Sticks and Stones - Chapter 23 - by Emma Nisbet (grnfield)
When the overriding need to breathe forced the two to part, Sam pulled away slightly. Jack captured her head in his hands and rested their foreheads together for a moment.
"I love you, Sam," he murmured quietly.
"I love you too," came her whispered reply.
Jack drew her into a tight hug and she melted into the embrace. They stayed like that for a short while until they both realised they were still sitting on the dock boards, in front of the chairs, with the blanket now tangled around Sam's waist.
"Maybe we'd better move?" Jack suggested. "You want to go inside?"
"What about your fishing?" Sam asked him.
"Kinda lost the urge for it now," he replied. "It's a bit early in the day for a celebratory drink but could I tempt you with a coffee?"
He raised himself to his feet and then held his hand out to help her up.
"Coffee sounds great," she said, taking his hand but not letting go once she'd got to her feet. They walked back to the cabin together, hand in hand, and when they entered the kitchen, Sam leant against him with their knotted hands pressed close between his chest.
Jack looked down at their entwined hands, smiling broadly.
"Well, you did say you were romantic," Sam reminded him.
"I did, didn't I?" he looked at her and chuckled.
"What?" Sam asked with a smile on her face. "What are you thinking?"
"I was just wondering what Teal'c would think if he could see us now." Jack laughed. "Mind you, knowing Teal'c he'd probably slap me on the back and say something along the lines of 'about time O'Neill'. You know what he's like, he's probably had us made since day one."
"You're telling him, by the way," Sam informed her new fiancé.
"Deal," he agreed. "As long as you tell Jacob, preferably when I'm safely back at the Alpha site, well out of his way. I'm not sure he's going to be well pleased by your choice for his future son-in-law."
"Don't be silly. You know Dad already thinks of you like an adopted son anyway, and Selmak likes you too." Sam reminded him.
"Well I'm kinda banking on Selmak keeping Jacob off my back." Jack admitted. "I'm sure he'd rather you marry someone who's younger and got better prospects. Even someone who can give you kids - if that's what you want. You need to realise that's something I can't do, Sam."
"Wha…kids?" she gulped. "Why…why wouldn't you want to have kids…because…because of…"
"Charlie?" Jack finished for her. "You can say his name, Sam. He's part of me and he always will be, no matter what happens in the future. But, no, it's not because of Charlie. I didn't say I wouldn't want to have more children, I said I can't - as in physically."
"Oh," Sam gasped, her eyes opening very wide.
"No, don't get me wrong - everything works 'down there'," he gave a vague wave in the direction of his nether regions. "I just can't make babies any more. A combination of chemicals that I was exposed to in Iraq destroyed any chance of us having a little brother or sister for Charlie. We tried for years - Sara and I - but the doctors couldn't help us. They told us 'be glad for the son you've got because many of the people who come here for our help will never be so lucky.' So we were grateful, and Charlie was our special little boy. The whole family adored him. He was the first and only 'grandchild O'Neill' and the first grandson in Sara's family. The fact that he'd be the only one by the two of us meant that he was spoiled by everyone. That's the one consolation I have - in his short life Charlie knew the complete and total love of his family. When he died the hole he left in everyone's lives was devastating. My mother never got over it. She died not two months after Charlie and she went to her grave with a broken heart. My Dad always said she went to be with him - that she went to look after Charlie for me. I don't think he ever did realise just how close I came to following them both. If it hadn't been for Abydos - and Daniel - I probably would have done."
Jack stopped and rubbed at his eyes. He then wrapped his arms around Sam's shoulders and placed a kiss in her hair.
"So you see, I'll never be able to give you children," he told her truthfully. "…even if we defeat the Goa'uld tomorrow. Sam, I've had years to come to terms with the fact that I'll never be a father again, and after Sara left I honestly never thought the issue would come up again."
Jack had never told anyone the full story behind Laira and her proposition to him while he was stranded on Edora. Laira hadn't want to leave Edora with him once the SGC had finally got back to the planet and in a bittersweet way he'd been relieved that he couldn't have fathered a child while trapped there. He couldn't have abandoned his own son or daughter to be raised without a father and there was no way he was going to leave Earth or SG-1 either.
"Oh, oh, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." Sam said in dismay. "I must admit, I've thought about having children, I think all women do it at some time during their lives - clock is ticking and all that stuff. I've also wondered what our - yours and mine - what our children would be like. In my dreams, when we got together, well, kids just automatically followed…but…but that's just dreams. It's you I want…it's you I love. If we can't have kids then that's something to deal with in the future. Our future…together."
Jack leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on Sam's lips. "You are an amazing woman. Samantha Carter. Do you realise how lucky I feel that you chose me?"
Sam blushed, "Not half as lucky as I feel right now. I'm exactly where I've dreamed of being."
"What?" asked Jack, with a chuckle. "In the kitchen of my cabin?"
"No, you silly man," she replied, slapping his chest lightly with her hand. "Here…in your arms."
"Oh," he said, as he snuggled her in tighter to him. "Is that right?"
"Yep, that's right." Sam announced, then she raised her face to Jack's and kissed him gently on the lips. "However long it takes, and no matter what has to be done to defeat the Goa'uld, I vow to help do it so I can spend the rest of my days, here in the arms of my gorgeous, silver haired husband."
Colour flooded into Jack's cheeks. "You're blushing," Sam teased him.
"It's your fault, you're making me blush." Jack complained, light-heartedly. "Now that just won't do at all. I'm a Colonel in the USAF for Christ's sake, Air Force Colonel's do not blush. Now I'm going to kiss you to shut you up, that OK with you?"
Jack paused with a grin on his face. He waited just long enough for Sam to open her mouth to speak and then pounced. She met him half way and the pair shared a long passionate kiss.
When they parted for breath they embraced once more before Jack cuddled Sam into the left hand side of his body. He filled the coffee machine up and set it going using only his right hand, keeping Sam snuggled close by his side the whole time.
The rest of the morning was spent in the cabin, talking and just generally 'hanging out'.
#
After lunch both Sam and Jack moved outside and back down to the dock. Jack finally set up his fishing gear and Sam retrieved the book that she'd abandoned that morning.
The two sat side by side in the twin chairs at the end of the dock. Jack fished and Sam read.
Every now and then one of them would reach out a hand to the other and many tender looks and gentle kisses were shared.
When Teal'c returned, at exactly 5pm, Sam and Jack just looked at each other and burst out laughing. The large Jaffa failed to see the funny side of it, even after they explained their 'non-bet' to him.
What he did notice was a change in either the attitude, or the body language of his two friends. He enquired how their day had been, stating that they both seemed to be in a 'most tranquil mood'.
Jack told Teal'c much of what he and Sam had discussed that morning and the quiet man assured him he was very happy for the pair of them. He also voiced the opinion that 'DanielJackson would also have been most pleased by the news'.
Jack suggested a toast to that effect before they started preparations for dinner.