Claire Walker's easy manner had enabled her to quickly gain authority when she took over the running of the law practice seven years ago after the previous practice head, Jim Patterson had been convicted over his involvement in a mortgage fraud ring. It had helped that she'd worked solidly away while being in Jim Patterson's shadow. She had won the practice considerable respect from respected barristers in the criminal field for her work for the Nikki Wade appeal amongst others. Aside from one or two solicitors who jumped ship in a huff, she had good relationships with the other solicitors including John Wade who was eternally grateful for her putting him on the right lines. While she was perfectly happy with his work, she had become concerned how a bitter long running dispute with his separated wife had started up since his marriage breakdown. One day, she passed him a friendly word for him to pop into her office for a chat. It didn't take too long for the tired man with hollows under his eyes to spill the beans.
"I ought to tell you that I'm separated from my wife who has the children and I can foresee a battle over access and the terms of the divorce. It's going to get nastry and personal but I'll pull in time for the legal work and my existing caseload," John said, tension radiating from him from the emotional load in his shoulders.
"You're not, you know. You should know the first rule to never represent yourself even if you do have the technical knowledge. You're too emotionally close to the situation to do it full justice," Claire said gently with firm persistence.
This took the wind out of John's sails. He'd been so centred on the idea of fighting his malignant wife through the court using the tools of his trade that he couldn't think what to say when he was stopped from doing this.
"You're a client and I'm representing you all the way and do my level best. I'll do it at a notional figure and this'll take the weight off you. It'll stop you getting stressed out or you'll be swallowed up, believe me. It is for the best, believe me," Claire continued tenderly.
John mopped his brow which had started to sweat and he gratefully accepted the glass of water offered him. As he thought about it, he came to think that Claire was right. He needed the weight of the world taking off his shoulders and for the first time in ages, he smiled slightly.
"Perhaps you fill me in on how this situation has come to pass and just what makes your wife tick," offered Claire gently. This was where John was able to help out and his thought strayed back to when a young inhibited conventionally ambitious man met his counterpart, settled down and raised two children who were appropriately brought up only for John to change by degrees so that he became a stranger to his marriage.
Several weeks later, John Wade strolled into Claire's room feeling comfortable and relaxed since destiny was taken away from him. This room had become a sanctuary since he first started work for the practice. He noted Claire's puzzled exspression but thought little of it.
"Take a seat John. I wanted you to ask you if you've been able to see your children as you said you wanted to, how often you see them and how you've got on," Claire asked him politely.
"I visit on Saturdays every week. My children are a bit upset aqs Gill and I aren't under the same roofs. They're used to the usual man, wife and two point four children. They're glad to see me and we get on fine. My wife is around all the time and creates a bad atmosphere and doesn't let me take our children out on my own. It's not been easy but I've persevered and I've tried to keep the peace," John said slowly and with some difficulty.
"Would you be surprised that your wife's solicitor seeks to oppose your access to your children without explaining why?" Claire said with soft precision, looking John full in his eye.
John was thunderstruck by the news. He wasn't prepared for this latest blow. A sick feeling welled up in the pit of his stomach.
"But why? What have I done wrong?" he exclaimed.
Claire smiled cautiously. The letter she'd received was suspiciously vague and she'd pursued the matter relentlessly with Gill Wade's solicitor.
"This is off the record for the moment and if I divulge this to you, you must promise to behave strictly professionately," Claire said in firm tones. This resonated with Wade family values so he was duty bound to adhere to his promise.
"Gill Wade's concern is that your children are brought up conventionally. She thinks that if you get shared custody, your children 's contact with Nikki's family will compromise her ideas for bringing up children. her solicitor's words and not mine," Claire replied with dry precision.
John was dumbstruck for several long minutes. He remembered the chilly recepton given to his sister, Helen and Rose over the years but he'd never expected this vicious and underhand move especially when his sister's family were entirely guiltless. Finally, he found his voice.
"This is outrageous. In every important way, Nikki and Helen are very conventional in the way they're bringing up Rose and are brilliant parents on any level .Besides , my daughter Gail is thirteen and my son Peter are fifteen and it's obvious to me that that they're getting into their teens and taking their own path. It's a shame that they've been standoffish with Rose over the years and I couldn't prevent that," John exclaimed in a stream of emotional outpouring. At that moment, Claire thought fondly how John and his sister Nikki are more similar than she'd ever suspected as he normally kept his emotions under wraps.
"Just relax John," Claire replied in easy soothuing tones."I've indicated that refusing access is not a runner. Sooner or later, her solicitor will get her to see sense."
"So what do I do in the meantime? Do I continue visiting my children and pretend everything's all right? What if she starts talking to me about access?"John stumbled, feeling disorientated.
"You know her better than I as to how she'll react. The main thing is that you carry on as before and don't get drawn into any discussion. She started taking legal proceedings so the whole thing's left to be discussed between solicitors," Claire said reassuringly.
John thought for a moment. She had always been a domineering woman and in the days when he'd shared their ideas, he'd let her get on with it while he'd concentrated on his career. He now saw that a lot of factors had got him to change his ideas but his rapprochment with Nicola had been a major factor in their relationship breaking down in showing him what she was really like.
"She'll try it on, I'm sure. I'd better be ready for her that's all," John said calmly of the woman he'd lived with for years and was only just starting to know.
When John went back to his flat, a let down feeling stole over him. The rooms in his flat felt very quiet and he missed the sense of family life around him and he did his best not to think too much about how his children were growing up without his active presence. When he woke up in the morning, he felt more purposeful and lost himself in the intricacies of his work. When Saturday morning dawned, this was the day he saved up his parenting on one go, including all the conversations he'd been missing out on now that Gail and Peter were leaving childhood behind.
However, his the emotional trajectory of his visit followed a depressingly downwards path despite his best efforts. Gail and Peter were visibly awkward and uncommunicative despite his access of good feeling, positivity and interest in heir goings on. Gill was cold and hostile without actually being rude and the two of them didn't have much to talk about anyway. As he glanced round the living room, he took in the bookshelves he'd drilled into the wall to secure and the last coat on emulsion he'd slapped on with a roller and it all seemed so far behind in the past. He didn't find it easy to throw the weight of negativity off his shoulders but he tried. Gill dished out the roast dinner just as she had done in the old days but gestued to him not to carve the joint as was his wont. The atmosphere remained cold and formal, the children fidgeting towards the end.
"Can we go off and see our friends?" Peter asked with just the right touch of restrained impatience, not looking at his father. Gill nodded her head and the two teenagers scooted off.
"Gail and Peter aren't exactly enthusiastic about your visits. I wonder why you still bother," Gill said, attempting to sound deadpan and factual. John's sharpened senses spotted a fractional intonation in her voice which gave the game away.
"They're in their teens and it doeswn't help that we've broken up. With me out of the picture, they'll obviously follow your lead. Besides, I never get a chance to take them out on my own, do something with them and maybe they'd relax more,"John answered in measured tones.
The twitch of annoyance at the corner of Gill's mouth told John that he'd guessed right, Funny that he'd never noticed these details when they were under the same roof."
"If you want access to the children then you'll be where I can keep an eye on things," she answered coldly.
"Then there's nothing more to be said. Thanks for the meal. I'll be back next week,"John said with an effort of self-control. He let himself out of his old front door and drove off down the road without looking back.
As soon as he'd put some miles between himself and what used to be his home, he pulled over to the side and phoned Nikki on his mobile. A warm rush of relief flowed through his senses as he heard her friendly, relaxed greeting and he talked at express speed.
"Hey John, you've had a rough time of it. Why don't you come over for a cup of tea and a chat?"
"There's nothing I'd love better right now," he answered with heartfelt emotion. It showed how he'd been so frozen and constrained up till now. Smiling happily, he figured out where he was and turned towards the warm shelter of Nikki and Helen's flat.
As John entered the door, his sister greeted him with a big smile and a hug, followed by Helen and this lifted his spirits just when he needed it.
"It's Uncle John," Rose exclaimed with a big grin on her face and she took him by the hand and led him to the living room. thank god someone appreciates him, he couldn't help thinking. Since his marriage breakiup, he'd become free to visit Nikki and Helen on his own and wondered what on earth lay behind Gill's unreasoning prejudice that had stopped these visits till now. Once again, the splash of warm emotional and physical colours healed and bathed his senses.
"Thanks so much," John said to Helen with her winning smile and excellent mug of tea."Everything here feels so normal, so homelike. Better than where I've just been."
His disconsolate tone of voice registered with sharp pairs of female ears and Nikki was the first to chime in.
"Having Gill's company must be wearing but your children must get something positrive out of it."
John took in an intake of breath and launched into an account of how sad and guilty he felt that his own children were rejecting him, that he couldn't feel natural with them no matter how hard he tried. He was starting to question the value and point of his visits which were getting him down. Rose sat on Nikki's lap, solemnly taking it all in.
"Michael's like that Uncle John. Roisin and Cassie are his two mummies, same as for Niamh, his sister. He's become a teenager and he's really changed. He used to be bit like a nice big brother and doesn't want to know me now. He's moody and grumpy to me and everyone. Not like Niamh. She's younger. Stands to reason Gail and Peter have gone the same way," observed Rose with great solemnity and the expressive child-like use of her hands.
There was a pause as this observation sank in and John turned his attention to his niece.
"You're a very bright and caring girl, Rose. Thank you so much," he said tenderly, having had some of the weight of his guilt unexpectedly lifted from his shoulders.
"No problem. I don't charge. Suppose you have a game of draughts with me?" Rose said with her india rubber flight of thought to affectionate laughter from the two women.
"Just how good is Rose?" John asked nervously of Nikki and Helen.
"Dad taught her and loved it. She's a quick learner. He hasn't told us but I know he's planning to teach her chess in a few year's time," Nikki answered laconically.
"Oh God. That means you're lethally good," Joan groaned comically.
"Come on, Uncle John. You'll enjoy it," Rose teased which sent Helen into gales of laughter.
"All right then," John conceded as the little girl got out her prized board and box of counters, pointing to the living room carpet for him to crouch down to her level. With a curious sense of reverting to a distant childhood, John willingly complied. It crossed his mind that, during all the years he'd conflicted with his sister, he'd been somewhat cold and inexpressive in relation to the world around him and particularly his children. He had been changing over the last few years and it wasn't too late to learn. He wasn't going to let his pride stand in the way of learning from this remarkable child who possessed a happy blend of elements of his two friends even if he stood to lose every game.
To John, the day was lively and full of emotional nurturing and drew in after a tasty evening meal of home made curry and rice and the four of them settled down for a restful evening. John started getting restless, wondering if he ought top head on home when he didn't want to move from the comfort of his armchair. Nikki looked sideways at her brother and read the man's thoughts. the poor guy was lonely but it wouldn't harm to put him up for the night,.
"John, you look so comfortable that you might as well crash on the settee if you want to," Nikki asked in her polite, pleasant manner.
"You mean it?" he asked, hardly daring to believe his luck.
"I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't mean it. Helen feels the same." That was Nikki all over, he thought affectionately, which made dealing with her so easy.
"That means that he can read me a bedtime story, won't it mummies?" put in Rose with a pleasing smile. John glanced at the two women and laughed affectionately in agreement. It took him back to happier days with his own children and was such an eaasy choice.
A little while later, John found himself curled up on the surprisingly comfortable sofa and his sister was tucking him in with the quilt that she'd retrieved from somewhere.
"This feels like the old days for me as John Deed has crashed out on this sofa on a couple of occasions. I'll turn out the light for you, right?" Nikki said fondly. From his perspective, she towered over him and this felt right. He liked being looked after in this way. His whole experience of this part of the day made him feel wanted and valued as never before.