~ Michi ~

August 25th, and I was… "So boooooored!" I groaned.

"Toma should be home from work soon. Just calm down. Hey, at least you beat that gym leader finally."

"Brock can never stand up to my Charmeleon… Mwahaha! AHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! METAL CLAW!"

"… You're finally starting to go insane, aren't you?"

"I'm slipping… Ugh!" I flopped to hang upside down off the bed. "I feel bad, just sitting here…"

"Don't be too troubled by it. You're safest here, and it's giving Toma and me both peace of mind. You're not troubling anyone."

"Well, that's good at least." I flopped back up when I heard a knock on the door. "Is he back?"

"Why would Toma knock on his own door?"

"Right… He wouldn't…" I crept towards the door, heart hammering from heightened paranoia. There was no way she could find me here… Right?

"Toma, you here? It's me."

"That's…!" Without thinking I swung the door open.

"Michi, wait… Geez…" Musca tried to stop me to no avail.

"Shin, hi!" I threw my arms around his neck. I'd forgotten him for a short period of time, along with all of the others too, so seeing him again made me so glad to have remembered that I just wanted to hug him.

Without warning he pushed me away, jumping back and covering his face with his hands. "I didn't see anything! Well I saw, but I didn't look!"

"Huh?"

"Michi…" Musca sighed. "You're not wearing any pants, remember?"

I looked down at my bare legs. Oh, yeah, right. That. "Oh, shit!" I gasped. "I'm so sorry, I, I just, it was hot and I didn't know how to work the air conditioning and, and…" This was mortifying.

"Just go put some pants on!" Shin snapped.

"Okay!" I ran back on and tugged on my pajama pants before going back outside. "Uh… Hello again."

"You're insane." Shin glared at me.

"… You're mad. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you or gross you out like that…" I didn't know why he was complaining. I'd shaved my legs in the shower last night and everything.

"No, I'm not grossed out, don't say that, it's just…" He looked even angrier now. "Can I come in?"

"Sure… Toma's at work though."

"That's fine. I was really looking for you anyways."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You were discharged but not at your apartment… This is the second place I thought to check after Sawa's."

"Oh, you're smart." I nodded. "Well, I'm staying here for now. Just until everything's settled down…"

"Okay…" Shin frowned as he took in the sight of my things strewn about the bed and the nightstand. "Hmph."

"Why the grumpiness?"

"It's nothing. Anyways… Why Toma?"

"Why'd I choose to stay with him? Well… I think he'll protect me. Plus you have your dad at home, so I really wouldn't feel right intruding, and Kent has his parents visiting him sometimes now, and Ikki is supposed to be having friends over as part of project try harder to be a socially good person and not give up on yourself, but Toma is generally a loner, so I just figure this is best. The least amount of people are inconvenienced."

"… How'd you know all of that? I thought you lost your memory."

"Oh!" I'd completely forgotten to tell them that I'd recovered after becoming so despondent over losing the hair pin, which I'd found under the bed this morning. "Yeah, I got them back." I tapped the side of my head. "All better now."

"Seriously…?" Shin's eyes widened.

"Yup." I blinked at him as he took my arms and yelped when he started to shake me.

"You idiot why didn't you tell me I was so damn worried about you why are you like this and then why the hell are you confused about why I'm mad it's because you're in your underwear in another man's apartment SHIT!" He yelled in one breath, stopping to huff and gaze at me once he was done. "You're… really, really stupid sometimes, you know that?"

I blushed as his hands went to touch my cheeks gently. "Uh, yeah, I know. I'm a self-aware dumbass."

He sighed, moving to wrap his arms around my shoulders and pull me into a hug. "But you have no idea… how relieved I am. I was so worried that you wouldn't remember…"

"I'm sorry, Shin. I should've told you sooner, but I forgot to… I only remembered last night, and…"

"It's fine. As long as you're okay." He stepped back. "So… You're staying holed up in here until Toma gets home every day?"

"Pretty much."

"Want to go for a walk? I can look after you."

"Yeah! Oh, wait… Sorry, can't. Toma will be home from work sooner rather than later, and I don't want to make him worried by leaving since he's been so hospitable."

"Okay then… You still want some company? I can stay with you until he gets back."

"Will you?!"

"You don't have to get so excited about it…" But he was smiling while he said that.

"Come on come on!" I jumped onto the bed and patted the space next to me. "I've been playing Pokemon but I can't get past the first mountain area…"

"… That's a child's game, Michi."

"Nuh-uh. It's for everyone."

"… And you can't beat it."

"Shut up! I'm working on it! See…" I gestured to the screen as he sat next to me, leaning in close to peer with me at the smallish square. "My Charmeleon is level 16 and my Pidgey is level 10."

"No wonder you're losing… All of your stuff is weak to rock and you're in a place filled with rock-types."

"Why don't you try to do better, genius?"

"Fine, maybe I will." He took the system from me and I rested my head on his shoulder to watch. "Hey, why are you going all the way back?"

"Be quiet and let me fix this."

"Fine… Hey, you're going to get a Mankey, aren't you? That's so boring, nerfing the game like that…"

"Do you want to keep losing or not? You should've picked the water-type starter."

"I thought this game was for kids, Shin. What are you getting all fired up for?"

"Shut up, you…" He'd turned his head to look at me while he retorted, but our faced were close because I'd already been looking up at him. "… Idiot." He finished his sentence after clearing his throat.

"You're stupid too…" I muttered.

"I know…" He sighed and raised a hand to pat my head. "Hey… Don't go choosing Toma, okay? Wait a bit longer."

"Huh?" My heart skipped a beat, jarred by hope that I'd long let go of; hope for him and I.

"I'm gonna catch a Mankey now, so don't keep bothering me…" He turned away and the moment was gone as soon as it had come. Still, I wrapped my arms around his and snuggled in closer, trying to hold on to the feelings I wished he'd returned to me in the first place. Things would have turned out so much less complicated if he had claimed me in the first place.

It took about an hour of me watching him play the game. "… You got nothing done."

"Try getting through the mountain now. Just use the fighting monkey and you'll be fine."

"Wise advice, Shin-sensei! Tell me again please, as I didn't hear you the first time!"

"Just use the fighting monkey, idiot! Or else I'd have just wasted my time."

"Oh, so I'm a waste of time now, I see…" I huffed.

"I was just joking."

I flicked him on the forehead. "I know, I was too… Thanks, Shin. I had a really good day, thanks to you…"

"Just call or text if you get bored again. I'll come anytime you want."

"Yeah." I blushed. It felt like we hadn't been this close in a while, as if he hadn't let me in so much for some time. It was always on his terms… "Thanks."

"… Remember what I said, okay? Don't… Don't choose Toma." He brushed hair out of my face..

"… I can't, Shin…" I whispered. "I can't keep on waiting for you when you keep on saying that you can't be with me or you're going far away."

He suddenly took my hands tightly. "Things can change. If you let me… If you have some faith in me."

"Shin…?" I couldn't bring myself to understand or to believe him fully. His multiple rejections had already hurt enough, and knowing that he was leaving to go across the sea soon… "Stop being weird, will you?" I tried to joke, laugh it off.

"I'm being serious."

"I know, but it's too late, isn't it? Why are you doing this, idiot, I thought we agreed that there was no chance for us!"

"Because finding you here made me go crazy! I can't… I can't give up like this, okay? And if you feel anything at all for me still… Then I want to win you over."

Why did it turn out like this? Why was just being friends with him so hard? "It's too late," I whispered.

Shin took my face in his hands. "It's not." With that he pressed his mouth to mine firmly.

He was making this too complicated. Being cold and then passionate, he was bad for my heart. He leaned back to whisper against my cheek. "Please either kiss me back or push me away."

"I can't… I can't decide, on any of this… I never meant for this to get so jumbled up…" My feelings, my love, they were all being pulled in four different directions. How was I supposed to choose? "I'm so sorry, I'm a bad girl, I'm a terrible girl…" I started sniveling.

"Michi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to… I'll stop. Please don't cry. You're a good girl…" Shin hugged me, stroking my hair in an attempt at comfort.

"I'm… not… crying… you idiot," I mumbled, hiccupping slightly as I tried to contain tears. So stupid. But still, this hurt far more than the stab wound still searing my body, this strain on my heart. That's just how it was; try as I might, that was what fate had brought me.

"You totally are."

"Not!"

"You're getting my shirt wet."

"Agh, you asshole… Just stay here until I stop, then leave please."

"Got it."

I closed my eyes, hiding in his shoulder. "It's not like me to break down like this…"

"It's my fault for pushing you. Sorry."

"I'm just gonna go ahead and blame the medication…" I muttered.

"Okay, sure."

"Look… I don't want to keep on doing this. I want to make a choice soon… And once I make it, I'll stick with it without any regrets. I just need a little bit more time. A smidge."

"That's fine… I have some things to do too." Shin sighed. "I can't seem to let go of you no matter how hard I try… So I had to know whether or not I had a chance at all."

"Geez, Shin, but you didn't have to be so pushy about it."

He chuckled. "That just seems to be the best way to get through to you."

"Urk… You jerk."

"I'm back!" Toma sounded happy as he came in, but he stopped dead in his tracks once he saw Shin and I, the two of us having had no time at all to adjust ourselves.

"Toma, we were just – Ah!" I yelped as Toma grabbed Shin by the back of the shirt and threw him to the floor. "Wait!"

"I don't know exactly what's going on here, but Michi is crying and that's all I need to know," Toma growled. "Get out, Shin."

"Toma, calm down!" I grabbed his arm. "Shin just came to keep me company while you were gone!"

"That's what you call keeping her company, huh, Shin? You bastard, this is my house!"

"And you kept her here without telling anyone or letting us know that she'd gotten her memories back!" Shin retorted.

"Michi agreed to it. Don't get all pissed at me like I had some diabolical plan." Toma smirked.

"You totally had a diabolical plan from the start…" Musca interjected in a mutter.

"Okay, executive decision!" I declared. Neither of them were going to calm down if they continued facing off like this; the only solution was to separate them and let them cool down on their own. "Shin, go home."

He glanced at me, looking away after I mouthed sorry and thanks to him. "Later, Michi. Don't forget what I said," he added pointedly before leaving.

"Geez…" I sighed.

"What was that?" Toma asked quietly.

"Shin just… I started crying, so he comforted me. That's all. Don't be so mad, okay?"

"Why were you crying?" Confusion flitted across Toma's features. "Is it about that flower hairpin?"

"No, I found it."

"Good…" He glanced away before looking back at me. "So what's the matter?"

"Well… I'm just frustrated. Being the leader of a reverse harem isn't easy, you know, and then at the end the heroine always has to pick one and it pisses me off because you can't help but root for them all dammit!"

"Oh… Well…" Toma tilted his head. "Want to go for a walk?"

"Sure…" Maybe getting a chance to talk to him would help me sort some things out.

"Okay. Just get changed and we can go."

"Michi…" Musca followed me into the bathroom after I grabbed a spotted dress and a long rainbow-patterned sweater. "Be careful. You're running out of time on Toma's pathway, and him seeing you with Shin isn't bound to help things."

"I know… I'll focus from here on out." I couldn't afford to entertain distractions right now. I could give this more thought later, but not now. I slapped my cheeks lightly. "No more of this damsel in distress crap… I can do this on my own!" I walked out of the bathroom, brushing myself off. "Let's go…"

"… You look cute."

"Thanks…" It was just another one of my random ensembles, nothing special, but he seemed sincere.

"I'm sorry you had to be left alone all day. It still bothers me, but I understand why you would let Shin inside to spend time with you," Toma sighed. Despite the words, he still looked upset. His burning anger was gone, but a tired sadness still lingered in its wake.

"What's the matter, then?"

"I hate the thought of you being alone with another guy. Not just Shin, but any other guy."

"He feels the exact same way, you know…" I muttered. "You're both really stupid. But then again, I can be pretty stupid too…"

"Geez… This sucks."

"Sort of, yeah." I looked at the sunset. "But at least we've been blessed with a beautiful day…"

"Michi…" Toma took my hand. "Go out with me. Will you?"

I squeezed his hand tightly but couldn't look at him.

"Michi, maybe consider it? It may help complete the pathway…" Musca suggested, uncertainty plaguing her words. "I don't like saying this, but maybe…"

"Toma can hear you, you know, Musca…"

"I know that, but… I just wanted to give you what counsel I could."

I shook my head, smiling. "I have to be honest with my own heart, both of you. Right now just isn't the time to make a choice. The only thing I can say, Toma, is that I promise to be by your side until this ends."

He smiled softly. "What are you talking about… I'm the one protecting you right now. That's my line."

"Whatever." I grinned. "I'm tired of crying and of being scared… So let's be brave together, Toma." Even though I didn't seem to be in control of what my heart felt, the thing I did have control over was whether it reduced me to sniveling or not. I didn't want to let it anymore. No matter how confused or torn I was inside, I wanted to feel strong on my own.

"Fine… Whatever you say. I'm a slave to your will." He spoke with a halfway joking and halfway serious tone.

"Thanks for everything you're doing for me. I really can't say that enough."

"It's really not a big deal. Besides… You help me out to. Just knowing that I have someone to come home to helps me get through the day. Especially because it's you."

"Good…" I tugged on his arm. "Let's go home now, Toma."

"But we've only been walking for a few minutes… I thought you'd be exhausted of being cooped up."

"No, I'm fine. Beggars can't be choosers, right? I think… I just want to have a calm, pleasant dinner with you."

"That sounds nice," Toma laughed. "That sounds amazing right now."

"Come on." Everything was going to be alright. Looking at the fullness of my heart as being a problem, a pain, would get me nowhere. But the bottom line was that I would never be alone. I was just fine because I had all of these loved ones by my side, to support and be supported.

Leftover usually tasted better to me, and the stir fry Toma had made the night before was no exception.

"This is really good…" OM NOM NOM.

"Don't talk with your mouth halfway full," Musca scolded me.

"Whatever…" I grumbled.

Toma laughed. "No, it's fine. I'm just glad you like it."

"I'm already tired of watching your domestic life…" Musca sighed. "Look…" She hesitated. "I think I'll stay in here from now on during the night. It's annoying listening to the two of you snore."

"I don't snore!" I snapped.

"How would you know? You're asleep." Musca raised her eyebrows.

"I don't… Do I, Toma?"

"Does it really bother you that much whether or not you do?" He grinned teasingly.

"No! Geez… Shut up, you two…"

"You seriously don't though."

"I said I don't care!" I huffed.

"Whatever you say… What did you do today besides Shin? … I phrased that wrong." Toma slouched in his chair.

"You, uh, you really did. But I basically just played Pokémon. Because I have no life."

"It'll get better soon. You'll see."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm not worried." The fact that the arrangement was meant to be so temporary seemed a bit strange, but it was also very relieving. Still, I'd gotten used to our weird little domestic life quickly. After dinner Toma and I took turns in the bathroom getting cleaned up. I looked at Musca's expression in the mirror and found that she looked disquieted, so I turned to her after spitting one last time in the brushing of my teeth. "So…" I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "You okay? You're being weird today."

"Weird how?" Her frown deepened.

"I mean, you encouraged me to go out with Toma and even decided to leave us alone at night now. That's pretty unlike you, so what is it?"

She sighed heavily. "We're running out of time. Toma's pathway still hasn't been completed and frankly at this point people like Shin and I are just getting in the way. Besides… You're an adult and so is Toma. You guuys are allowed to do whatever you want."

"We're not going to do anything inappropriate!" My face went red in an instant.

"You say that, but he always gets you caught up in the moment…" Musca shook her head. "Anyways, that's where I stand right now. I don't like it, but it needs to be done."

"Okay, but I don't want you to have to look so upset…"

She smiled now. "Don't worry about me, Michi. I just want you to be happy."

"You keep saying that like… Like you're…" I shook the thought away. "Can I have a hug?"

"Oh, s-sure…" Musca huffed when I squeezed her tightly, knocking the breath out of her.

"I really appreciate you more than anyone else, you know… Please remember that…"

"Okay… I get it, you can let go now…" Musca let out a wheeze once I stepped back, her face red. "Go get some good rest, okay?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna need a lot of energy to do nothing tomorrow… Oh, wait!" I went into the main room, where Toma was already done getting ready for bed and sitting on his cot with a book. "Hey, do you work tomorrow?"

"No, actually. You want to go somewhere?"

"Yes. Literally anywhere, please."

"How about the public pool since you had to miss out on the party? I mean we all did, but still."

"Yeah! Awesome." I plopped into bed and watched as Musca floated into the kitchen. "She's just trying to be nice and give us privacy, but I know she still minds… She should just be honest with her feelings," I sighed.

"It's not like we need privacy… Nothing's gonna happen," Toma said quietly.

"I-I know that! I know, right?!" I laughed, too loud and awkwardly. "… Anyways goodnight." I flopped into bed and curled up with the blankets to my chin, too nervous without Musca there after being so used to falling asleep with her next to me. It was a lonely feeling actually, and that among other reasons was why my next words came out. "… I give up… Want to sleep next to me? I mean, will you? It'll… It'll be comforting…" My voice slowly devolved into a shy murmur as I spoke and I squeezed my eyes shut.

Toma didn't respond at first but I heard his soft footsteps passing closer. "What, are you scared?" He asked quietly.

"No…" I had had some bad dreams last night concerning my mother, but that wasn't the only reason why. "I am a little bit I guess, but I just… I want to get a bit closer to you. Sometimes I feel like I know you and sometimes you're a mystery to me… So please come closer to me, Toma." I truly wanted and needed him closer to me at that time.

"Move over," he said gently, and when I did he got in behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. "This okay?"

"Yeah… Hey, Toma?"

"Hm?"

"Will you tell me? What it is that's always weighing down so heavily on you?"

I felt his breath, warm and slight on my ear and hair. "… Okay."

"I'm scared of myself," he whispered after a while. "I blame it on my parents divorcing, but the truth is that I've always felt like I'm outside of this world somehow. I don't understand the way regular people work. I want to take everything for myself…" I caught my breath when he snaked one hand up my torso and between my breasts for it to be resting on my throat, not gripping at all but heavy somehow and cool in its pressure. "I've always felt alone, bottom line. Like… This world and its rules weren't made for me. I know it sounds strange and like I'm just complaining… But that's how it is."

"No, it's okay… It doesn't sound like that at all." I put my hand over his.

"I've really tried to be a normal person, an upstanding citizen. I've tried to do what people are supposed to do, but it just doesn't feel like me. I… I want to claim things as my own. I want to have power because I've just never had any control it feels like… I'm violent."

I felt him trembling slightly and my heart ached because I honestly didn't know what to do that could truly help him. Was being by his side enough?

"I'm afraid I'm going to hurt someone someday… I've already hurt you before… I just… I just…!"

"Stop. Stop, okay? Just because you feel things that aren't normal doesn't make you a terrible person. It's acting on it in ways that hurt someone that would make you terrible. You didn't… I'm not hurt, Toma. Please understand that, okay? You didn't hurt me… You… You make me feel more alive than I have in a while, and… I believe in you. I believe that you can find your own path to happiness…"

"There's no guarantee that you're going to be a part of that path, is there?"

"… I don't know what's going to happen."

"I can't catch you no matter how badly I try. I want…" His hold on my neck tightened slightly. "I need you. You're the only thing that makes me feel like I can stay tethered. You make me feel like I'm actually a little bit normal… Like I can stand a chance of belonging here. But i… I can't keep you tied to me with… such desperate, toxic feelings… No matter how badly I want to."

"… You might have to let go… I'll always be here for you if you need me, but I might now be able to stay by your side forever, Toma." It broke my heart to say it, but I would also break both of us if I tried to force myself into something I wasn't honest about.

"I can't… I can't let go of you. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

I closed my eyes. "It's going to be okay." There were no guarantees in life, ever, but we would never stop holding on, clinging to the things we were fighting for.