She stands in autopsy staring at the body of a victim. Her partner leaves the room. She snaps out of her trance when he asks her if she's coming too. She shakes her head, and her eyes fall upon the medical examiner. The sound of Melinda's voice brings her back to earth.
"Liv are you okay?"
"No," she answers as the double doors to the autopsy room swing close as her partner leaves.
"You want to talk about it?" Melinda cocks an eyebrow as she pulls off her gloves.
"I don't know how much more I can take."
"What do you mean?"
"It's like the nightmare has ended, but at the same time it's just beginning."
"Olivia we are going to..."
Olivia shakes her head, "Save it for someone who believes you. He's not going to be found unless he wants to be."
"And that scares you?"
"What scares me is the future, and the how much uncertainty there is."
"Is there anything that I can do to help?"
Olivia nods, "You could, but you won't."
Melinda furrows her brow, "What do you mean?"
"Nothing," she shakes her head.
"You mean that it violates my code of ethics?"
"And I wouldn't ask you to."
"But you wish that I would."
"I want all of this to go away. I can't make it go away. I can't make any of it go away. I just wish that I could take it all back. I wish that my life... had gone a different direction."
"So let it. If being an SVU detective isn't what you want, then you should walk away. You should cut your losses, and run while you can. You have sacrificed enough for this job."
Olivia purses her lips, "But the thing is... I don't know who I am if I'm not a cop."
"There are other types of cops. You don't have to stay here."
"This is the only family that I have known for so long. Right now I just want... honestly I don't even know what I want anymore."
"This case is hitting especially hard for you?" Melinda's eyes shift to the body on her table.
Olivia's eyes follow hers. She stares at a corpse on Melinda's exam table. Lying against the cold stainless steel is the lifeless body of a woman. A woman whose womb was sliced open, and the life ripped from her.
"They wanted the baby, and her life... it meant nothing to them."
"I know."
"We still haven't found the baby, and..." she trails off.
"Say it," Melinda begs.
"We talked to the roommate. She didn't want the baby, and until recently I never could have understood that. Now I do."
"Have you talked to Cragen?"
"No."
"How much longer are you going to wait?"
She shrugs, "I don't know."
"How much longer do you have?"
"A few months, I guess."
"You need to tell him."
"I can't..."
"Can't, or won't."
Olivia's eyes brim with tears, "I don't know how to. I don't know how to tell someone who searched tirelessly to find me, and bring me home, that now I wish that he hadn't. How do I explain to him that I would have rather have died in that basement than lived through this?"
"I don't know," Melinda does her best to maintain her composure.
"Neither do I," she responds stepping away from the table.
It's late evening, as she sits on her couch she stares at the television blankly. The sound of someone knocking on her door jolts her back into reality. She feels a quick flash of panic as she looks down at her attire. A t-shirt that doesn't hide the growing bump beneath it's cotton cloth. She grabs an NYPD hoodie off the back of the couch, and pulls it over her head. She wipes the tears from her eyes, and crosses the room to the door. She looks out the peephole in confusion.
She unlocks the door, and removes the chair. She pulls the door open, and finds a familiar figure staring at her. The balding man looks at her.
"Can I come in?" He questions.
She simply nods, and steps aside. He steps inside the apartment, and she closes the door.
"Captain what are you doing here?"
"I came to check on you."
"I don't need you to check on me."
"Olivia," he points to a nearby barstool, "please."
She takes a seat on the barstool. He folds his arms across his chest.
"I have given you time, and space, and I need you to be honest with me."
"About what?"
"Are you sure that you're okay with being back? I know that you were cleared for duty, but..."
"I'm distracted?"
"Yeah," he nods.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. Just tell me the truth."
"I don't know if I can do this."
"The job?"
"Any of it."
"What can I do to help?"
"Nothing. Nobody can help me."
"There has to be something that I can do."
She looks away from him as the tears well up in her eyes. He touches her hand, giving it a squeeze.
"Please tell me what's been on your mind."
"They are still out there."
"I know."
"And you're not going to catch them."
"You really believe that?"
"Yeah," she nods.
"And you're afraid that they'll come back?"
She shakes her head, "No. I am afraid that they won't. I'll spend the rest of my life wondering if they will."