eventually. Though by the time you read this, you'll know that.
Q: Woah! The end really keeps me excited! Continue the awesomeness, please! What will you do for the kids Goten and Trunks?
A: Things. More for Goten and Break than Trunks, though.
Q: First he was in the original script, then he was in break through the limit kai, and now he's in the main story, it's SUPER 17 OUT OF F***ING NOWHERE.
A: Heh heh, yeah. Could it all be part of Kai S17's plan?!
Okay, probably not.
Q: Honestly, I got tired of the whole "Gero's lab creating new androids" during the whole Super 13 mishap.
A: Don't worry, this is the last time.
Q: I can already see the ending, - LSSJ2. God, I hope i'm wrong.
A: You're wrong.
Break Through the Limit Kai Part i: The Z-Fighters' Guide to the Galaxy
Warning: Kinda Doctor Who spoilers? I guess? A little bit?
(Int. USS Enterprise. No day or night in space.)
Kirk: Great idea, Scotty! Blowing those warp cores really saved us back there!
Spock: Indeed. And now the wormhole will close, preventing any more travel from here to Nero's future.
Chekov: Keptain! Something is comink through the wormhole!
Kirk: A ship?
Chekov: No, it's man-sized! It's movink straight at us, and fast!
Super 17: Greetings. I come in peace. But you will leave...in pieces! Eh?
(He's in space. They can't hear him.)
17: Oh. Right. Well, anyway. (Raises arm, charging energy) Phasers locked, Captain.
(Ext. Site of Mecha-Frieza and King Cold's landing. Day.)
Break: Ow, my head. Doctor, you okay?
Doctor: Blagh. (Regenerates into John Hurt) All right, let's go!
Break: Um...what did you just...
Doctor: Never mind that, just follow me!
Break: Where are we going? 17 took your time machine?
Doctor: We're getting on Frieza's ship, and heading out into space.
Break: How will that help us time travel.
Doctor: Don't worry, I know a guy who knows a guy.
(Int. Restaurant at the End of the Universe. End of the Universe.)
(DeLorean materialises)
Waiter: Greetings, would you care for anything to drink?
(Arnie, Goku and Marty sit down.)
Arnie: Just some plutonium for our vehicle. Now. We need to find some kind of doctor.
Break, appearing: I think I can help.
Goku: Who are you?
Break: Right, canon Goku, doesn't know me. Er, I'm your niece from an alternate universe.
Goku: Oh, cool.
Break: I just left the past in your universe, where a Time Lord I just met gave me a vortex manipulator, so I could track you guys down. Took a few jumps, but I found you.
Marty: What's the problem?
Break: Okay, you know the androids?
Goku: Yeah?
Break: Even worse 'Super' version. He's hopping around fictional universes, destroying everything. (Neglects to explain the whole canon-fanfic/fiction-reality divides, to avoid Goku's head exploding.)
Arnie: And where is this Time Lord now?
Very old Doctor Who: Hello.
Break: Oh, hi...wait. Doctor?
Doctor: Yuh-huh. Hold on, I think I'm having a heart attack. Here comes my 500th regeneration. I've been hanging around here, waiting for the end of the Universe. Took its bloody time.
Marty: Thought you only got 13 of those or something.
Doctor: Nah, I visited the BBC and rewrote my backstory. They do it all the time, so nobody noticed. Oh hey, there it goes.
(Regenerates into a young Sean Connery)
Doctor: Excshellent. Oh, forgot to mentshion: Sheventeen will probably eventshually think of looking for you here. And alsho you should probably charge that thing.
Break: What, the vortex manipulator...?
(Out of battery)
Break: Well, crap.
17: Hello again. You have a nice car, but an even nicer parking space. So I parked my TARDIS—
Doctor: —My TARDISH, that is—
17: —on top of it, hope you don't mind.
Doctor: Actshually, I—
17: Whatever. (Shoots him again.)
Doctor: Ow, my toupée!
Arnie: We need a time machine, NAO!
(A couple of weird-looking guys pop up.)
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Follow me!
Ford Prefect: By which he means, follow me. He'll just sort of drunkenly stumble in our general direction.
(They escape into the starship Heart of Gold, activate the Improbability Drive, and make it back to past via the universe's left elbow.)
Break: Doctor, are you all right?
Doctor: Give me a minute. (Regenerates into Roger Moore) I'm merely shaken.
Break: But not stirred?
Doctor: Precisely.
Arnie: You missed out George Lazenby.
Doctor: Good for you.
Marty: So why did you help us, anyway?
Zaphod: Eh, you seemed like some pretty froody guys. Plus, there's an evil robot chasing you.
Ford: I don't know, I doubt any of them even has a towel.
Zaphod: True, that does count against them a little.
Goku: ...I can blow up a planet.
Zaphod: See? Like I said, froody!
(Marvin the paranoid android enters the room, having finished moping around the ship)
Marvin: Oh, good. More people. I love people. Do you know, today I—
Arnie (shoots Marvin): Okay, okay, enough already.
Ford: Thank you. Now we don't have to listen to him anymore.
Doctor: Excellent, you're now in our debt.
Ford: Now hold on, nobody said anything about—
Doctor: Yes, yes, minor details. Now, what are we doing?
Break: If I've got this right...we have to restore the cast of DBZ to life, find an antidote for the heart virus, stop 17, possibly take advantage of the weakened fourth wall to punch the author for coming up with this convoluted mess...(deep breath)...find out what 17 did to stop Trunks from arriving to kill Frieza and undo it, try and fix any other kind of damage caused, and get Marty's parents together. That sum it up?
Zaphod: We should also stop the people of Krikkit from laying waste to the known universe.
Goku: Give me a second. (Instant Transmission happens) Okay, that's done. Now, heart medicine.
Ford: Here, we have a liquids manufacturing...thing. Here you go.
Goku: This is something unidentifiable, and not entirely unlike tea. You sure it's heart—
Ford: Yes, yes, minor details.
Doctor: Did you just—
Ford: Quite possibly.
(Cable appears)
Zaphod: Uh...
Cable: Who the hell are you people? Man, this is the last time I time travel commercial!