Disclaimer: The characters belongs to Hiro Mashima
A gift for someone. Based on the song Love Love Love by Of Monster and Men
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Love Love Love
Rogue had always known he wasn't a good person. He sometimes tried to fool himself, like when he was younger and Jiemma was still the Sabertooth's Guild Master. He had liked to think that he was maybe better than him, at least. That he was a decent person who had been forced by life to let him do whatever he wanted with his guild. That he was, somehow, morally better since he could recognize what was bad and why. He had, however, never raised his voice, never dared to do anything to show the world or his guildmates how wrong was their life style. He had allowed it to happen, always a coward and, therefore, an accomplice.
Given that, it wasn't really surprise when he had trapped himself in the current situation. If he was a coward, someone scared of what his own actions could mean for him, it was no surprise he found himself being loved and unable to reciprocate that feeling.
He should have seen it coming and being honest maybe he did but had been too selfish to stop it before it went out of hand. Feeling loved was nice after all, a tender blanket over his heart. Specially when the one to profess those feelings was so… boisterous. Because when he, Sting, did something it always had to be big, loud, bright, just as he was. And Rogue was, of course, weak and let himself lull on the warm Sting carried around, brushing away all the alerts on his head until one day the blond tried to kiss him and he couldn't deny it anymore.
The easier would have been to give in and let him do it, to keep going and let his lips and warm embrace him and lead the way to whatever future was waiting for them. However, as much as Rogue was selfish and a bad person, he wasn't totally heartless. He didn't want Sting to follow him through the path to the future because he knew where it ended and the blond didn't deserve that. Sting was all he wasn't, he was good, and funny, and a great Guild Master and the guild needed him. The world needed him.
Therefore, Rogue didn't have the heart to steal him from them all, so he had stepped away and left the room. Sting didn't follow him but he had asked "why" later, with a broken voice that made Rogue stutter with his words. At the end, he had barely said that he couldn't, wasn't able to love him back. Not then and maybe never. "Why?" asked Sting again, this time with something different, maybe curiosity, tainting his voice. Rogue was unable to explain it, to put into words all the thoughts running in his mind and he gave him no answer.
He said nothing and Sting waited and waited and waited and at the end he had just nodded. "Okay", an acceptance but then… "Okay. But it doesn't mean I can't love you". And Rogue was weak and selfish and a bad person, so he didn't point out all the reasons why it was the wrong way to take it. He kept his silence and Sting beamed like a child who get a new birthday present. It wasn't fair, and Rogue didn't understand why did he wanted to subject himself to such deal. To being willingly in love with someone who has already rejected him.
Even though, things didn't really change between them. Their dynamics were almost the same, because Sting had always been affectionate to him anyway, so there was no difference when he threw an arm over his shoulders or dragged him by the wrist for the next mission or just leaned over him when looking at some paper or anything. There was no difference except that now Rogue knew and he felt compelled to turn him down. Which wasn't really fair, because he had been almost eager for those little touches before and he knew he was hurting Sting every time he turned away and put distance between them. It wasn't fair but Rogue didn't want to give him false hopes, not more than those he had already did.
And even then Rogue couldn't stop thinking Sting knew something he didn't. Sometimes it seemed the blond had some invaluable information that Rogue was missing, because even when Rogue cowed down from his loving gestures, even when he turned his head away from him or just rejected him in little but obvious ways, Sting always came back. And it wasn't that it never hurt him, Rogue had seen his eyes filled with pain more than once, but after his first reaction there was something different, a resolution that Rogue couldn't place or understand. Even if he kept his distance from time to time, maybe a little bit more hurt than other days, he always came back. His presence, his affection never pressuring but always there, waiting for something that Rogue couldn't give him.
He wished he could read his mind when Sting looked at him from the other side of the guild's hall, his blue eyes sparkling with so much love that it made him feel like they were the only people left even when the room was still full with their guild mates. Why did he have to look at him as if he were the world? Why did he have to make it harder for them both? Why did he have to be so… so kind, so open, so cute, so… so much Sting. So Sting that Rogue always had to force himself to pry his eyes from him and look to somewhere else, another friend, the food, the bar, the guild's doors, anywhere was fine as long as he didn't have to face him and all those feelings he couldn't reciprocate.
There were some days when Rogue was feeling weaker and Sting's eyes over him felt like the tides, pulling and pushing at him once and again, trying to break his will. Trying to make him fall into that silent desire that made him wonder how would it feel Sting's hand wrapped on his own, how would it feel his hair if he ruffled it once or twice, how would it feel to smooth the crease on his forehead with his thumb to distract him from work. Traitor thoughts slippering through the walls he had build to keep Sting away and safe. Walls that he refused to let down, for Sting and for everyone else, because they were the only thing he could offer them.
So, Rogue thought, it was easier, better to ignore that little thing. Act as if it never happened. All those nights when he couldn't sleep, lying on his back and looking to the ceiling as he heard the serene sounds of the sleeping town while the same thought kept beating, until he left the room in silence looking for the only comfort he could get. Until he, selfish, weak and a bad person, knocked on Sting's door at whatever hour in the morning. And the blond always opened the door and hugged him as soon as he was inside, because he knew what Rogue needed better than himself. He let him lay on his bed, caressing his hair with slow motions while he listened to the same words again and again.
Rogue breathing was always was always fast and his voice shaky because "What if? What if I fail again and the world burns?". And Sting always hugged him tight, reassuring him that "You won't" once and again, as many times as it was necessary until Rogue fell asleep listening to his heart beating, just to leave again with the first lights, before the blond wake up.
A/N: Remember, reviews feed hungry writers, feel free to use the box!