My eyes scan the whole park, then glance right back at the blue-haired clown making tricks in the middle of a group of kids. Some kids are smiling, waiting for the magic to blow their minds, while some absentmindedly stare at his peculiarity.
I remember when I was a little girl, I had a clown in my birthday party. Most of the kids were scared of him, some didn't pay attention, but I did. I found them amusing. I remember staring at the clown in my party and thinking: why is there paint on his face? why is the smile painted on his face? what if he's sad? does it magically turn upside down? are clowns always happy?
They don't scare me, they don't make me giggle either. They look like people to me. The only difference is they have a painted smile on their faces to remind them of the point which is that they should smile or else they won't have a job.
Somehow, I can relate to it. Or maybe, I used to relate to it back in high school. People liked me because I was different. They appreciated my uniqueness. I, on the other hand, didn't appreciate it. They expected me to be perfect ever since they realized I had "talent". A talent I wasn't really passionate about.
They wanted me to be some kind of public speaker or something. It's so stupid. I laugh as I remember how stupid it was. We were asked to perform a speech. I did mine, and because my Dad is good at this kind of stuff because he's a Professor, I had a good coach. The kids in my class were impressed. My teacher forced me to do more about this. It was so stupid. They even said they envisioned me to be a politician.
It may sound stupid and shallow. But think about it. One impressive thing gets bigger as certain, small other things happen. I did a nice speech, the teacher praised me, kids in class started a rumor that my dad was a professor, people thought this was impressive-for some weird reason-and people put me up on this pedestal. Thought I could save the school's reputation in this small town. But that wasn't what I had in mind.
Since I was this respectable person in school, a lot of people had expectations. High standard forced on me. I couldn't keep it up. I failed them. And now, they hate me.
Wow, how did I get to that talk?
I push the silly thoughts off my head as I hear a loud pop from the small birthday party. One of the kids popped a balloon. The clown's laughing with them. I take my camera and shoot one photo. I review the photo and smile, but that smile disappears as I notice that the dancing clown hasn't made an appearance lately. It's been three days and he's been absent.
I'm not disappointed.
It just feels weird reaching that point in your life where you're...needed again. I know, I know. Needed to make a list of kids to be murdered. Well if I say that out loud, it would definitely sound terrible. But for once...I'm important again. I won't lie. I missed this feeling. It was nice not to be put on a pedestal and expected to be perfect. It was nice to finally pursue what I liked. But it's not nice to pursue something and have people ignore your efforts.
Fuck that. I stand from my seat, hang the camera on my neck, and start walking home.
I look up and see the sun slowly set. I observe the blue sky gradually turning darker. My hand takes the camera automatically to take a shot of the landscape. I feel weirdly poetic for some reason.
Probably the nostalgia kicking in again.
Eighteen and so far, going through interesting things...like killer clowns. Not what I expected but...still.
My thought is interrupted when I hear a kid running away from the street to my right. The kid trips in front of me. "Whoa, hey, are you all right?"
The kid gets up on his feet, points at the clown standing to my right. He starts running again. I glance at the clown in a cheap jester suit. I'm frozen.
Well there you go. Sorry this is a little short, but don't worry! I HAVE A LITTLE PLOT TWIST FOR YOU GUYS! Been excited for it. But first here's a little character background so everything would make sense. Hope you got to piece things together! As always, tell me what you think through reviews. Enjoy my dear psycho-romantics! Halloween is getting close and I'm so happy to say that I might take my time with this fan fic if I get enough reviews agreeing. Thanks again!