Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter.
This chapter is in Sam's POV.
We're over. We haven't spoken in, like, forever, and when we finally do, she breaks up with me. It would have been easier to handle had she not made love to me before dumping me. I didn't see it coming. I know I'm not usually the first to know or recognize anything, but I know I could have seen this coming if it was coming. There were never any signs that she was even unhappy or whatever. I mean, yeah, we haven't really been together together in weeks, but that was because she was busy or sick. At least that's what she told me. How was I supposed to know that she was avoiding me because she wanted to breakup with me?
I still can't wrap my head around being apart from her possibly for good. I don't think I could take it if that were true. But I'm pretty sure I can't talk her into taking me back. Not now. Not when she looks at me with so much hurt in her eyes. Eyes that used to light up when she saw me. When did that happen? Where did all this hurt come from? There were tears, lots of tears and I didn't-don't know why, not entirely-and then she was saying that I didn't love her and that she didn't love herself. Crazy. It was all so crazy. It seemed like she was babbling. Nothing made sense, not really. I tried getting through to her, but she wouldn't break.
It was the thing with Santana. She wouldn't listen to me because of Santana. She's still ignoring me. If I could explain…but she won't let me. Even then, the day we broke up, she froze on me, and I couldn't get in. I have seen Mercedes angry, very angry, but there was a sadness that I have never seen before.
How did I not see this coming?
I know it was probably stupid thinking I'd be with Bambs, my little Bambi, forever, but I did. And I always assumed that if we ever did breakup we would still be friends, but that didn't happen. She basically kicked me out. I didn't get to plead my case or get the opportunity to make her change her mind. I can admit that I wouldn't have had any clue what I could have said to get her back. I was-am as hurt as she looked. I love her. She was…but that doesn't stop me from being angry with her too.
I can't believe she just gave up on us like that. Without trying. Yeah, I kind of broke up with her that time-it was more like a break than anything-but I never intended for it to be forever, I always believed I would make my way back to her. But she just gave up, and a as mad as I am at her for not trying, I would be fooling myself to think that I'm not miserable without my girl.
I can't get her out of my mind. Just like I couldn't after I asked her for a break. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship with her, but I was so relieved that she was willing to be back in my life.
I was stupid.
I need Mercedes. I have always needed Mercedes. She's my girl, the only person I can trust with everything.
But somehow the thing with Santana has ruined what I had with Mercedes, taken the best thing in my life away from me. For the record, it was nothing. Santana was just being Santana. And because of that stupid day after glee, Mercedes disappeared then out of the blue she called, wanted to see me, hooked up with me, and then dumped me.
I have tried with all my might not to call or text her. I have even stopped myself from showing up at her house. All this time I've been replaying the whole thing over and over in my head trying to figure this junk out, but all I keep hearing is her saddened voice telling me that I don't love her. I keep hearing it over and over. "You don't love me…You don't love me…You don't love me…"
But I do love her. I love Mercedes. Don't I? Yeah, I do. I do love her. It's just that voice of hers repeating itself in my head causing me to question my love for her because I know I love her. How could she not know? I mean, we made love before she decided to cut me out of her life. I just don't get it.
I've given more to Mercedes than any girlfriend I've ever had. Our first times, my first time was with her. I wanted it to be her, no one else. I told her things I have never told anyone else, but I don't love her?
Even when I was dating Quinn and Santana, it wasn't nor could it ever be what me and my little Bambi had. I didn't talk to them, and no matter how much Santana tried I didn't hook up with her. I wouldn't do that to MJ. Yeah, there was that one time, not my fault, she was sitting in my lap and putting her lips on mine. What was I supposed to do? Push her out of my lap to the floor. My parents taught me never to hit a girl, even if they aren't really that much of a girl. So, I don't. It wasn't like I was kissing her back. I know that's what it looked like to Mercedes, but I swear my lips were not moving. And I could have told her that had she given me the chance.
I mean, if she would have listened to me, she would have found out that she's the only person I ever want to kiss, touch, be with. She's my everything. She told me I was her everything, but now that's over. All because of Santana. I don't get why she would think I would choose anyone over her. Why would I want Santana's fake lips when I had Mercedes' very real, very plump, very soft, very mine lips. I wouldn't. That's why I don't understand why we are not together right now. She has to know I would never choose anyone over her, right? Not Quinn. Not Santana. No one. She's my girl. She'll always be my girl.
I know right now things are…complicated between us right now, and she thinks she doesn't want to be with me, but I know I can get her to come to me. I just have to remind her of what we had. Because we were in love. Our relationship wasn't just some way for me to have sex. I'm not being cocky, but if sex was all I wanted I could have gotten that from anybody, Santana was practically throwing it at me, but I refused her every time.
It hurts that Mercedes thought it was only about the sex; it wasn't only about the sex. She's the nicest person I've ever met. Sure Quinn and the rest of them seem genuine enough when comes to me, but none of them took the time to get to know me like Mercedes did. She didn't want me because I'm the quarterback of the football team or because she had this narcissistic ego that had to have me because I was the hottest thing on two legs in the school. Santana's words not mine. My girl wanted me for me. I'm not the smartest person or even close, but she didn't care. At least, I thought she didn't, but the first time we broke up she threw it in my face, which hurt, a lot.
I know now that she was just mad, and she did apologize, but I can't help but wonder sometimes if she really believes the things she said. Maybe she does. Yet, it doesn't matter because I miss her. I miss her, and I want her back. Whatever it takes. I want my Bambs back no matter the cost.
I gave her a couple of weeks to cool off before I tried to talk to her about getting back together again.
Okay, so I really need to know what you guys think because I had the hardest time with this chapter. So, if you have any ideas on how I can fix this chapter or make it better please let me know, like if there were some questions that you wanted Sam to answer that he didn't even address let me know because I tried to be thorough, but I wasn't sure if I covered everything accurately enough.
Thanks for reading and I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Next chapter is up in the air I don't know what I'm going to do with it if I want to do another one from Sam's POV so let me know what you want and that will help me decide.
nakala