Here it is sooner than I thought, but I don't know how soon or later the next one will be up. Schools starting to kick up and so are my days at work (yay). Special thanks and cyber hugs to krazykay23 for your insight and reviews on most or all chapters, and cyber cookies and hugs to Hazel08, Zeejack, QTFics, carebearcaryn21 for sticking with my story even when my Mercedes makes you want to cut her head off and dump her in the ocean. And thanks to ngawai, Guest (I love you even if you didn't want me to reply to your review) for reviewing the last chapter.

Disclaimer: I've done this already

It was my turn to do the groveling. It was my turn before, but that's neither here nor there, so, I decided to do it the right way this time. Kurt deserved it, and I owed it to him. When I arrived at Kurt's house, I noticed I didn't see Finn's car, which was great because he's always butting into Kurt's business, which is sometimes my business. I definitely didn't want him overhearing about Sam and I. He would tell Rachel, and Rachel would find a way to poke her obnoxious nose into the middle of things. And much worse he could tell Puck before I got the chance, not that I intended to tell Puck (what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him). I grabbed the basket of goodies I made for Kurt, and made my way to his door.

"Hey, Mercedes." Mr. Hummel looked at me kind of weird. I guess he didn't know that Kurt and I had made up.

"Hey, Mr. Hummel."

"Kurt's in his room. Kurt you got company!" The guy's something else, after yelling in my face he backed away from the door to let me in and said, "You know the way."

I did. So, I went shaking my head and grinning. Kurt has such a great dad no matter how awkward he can be sometimes.

When I got to his room, the door was already open; so, I walked in to see him sitting at the edge of his bed glaring at me. I guess he saw me pull up outside because it looked like he'd been wearing that scowl for a while. I'm sure if he wasn't so mad at me he wouldn't have scowled in the first place for risk of wrinkles. I stood still in front of him afraid he was going kick me out. I don't know what I would have done if that had happened. However, when he finally decided that he wanted to talk to me his voice carried none of the anger his eyes held.

"Mercedes, what's going on? I've been calling, Puck has been calling. What gives?" He sounded super worried about me. Worry I didn't deserve.

"I'm sorry. So sorry. I-" Me being the blubbering baby that I am broke out into a fit of tears. Kurt, whom I had obviously hurt, was tempted to comfort me. I saw the slight jerk of his hand, but maybe the hurt and anger directed towards me was stronger than his urge to console the worst best friend he could ask for. I get it. I had pushed him away again. And again he had no idea why. How selfish of me not to realize my actions hurt people too. I stilled myself as quickly as I could realizing I had to clear the air before I could confide in him and we could resume camaraderie. "I'm sorry, Kurt, it's just that day at the Bean…it was like a slap in the face."

"We weren't-"

"I know. What I mean is…you guys were right. It was beating me upside the head. I knew it. I knew I had to break things off with Sam, but I wasn't ready to face it. And when you and Puck – I wasn't ready. I stopped taking your calls because I needed to come to grips with Sam and me on my own. I was mad at you guys, but really more mad at me and my situation. I'm really sorry. I am. I brought you this as a proper apology. I hope you like it."

I offered him the basket, and when his eyes caught sight of the cashmere glove and scarf set, double chocolate chip muffins, gourmet coffee, and a gift card to Breadsticks he squealed.

"Thank you, Cedes. This is awesome. But this doesn't excuse your actions. We're more than best friends, and you have no idea how hard it was not having you there the last time. So stop being so selfish, and next time don't cut me out of your life without telling me why first. I would have given you the space you needed. You know that, don't you?" He said wrapping me in his arms.

"Yeah, I do. I just got so caught up in myself and my problems that I didn't really think about how it affected you. I'm really sorry, and I'll remember to confer with you first before going AWOL; though, I don't think I'm ever going to go that long without talking to you ever again. I near about went crazy."

"Let's hope not. I missed you, and I was so worried about you. So was Puck. He called me nearly every day complaining about you not responding to any of his attempts at communication thinking maybe I'd heard from you. We started to think you had gotten back with Sam."

"That's why he sent me that vicious, borderline abusive, email. Oh Kurt it was horrible. If I didn't know better, I would have thought he'd lost his mind and was going to kill either me or Sam if I was thinking about getting back with the loser."

"Yeah, he seems to be taking the silent treatment pretty hard, but I think he's simmered down now. He's more worried than angry, now. Have you called him yet?"

"No. I haven't; I just want to talk to you. I don't think I'm ready for his brand of friendship just yet."

"Are you okay?"

"Not really…"

"What's – you still haven't broken up with Sam, have you?" Kurt took back the arm that was holding me leaning back with an extremely saddened, annoyed expression torturing his beautiful unbelievably doll-like features.

I couldn't help squirming under his gaze and decided I'd rather sit in the art deco chair in the corner across the room because I knew that look wasn't going anywhere even after I explained myself.

"Actually, I have…a few days ago." Kurt didn't say anything. I take it he had no idea what to say. I'm sure if he spoke he'd say something inappropriately giddy. "I know I should be…better, but my heart hurts so much. Kurt I didn't know love could hurt so bad." The tears were brimming. I didn't let them fall, but Kurt could see the haziness of my eyes.

"Oh, Cedes, what happened? Was it…ugly?" His wording was incredibly appropriate; however, it didn't feel right.

"Kurt-" and the tears I had refused to shed came bursting forth quite unattractively. In between the sniffling, whimpering and all out bawling, I told him what had transpired between Sam and me. Kurt listened with rapt attention as I blubbered my way through every gory, embarrassing, tantalizing, intimate, heart wrenching detail. For the first time ever there was no interruption from my bestie. He only spoke when he was certain I was finished talking and crying.

"You – You didn't. Oh, Mercedes, why?"

"I'll tell you why, Kurt-"

"Puck?" Both Kurt and I were shocked to see Puck standing in the doorway glaring at me. Fists balled at his sides.

"She's wea-"

"Don't say something you can't take back, Puck. I love you; I do, but there is a line that you do not want to cross."

"So, Sam, the douche, can all but treat you like a woman and you bone him one last time before you finally have the balls to break up with him," he stepped through the door, "but I speak the truth and you're ready to write me out of your life."

"Calm down, she was…what did you hear because if-"

"Doesn't matter, Kurt, I know she hooked up with Sam instead of punching him. How much more do I need to know? She's so in love with someone who clearly doesn't love her back that she can't think straight."

Kurt got up from his bed to close his bedroom door. Everyone in the house didn't need to know what I had done. It's a wonder Finn didn't hear, what with all the yelling Puck was doing.

"Sit down." Kurt said firmly while gesturing to the seat adjacent to mine, but Puck gave it a hardened sneer and remained standing. My heart jerked. How he managed to make me feel so small is beyond me. It's not like he was ever the perfect person. He wasn't even a good person in the purest sense of the word, but he held that power over me. Despite what I was feeling, Puck wouldn't know. I would not let him know how much he was hurting me.

"Why did you do it? Huh, Mercedes? We want to know." As if he had the right.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't have to tell you that. As a matter of fact, I don't want to tell you. First, I didn't come to you, so, you aren't even supposed to know." The scowl distorting his ruggedly handsome features softened marginally giving way to another expression resembling hurt (I think). "Second, you were eavesdropping, invading my privacy. If I wanted to talk to you about this I would have contacted you, but I didn't. I owe you nothing. Especially not an explanation for why I hooked up with my ex-boyfriend just so you can turn it around and make me feel like some-some kind of-of weak slutty whore."

The slight frown that still lingered on his face instantly fell away. He stood staring at me dumbly before falling into the seat beside me. He didn't look at me after sitting; he just covered his face with his hands shaking his head. I had no idea what was going through his mind, but I know it should have been guilt for always treating me like some loser (he's a friend he should be more sympathetic).

"Dang, Merce, I do, huh?"

"What?" Both Kurt and I looked at him baffled.

"I always say the exact thing that I shouldn't. I always end up making you feel bad when I really just want to break Sam's face and cut off his stupid lips."

I glanced around at Puck. He really isn't who everyone else (even me at times) thinks he is. I think even Kurt was starting to see him differently. Well, I'm pretty sure considering how close they've become the last few weeks. He definitely had plenty to observe watching me and Puck carry on as if he wasn't even in his own room, which serves him right for that day at the bean.

"Yeah, you kind of do."

"I'm sorry. I just get so mad when I hear how he treats you and that you," I shut his mouth with a scathing eye. I know I let Sam get away with murder, but I did not want to keep hearing it. I was trying to get over that crap. "I want to punch something or someone, okay. Instead, I take it out on you. I don't mean to."

I didn't say anything. Then he turned to look at me and spoke softly without the sarcasm and indignation. His words came across as if he really wanted to know my reason for sleeping with Sam. "Why did you – you know, with Sam?"

Though he'd been unusually quiet during all of this, I did notice Kurt's ears perk up. I think I could get used to the less vocal Kurt Hummel.

"I don't know. I love him?" Neither said a word waiting for me to continue. So I did. Or tried. At the time, I wasn't really sure why myself. I am still fairly unclear about that. I try not to think about it. It was done and I can't take it back. Turning to look at Puck, I tried my best. "I guess I just wanted to feel loved by him. Honestly, Puck, the simplest explanation I can give is…old habits die hard. For that moment, I didn't want to let him go. Let us go. The us that no one ever saw, the us that was happy together and something kind of beautiful. Afterwards I just felt exactly how you think of me."

Kurt might as well have been downstairs with his father because I hadn't even acknowledged him or remembered he was in the room. In that moment, it was just me and Puck hashing out the little bumps in our newly reformed friendship.

"How I think of you? What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I'm talking about. I know what you were about to say. And when you found out that I gave my virginity to Sam, you didn't explicitly call me a whore, but it was heavily implied. And the look you were just giving me a few minutes ago, please, you think I'm a stupid slut."

Kurt gasped and covered his mouth, while Puck looked taken aback and a bit angry.

"Mercedes, I don't know how you could think that I think that. You are the complete opposite. And it hasn't escaped me that he's obviously the only dude you've ever had sex with. That alone makes you the best girl I know, not that that's the only reason. Out of all the girls I know, and I know a lot, I think way more of you than any of them. You're not a slut and I know you're not as weak or stupid as you've been acting. Merce, I could never think that about you."

I said nothing. For once, miss blabber mouth was speechless.

"You believe me, right?"

I should have believed him, he hadn't really given me a reason not to, but in the depths of my mind I couldn't shake the fear that he was lying to me. I mean, I kind of felt like a slut myself. But he didn't have to know that. "Yeah." I took a deep breath. "Yeah, I believe you."

"You better because you're my best friend."

"What about Finn?"

"Well, he's my friend too. I guess you're my best girl friend, I guess."

"Works for me."

"But really, Mercedes don't ever think that I see you that way…'cause I don't."

"Okay."

"I know I've gone about this all wrong, but how are you feeling? Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I'm better, but I miss-"

"I get it." He was trying. I couldn't ignore that, but he didn't have to snap at me every time I said something he didn't want to hear (schizo much).

"You asked. Don't ask a question you don't want to hear the answer to. And why are you so upset anyways? It's not like you don't know how I feel for Sam. And I'm not with him anymore." Puck opened his mouth, but he didn't say anything. The stupid look he gave me said enough. He didn't even know why himself. "Whatever Puck, I won't tell you; I'll tell Kurt."

"Oh, so you finally remember that I'm here, in my room."

"Now you see how I felt."

"Huh?"

"The Bean ringing any bells?"

"Oh." Kurt said lamely.

"Yeah, oh."

"Whatever, so, now that you and Puck are finished with whatever it is that you do, you told me how well you took the break up, how did Sam react when you told him your lodgings were no longer available to him. For real."

"At first, he tried to make me take it back, but when he knew that wasn't going to happen, he just left. I don't know if he was upset or hurt. I haven't heard from him since."

"Do you want to hear from him?"

I looked to Puck who was looking me directly in my eyes, which I rolled at him blatantly ignoring yet another question that would cause the bipolar lunatic to spazz out on me yet again.

"Come on, I said I was sorry."

"You apologize. That's kind of what you do, but I don't want to deal with you flipping out right now."

"I won't. I get it. So, I won't." I huffed and answered his question. If I didn't, he'd probably keep badgering me and whining until I gave in anyway.

"I know that I'm not supposed to want to." I felt the warm tear slide down my cheek, and Puck turned his face away from me before I could register the look in his eyes. I swiped at the offending liquid, hating myself for being so weak.

"At least you've made it to that point, Cedes. I think that's a step in the right direction. Don't you, Puck?"

"Yeah." He still didn't look at me.

"And besides, it'll take time for you t get over him. He was your first." In the corner of my eye, I saw Puck flinch. "So if you think you're about dive headfirst into the sea of Sam, just give one of us a call and we'll pull you off the ledge. Right, Puck?"

I knew what Kurt was doing, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to know that the lasting feelings I had for Sam had agitated our friend. Not that I cared, he said he wouldn't flip and he didn't. Though I did wish that he hadn't shut me out, I was grateful he wasn't screaming at me or inadvertently insulting me.

When he spoke, it was a noncommittal grunt of sorts mingled with his word. "Yeah." Puck glanced in my general direction, but his eyes didn't meet mine like before. He was probably angry with me again. Disappointed that I hadn't let Sam go already. I'm not like him. There have only ever been two. Him and Sam. The latter of which I gave everything to, and though I consciously know that I still shouldn't harbor any feelings for Sam that are not negative, I do. It isn't going to go away over night, and I can't concern myself with his issues concerning what I'm going through. I'm not working on Puck's time I'm working on my time. So, sue me if exorcising my love demons takes me more than a couple of days.

"Thanks. You don't have to worry about me because I won't be calling him or taking his calls, or any other invitations. I'll be fine. From now on, I'm anti-Sam. I think that's the only way to get him out of my system. I just have to learn to cope with being alone again."

"What do you mean 'again'? You were never really together." So he spoke, and when he did I felt the tightening of my throat and the sting in my eyes. Clearly, he doesn't listen to himself when he speaks because I could have sworn I heard him say he wouldn't do this very thing.

Hurt, I did't have the wherewithal to hold back the silently creeping tears that blurred my eyes. Ashamed, I lowered my head blocking my face from view of both Kurt and the colossal screwball.

"I mean – God, I'm such an idiot. That's not what I meant to say. Mercedes please stop crying."

"Ugh, why did you say that?"

"I don't know, Hummel, it just kind of slipped out."

"I really need to get a muzzle for your loose lips."

"I know, look Mercedes, hey Merce." Puck kneeled in front of me grabbing my shoulders. I didn't dare to look up at him. I was so tired of the spinning wheel of emotions. What's worse, I couldn't stop the waterworks. "I'm sorry I said that. What I meant to say before I stuck my stupid foot in my mouth is that you don't have to worry about being alone because you have me." I heard Kurt clear his throat and I bet Puck rolled his eyes. "I mean me and Kurt. You have us."

I still didn't' look up at him. I looked past him to Kurt who was nodding his head and smiling. When I did gather myself and look at Puck, he looked embarrassed, though I still don't think he learned his lesson.

Looking up and biting my lip, I shook my head at those knuckleheads. What would I do without them? "Thanks you guys." I wiped the remaining tears from my eyes and punched Puck in the shoulder. "Maybe you should think before you speak. It would save me some tears, you jerk," I said smiling.

"I'll try." And out of nowhere he hugged me. Initially, I'm shocked, but hey, it's Puck; so, I return the gesture. Then Kurt came barreling at us both joining in on the mushy moment.

This was perfect. I had my boys, and they had me. I would be just fine.

So tell me what you think. I hope you liked.

nakala