PokéMans!

by Traban16

The boys are at it again in South Park, but this time in a BIG WAY! Now they have to figure out just how to approach the daunting task of having ACTUAL Pokémon in their grasp. That is, if SOMEONE doesn't screw things up even further. Yeah, we're looking at you, Cartman. POKEMON & SOUTH PARK!

5. Wanna See These Balls?

Chapter 5: Wanna See These Balls?

---

Jimbo's ranch was a wide and vast portion of land with only a few structures here and there. The grass was lust and green since Stan and his Pokémon had worked hard to tidy up the place as Jimbo was being nice enough to allow them the use of his land. Cartman didn't see the point since Jimbo never came near his ranch on most days anyway.

What with his being a drunken hunting redneck all the damn time.

In fact, they had not seen hide or hair of Jimbo or his not-so-secret butt-buddy Ned since after Stan had spoken to the man in person those four full days ago. If the man ever did show up, probably liquored up and ignorant as could be, he'd be amazed to see just how much of a pussy his nephew was toward nurturing the ranch and making the place better than it ever was under Jimbo's own negligent care.

Still looks like a piece of shit though, Cartman thought with a snide smile and his arms crossed. On the land sat worn rustic barn and barn-house. The paint was peeling on both, the floors creaked inside the house, and neither had seen a fresher day than when they were built, mostly likely by Jimbo's own half-inebriated hands and the sweat of at least three red-necks promised beer at the end.

The utility shed was in tattered condition, but Stan had to make use of some of the tools in order to fix the fields for their Pokémon to move around safely. Inside were cobwebs and dust galore. Not to mention the spiders and lizards who made it their domain over the years. After getting out the rake and a few other garden tools, Stan had worked the fields like a dirty Mexican right before the eyes of one Eric Theodore Cartman.

Next was Stan's cleaning of the chicken coop. That consisted mostly of him cleaning the dead chickens from the coop as they were trapped inside without food or water for what Kyle and Kenny estimated to be years. Kenny was nice— and brave— enough to help Stan, but Cartman was taking no part in that shit. Kyle opted out as well because dead things made him vomit. Vomit as in how Stan would puke when the raven-haired wuss first started getting the hots for that hippie bitch Wendy Testaburger.

Butters was traumatized badly when he tried to help. What could they say? Butters simply had never seen so many dead animal corpses and decaying bones in one sitting. It scarred the little fluff ball for life. All four of the other boys felt badly for him as he ran out all shaky and tearful.

After the coop was cleaned and not reeking of KFC gone horribly wrong, Stan had directed his efforts to the well on Jimbo's property. Jimbo obviously never made much use the well other than as a trash bin whenever he and his drinking buddies wanted to pretend as though they were rich enough and majestic enough be a part of a British fox hunt. Cartman had grown bored watching Stan work like a Hebrew slave and so did Kenny. Kyle and Butters were fags, so they had stuck around, but when the three had returned to Cartman and Kenny, who had been talking in the shade of the rundown barn house, Stan had three garbage bags filled with beer bottles, beer cans, waterlogged porn magazines, and used condoms. Kenny and Cartman refused to touch any of their three friends, but Kyle was adamant on the theory they hadn't actually touched any of that stuff with their hands.

Pure speculation and bullshit, Kenny assured them, causing Kyle to smack him upside the head.

Cartman himself had scoffed in thought. How else did they clean out an underground well that ran at least thirty yards below the grassy farm estate? Stan, Butters, and Kyle were too goodie-goodie for them to have used their previous Pokémon for slave labor. He scoffed again. Not like Stan would have even allowed Kyle to have one of his psychic Pokémon use their telekinetic powers to fish out the trash. He'd probably bitch— with all that sand in his already crabby vagina— that it was akin to animal cruelty to make Pokémon do any work and how wrong it all would be. Blah, blah, blah. Cartman wasn't even sure if Pokémon powers worked that way in any world since those dumb hippies on the shows never seemed to catch onto the idea. There was no way an entire world of people went through life alongside Pokémon without at least one of them being too lazy to do something and then having their Pokémon do it. No freaking way!

But here he was digressing from the major point. All that work was spread over the course of the first and second day. The third day they spent on Jimbo's ranch training their Pokémon to be the best. Now here they were bored as shit, looking at their watches and flicking bits of woods around while waiting for that puckered asshole Token to show up.

"God-DAMMIT! Where is he?" Cartman was getting aggravated now. "That bitch! He should have chased us down the street, begging for Pokémon! Now he's fucking around with our important time."

"Calm down, Cartman." leave it to Stan to be the calmest butt-munch amongst all the hippies, "Dude, he'll show. He probably just had to let his parents know where he'd be. They weren't at his house when we were there."

"Ah snap, that's right," Kenny looked up from where he was migrating ants with a splinter of wood, "Token's parents are out of town for the next two weeks. He probably had chores to do."

"Heh, that's funny," Cartman chuckled darkly, "Rich kid with chores. Can you guys imagine?"

"Yeah, dude." Kyle said, then cleared his throat before continuing in a higher pitch, "Token, sweetie, be sure to hire a proper maid to clean the antique room. You know how your father loves his really gay collection of really old, even gayer commemorative plates."

They all shared a laugh at Token's expense since he was making them wait.

"No, no, Token! Hire the Mexican woman! Yes, Miss Consuela will get the job done! What, what!" Butter joined them, and they all fell out since it was Butters who was now ripping on Token.

"Don't go to the mall, Token sport! Just skip the fuss and buy the mall! Then you can have all the designer jeans you want to look like a carrot-munching half-suffocated douchebag!" Kenny spoke up, apparently taking on the voice of Mister Black, Token's father.

"And stay away from that whore Testaburger girl, Wendy!" Stan joined in, and for a moment the others lost their smiles and good cheer. Wendy was always a sore subject for Stan. The two were cool enough, but whenever you spoke the outspoken girl's name in Stan's presence, you'd never be sure if Stan would be okay with it or if he'd knock your teeth out. Cartman found that most of Stan's reactions to Wendy were either his being cool with talking about her like a normal person, or being incredibly bitchy that the girl even exists. "She'll end up giving you AIDS!"

Cartman laughed his ass off while the others were stunned into silence.

"Dude!" Kyle was concerned for his best friend, moving close to see if Stan was okay.

"What? It was a joke!" Stan said in his own defense. "Wendy doesn't actually have AIDS. If she did, I thing she would have said something about it by now."

"We just thought you were being a vicious little prick." Kenny piped in, to which Stan looked confused.

"No, me and Wendy are cool." everyone, even Cartman was giving him the disbelieving blank stare. Hell, even Butters! "I know I get a little pissed off sometimes about her, but that's only when I remember what an incredible crazy bitch she can be. Then I think, was she always like that? Is the girl I thought I was in love with, the sweet and smart Wendy, all just an act? Am I the one who's crazy?"

"…Dude!" Kyle and the others were stunned into silence by Stan's honest omission. Honestly, sometimes Kyle felt his friend was just too much of a little pussy-fag-bitch about his feelings and shit. "Umm, look, Stan. It's okay. Wendy… Wendy was, like, a bitch. A major bitch. We all know that."

"Yeah! Fuck Wendy and her hot tits!" Kenny proclaimed, pumping a fist into the air.

"And you are not crazy." Kyle made sure Stan and he were in direct eye contact with one another. "Sometimes I feel that way, too, Stan. I find myself studying with her, and then I start thinking about where the evil two-timing part of her that kept cheating on guys goes to sleep inside her. It's okay though. Girls are just a fucking conundrum, dude."

"Bitches do be confusing at times," Kenny nodded to his own sagely wisdom.

"That's why I don't go for any bitch. If bitches act bi-polar around me, I say: Hey, bitch! Why don't you get off your period and make me a goddamn sandwich already! And if she gives me lip, I smack her around a bit." Cartman puffed out his chest to let his awesome woman-taming skills be known.

Stan hopped up off the porch of the old and worn barn house. His uncle Jimbo had left it barren and empty, but there could be worse things than spiders and lizards in the house, unlike the tool shed. Thirteen years the house was vacant, only in use once when Jimbo needed a place to crash outside the small town of South Park with Ned by his side. He knew his uncle was a total faggot and Ned was his little deformed butt-buddy, but honestly, Stan didn't give a shit. All he cared about was his friends and his life. To hell with what others decided to do with their own fucked up lives.

Except Kyle. Kyle needed his express verbal and written permission to have a fucked up life that did not include one Stanley Randall Marsh in its intimacy.

"You know what? Screw Wendy and waiting for Token!" Stan tightened his fist in front of him, a new energy bubbling up inside of him that needed immediate release. "Let's get some training in. If Token shows up, then he can watch and learn from the pros. And let's shake things up, too! No more of this training individually bullshit! Let's train together! All of us!"

"NOPE!" Kenny had jumped up too now, putting a hand in Stan's face like some pissed off valley cheerleader girl.

"What? Why the hell not?" Kyle asked. He wanted to train as a team. If they were going to be the Elite Four and Champion, then they needed more coordination and teamwork under their belts. They'd need to work out positions and ranking within their group, as well as their battling styles and training techniques.

"Cartman and Stan can't train together that closely. They both only have so many Pokémon. They'll know all of the other's moves and team, and then the battle they'll have Saturday won't be interesting at all." Kenny explained, pouting cutely and crossing his arms while stomping a foot. Stan blinked stupidly at the really gay stance Kenny took.

"Oh yeah…" Stan murmured, secretly having forgotten about the battle ever since he started to throw himself into working on the ranch with his Pokémon and training alongside them.

"Besides, we all know Cartman can't be trusted before any type of competition." Kenny and the others looked back at Cartman, who was busying himself with checking his fingernails. He looked up at them, sneering.

"What? We all know it's true, so don't make a big deal out of it. Geez…" Cartman was so calm in basically admitting to being a no-good cheating and corrupt asshole, Kyle and the others had to blink and pinch themselves secretly just so they were sure this was really the Eric Theodore Cartman they all knew and hated. Well, all except Butters.

Butters apparently couldn't grow enough balls to hate anyone.

"Then I'll train with Stan. Kenny, you go off and train with Cartman." Kyle suggested, waving a dismissive hand toward the blond.

"Aww, weak shitty sauce, Kyle man! How come I always get shuffled off with fat-ass?" Kenny pouted and stomped his foot while crossing his arms. Again it was extremely gay.

"Because, twink boy, if I went with Cartman, I would end up killing him and burying the body somewhere around here. You, however, have a much greater tolerate for his bullshit bigotry than I care to muster. And even if you can't muster up enough patience, you still won't kill him. You'll just beat the crap out of him." Kyle was quite blunt in his response to Kenny's childish little tantrum.

"Okay… but if you two fags go off to fuck somewhere without me, I'll kick your sexy little tight asses right into my bedroom!" Kenny winked at them, making Kyle's face flush with color as Stan simply smiled while he ignored Kenny's joke.

"Alright, me and Kyle will be over by the well that way. You guys can use the space by the barn over there." Stan pointed over past the house where the barn sat a walk away. Past the chicken coop and shed was the well.

---

Reaching the well, Stan turned around as Kyle stood some length away from him. If two of their Pokémon were going to train, it would take some major space.

"Let's try a battle first. I need to get in some practice before I kick Cartman's ass." Stan said, reaching into his pocket and taking out a Pokéball.

"Sure, dude. Just don't bitch when I win." Kyle smirked and Stan returned the gesture as they prepared for battle.

"I hope you're ready for this, dude." Stan called out to his best friend, "I'm not going to hold back against you. I'm going to go all out, so prepare to taste my power!"

Kyle chuckled before making his retort, "Ugh, sick, dude! I don't wanna taste any of your 'power'. You filthy bastard."

"Not like that, turd burglar!" Stan made the Pokéball in his hand double in size with the press of a button.

"Go, Metagross!" Kyle released his most trusted Psychic-type. The Iron Leg Pokémon was ready to battle and bring about victory for its master.

"Kick ass, Poliwrath!" Stan threw his Pokéball out, releasing his Tadpole Pokémon. The bulky Water-type flexed its biceps several times while staring down Metagross.

"Dammit, stop showing off and just use Surf already!" Stan commanded.

"Poli-Wrath!" Poliwrath stomped it foot to the ground, and water rose up from nowhere. It rode the sudden wave. The water splashed harmlessly over Metagross, who barely seemed phased by the feeble wave.

"The fuck was that?" Kyle didn't care about how feeble the wave of water was, but the mere fact that Poliwrath had crafted water out of nowhere was amazing.

"He probably just summoned groundwater or something, let's just keep going." Stan shouted back over to his best friend, "Poliwrath, use Brick Break!"

"Metagross use Psychic to hold Poliwrath and then hit it with Meteor Mash!" Kyle countered while his Pokémon nodded.

Poliwrath had turned to the giant metal monster, and with a glowing gloved hand, tried to deliver a karate chop at the Iron Leg beast. Metagross glowed an intense blue aura of immense psychic power. It forcibly held the shocked Poliwrath in place before flying like a jet at the immobile Tadpole Pokémon.

"Oh, shit! Use Bubblebeam!" Stan scrambled for a response. Poliwrath narrowed its gaze at the metal Pokémon before blowing out a stream of dense bubbles. Metagross was more disturbed by this attack, breaking focus on its telekinetic hold and dropping Poliwrath just in time to avoid the meteoric metallic fist.

"What the—! Dude, screw this! Metagross, use your Meteor Mash again!" Kyle ordered.

"Poliwrath, use Mind Reader followed by Ice Beam!"

A twinkle filled Poliwrath's eyes as it watched Metagross. Kyle smirked as he watched his Pokémon sail closer and closer to Stan's tadpole fighter. The meteoric fist flew straight at Poliwrath's body, but at the last second Poliwrath dodged to the side. Kyle's jaw dropped as he saw Poliwrath charge a frosty beam of energy. Metagross grunted when it was hit in the side with the artic beam of pressurized ice.

"It's super-effective!" Stan was living it up while Kyle was grabbing and twisting at his hat in frustration. "Poliwrath, Mind Reader again! Then use Brick Break!"

"GODDAMNIT! Metagross, use Psychic!"

Again a twinkle of light entered Poliwrath's eyes. Kyle wasn't exactly sure what Mind Reader was doing for Poliwrath, but when the buff creature dug its fingers into the ground to keep from being thrown, he was sure it was something that needed to be stopped less the battle turn even worse. Whatever the move, it helped the Tadpole Pokémon evade all of Metagross's most powerful attacks. As soon as the blue glow faded, Poliwrath was up and racing over to Metagross. With a white glowing glove, Poliwrath delivered a powerful karate chop to the top of Metagross's head. It was so strong that the floating iron fortress that was Metagross dropped to the ground like a stone. The earth beneath the metal behemoth buckled under its weight, creating a crater. Dust flew up in every direction from its impact.

"Now kill it with Earthquake!" Stan ordered with a pointed finger.

"WH-WH-WHAT?" Kyle sputtered in shock while tearing at his fiery red locks of hair.

Poliwrath back-flipped from Metagross several times, and then stopped.

"Poli…WRATH!" the Tadpole Pokémon stomped its foot again, but this time with much greater force than before. The ground around them began to shake so violently that Kyle was thrown from his feet and on to the ground. So was Stan.

The one catching the worst of the tremor was Metagross, who seemed to have rocks and chunks of earth battering its metallic body far more so than was comfortable. Kyle, while on his hands and knees riding out the quake, could tell that despite the iron ore casing Metagross used for a body, it was being hurt like any other living creature. Sort of like if you bashed a computer with a brick a few times. Eventually both would end up the same.

Broken.

"Meh…tah…" the tremors stopped when Metagross was finally down for the count, but Poliwrath didn't seem much better off as it was breathing rather heavily. Its swirl patterns contracted and expanded while sweat dotted its dark blue body.

"HOLY SHIT, DUDE!" Kyle was sure he had the match in the bag when he chose to keep Metagross on the field in response to Stan's Water and Fighting-type. He would have never guessed Stan could use such a weird, yet amazing combination of moves to beat him.

While recalling his fallen Metagross, giving the Pokémon words of thanks for its efforts like they did in the show, Kyle looked over to see Stan acting like a five year-old on Christmas. The nature lover was cheering and celebrating with his Pokémon by giving it hugs and many thanks for battling so hard. Poliwrath seemed a completely different Pokémon than when it was battling. In battle the creature was so arrogant and focused, but now the overgrown tadpole looked so sweet and gentle in Stan's hugging arms. Kyle smiled, knowing that Stan's love for animals of all shapes and sizes was one of the many reasons he respected and admired his best friend. It was also why more than half the girls and gay kids in their school had a crush on Stan, because they all liked a guy who showed even that psycho-bitch Wendy so much love, respect and devotion, especially after all the incidences of her cheating on him. If such wonderful emotions could be given to someone so easily, then Kyle knew he'd never do anything to break Stan's heart or his trust.

"Kyle, you were awesome!" Stan congratulated, even though Kyle was still just a little pissed that he had lost so quickly and easily. "I thought for sure you were gonna win. Mind Reader is different in the games than in real life, but when you had Metagross use Psychic, I thought it was all over. Good thing my uncle Jimbo never took care of this place, huh? The grounds around here are as hard as brick, dude."

"Yeah, well, I'll kick your ass at Pokémon next time, Stan." Kyle promised, making Stan smile.

"Any time you're ready, dude." Stan retorted, slapping five with his best friend.

"Whoo-Hoo! Kicked his gargantuan ass!" Kyle and Stan shifted their gazes over to where Kenny, Cartman, and Butters were approaching. Kenny was cheering and whooping as Butters trailed him with a happy smile and Eevee in his arms. Cartman followed at a more begrudged pace, looking quite constipated with the results of his own training.

"It was a fluke, Keeneh!" the large boy shouted with his jowls flaring, "We all know that poor people can't be good at Pokémon."

"My Pokémon kicked your Pokémon's ass. Simple and straightforward." Kenny leveled Cartman with a flat look, but Eric only turned up his nose at the young McCormick's words.

"Whatever. Everyone knows that you're too poor to be a good Pokémon master." Cartman said again, his usual haughty tone back in full effect, "You're so poor, that your parents got married just so people could throw rice at them."

Kenny didn't appear at all offended. In fact, Kenny was quite causal when he shrugged. "Eh, probably right. I know they went to jail once just to have three square meals that day."

"Dude!" Stan had obviously never heard of this occurrence, but Kenny liked to believe in logic. The logic that it was none of Stan's goddamn business.

"Kenny did real good, he sure did! Gosh, you fellas should have seen it! Kenny had his Gengar dodging and jumping all around Eric's mean ol' Houndoom." Butters was still holding Eevee as though it were a puppy, but the first stage Evolution Pokémon did not seem to mind in the least bit. "It was shooting fire all over the place! Oh, but don't worry Stan! We put 'em all out."

Stan was about to comment and rave about Cartman burning down the ranch, but he noticed that Eevee was looking and wriggling toward something in Butters' grasp. Looking to the side, Stan saw Token walking over to them with a notepad and pencil. The darker teen appeared to be making notes of some kind while muttering to himself.

"It was a good battle. Well, at least for beginners." Token muttered loud enough for everyone to hear as he flipped the notepad closed. "Your battle was a bit better, Stan, Kyle. It had more variety in attacks and battle methods."

"How long have you been here?" Cartman was the first to ask while the others were still surprised, and a bit weary, that Token had been on the ranch long enough to see them training without any of them being the wiser.

"Just around when Stan was suggesting the training together. After that I just sorta hung back to see what you guys were doing. Once I saw that you were going to battle, I decided to watch." Token shrugged nonchalantly while putting away his notepad in his pocket.

"You could have said something, dude." Stan chastised, looking slightly put off that Token had been around all along.

"It would have been a distraction from your battle. Besides, if I had said anything, you guys wouldn't have battled. I wanted to see a Pokémon battle firsthand." Token smiled at Stan, trying to put the other at ease.

"Well next time ya might get to see me go against Stan." Butters spoke up with confidence, hugging Eevee to him, "Isn't that right, Eevee?"

"Eevee! Ee!" the little pocket monster cheered with a happy yipping of its name.

"Umm… Maybe not, Butters." Stan said gently, which made Butters look at him with dejected disappointment.

"You're really great with Pokémon, Butters, just not a good master of Pokémon." Kyle threw in, patting the blond's back.

"More to the point," Token broke in before anymore meaningless chatter could be exchanged, "seeing all of you with your Pokémon, it's got me super excited to get my own. So how do we go from here? I want to get acquainted and start battling."

"Hold your horses, Token." Kyle held up a hand as he stepped forward, "I don't think you should just go jumping into battles. First you need some time to bond with your Pokémon and see how effective their moves are. Sort of like checking their level. Well, if this were the games, I guess…"

Token nodded with determination, "Right. The sooner the better, then. I want all the time I can with my Pokémon!"

"We kept the other Pokéballs in the old barn house. Come on, and we'll get you all setup." Stan ushered Token to follow them. Butters smiled as he released Eevee to play about in the fields instead of being shut up inside the spooky house like they were about to be.

---

The inside the barn house was barren and dingy. Cobwebs and chewed wall holes littered the building nearly as much as the dust and decay did. The paint, if that was even paint, peeled from the walls and the wooden floorboards were broken or in the process of breaking from water damage.

Stan found it odd that his Uncle Jimbo didn't take better care of what could have obviously been a really great house. It and the whole ranch had character far exceeding that of the shack Jimbo and Ned chose to live within up in the wilderness of the mountains alongside the town. In fact, they're house and gun store was just a few blocks and a road away from the far edge of the very ranch Stan and his friends were occupying. For a man who could hunt a bear in the snow for three solid days, it was incredibly stupid for Jimbo to allow the ranch to fall into such decay while he lived so close to it. It wasn't as if the man and his not-so-secret boyfriend lived in Denver and had to make the drive. No, all they had to do was walk into town, past the mall, down the street past the movie theatre and then hop the little wooden pen fence into the ranch by the woods. Sure, from the fence to the barn house would be more than half a mile's walk itself, but it wasn't like Jimbo and Ned were that lazy and drunk.

…Right?

The Pokéballs were stashed away under the first floorboard under the termite wroth coffee table of old. True it didn't have termites in it anymore, which was why Kyle could enter the house instead of venomously refusing like with the chicken coop, but they still made sure to secure a long branch from the woods just outside the edge of the ranch in order to stash away their hidden goods. The floorboards were easily disturbed and little trouble to move with the thick branch that took the combined efforts of Stan, Kenny, and Eric to maneuver. It was an easier task hooking the branch onto the plastic J-mart bag they had stored all the balls into after their dealings in the snowfall of Kenny's backyard.

Token, however, did not look impressed with them. Not by the slightest.

"You guys create Pokémon… the most awesome fucking things since Nintendo made the Super Mario Brothers… and you put them in a shitty rundown pile of crap only loosely referred to as a house, under the rat-infested floorboards, and in a fucking plastic J-mart shopping bag?" Token sounded as if he were deeply contemplating their sanity while they were wondering what the big deal was.

"Yeah, Token," Cartman shrugged casually.

"Gosh, the bag keeps 'em dry and all together." Butters spoke up next as though it made perfect sense.

Kenny nodded before adding his own two cents, "And no one would think to look in this fucking shit pile."

"Don't worry, Token," Kyle said, clapping a hand on the darker boy's shoulder, "I had the same reaction when they did this dumb shit…"

"I don't see what the big deal is." Stan said, grabbing the bag when they pulled it back within range of his reach. They dropped the branch out on the lawn and sat on the veranda as they undid the knot they had tied the bag closed with.

"We probably should have marked these guys with stickers too," Stan muttered to himself as he tried hard to decipher which ball was which.

"Well, there are a bunch of them here. We could just release them all." Kenny suggested, but Kyle appeared to disapprove immediately.

"Kenny, what the hell are you thinking?! There are way too many for us to keep track of if we let them all out! Shit, dude, I think some of those things can fly!" Kyle gestured to the balls that Stan and Token were taking out of the bag carefully, using a small cloth to get the flakes of wood and dirt off them.

"Kyle is right. Letting them all out at once would be a pretty bad idea. We'll just have to go through them one by one." Stan turned to look at where Butters was standing around stupidly, looking out into the vast ranch in search of something. "Butters, do you still have those stickers?"

"Sure do, Stan!" Butters scrambled to look through his backpack and grab the thick packet of Pokémon stickers. One for each Pokémon, and already several stickers were missing as they had used them for their own Pokéballs.

"And you're sure no two are the same?" Kenny looked at Cartman sharply, to which Cartman nodded.

"I'm not like you assholes. I have more originality in my pinkie toe than you retards have in your whole bodies."

"Considering your pinkie toe is probably the size of all us combined, we wouldn't be surprised, lard-ass." Kyle said, grabbing a ball and shoving into Token's chest. "You wanted to do this, so let's get it over with. Pokéball number one is all yours to throw out."

"Ri-Right," Token gave a nod of understanding. His hand shook as he tapped the white button in the center of the red and white Pokéball. He had to take a deep breath to compose himself while he assumed a stance to throw his first ever Pokéball. This was a monumental moment. He could not screw the pooch on this one.

"Go!" with the shout he threw the ball as hard as he could into the air. It sailed high and fair, but at the apex of its ascent, the ball opened and poured forth a white light.

All their faces fell.

"Cartman, THE FUCK!?" Kenny exclaimed while throwing his hands into the air. Before them was the large and completely asleep Pokémon known to all first generation players as Snorlax. It lay on its back while its belly rose and fell rhythmically along with the sound of its light snoring.

Cartman glared around at all the unimpressed looks he was getting. Even Butters seemed slightly deflated by the appearance of the giant sleeping Pokémon. "Fuck you guys! Snorlax is SWEET!"

"Okay, okay." Token said, turning back to where Stan had taken out a few more Pokéballs. "Let's just move on to the next one. Snorlax can stay out, right?"

"Yeah, it won't be a problem." Kyle said, watching the large bear-like creature sleep soundly.

---

The Pokémon that followed were a little better. There was a rowdy Growlithe that licked Stan's face and almost peed, steaming hot, on Kyle's shoe. Luckily, Kyle saw the little beast and jumped back before it could. Growlithe was also allowed to stay out and about as it found the wide open space of the ranch the perfect environment to run and play. They were all a little worried when the puppy Pokémon tried to get Snorlax to wake up and play with him, a hell of a lot more worried when Snorlax nearly rolled over onto the little pooch.

The next Pokémon was only a little less trouble. It was a Blitzle. The small zebra-like Pokémon had a shy nature, and when Token showed interest in it by trying to pet it, it whinnied and ran off to hide behind Kenny's leg. This was immediately followed by the small pony proceeding to electrocute the dirt-poor blond in front of everyone. While not having killed Kenny, it did leave him a twitchy mess on the porch which Butters was made to watch over. Kyle took Butters' place as the one putting stickers on all the Pokéballs as the Pokémon inside were identified. Blitzle was returned back to its Pokéball to prevent anyone else from getting shocked by the little guy while Kenny muttered something about why he didn't like Electric-types.

Token was given the next ball to throw, and a Tangela sprang out from it. This Pokémon was very manageable, doing exactly what Token said and acting very friendly about it. Still though, this did not hold onto Token's interest very long, and he was handed the next Pokéball after recalling Tangela back. The next ball contained Scraggy, who head-butted Token right in the stomach before trying to stomp all over him. Cartman made short work of that one by kicking the little hard-headed Dark/Fighting-type as though it were a football. Stan took up Scraggy's Pokéball and called it back to the device. A moment later, when Token recovered from having the wind knocked out of him, all the boys were glaring at Cartman, who snubbed them because all his picks were premium, even if they weren't all perfectly behaved.

"What's next?" Token asked, rubbing his stomach as it felt like he had been hit with a slab of sheer concrete.

"This one maybe?" Kyle reached into the bag and grabbed the next ball randomly. Handing it over to Token, Kyle then put the Scraggy sticker on Scraggy's Pokéball while also resisting the urge to include a warning label.

"Cartman picked some of the lamest Pokémon ever." Token commented, feeling his earlier enthusiasm tempered by the litter of lame creatures. "Why didn't he have some of the really good ones? Swampert or Castform? Froslass, or Tauros? Porygon, or Tyrantrum? Some of those would have been really awesome."

"Well, Kenny has a Froslass if you wanna go talk to him…" Kyle glanced off to where his blond friend was still twitching every now and then while talking to Butters. Eevee was still out, playing around with the young Growlithe near the barn.

"Kenny has a Froslass?" Token was now wondering why he hadn't got to see that Pokémon, "How many Pokémon do you guys have?"

"Token, throw the damn ball already!" Cartman bitched at him.

"Well, I have five right now." Kyle said as Token threw out the Pokéball. A Butterfree emerged from it, but Kyle and Token didn't care much as Stan cursed loudly after it. Cartman and he ran around with a butterfly net Stan got from Jimbo's tool shed, attempting to catch the spirited Pokémon.

"What about the other guys?" Token asked, looking at Stan and Cartman chasing the Butterfree.

Kyle thought about Token's question for a moment. "To be honest, I don't really know about the others. I know Stan has at least three, but he carries around six balls. The three I know for sure he has are Tropius, Poliwrath, and Rapidash. I haven't seen what the other three are, or if he even has three more Pokémon at all."

"Okay, you could be right." Token sighed while holding up the Pokéball, returning Butterfree when it passed him, causing Stan and Cartman to fall flat on their faces as they had just been about to capture the butterfly in their net.

"Go, next guy!" Token toss up another Pokéball after handing Butterfree over to Kyle for labelling.

This time a very energetic Sudowoodo popped out, jogging around the open field. Growlithe and Eevee seemed to greatly enjoy its company, so Stan and the others let it play until a game of what appeared to be tag went wrong. Sudowoodo might have looked like a giant walking tree, but the boys quickly found out that its body was closer to that of a rock rather than plant when it tagged Growlithe and nearly knocked out the small puppy. Growlithe was recalled for some rest until it could recover from the injury, and Sudowoodo returned itself to the Pokéball after seeing how it had hurt the smaller Pokémon.

None of them knew what to say when Sudowoodo glumly walked up to Token and pressed the return button on the Pokéball in order to send itself back into the device. They were all quiet for a short time with the only sound being Eevee mewing softly at the fact that its two new friends were gone.

"Come on out." Token said, pitching the next Pokéball high into the air. From this one emerged a Marill, who was very docile as it allowed Eevee to play around its ball-shaped blue tail.

"Stan wouldn't have three empty Pokéballs," Token said, picking up his and Kyle's conversation when they went back to sit in the shade of the decaying house.

"Stan? Oh, that sandy butthole has six Pokémon for sure. I saw him make 'em!" Kenny informed them, all the while still slightly trembling from his earlier encounter with Blitzle.

"Cool," Token said, tossing out the next Pokémon. It was a Fletchling, and this time Cartman wasted no time with its high flying bullshit. Eric picked up a hunk of ground, and chunked it at the tiny robin. Before the bird could even really spread it wings, it was smashed upside the head by the dirt clod. Fletchling fell from the air like a stone, hitting the ground and twitching there for a second before Cartman swiped the Pokéball from Token's hand. He returned the tiny bird Pokémon to its ball, and then chucked it at Kyle for cataloguing.

"I have five Pokémon," Kenny said, taking out his Pokéballs from his parka's pockets.

"What are they?" Token asked immediately, excited once more for potentially awesome Pokémon.

"Yeah, and what are the rest of Stan's Pokémon? That asshole won't tell me, and it sucks ass." Kyle crossed his arms over his chest, thinking about how unfair Stan was being by not telling him everything he wanted to know.

"Hmm… Nope! I'm not gonna do it." Kenny had a really white smile for a kid who used bath soap for toothpaste. It wasn't as bright as Stan's or even Kyle's own smile, but there was hardly any plaque to his teeth at all. "I'm not gonna tell ya. Where would be the fun in that? It won't be half as exciting if I just went around blabbing everyone's information to anyone who would listen."

"So you know exactly how many Pokémon all of us have?" Kyle inquired with narrowed green eyes. Kenny always was a keen observer. Added to the fact that they barely paid any attention whenever he was around, Kenny probably knew all their moves and weaknesses, too.

"Yup! Sure do!" Kenny chirped while the next Pokémon that Token tossed out was an Arbok. The large snake hissed at Stan and Eric when they tried to corral it back toward Token, but it didn't want to go back, and so Stan was forced to send out Tropius to deal with it.

"Well golly gee, Kenny. Can you at least tell us the number of Pokémon everyone has?" Butters cut in, Eevee now wriggling in his arms with Marill at his feet. Butters reached into his backpack and procured a snack of beef jerky for Eevee while he give Marill some Goldfish crackers he had left over from his own earlier snack.

"I guess that will be alright…" Kenny relented a little, giving a cocky grin as he first pointed to Stan. "Okay, as you know, Stan has a full set of six Pokémon. You all know about at least three of them. The ones he's shown so far are Tropius, Poliwrath, and once his Rapidash when he was late getting to school yesterday."

"Alright…" Token had thought it was unusual that Stan's gloves had been burnt, but hadn't said anything just in case it was another strange South Park occurrence popping up.

"Next is Kyle here." Kenny jabbed a finger in Kyle's face, and Kyle was a good enough friend that he bit the digit hard. Kenny yelped in pain and hid behind Butters, muttering something about Kyle being a fucking animal. "Bastard…! Anyway, Kyle here has five Pokémon. We've seen at least two of them, his Metagross and his Bronzong. But I know the other three. Heh, heh." Again Kenny gave a cocky grin, but lost it when Kyle snapped his teeth at him.

"You have a Bronzong?" Token asked in suspense, probably having forgotten about the earlier introductions due to all the excitement today. He squealed like a fan-girl when Kyle nodded in confirmation, "Just like Lucian from the games!"

Stan commanded Tropius to use Razor Leaf against Arbok, but the snake was too slippery as it quickly dodged between the sharp leaves that flew at it. As soon as it was close enough to the large sauropod, Stan had Tropius smack it back with one of its leaf wings. That blow seemed to knock Arbok for a loop. The snake shook itself a few times, but Stan was far too quick and took the advantage as it was presented. His next move was to finish the scuffle in a hurry in case Token wanted Arbok. He ordered Tropius to deliver another Razor Leaf to the confounded Cobra Pokémon. The attack sent dust flying everywhere as it uprooted the ground around Arbok and struck the snake also in a barrage of razor-sharp tropical leaves.

"Thirdly, is moi," Kenny made a show of gesturing grandly toward himself. He gave a dramatic bow, hamming it up for a crowd that wasn't even there. "I have five Pokémon so far, and you've seen my Gengar. The one Token didn't get to see was my Drifblim that I used up at the lab."

"Can I see it now?" Token asked, but Kenny gave him the middle finger.

"No, now moving on." Kenny gestured to where Cartman was laughing at Stan, who was now shouting like crazy for the fat boy to do something, seeing as he and his Tropius were being wrapped and crushed by Arbok. Tropius, however, decided that playing fair was not working. It used its long neck to reach down and bite Arbok's body, causing the snake Pokémon to relax its grip for a moment, but that was all Stan needed to get pissed off and do something about. He instructed Tropius to use an Air Slash, which sent the large purple cobra flying back toward the chicken coops. Butters jumped to his feet and followed after Stan and Tropius as they gave chase to the fleeing Arbok, who now had a large cut on the of its long body, along with a distinctive bite mark.

"Cartman has five Pokémon, but I'm fairly certain he has more stashed away at his house somewhere." Kenny said and shrugged his shoulders, "But that doesn't matter, especially because almost none of his Pokémon actually listen to him."

"Will you at least tell us about Cartman's Pokémon?" Kyle demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and narrowing his green eyes, "He deserves no secrecy!"

"Yeah, but… ITS WAY MORE FUN FOR ME THIS WAY!" Kenny exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air with a crazed smile on his face. Kyle flinched back at the volume of Kenny's hysterical outburst. He watched his friend with trepidation. He was seriously starting to question the blonde's sanity. Ever since they had acquired the Pokémon, Kenny had begun to care less and less about consequences, fretting more about what grabbed his attention or amusement while "in the moment". He was starting to become quite confusing, a little unhitched even, Kyle thought. And Kyle could not see what the correlation was between the Pokémon and Kenny's new sense of crazy. His motivations were so juvenile and Kyle couldn't figure him out anymore.

Maybe Stan would know more about what drugs this new Kenny was on, because Kyle was sure drugs had to be involved to make Kenny go to this new level of bat-shit crazy.

"The Pokémon from Cartman that you've seen already are his Houndoom and his Skuntank." Kenny informed them, still with the crazed smile on his face, "And Butters has only ever shown us Eevee, but I know he has five others for sure."

"So let me get this straight," Token held up a hand just as Stan was returning with Arbok slung over Tropius' back like a hunted deer. Token quickly returned the rabid snake to its ball, and this time Kyle really did include a warning label. "Stan has a variety of types, but from what Kenny's said so far, you guys have type specialties."

"That sounds about right," Kyle muttered, now thinking about it and finding that he and the others had unconsciously slipped into training and owning certain Pokémon types.

"Kyle here has Psychic types, Kenny has Ghost types, Cartman probably has Dark types, and Butters must have Normal types or something." Token explained, but Kenny shook his head.

"All right except on that last account. But let it be a surprise. We have Pokémon now, dude! Enjoy the anime show that life will become." Kenny lent back onto the porch and relaxed in the shade. The sun was beginning its descent toward the west, starting up an orange hue in the sky above them.

---

"Hey, have you guys seen Butters?" Stan asked them as he walked over to where they were resting. He didn't seem concerned with recollecting Tropius into its Pokéball, letting the fruit-bearing Pokémon roam freely around the grassy estate.

"No, he followed you when that Arbok was running away." Kyle got up from where he was sitting. Stan being attacked by a giant snake was one thing, his best friend could stand his own ground. Butters, however, was a little pussy when it came to fighting and fending for himself in most situation.

EE-VEE!" came the cry of the small dog-like Pokémon from behind the large barn. This was followed shortly by an explosion and several screams.

Stan and the others turned toward the barn, rushing over to where they could here Butters yelling nonsense at the top of lungs. Token let out a muttered curse as they ran to the barn, which had smoke rising from around the back. Stan quickly summoned Poliwrath in case of fire. Kyle and Kenny had Pokéballs at the ready for if they needed to help. Butters came scrambling from around the back of the barn, ropes in tatters around his wrists and ankles with Eevee held tightly in his arms as he ran. He was still shouting, but Stan and the others couldn't understand a word coming out of his mouth because he was screaming hysterically with his words jumbled together in a mesh of gibberish.

"THEY—HERE—BAD—STAN—KYLE—TOKEN—ATTACK—TIED—EEVEE—BARN—FIRE!" Stan and Kenny understand that last word because of how much Butters stressed it to them as he hid behind Kyle for safety. Eevee was a little fur-ball of fury. It was angry, and it growled at the others while its fur stood on end. The little Pokémon bared its canines at everything that moved around Butters, and was biting at the scrapes of rope that still clung to Butters limbs.

When Stan, Kyle, and Kenny rushed around the barn, they were greeted to the sight of their classmates and occasional friends trying to put out a small fire that was at the corner of the barn. There was a sizeable hole there from where something struck the barn, but Stan didn't care about that at the moment.

"Poliwrath, use your Ice Beam to put out the flames!" Stan commanded as soon as the Pokémon followed him around to the back of the barn. Poliwrath wasted no time flexing its impressive array of muscle. It reared back while sucking in air, then from its spiral patter it released a stream of icy pressure that upon contact with the barn, layered everything it came in contact with a thick sheen of ice. The flames died quickly as they were hit with temperatures below that of freezing. Stan didn't stop there as he ran up to the hole, and ordered Poliwrath to freeze the flames inside the missing chunk of farm building.

While Stan was preoccupied with the fire hazard, Kyle was not so easily distracted. He pointy looked into the worried and scared faces of his classmates. Standing there was a group of them, and he easily recognized each of them from the many years he spent interacting with them both inside and out of the school.

Bebe Stevens was still a beauty queen with her flawless blonde hair and her creamy skin that was absent of makeup or any other cosmetics aside from her lip gloss. She was wreathing at the back of Clyde's jacket with her hands as Clyde and her watched Poliwrath blow its icy beams to snuff out flames, and Stan stomped out the smaller ones.

Craig was practically being strangled by Tweek as they backed away from where they had been trying to put out a little fire right before Poliwrath stomped on it in one decisive swoop. The Tadpole Pokémon glared sharply at them before returning to the inside of the barn to inspect it for more scattered flames.

Jimmy and Heidi were hanging back with the frightened Scott Malkinson, watching for Butters and Eevee, who was growling at Wendy as she came over apologizing profusely to Butters for the way Craig and Clyde had jumped him. Apparently they tried to hog tie him as well according to her, for which she was also very sorry about happening. When she turned to speak to Kyle, he wanted to do nothing more than smack the shit out of her. But he couldn't do that. It would be lowering himself to her standards, and it would probably make his hand sting really bad for the rest of the day.

"Kyle, we are so sorry about this. Things just got out of hand so quickly! When the little puppy-thing found out where we were hiding, Clyde tried to catch it by bribing it with some Recess Pieces, but then it spat them in his face. I guess it didn't like them." Wendy was saying, but Kyle was barely listening as he tried hard not to openly glare at her and the bullshit she and her group were dumping into his lap, "Then it peed on the side of the barn, ignored Clyde, and was about to wander off. Craig picked it up before it could go, and he started petting it. And everything was okay until Butters came looking for it. When he found us, and saw that we had Eevee, Butters completely flipped his wig and started on about how we weren't supposed to be here—"

"You aren't, but go on." Kyle injected, focusing on that fact for now and making his fury at the situation do the same. Stan was now done playing fireman with Poliwrath.

"Yeah, you're right, but we're really sorry. It's just that when Butters said he would tell you guys, we didn't know what to do. Then suddenly Jimmy yells to grab him, and Craig drops the dog to grab Butters. Clyde found some rope onside the barn. He and Craig started tying up Butters while Bebe held his mouth closed." Wendy took a second to breathe and glance from Kyle to the Eevee in Butters' arms. "It really didn't like that. It bit Clyde, and jumped on Craig. Jimmy knocked it off, but then it did this thing and shot a purple ball of light at us! Clyde and me dived to the side, and the light hit the barn, and EXPLODED! There was wood and fire and embers everywhere! Then the dog's claws started glowing, and it scratched at Butters ropes and Butters started yelling and ran! We were trying to put out the fire when you guys showed up! It was an honest accident, and we are SO sorry!"

"How did you guys even know we were out here?" Stan asked the obvious question. The stupid question, Kyle thought while grinding his teeth.

"Duh, dude. Do you think you guys can have real Pokémon and we wouldn't find out?" Clyde crossed his arms, defiant that he had done any wrong.

"Yeah, but we've been super careful!" Stan shot back, working his way up to the conclusion Kyle had already reached. "We haven't told anyone, and we're all alone out here. So the only person who could have let you know about us being out here today is… is… TOKEN, YOU BLACK ASSHOLE!"

"WHAT?! I'M SORRY!" Token yelled, flinching back from Stan and Kyle. He quickly switched sides seeing as Kenny, Kyle, and Butters were glaring at him. He stood beside Wendy, who did not look scared, but instead really worried. It was a look Kyle expected from a girl who came in late from curfew, but not one from a girl who had just been an accomplice to attempted kidnapping and failed arson. "You guys know how big a deal Pokémon is to me! I HAD TO TELL SOMEONE! BUT I SWEAR, I ONLY TOLD CLYDE! ONLY CLYDE! THE REST OF THESE DOUCHEBAGS ARE NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY!"

Clyde scrambled up front at hearing his name, "Yeah, and I only told Craig!"

Craig looked supremely unconcerned as he flipped the middle finger at them, "And I only told Tweek."

Tweek was already a fucking mess. He was fidgeting and tearing away at his shirt buttons, occasionally twitching and jolting with his nerves frazzled. "And—ergh— I only told—nrgh— JIMMY! I ONLY SPOKE TO JIMMY! NRGH! I SWEAR! PLEASE—GOD!—DON'T KILL ME! ARGH! IT WAS TOO MUCH PRESSURE!"

"Y-Yeah, and I only t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-o-o-old Scott." Jimmy confirmed after he got past his persistent stutter.

"And he was with us doing Math homework when he got the text from Jimmy. Then we texted Wendy, because we just couldn't keep something this big from her! She's, like, our BFF!" Bebe spoke out for Scott while Heidi nodded. Scott Malkinson looked petrified when Cartman came onto the scene to see why everyone had left the area whilst he was off shitting in the chicken coop just to piss off Stan, who planned to fill the coop with chickens again soon.

"And after that, I had no one to tell. You guys told Token, and when I called him, we all met up with him in front of the theatre where he swore us to secrecy." Wendy explained while giving them a pleading look. Again Kyle felt the urge to smack the bitch swelling up within his chest. "He told us to go around the back way, and wait things out there until he got whatever Pokémon you were going to give him."

"I thought that maybe if they helped me take care of mine, you'd let them have Pokémon of their own." Token clarified his plan for them all, rubbing the back of his neck as he shied away. Not from Kyle's heated glare, but from the disapproval in Stan's eyes.

"Token, you've really fucked up. We trusted you, man." Stan said solemnly, and everyone flinched back.

Stan was not like Kyle. He never had to shout or even raise his voice to garner the undivided attention of others. He was generally a pretty laid back guy, and he got along well with just about everyone. Stan was never perturbed by small shit, but when someone did make Stan angry, it was akin to pissing off your father.

With Stan, it was never anger. It was always righteous disappointment.

And right then, Token felt like a turd for winning the whole of Stan's disappointment.

Stan was honestly one of the greatest guys he knew. Stan was honest, fair, and brilliant beyond words. When someone broke a trust with Stan, the nature loving teen couldn't hide his disenchantment from anyone. And seeing the displeasure and breach of trust flicker in those cerulean blue eyes was more than the rich black boy could handle. Token jammed his hands into his pockets and found his shoes the most fascinating thing in the world at the moment.

Kyle was ranting and raving, his completely volatile irritation almost palpable through the air. Token was not really listening to the redhead. His eyes kept glancing at Stan, who was looking like someone had kicked his puppy all the while petting Poliwrath's head. Poliwrath did not look disappointed, but was glaring heavily at all the newcomers. The Tadpole Pokémon stood in a hero pose, fists at where hips should have been if it were a normal person. It was like watching a bouncer to a night club sitting with the sadly drunken owner. Token snapped to attention at Kyle's tirade when caught mention of mind-wiping.

"—AND MY PSYCHIC POKEMON CAN DO IT!" Kyle was threatening them, waving around a miniaturized Pokéball like it was a handgun. It might as well have been the way Token and the others backed away slowly from the furious teen. Even though Wendy and Heidi never really played Pokémon much, or at all in Wendy's case, they all knew about telepathy and mind-wiping from having lived in South Park for so long. "MY FUCKING METAGROSS IS PRIME FOR RIPPING MINDS APART, ASSHOLES! OR MAYBE ALAKAZAM CAN MAKE ALL YOU BITCHES THINK YOU LIVE IN THE AMAZING WORLD OF GUMBALL! STEP RIGHT UP FOR A PIECE OF THE MENTAL RAPE!"

"KYLE, STOP IT!" Kyle's angry tirade was cut short when Stan finally had enough. Even Kenny and Cartman were a little afraid Kyle would turn his team of psychics on them. The two had hidden behind Butters, who was shaking like a leaf in the wind with Eevee in his arms.

Stan had not moved an inch.

Unlike everyone else in the world, he was not afraid of a pissed-off Broflovski. He was not afraid of Kyle's mom, and he was never afraid of Kyle. Kyle's anger was hot and explosive, but always short-lived. It was one of the reasons he thought of Kyle like a firecracker. One minute it was popping all over the place, the next it was burnt out and left nothing, but bitter remains of its once fiery passion. Stan knew from a million experiences that Kyle was a raging bitch now, but he'd be back to his normal level-headed mood in a few minutes.

And right now, they didn't need pissy-Kyle for anything more than a little scare-straight episode. Since that was done, evident by the fear in even Craig's normally inexpressive eyes, they now needed composed-Kyle to think up a plan to further contain this whole mess.

Kyle looked back at Stan, glaring so hard that if Kyle were the psychic and not his Pokémon, Stan would have burst into flames on the spot. But Stan didn't burst into flames the way Kyle imagined. No, the blue-eyed teenager only shook his head, hoping to convey to Kyle that he needed to calm down. It worked, if only a little. Kyle's shoulders lost a bit of their tension. The fire in his eyes lost some of its heat, and his brows creased slightly. Stan recognized when Kyle was about to start his deep breathing techniques the therapist had started with him. Kyle's eyes closed briefly, his chest rising and falling a few time before his glare was back, yet this time with the clarity of focus instead of utter outrage.

"Fine," it was the only word to slip past Kyle's lips before he crossed his arms and remained dutiful silent. Stan took that moment to regain control of the situation before someone did something stupid and pissed Kyle off to even more levels previously thought unimaginable.

---

Stan made everyone follow him back to the farm house where the bag of Pokéballs lay open. Snorlax was still asleep, its hefty body now sprawled out for the sun to catch like the Pokémon knew about tanning or something. Marill was quietly awaiting their return on the porch of the crumbling house. Tropius was wandering the estate with its momentary freedom, taking in the sunlight. The giant sauropod creature strolled the grounds with a prehistoric walk, like the Long Necks from that dinosaur movie Butters really liked.

Gazing upon these Pokémon sent Wendy and the others from her group into awe and shock. They made surprised noises and couldn't seem to tear their eyes from the three pocket monsters. Kyle felt inclined to let their eyes explode for all he cared. He just knew that Stan would let them in on everything, including the ownership of Pokémon. Fairness was one Stan's greatest strengths, and yet at the same time the blue-eyed boy's most prominent flaw. If Stan shot someone with a gun in self-defense, he'd probably be a major pussy about it and let them shoot him back in return.

Kyle desperately missed the passionate Stan. The one that fucked shit up. The one that fought and won against the Japanese over the lives of stupid-ass whales and dolphins. Kyle still didn't give two shits about whales or dolphins, but if Stan could just put that sort of obsession into keeping a lid on their secret Pokémon group, that'd be great.

"Listen up, everybody." Stan began when they were all gathered in front of him. Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, and Butters stood or sat behind him on the porch of the farm house. They weren't the real audience at the moment. Stan was addressing the eight teens who had not been there in Mephesto's laboratory of craziness to witness the birth of Pokémon into the town of South Park and the real world in general. "Since you guys caught us here, I guess it's only fair to let you all in on the group. Everyone will get one Pokémon."

The roll of Kyle's green eyes went unnoticed by everyone, but Stan still glanced back at him because he expected as much from his currently pissy super best friend.

"You guys know the rules. No talking about this with anyone not already here. No showing off to anyone. No one outside of this ranch is supposed to know. Like, the fucking world could be endangered or stuff!" again Kyle rolled his eyes, but this time also clicked his teeth to show how much Stan underwhelmed the scope of their troubles. "We train here. We let the Pokémon out here. Nowhere else, unless it's absolutely safe from public view."

Cartman was muttering something about how owning Pokémon was becoming lamer with everyone getting one. No one cared about Cartman's opinion. No one ever did. Everyone followed Stan's word like he was their parent. They normally listened to him because he was the voice of reason. This time, it was because he was the one they needed to please in order to get a pocket monster of their very own.

Kyle decided right then that another item on the list of regulations needed immediate addressing before the group in front of them got too cocky about Stan's vaginal need enforce equality.

"We only have so many Pokémon here, so everyone is getting one at random." Kyle said, being sure to use his calm yet irritated tone so Stan or the others wouldn't object. Not that they would. They knew Kyle was right. Token had lost the right to claim his pick because he broke their trust. The others had never been extended the same courtesy. "Like it or leave it, ass-faces."

Token opened his mouth, probably to ask if he could still pick his own creature, or even to name the one he wanted, but then he closed his mouth and nodded in agreement to Kyle's stipulation. Token turned expectantly to his posse, and they too nodded. All except for Craig, who decided to shrug since he probably didn't care what Pokémon he got.

Stan rotated his body around to where Kenny drummed at the rotting porch wood. Butters had the bag of Pokéballs in his lap, shifting through them with his eyes closed for a truly random and impartial grab. Cartman was strangely smug, probably because most of the Pokémon in the bag were not his own and therefore, to his mind, nowhere near as amazing as the ones stuffed into his coat pockets.

Butters was simply tossing out balls, and the eight were simply reaching up to catch them. It was sort of like a game of fly football, with Clyde dominating the sport of capturing the balls in his grasp while Craig didn't even try. Scott was completely suckish at catching any, dropping the one he did almost catch. Tweek was too busy cowering away from the Pokéballs, terrified that the Pokémon inside would be released only to squash him and the others with the weight of another Snorlax. Wendy and the other two girls, Heidi and Bebe, didn't even attempt to catch anything, seeing as Clyde was being a real Casanova by just handing over the Pokéballs he was catching.

Token, however, walked up to Stan while the others were playing catch. Kyle and Cartman watched him, but then noticed the Pokéball held tightly in Stan's left hand. Stan's eyes were locked with Token's own eyes, and Token swallowed thickly when Stan handed him the Pokéball. No words were exchanged between the two, but the way Token was handling the affair, it might have been a death sentence rather than his dream of owning an actual Pokémon of his very own.

"Snorlax, return." Token called out dutifully, pointing the spherical device at the slumbering monster. Red energy shot out from the button-center of the ball, recalling the large bear creature into it with the same red energy encompassing it and converting it back. When the process was done, Token gazed upon the Pokéball as though it were morphing between gold and lead in his very hands.

"This… is my penance…" Token spoke gravely, contemplating the red and white ball in his hand.

"Everyone got a Pokémon?" Stan asked, to which all the teens around nodded.

"There is just one more thing you should bring up, Stan?" Cartman's sweet tone contradicted the shit-eating grin he was smiling. Stan and the others turned to Cartman at the sound of his voice.

"Huh? What?" Stan asked in confusion. He couldn't think of anything he had left out earlier. Well, maybe remind them of Kyle's ability to make them retarded with the mind-wiping thing, but that probably wasn't the nicest thing to say at the moment. Especially with the way Wendy was cuddling her new Marill with the other two girls crowding her, all three females gushing over the small animal's super soft fur.

"The fact that we are the leaders here, and all these turd-munchers are not. We are the Red of this new order and they are the Ash of our world." Cartman was a real dick at times.

"Ash isn't all that bad!" Token defended the animated character.

"Regardless, fatass here is right about one thing. We are the leaders, and you all have to do what we say." Kenny intoned, brushing back blond locks from his face. "We're the Elite Four and Stan is our Champion trainer."

"AYE! That asshole hasn't beaten me yet!" Cartman reminded them, but Kenny waved him off.

"Oh yeah, Stan and lard-ass are battling this weekend for the title of Champion. Cartman's not gonna win, and even if he did we'd never follow him. Feel free to come out and watch the spectacle!" Kenny's voice was at first very deadpan, then turned cheerful as he prompted the others to come see Cartman get his ass kicked.

"Yeah, so anyway, we're in charge. Stan is our leader." Kyle jabbed a thumb toward Stan, who was watching his friends speak down to the others with little input.

"And we respect that!" Token quickly agreed, seeing Craig's eyebrow arch in objection. "Maybe we can help? Ya know, to make amends for putting you guys on the spot like this."

Kyle was sure that Token and others still weren't grasping the full weight of the situation, but he could always have a talk with Stan about that later.

Nope, fuck it.

"I'm sorry. Did you just say you were putting us on the spot?" Kyle asked rhetorically, but still Token nodded dumbly, "Because you are not putting us on the spot, as you so lightly put it. You have effectively made us compromise the safety and peace of the entire world at large with this shit. With your dumbass little games, we could be opening a literal Pandora's Box onto an unsuspecting world— scratch that, UNIVERSE! YOU IDIOTS HAVE NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF DANGER WE'RE PUTTING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT IN BY SIMPLY ALLOWING YOU TO CONTINUE TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT, LET ALONE GIVING YOU THE FUCKING CREATURES OF MASS DESTRUCTION LIKE THIS WERE A FUCKING PRIZE RAFFLE! BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT THE WORLD! THE UNIVERSE! LIFE AS WE KNOW! BECAUSE YOU BITCHES ALL HAVE YOUR HEADS TOO FAR UP YOUR POKÉMON FANATIC ASSES TO SEE THE DANGER IN SHIT!"

"Kyle! KYLE! CHRIST, CALM DOWN!" Stan rushed over to where his friend had risen to his feet halfway through his tirade. Kyle was hyperventilating now, red in both face and hair as he never paused for a single breath with his fury so white hot. Wendy looked concerned for him, her face just over Stan's shoulder and her hand on his shoulder while she craned over him to see Kyle's condition. Kyle wanted nothing more at the moment than to smack her hand away from Stan, and then to smack the living shit out of her. She was such a two-faced bitch. Stan, however, was genuinely worried about him, and Kyle realized that if he didn't get his breathing under control in the next few seconds, Stan would have a fucking panic attack and drop dead the very moment he did just because.

Jesus Christ, his best friend was such a little Romeo Juliet type of pussy…

---

While Kyle allowed Stan to coach him through breathing as though Kyle were about to birth his baby or something, the others slowly moved away from the two best friends. It was obvious that if Kyle caught sight of any of them at the moment, he would murder them brutally with the closest object to him, aka one Stan Marsh as his weapon. Token watched as his friends released their Pokémon to distract themselves from Stan and Kyle. He did not release Snorlax, mostly because Snorlax would just be sleeping if he called it out.

Scott got a Butterfree, which seemed to like him well enough since it fluttered happily around the awkward teen. Scott laughed and frolicked with the Butterfly Pokémon flapping with him. This had to be the freest Token had ever seen Scott Malkinson. The boy was always so meek and timid, never this carefree and lighthearted individual that Token could actually see himself directly associating with in public. No wonder Jimmy was friends with the guy. Scott Malkinson, when not being picked on or hindered, was actually a pretty cool kid who just liked to have fun.

Tweek had received the Blitzle from earlier. Butters was trying to help his fellow blond with the easily startled Pokémon, but was having little luck. This degraded even more so when Kenny came over to lend a hand, and ended up being fried to a twitchy crisp by the small zebra-like beast. Tweek went into a conniption when Kenny had enough of the shocks and jolts, kicking the little zebra Pokémon in the ribs. The kick sent the little thing flying past Craig and his new Steel-type Pokémon, the mighty Steelix.

Steelix was a pushover, being very kind and gentle toward little Blitzle when it looked up with fright at the enormous Pokémon. Craig had greeted the humongous Iron Snake Pokémon by flipping it the middle finger, to which Steelix only laughed and mewed at its new trainer. Craig gave a small smile, but nothing more as he pet the iron ore body of his pocket monster.

Wendy and the girls were no longer gushing over Marill, but now Marill, Bebe's new Vulpix, and Heidi's new Sudowoodo with great vigor. Token was not sure how Heidi managed to call the fake tree creature "cute and cuddly", he was even more confused by how she managed to hug it so tightly and comfortably when he knew for a fact that its body was made of stuff similar to rocks. The other girls also seemed to be able to stay ignorant of its hard body, as they too interacted with the Pokémon as though it were as soft and huggable as a baby kitten. Sudowoodo, didn't mind at all though, and Token as actually pretty happy for that. Having seen the Pokémon look depressed not three hours ago was a hard sight, but now things looked to be on the up for the Imitation Pokémon with it being under Heidi's ownership.

Clyde was essentially chasing down his Fletchling, making Cartman laugh. That was a mistake, however. As soon as the little bird creature locked onto Eric's laughter, it began using its Peck attack to rain down pain on the fleeing fatass. Cartman screeched and yelled about how he would find another rock to throw at it, but with how painful those pecks looked, Token suspected that he'd never stop running to try and really find one. Clyde was now chasing the bird with his Pokéball in hand, trying to get it to come back to him.

Jimmy, it seemed, had a bad pick that turned out for the best. Unlike with Heidi and Sudowoodo, as soon as Jimmy released his Pokémon, Token flinched and felt his stomach wobble. Jimmy had been randomly given Scraggy, to which Token wished Kyle had placed a warning label on like he had done with the ball that contained Arbok. But it worked out. Scraggy, upon release, charged at Jimmy with full intention on head-butting the shit out of the crippled boy. Jimmy was not fast enough to react properly to Scraggy's fucked behavior problems, but that proved to be for the best after all. Because Jimmy had not moved an inch from when he released Scraggy, when the tiny Shedding Pokémon lowered its rock-hard head and charged, it rammed itself smack into Jimmy's crutch. The tiny Pokémon was disoriented, to which Token mentally danced for his unintentional revenge. When Scraggy saw that Jimmy was still standing, and even smiling down at him, Scraggy bowed to Jimmy and the two quickly hit it off. Token supposed that Scraggy was looking for a tough trainer. Either that, or the little Pokémon was a major dick.

Glancing down at the Pokéball in his hand, Token wondered if he'd ever see his Snorlax in action. Would it be every bit as strong and powerful as the one Ash used in the anime? Or would it be a giant flop that did nothing, but ate and slept all the time? Token wasn't sure at the moment, but he vowed to discover which one his Snorlax truly was and love it all the same.

---

"Fucking Christ, Stan! I'm fine! Get from over me, geez. Your breath smells like day old Cheesy Poofs, and you know how much I hate that shit." Token looked back to discover that Kyle was now back to his cranky old self. The red-haired Jew was now glaring at Stan as the raven-haired counterpart hovered over him with an anxious smile. Token was always under the impression that Stan and Kyle were gay for each other, but after many years of knowing exactly what type of person Stan was, and just what type of attitude Kyle had, Token knew that Stan would have no shame in shouting his love for the redhead from a church or something, and that Kyle would have shoved his tongue down Stan's throat just to prove a point about not having to fear anyone's opinion on being gay or some shit like that.

But still, Token found the pair to be really fucking gay. Though that was none of his business, mind you…

Kyle and Stan got up from the porch of the ranch home. The wooden boards creaked under their weight as they stepped off and away from the house. Stan whistled, and his Tropius perked up from where it was grazing. It flapped its large leaf wings, and soared over toward them with speed that betrayed its impressive size. Tropius lowered its head for Stan to gently stroke it behind where a normal creature would have ears.

"Stan," Token knew not to address Kyle directly, even though it was pretty obvious that Stan was leader in name only with Kyle wearing the real pants in the friendship and group, "before you guys say anything, I was thinking. Ya know, about what I said earlier."

Kyle's eyes darkened, but Stan's hand stretched out and stopped the Jewish boy from advancing on Token. Stan was looking directly into Token's eyes, but Token could not meet the steady gaze. He felt unprepared to have Stan listen to him so voluntarily and willingly.

Sometimes, Stan was just too agreeable…

"I was thinking… what if we watched Mephesto for you guys?" Token quickly broached the topic, pushing on since they were now quickly losing daylight. The entire sky was now an orange hue compared to light golden it had been an hour ago. "I mean, I will be buying him out for whatever machine he has that you guys used. Until my parents come back next week or so, I don't have access to that kind of cash. We'll keep a close eye on Mephesto and any leaks he might spill about the Pokémon. You said it yourselves, the guy was nuts last you saw him."

"Tsk, whatever," Kyle muttered flippantly, but at least Stan was taking him seriously.

"We can train up our Pokémon, and be like a task force— the town's gym leaders, even! What do you think, Stan?" again Token didn't even look at Kyle for more than a second when he spoke, but he also didn't look directly at Stan. While speaking, he had glanced at everyone's expressions around him.

"I guess that will be okay…" Stan muttered, more to himself than anyone else. He stroked his chin with one hand, the other still moving unconsciously to show affection to Tropius as the long-necked creature lent into his touch.

"Stan, we can do this, I promise." Token said, stepping forward and hoping that his eyes held all the conviction that his heart did. It was only when he saw how the others interacted with their Pokémon, and how happy they all were that Token understood the full ramifications of his blathering. Stan more so than the others had come to him—had really trusted him— to keep their secret and to help them. And what did he do? He went and told Clyde, the biggest gossip outside of all the females in South Park. Sure things had turned out alright this time, but what about the next time? Or what if there were still unseen consequences to his opening his fat mouth?

Suddenly, Token felt very ashamed of himself under Stan's sturdy blue gaze, and Kyle's piercing green one. Now he truly understood why Kyle was so angry. It wasn't some childish tantrum of misplaced popularity with them being the only ones to own Pokémon and having to share that claim with eight more people now, but instead Kyle was the most reasonable of them all. He really did care about the jeopardy of the world.

No one spoke as Stan studied Token, mainly looking the African American wealth in the eye. Token didn't know what Stan was looking for, but after a long stretch of silence, Stan smiled softly and appeared to have found what he wanted out of Token's soul. He nodded once, and was still smiling a little when he moved up to Token and clasped a hand on the adolescent's shoulder.

"You do know that I can't trust you with any really heavy shit like this again, right?" Stan flat out said, making Token flinch slightly at still not being forgiven. But hey, Stan had worked hard at trying to understand racism from Token's point of view a few years back when Stan's father, Randy Marsh, had used the n-word to try and win money on a game show. Token knew he could return the favor this time.

"We'll work pass this. I'll regain your trust, dude," Token guaranteed, and that looked to be what Stan wanted to hear. He gave Token's shoulder a squeeze and a pat before nodding once again, this time with a firm finality that lifted a little weight off Token's conscience.

"I guess if you guys will keep Mephesto in check until we can come up with a proper way of making sure nothing like this ever happens again, that'll be cool… I guess, anyway…" Kyle mumbled, though his eyes were still sharp when they landed on Token and his cluster of friends.

"Alright, alright, geez!" Cartman let his voice rise above everyone's emotions with the shrillness of its pure annoyance, "Can we all please stop with Hippie Feeling Fag Fest? I swear, every god-damn time I hang out with you buttholes, you go ahead and do this shit."

Cartman then rounded on Token, pointing a pudgy finger at the young man, "And Token, please remove your lips from Stan's ass. Can ya do that for me, buddy? You're not black because of your parents, dude. You're black from the lack of oxygen you've sustained by suckling at Stan's anus. Just kindly unglue your lips from his prostate for me." Token flipped him off, but Cartman only smiled brighter at him, "Great, super awesome! Maybe now you'll regain some color!"

---

The last rays of sunlight fled into the night and twilight turned to inky darkness as nighttime descended onto South Park. The others started recalling their Pokémon and saying their goodbyes while walking back toward town. Wendy, Heidi, and Bebe left with Scott Malkinson, all comparing and babbling on— rather loudly, in Kyle's irked opinion— about how cute their Pokémon were. Token left with his gang. Clyde had finally been able to get his Fletchling to obey him by bribing it with the sunflower seeds Craig had in his back pocket. Craig was listening to Tweek freak out about how he'd keep Blitzle hidden away from his parents, but every now and then would reassure the sputtering blond that everything would be just fine. Jimmy was walking alongside Token, the two conversing about a test they were sure they failed earlier in the day.

Kyle had never been so grateful for a weekend's approach. After tomorrow, the weekend would start and they would be free to do whatever they wanted. As he helped pack Pokéballs away with Butters and watched while Stan and Kenny moved the floorboards of the ranch house with the big stick they had, Kyle was sure all his friends— and Cartman— were just as relieved as he was. Stan was supposed to talk to his parents about asking his Uncle Jimbo for the ranch full-time as a sort of camping ground to use over the weekends. Kyle wasn't sure Mrs. Marsh would go for the idea, but he knew that Stan had more of a chance than he did if it were his family and a ranch. Cartman's mother was all onboard for anything that got her son out of the house, and lessen her food and electricity bills. Kenny's family was actually trying to tag along just so long as someone else would provide the food. Stan had promised to talk to Kyle's parents with him tomorrow when they brought up the idea. Kyle's parents liked Stan. Hell, everyone's parents liked Stan.

Shit, everyone just plain liked Stan!

"Got all your balls in your sack?" Kenny chuckled at his own lame joke, but stopped when Butters lightly swatted at him for such crude humor.

They put away the Pokéballs. This time they used another hiding spot, one on the completely opposite side of the farm home. They couldn't trust that Token or someone else wouldn't come back in the dead of night to steal some of the Pokémon. Cartman had volunteered to safeguard the balls at his house, but that idea was shot down before it could even leave ground zero.

"Alright," Stan dusted off his hands onto his jeans as they replaced the floor plank under the sink of the house's decayed kitchen, "let's get out of here. It's getting late, and my dad is ordering pizza tonight."

"Fuck you, dude, I'm having KFC." Cartman bragged, his chin fat prominent as he stuck out his tongue.

"Kenny and I are gonna watch Hello Kitty Island Adventure!" Butters felt the need to inform them.

"No, you said we were watching porn tonight!" Kenny exclaimed, looking betrayed.

"KENNY, YOU KNOW I NEVER SAID THAT!" and the two argued with Kenny using words that made Butters face cherry red, even in the darkness of a cloudy South Park night. The others simply trailed behind the two as they left the ranch for their respective homes. Or, in Kenny's case, Butter's place to watch Japanese girl-on-girl porn that did not involve cups in any way, shape, or form.

They were all very loud and jovial, equally unaware that dark crimson eyes followed their every move and slightly pointed ears heard their every word as they grew steady smaller and quieter with distance. In the bleakness of night, dark clothes hid the stranger from detection, and his own inaudibility kept him that way as he moved with the grace of a predatory toward the ranch home, his prey.

An unnatural wind came from the south as it blew open the doors on the home with the stranger's approach. The new arrival seemed to glide into the home with an unusual elegance in his every step. The floors retched themselves apart, leaping to opposite sides of the putrefied kitchen to reveal a J-Mart plastic bag and several reddish blurs inside. The visitor's smile was stark white, and his canines were slightly pointed as he raised a finely manicured hand. The plastic bag leapt up to his grasp, and he wasted no time undoing the poorly done knot to reach inside the plastic sack for his prize.

"Hmm… too stupid…" he muttered, tossing the ball aside and moving on to examine the next one, "Too insipid… Much too bulky…"

The stranger paused for a moment. This ball was different. Atop its shiny, smooth red surface was a yellow caution triangle that begged warning to any that touched it. Just below the warning sticker was another sticker, this one in the image of a coiled cobra. The stranger's smile was near sinister.

"And then Goldilocks found the porridge that was just right…" he chuckled ominously, pocketing the tiny table-tennis sized ball before waving a hand. All the thrown balls hopped back into the bag, and it redid its knot. He dropped the bag back into its hiding spot while the floorboards replaced themselves with clatter. The visitor walked out from the empty house with a spring in his step.

"I knew someone like you would show yourself once those children left." This voice, distinctly British, disturbed the stranger's good mood. His smile morphed slowly into a frown as he turned to a woman and what appeared to be her capable butler.

"You're an unusual pair," he murmured to them, to which the woman scowled.

"I'll be taking that Pokéball, boy. And the rest inside. They're much too dangerous for someone as stupid as you to handle." The woman was greatly enraging the strange man. He frowned severely at her.

"I think I'm more intelligent than you perceive, witch," he spat, but the woman only quirked an eyebrow at the insult.

"M'Lady," the butler stepped forward, reaching toward his belt for something. The darkly dressed man narrowed his crimson eyes at the action, but the haughty woman raised a hand.

"No need Jervis," the lady spoke softly, gazing upon the dark man as though he were a specimen under her microscope, "I can handle such an insect myself."

With those words, the woman outstretched her palm toward the darkly dressed visitor. The dark lad's eyes widened as he was hit by an invisible force, sent flying backward where he skidded across the grounds and was left sprawled out on his back. The stranger's eyebrows, which were in the shape of lightning bolts, furrowed in fury as he leapt onto his feet. Flames danced in his gaze as he glared hotly at the woman, who did not look impressed with him in the slightest.

"So that's the game you want to play, huh?" he murmured in an almost purr. Soon the sky around them darkened even further, and the air grew to have an abnormal chill, even for the town of South Park. The winds began to howl and the world around them seemed ten times more frightening, "Then two can play at this game?" were the last words from the stranger's mouth. His eyes began to glow eerily red. The woman's shadow seized her and the butler. The noble lady gave no quarter as her own eyes began to glow a misty white, but the stranger was not yet done. His power held her firmly, and soon his eyes took on a demonic look, the red in them turning to a crimson bloody color. The woman gasped as her eyes returned to normal, and her shadow squeezed her tightly with the thickness of iron chains.

The only sounds left in the night on that ranch were the shrieks of the woman and her butler, along with the sinister laughter of the darkly dressed devilish man.

---

So What Do You Think of the Chapter? Like It? Hate It? Want To Burn It At The Stake? Want to Praise My Efforts Like I'm Some Golden God? Leave A Comment Below, And Let Me Know! And If You Want More, Just Click Those Favorite Or Alert Buttons So You Can See Me!

Pokémon Revealed This Chapter:

Stan Marsh: Tropius, Poliwrath, Rapidash (mentioned, not seen)

Kyle Broflovski: Metagross, Bronzong, Alakazam (mentioned, not seen)

Kenny McCormick: Gengar, Drifblim "Blimpo" (mentioned, not seen)

Eric Cartman: Houndoom "Little Pot Pie", Skutank "Frenchy"

Butters Scotch: Eevee

Token Black: Snorlax

Wendy Testaburger: Marill

Jimmy Valmer: Scraggy

Clyde Donavan: Fletchling

Craig Tucker: Steelix

Tweek Tweak: Blitzle

Scott Malkinson: Butterfree

Heidi Turner: Sudowoodo

Bebe Stevens: Vulpix