Seven years ago, the Wade family had had high hopes that at last it was united after years of fractured estrangement. Nikki had effectively become a non-person after being expelled from boarding school all those years ago. Nikki and her brother John had finally had a long intense discussion at their parent's house and had resolved their years of conflict. This had been inflamed by being on opposite sides in high profile court cases when public praise for Nikki's verbal proficiencies from judges and barristers trod on his sensitivities. This reconciliation had coincided with the moment when his suppressed feelings of oppression by the ruthless law firm he'd worked for finally broke surface and the chance he came to jump ship to Claire Walker's rival firm. As Nikki and John had reflected on this momentous change, they had been released from their conflicted emotions which had disappeared into the ether. The initial experiences for the Wade family had been joyfully overwhelming and liberating
As Helen drove along smoothly in her Peugeot, she remembered eagerly empathising with her adopted family's desire to let the good times roll. While her automatic pilot kept her road senses in order, an ironic twist of her mouth combined with her wide open green eyes staring into the distance while she relived the complicated set of events that led to the present.
She could remember the first invitation for them to come over to John's house as if it were yesterday. Nikki had danced excitedly round the house after John had phoned her up. A busy four months had passed since the grand reconciliation when all of them had time to spare. She'd clipped the six months old Rose into the brand new special car seat in the back of the Peugeot, loaded up the car boot with all the paraphenalia of baby accoutrements and cheerfully bowled off down the road, heading for the leafy glades of Epsom. This cheerfulness had lasted right up till they pulled up at the large nineteen thirties mock-Tudor house, gone into the front room and they had felt as if cold water had been unexpectedly splashed into their faces.
They hadn't expected this reaction after basking in approval from Nikki's parents. Nikki's mother had openly fussed over Rose from day one and even Nikki's father had let his little finger be grasped by Rose's determined fist and he'd progressed to kneeling on the floor with the little girl's Lego kit. Nikki had watched him grinning broadly as this was a big time lapse in his customary dignity. Helen had received pride of place from the start as birth mother and she had decided that there was something in old-fashioned customs after all once they'd been suitably adjusted. At this house, John Wade had extended his obvious warmth of welcome in his handshake but this had contrasted with the cold wall of disapproval from the woman in the armchair. Too late, they'd realised their mistaken assumption that Gill Wade had followed suit in coming round as John had. They were further confused by strange looks from the conventionally well-dressed seven year old boy and the ten year old girl. Nikki and Helen had exchanged puzzled glances as after all, their lifestyle was perfectly normal, wasn't it?
"We haven't seen you for a long time. It's tea time but mind you don't smoke," she said in cold, disapproving tones.
"It's all right Gill. I've given up smoking and Helen and I are quite fond of tea these days," Nikki had put in with a conciliatory smile, biting back the obvious crack that her sister in law was behind the times.
"Gill's taking time to get used to changes in family relationships," John had replied apologetically as a waft of chill air had swirled behind the closing living room door.
As the afternoon had worn on, Nikki's large heart had gone out to her brother as he had made a gallant attempt to be hospitable while Gill had sought to drag everyone's spirits down. He had even played with little Rose and a slow smile had spread across his face as she warmed to his presence.
"So why have you come back into our lives Nikki?" Gill had said abruptly out of nowhere as she had poured the tea with an air of social obligation. She was using Crown Derby china, more delicate than the mugs the two women had been used to handling so it made them nervous. That visual image had stuck in their minds as typifying the occasion.
"For the sake of the family. That's what they're there for," Nikki had said drily.
"John may have changed his mind about your kind of lifestyle but I haven't. I can still remember seeing your name being splashed across the tabloids when you murdered that policeman,"Gill had continued, as narrow-minded anger had started to build up inside her. It had gone through John like a knife and his eyes had locked with Helen's. She had known how constrained he was so she had felt called on to make the collective move first.
"Not in front of the children Gill," Helen had broken in sternly."Grown-ups should set an example. We don't intend to let our baby be brought up in an atmosphere of anger and upset. Children pick up on these things."
"John and I have spent far too many wasted years apart from each other and I don't see why you should come between us," weighed in Nikki in calm measured tones.
The combined interjections had pushed Gill temporarily onto the defensive, especially as Helen's words resonated with what her own mother had always told her. Her default position was to talk nicely but work more deviously to get her way. She'd never failed to steer her husband in the right direction in the past but his recent change of job hadn't been her idea but one which he'd foisted on her.
"I think there's been some kind of misunderstanding. You must understant that I've been brought up in a traditional family and the values that go with it. Others might see me as being a bit inflexible but that's not wrong. You have to stick to your guns or everything falls apart, especially in bringing up children. You see enough of the world going wrong on the xix o clock news."
Bullshit, bullshit, thoughts boiled behind faces that felt as it they were cracking in keeping up polite smiles for John's sake. He had known that his sister's mind flashed immediately back to when she'd been first imprisoned and he had seen the two women struggling to remain civil for his sake. He had felt called upon at last to make a stand after all these years. He'd made enough compromises in his life and look where they'd got him.
"I don't quite agree with you Gill. I've not really disowned my upbringing. It's just that Mr and Mrs Middle England aren't necessarily good and neither trendy permissive lefties have to be bad. I've come across too many who pass themselves off as patriotic conservatives. They are out for their own good, way too cynical and ruthless for my taste. That's why I jumped ship from my old law firm. Besides, Nikki and Helen believe in family life as much as we do and they're traditional enough in their own ways. We all have more in common than you might think."
"You would say that, wouldn't you," Gill had muttered peevishly, rattling her cup and saucer ominously.
It was at this moment that Rose had started crying after having been crawling happily over the living room carpet. Everyone save Gill had known that the unpleasant atmosphere had caused this. Helen had immediately reached out for their offspring and had started rocking and shush shushing to her and after a while, Rose's distress had started to subside. As Gill had looked away from the other two women, John couldn't help rolling his eyes upwards. All the while, their two children had sat stiffly in their chairs. Was this display of emotion really beyond their ability to handle especially as they had looked to their mother for guidance?
That had set the seal on the gathering. Nikki and Helen had exchanged glances as it had been painfully obvious that John and Gill had been sitting comfortably together on their two seater settee but a vast chasm had been opening up between them. They knew that they'd never persuade Gill to see reason as her ears and mind were both firmly closed. They had felt a little guilty in their measured opposition to this bigoted woman and had worried about John for the moment when they'd be gone and he'd suffer for his chivalrous support of them. Even at that first meeting, they first had a sneaking suspicion that sooner or later this marriage was doomed while everything had unrolled with dreadful inevitability like a slow motion film.
Nikki's and Helen's farewell at the end of the day had been stiff and formal though it had been fortunate that the dark was drawing in as it had concealed facial expressions. They had been no more than polite to Gill though they had already loathed her with a vengeance and they had reined in their natural effusiveness to John lest he suffer the consequences.
For the next five years, Nikki and Helen had made periodic visits to John's house as Gill had refused point blank for them to visit their flat. It's as if the surroundings of the flat might contaminate them, Nikki would drily observe to Helen. In these years, they had been struck how John balenced on a knife-edge in his wife's company, always seeking to make the balenced remark to keep the peace. By contrast, when John and Nikki met in lunchbreaks, he was flowing over with his emotions, more grateful than he could say in being able to speak how his heart felt. Another factor was that they had become highly conscious when Rose became better able to understand and express her feelings once she had learned to talk, having vaulted through the 'babytalk' phase with ridiculous ease.
"Why do we have to keep visiting Uncle John? You and mum aren't happy when we're over there and I'm really unhappy," Rose piped up one day when they were in the garden together and Nikki had asked her why she had looked down in the mouth.. She laid aside her gardening trowel as this was serious.
"I know how you feel but your uncle John is part of our family and our friend," Nikki said carefully, weighing every word for it to tell the truth. Already, this little girl had the knack of testing their honesty to the limit.
"He is but Gill isn't," Rose replied with devastating candour.
It was on Nikki's lips to say some platitude that there were differences in all families and it was all for the greater good when she mentally scratched out the line. It was bullshit and they'd brought Rose up to be truthful so they were getting just what they'd asked for.
"John isn't happy either and he needs our loves his children but he's finding it hard.,"Nikki had started to day at last with careful deliberation.
"Why?" Rose asked wide-eyed with incomprehension. Inwardly Nikki had groaned to herself as soon as the last words had escaped her mouth, knowing that she'd messed up.
"You're lucky Rose as Mum and I are best friends. John and Gill aren't. Their children can't please both of them at the same time so they don't know who to be. Also, John's doing his best but he's being pushed out of his own home bit by bit. You're not used to that and it doesn't feel good."
To Nikki's great relief, Rose had thought this over and her determined little face had nodded with evident relief. With a sense of delayed playback, the dark-haired woman had realised that these words felt right to Rose's sense of understanding and this was a big compliment. As her sense of vision opened out, she saw Helen's smiling face come closer into view. This intervention had sorted out a problem that Helen had been wrestling with. She had sighed with a breath of relief as this was an instance of them giving Rose the means of sorting out her own problems rather than dealing with it themselves. Since Rose had been due to start school full time in the next few weeks, this had felt very well timed in the grand scheme of things.
"Come on, let's play soldiers as Niamh isn't around," Rose had suddenly called out with a big grin all over her face. It had made Nikki smile at the way this little girl had reverted to childlike concerns and Helen grinned at the way their daughter had chosen her fencing companion. Impeturbably, the taller woman had led the way to her garden shed where she had a stack of canes that she'd intended for growing plants up but she reckoned that a few could be sacrificed in the cause of child development. It had brought back memories of her and John playing the same game years ago in their parent's back garden and how lethal she'd been with her pretend sword. This had given her a comforting sense of cyclical continuity in life which was especially reassuring. Being out in the back garden helped as it was the symbol of the renewal of life even while the ominous cloud hovered over John and Gill's shaky marriage.
It was two months after Rose started at primary school that the emotional downpour suddenly opened up. Helen had been busy piling an assortment of clothes into the washing machine when the house phone rang. Nikki had just handed Rose a bunch of felt tips to the little girl who started scrawling in her drawing book and she called out lightly to Helen that she'd take the call. As Helen straightened her back, she turned to see the smile wiped off her partner's face which turned white with shock.
"Oh John, I'm so sorry for you," Nikki started to say while Helen instantly drew the obvious conclusion and the taller woman poured out her natural sympathy. Rose stopped drawing and looked up expectantly. On the other end of the phone, inconsolable tears poured down the man's face. His other arm still clung to the suitcase into which he'd packed his earthly belongings while he propped himself up in a phone box as best he could. Even his mobile had let him down and was a useless lump in his suit jacket.
"You must come over and we'll put you up," Nikki urged, exchanging a quick glance with Helen.
"You're sure it's all right?" John asked anxiously. He knew how gracious his sister and Helen were but he feared to tread too much on their intimacy.
"Of course it is John. I know Rose won't mind either. Besides, we've let John Deed crash here for the night when he's had his emotional troubles," Nikki urged without a trace of hesitation in her voice."We'll have a nice cup of tea ready for you."
Amongst all; the tears that John Wade had bottled up for so many years, he couldn't help a curious nonsensical impulse of laughter. Nikki heard it all and realised that her prosaic idea had struck gold. She hadn't intended it that way. In fact her only intention was to offer a gesture of comfort and here she was sounding just like her mother.
"I mean it John. I mean everything. Do you want a lift or anything? If you do, we'll pick you up."
By now John had recovered himself a little and, in true intrepid explorer style, he felt for his car key and looked round for his car. He realised that he'd left it abandoned , the near side wheels parked well onto the pavement and the driver's door wide open. All this was definitely not his natural style but what was natural about this evening since the final row with Gill which saw him speeding off down the road on an unpleasant rainy evening? He looked round, saw the white street sign and figured out where he was parked.
"I know where I am Nikki. It's all right. I think I'll be with you in half an hour. Don't try my mobile as it's on the blink. I'm feeling a bit better now so I won't do anything stupid," John replied in as level headed a voice as he could conjure up.
After he signed off, he straightened his tie which was halfway round his neck and ventured out into the cold evening. Rain pattered down his tousled dark hair which he swept out of his eyes and he slumped down into the driver's seat. To his great relief, his catr started and he gingerly edged it back onto the road with a bit of a bump. He had an immense sense of home that was lying in wait for him many miles ahead of him. Thanks to his sister's calming voice, only now was he sure enough of himself to get there safely and glad of it as the calm methodical mental exercise would calm him down.
Helen's first split second glimpse of John as the door opened wide was of emotions nakedly exposed and his dark, tousled hair flopping over his forehead. The look of desperation immediately reminded her of his sister landing on her doorstep all those years ago. However, when he stumbled into the bright warmth of the hall out of the rain, he felt Nikki, Helen and Rose's concern wash over him and start to bathe away his tensions. It was what he wanted more than anything else in the world. Tonight was sanctuary and the future could wait till he could face it. Nikki embraced him warmly, led him through the hall with her arm round his shoulder and let him flop down into the armchair. After Helen passed over an unbelievably welcome mug of tea, Rose came over, concern in her eyes and sat on his tears pricked at his eyes as the feel of home and hearth overwhelmed him. He hadn't felt that way for years.
A little while later, the landline rang and a tight-faced Helen reached for the phone and, sure enough, Gill's cold voice came on the line peremptorily demanding to know where
her husband was. Helen took fire at once.
"He's stopping here overnight and if he's all right now, it's no thanks to you. You've been building this up for years. I don't suppose you want to talk to your husband and break the habit of a lifetime."
"The only way I'm talking to him is through solicitors. You and Nikki are at the bottom of our marriage breaking down by filling his head with all sort of fancy ideas. I'm sure you're cooking up fresh ones as we speak," snapped back Gill spitefully.
"In your dreams Gill," Helen retorted forcefully, seeing John's gesture and expression indicate that he couldn't bear to talk to his seriously estranged wife who'd ended up screaming at him forty odd long minutes ago."Now is not the time for the blame game. Nikki and I are trying to calm your husband down so that he can crash here for the night."
"And what about his children? What am I supposed to say to him having run out on us?" Gill shot back. This thrust momentarily flummoxed Helen as she had thought her rather stupid and reactionary and hadn't expected this degree of low cunning. A pause for thought enabled her to a sideways logical jump and the answer popped into her alert mind.
"I'll have you know that I've known the Wade family pretty well over the last years and they never abandon their responsibilities even in the most dire circumstances. It might as well be a coat of arms. Quite what's caused this upset, I'm not sure but I can make some pretty shrewd guesses," Helen slammed back, her temper having caught fire.
After a distinct silence, the phone went dead. Helen looked round a little apologetically and reeled off the contents of the conversation as she worried in case she'd overdone it.
"You did the right thing Helen. No one's ever got the better of Gill,"John said kindly. He bit back the observation that he hadn't really known Gill until too late. How in hell had he wandered so blindly into his marriage? They seemed so well suited at the time, he thought hazily to himself. However, he didn't want to pursue the matter any further as he didn't want to think too much. He hastily accepted the glass of wine offered to him, then another.
A few hours later, Helen was touched to see Rose give the quilt one final tuck as it was wrapped round John as he lay peacefully on the sofa. As Helen drove along to work, she recalled that moment as it seemed emblematic of the relationship between him and her family.