Sticks and Stones - Chapter 13 - by Emma Nisbet (grnfield)
Jack let out a small sigh as he drained the dregs from his coffee mug. He leant forwards and placed the mug carefully on the small table in front of him, rubbed over his upper face with his right hand and scrubbed his eyes to eradicate any last traces of tears. He slowly came to realise that the General was watching him intently and he dropped his hand into his lap. This only served to draw the attention of both men to the picture frame in Jack's other hand.
"Oh," said Jack, as if he'd only just noticed the frame. He lifted the front of it off his stomach and looked at the photograph. Almost immediately Hammond saw the glimmer of fresh tears in the Colonels eyes.
He held his hand out to Jack, silently asking for the photo. The younger man held it out to his commanding officer who gently took it from him. The General looked at it and found, as he expected, that it was a team photo of SG-1, taken not long after Daniel returned from his ascension.
"Crap," Jack cursed when a tear escaped his control and ran down his cheek. He wiped the errant tear with the back of his hand, only to find that more replaced it. Giving up any semblance of control, he balled up both fists and, propping his elbows on his knees, crammed them into his eyes. "Crap, crap, crap." he mumbled, each curse being accompanied by a small head-butt onto both fists.
"Jack…" the General began.
"I've lost them, George." Jack said quietly. "I've lost them all. What am I going to do?"
Hammond slid from the arm of the couch and crouched on the floor in front of Jack. Tentatively he laid a hand on the other man's knee and squeezed gently.
"Listen to me Jack," he requested. "You will get through this, it will take time, but you will get through it."
Jack's only response was a wet sniff.
"Jack…" continued General Hammond patiently. "Look at me, Son."
Slowly Jack raised his head from his hands and looked into the worried eyes of his commanding officer.
"That's better." Hammond reached up and patted one of Jack's arms. "Jack, you've got to remember that you're not alone here. There's a large number of people here who care a great deal about your welfare, and quite frankly you've had us all very worried over the last few weeks."
Jack sat up straighter and scrubbed his eyes. He covered the General's hand with his own, an acknowledgement of the comfort the older man was giving. "Thank you, Sir. That means a lot to me. I'm sorry I've worried you, I know I've been 'difficult' since…" Jack faltered and took a deep breath before continuing. "I guess it was just the final straw when I saw they really were going on without me."
"Jack, you know I would have kept them here if I possibly could. I'll remind you that Major Carter and Teal'c are only temporarily assigned to SG-2. Once you've recovered sufficiently and can be cleared for gate travel then they will return to SG-1 with you."
"As a three, or four man team?" asked Jack.
George exhaled - long, slow - while he worked out how best to answer without distressing the Colonel again. "Jack, I don't think this is the time, or the place, to discuss that. When the time comes, the decision may well be out of my hands, you know that."
"Yeah, I realise that." Jack said quietly, looking down at his feet. "For the record though, I'm not sure I could go through breaking in a fourth team member again. In fact I'm not too sure I want to go back through the gate again without all of SG-1 behind me."
"I hear you, Son," the General told him. "The SGC has seen a lot of upset in the past eight years, and SG-1 probably more so than anyone. If you don't want gate travel any more then what are you thinking, Jack?"
Jack sighed, exhaustion starting to get the better of him now. "I don't know…to be honest with you, George, that retirement plan I set up years ago has been calling my name - really loudly - for the last few weeks. There's just something stopping me from taking that final step quite yet. I can't define what though, it's just 'something'."
"Well, we'll discuss this again at a later date." The General said. "There's no point rushing into something to regret it later. We'll sit down with the options and work out what would be for the best. Please don't forget, you're not going through this alone."
Jack managed a weak smile. "Thank you, Sir. For understanding…and for coming to find me."
"Any time, Jack. Any time." The older man said as he raised himself to his feet. "Now, Dr. Fraiser should be waiting in the corridor for us. Jack, would you mind if I let her in, so she can take a look at you. She told me that you didn't keep your appointment with her yesterday and she was extremely worried about you."
George could see that Jack was too tired to put up any real objection, even if he had wanted to.
"I did?" Jack asked in confusion. "Oh, sure, go ahead. At least it's Janet and not Warner, I don't think I could deal with Warner at the moment. Janet understands me even when I don't really tell her anything."
"I know what you mean, Jack." George told him, patting his shoulder as he moved towards the door. "I know what you mean."
#
George unlocked the door and slipped out into the corridor, pulling the door to behind him. Janet Fraiser was waiting nearby, pacing slowly up and down the corridor. When she spotted the General she made her was quickly over to him with a concerned expression on her face.
"How is he, Sir?" she asked.
"Not good, Doctor. Not good at all," he replied with sadness in his voice. "He's talking about retiring again, and I think he might just go ahead with it this time. Although I've told him that I'm not going to discuss that until I feel he's up to it, what worries me is just how long it might take until he is."
"Hmm, I don't know, Sir. Let me go and check him over and see where we stand physically. I told you he missed his appointment yesterday, didn't I?" Janet asked.
"Yes, Doctor, you did. I don't believe that Colonel O'Neill set foot inside the mountain at all yesterday. I'm sure he didn't miss the appointment deliberately. He seemed genuinely confused when I told him I knew he'd missed it." The General told the petite woman.
"I think he's overwhelmed by everything that's going on with him at the moment. On top of the Daniel situation, he's not long recovered from some serious injuries. I'm sure something like my appointment is probably low on his list of priorities at the moment." Janet said sadly. "What am I going to be walking in to, Sir? Do you need to come back in?"
"I'll wait out here, Doctor, you'll be fine." Hammond told her. "Jack's on the couch but he's exhausted - I don't know when he last slept but from the state of him it wasn't all that recently."
"OK, thank you, Sir. I took the precaution of bringing some sedatives with me." She retrieved a syringe from her lab coat and showed the General. "I wasn't too sure what I would find when you called me. I might see if the Colonel will let me give him a little of this, at least then we'll know he's had some real rest."
The General nodded. "Good thinking, Doctor. Also, if Jack feels more comfortable resting in Doctor Jackson's office instead of the infirmary then I'll have a guard posted on the door so he's not disturbed."
"Yes, Sir," agreed Janet. "I'll let you know. Do you want to wait out here? I can always let you know when I come out. I don't want to rush Jack into taking the drugs, so I may be a while."
"Very well, Doctor. I'll return to my office, Walter will know where I am if I need to leave for any reason." he told her.
George nodded to the Doctor and paced slowly away, in the direction of the elevators.
Janet watched him go as she replaced the syringe in the pocket of her lab coat. She took a deep breath, pushed the door open and entered the office.