Chapter 12

I doubt Sam wanted to end the perfect relationship I had fabricated with him. I didn't even want to in the beginning. After talking with Puck, I was still on the fence, and it only confused me more when I returned home to find my purse home and my dad saying that Sam had dropped it off for me. It was a kind gesture I wasn't familiar with and clouded the hate I had stirring inside me from observing his infidelity. That is why today after a few weeks since catching Sam I haven't officially broken up with him. Am I ready to give up the warped version of love I shared with Sam? I don't know. For the past few weeks I have been avoiding him. You might think I'm exaggerating, but I kid you not, I have. It isn't easy, but I'm doing it. I stopped taking his calls, and when he texts I keep it brief. Succinct is the key. Not to mention I lie about everything. I'm sick, menstrual, grounded. You name it I say it to keep from talking to or seeing Sam.

I was weak. I can see that now. I knew it then, yet, I didn't want to see it. And I didn't see it until Puck shoved it into my face. Even after the wake up call, I couldn't bring myself to break it off with Sam officially. Often times, I find myself completely oblivious to my issues with Sam (that may have something to do with the delay of decision).

Puck and I, however, are great. We picked up right where we left off only this time he's becoming more, this time around he is becoming my best friend (only because Kurt is my soul mate), we were really close before but this time things seem different. We are hanging out regularly, and talking about everything. When we are together, I don't think of Sam, how much I love him. Because I do. Love him. I'm finding it hard to dismiss all the feelings I harbor for him. However, the love I have for him is different than before. It's not this all encompassing obsession. It's more realistic. Pure, if you will.

Love is unconditional (real love), but that doesn't mean that it's blind. Love can see a person's flaws and still find a way to love in spite of them. There is also honesty in love. Something that neither Sam nor I partook in. I wasn't honest with myself or him, and he just wasn't honest. Love can also be tough, gentle, and when necessary selfish. Even a mixture of all three when needed. I suppose it will take me a while to embrace selfish, tough love. For my own good, for him. But thankfully, I don't have to dwell on this too much.

Puck has been there for me since the day I literally just showed up on his doorstep. Sure, he's gotten pretty irate about my avoidance of all things Sam, but he's also been patient. I guess he understands me or he feels he has no right, but I can tell his patience is wearing thin. How could he demand me break it off with Sam so easily when it took him to make the decision for the both of us when we called it quits? I agreed with him, but that didn't mean I wanted it to end. I know I needed it to end, just like I need to end things with Sam, but my heart is still holding on. With Sam a little less each day. Either way I am very grateful for his support. He's been there to listen to me gripe and groan, and even cry (yeah, I know, more crying). So one day soon, I'm sure, I'll make him happy and kick Sam to the curb.

One matter, however, he refused his patience was in the matter of my reconciliation with my former friends, though there weren't many (okay one). He was adamant that I clear the air with Kurt, not that there was a big blowout where we got into a catfight or anything like that. I just pushed him away and we drifted apart, but Puck thought it was time that I fixed it. He didn't understand why I found it so easy to dismiss my friends when I was beating around the bush with Sam. What can I say? I can be pretty cowardly most of the time. And that's why I wasn't talking to Kurt after everything fell apart with Sam, and reconciling with Puck. I was too afraid to face him. Too afraid that after abandoning him he wouldn't want anything to do with me, and I would deserve nothing less than his rejection. I had virtually cut him out of my life without a third thought (I gave it a second I just needed the extra thought). After being harassed and beaten over the head by Puck, I gave in. I was finally prepared to tuck my tail between my legs and get on with the groveling. I just hoped that when I spoke with him he would be as forgiving as I was apologetic. I love Kurt and Kurt loved me; he's like my brother or should I say sister (somehow that feels right).

Though I had promised Puck that I was going to finally talk to Kurt, I didn't really get the chance right away because he appeared to be super busy. Honestly, that's what it looked like to me. But fate must have known how much of a punk I can be because one Saturday morning maybe a couple of weeks after mending things with Puck, Kurt just showed up at my bedroom door.

Thank you guys for reading and I know those of you reading are wondering where Sam is but fret not he is coming and also you may not like either him or mercedes when he shows up. just thought i would give you a heads up. and i also want to remind those reading that the chapters lacking dialogue are in the present and those with dialogue is like a flashback or in the past it might make things easier to understand if you think of it like that because i have had to think about it a lot as i write this story so yeah.

that's all for this author's note and don't forget to review and if you hate tell me why it can only make my writing better. but telling me you hate it because sam is a bad guy is not going to help me.

So REVIEW IT ONLY TAKES A FEW SECONDS

nakala