Chapter 8
Now, here I am two months from the day Sam and That Thing (who will be referred to as such from now on) began dating and seven months since the day Sam and I broke up. I can't even believe I've lasted that long, which means you must be pulling your hair out, but I love him so much. I don't think I have ever loved anybody the way I love Sam. I gave Sam everything. There was nothing that I kept from him. Sure, there was the thing I had with Puck (which at this point I feel I must elaborate upon). There was love there but for some reason what Sam and I had felt different. Thinking about it now, maybe it was some borderline Twilight obsession crap.
Despite what everyone else may think, Puck and I dated for longer than a week and were quite fond of each other initially. I would even venture to say that we loved each other, like a real grownup, sincere love.
It started out as curiosity on both our parts. He was the bad boy who couldn't do right, and I was the bristly diva. Puck came to me out of the blue one day and plainly said that he didn't know what it was about me that got him all bent out of shape, but he was going to figure it out and I was going to let him. I could say that he had me at hello, but it was just his entitled, self-confident, but charming attitude that won me over. From that point, it was he and I. We dated for a while, and things were really good between us. Because we took the time to become friends before labeling ourselves or doing anything physical (by the way I never did anything with Puck), things were nothing but perfect; except for the fact that, although, our friendship was public our relationship was not. Only when it became public did things start to take a turn for the worse, Puck's ego getting the best of him, thus why our relationship was labeled as pretend. I guess that's why we mutually thought it beneficial to part ways and had no problem being really close friends. Why wouldn't we? We were friends first. He cared for me, was aware of his faults, and didn't want things to end badly between us. Thinking back on that now, our relationship was kept quiet for a long time before he decided that we should tell everyone.
Well look at that, I have quite the self-deprecating problem: first with Puck who, the lovely man that he is, did not take advantage of me but more for granted (he didn't cheat on me), and now with Sam, who probably doesn't have the slightest idea that he has been taking advantage of me from the beginning.
But I don't hold that as an excuse, his ignorance, I have allowed it to be his bliss for far too long, and I refuse to continue paying him an allowance that is leaving me in the red. I'm the only one that continues to get messed over. Yeah, I hurt him with my words, but it doesn't mean I need to feel guilty forever and take him hurting me over and over. Things need to change. Why, might you ask, has my tune changed from Dangerously in Love to Irreplaceable, well Sam went and pushed the envelope, crossed the line, and dove into the deep. He took what I had given him and more than threw it back into my face. Everything was going well (that's what my head told me); I didn't have anything to worry about. Sam and I were spending a little more time together, even talking more. I was under the impression that maybe we were back to being in a real relationship. I had completely accepted my place and wasn't at all worried about his little thing with That Thing. Boy was that the stupidest stance to take. My love for Sam exploded in my face one evening after Glee rehearsal.