Chapter 6
Sam and Quinn dated for an entire five months before everything hit the fan, between them that is. She apparently decided to give Finn Hudson a go again (what they see in the tall, uncoordinated, doof is beyond me). I was still lurking in the shadows playing my part, but that's all it was, a bit part in the saga that was Sam's fake love life. Things with us weren't good or bad; they just were. I don't even think I even cared that much anymore, like, I had become so desensitized to everything involving Sam that I didn't really care what was happening outside of what I had with him. You know the old adage, love is blind, well; my name should have been changed to Stevie Wonder because I wasn't seeing a thing. I didn't see that what we had was demeaning, useless, wrong, and killing the me that I was (the biggest of them all). I couldn't even see far enough to be ashamed that I had sold myself as a doormat (he paid me with his love).
Looking back, I can't see why I didn't go running for the hills the day he pulled me into the janitor's closet, or, why I didn't just stay away from him after we broke up. I mean seriously, I am gorgeous. Sometimes I don't feel like it, but I know it's true, and this me and Sam tango, was stealing that knowledge from me. How could it not? The guy I love was parading around with beautiful, miss-perfect Quinn, while I remained hidden in the closet for his personal use. Do I think Sam did this to me on purpose? No. I think…no…I believe…no…I'm sure…that's not right, I know he loved me. I treated myself like I was less than important, so, he couldn't have thought I was more than what I thought I was worth. He couldn't have, I mean, yeah he could have, but I made it too easy not to.
My self-neglect caused things to escalate to massive proportions. He started dating Santana. There was no question that it was Santana's doing; she's a manipulative wench, no secret to anyone, who loves to ruin other people's lives. Intellectually, I know, she had no idea that she was affecting me; her plan was to split up Sam and Quinn hurting Finn and Rachel in the process. It had absolutely nothing to do with me, which again shoved my position as Sam's secret into my face, and hard.
Initially I was inclined, scratch that, I believed he was innocent in all of this. I know, stupid, huh, but case in point, Santana infected herself with mono simply to give it to Finn to exploit his cheating with Quinn, and to snag Sam. She's a skeeve, truly. Sure it sounds like I am placing all the blame on Skanktana and making excuses for Sam, but admit it, Sam is gullible with a capital G. If he were a tool in a shed he would be a mallet, not a sharp point in site. I guess that's why I didn't blow up when he told me about them. He kind of possesses a childlike innocence that makes it easy to trust him when he say's nothing is happening despite all of my senses screaming at me otherwise. Deep down, like deep, really deep down, I knew I was pulling a Sam believing nothing could happen between him and Slutana, but I couldn't see past his sincere denials.
Everything had been set in motion and Stanktana (at this point I refuse to use her real name) had bagged Sam, my Sam, as a consolation prize. This was not what I had in mind when I thought of me and Sam. I did not think it would be me, Sam, and whoever else. That aside, I needed to talk to Sam about all of this.
AN: Okay to address the anonymous review by b-Holiday I wasn't offended by your review. A review is a review. But to clarify some things for you Mercedes is really hurt as she tells her story. This is kind of how she sees things through pain. Sam wasn't good to her and she felt like in order to lessen the impact she thinks "Oh Sam didn't know what he was doing." But she loves him and as the story progresses you'll notice that as the anger and pain wane she begins to lay off on the insults a bit. And you also have to realize that Mercedes is a teenage girl not an adult so yeah teenagers are teenagers and angsty and immature. Oh and the chapters MAY get longer as the story goes on I don't know I just want to get to the point with this fic for some reason. It's more quick paced.
That said I just want to thank all of those who have reviewed, alerted, and favorited and hope you feel compelled to do the same for this chapter.
nakala