Chapter 22

"Why should I celebrate something that hasn't actually taken place? You haven't gotten over Sam." Ugh, why did Puck have to be so difficult? Couldn't he just give in, just once?

"Who says I'm not over Sam?"

"I do."

"Whatever, nobody asked you. I'm not moping around depressed, am I?" No I wasn't.

"No." Exactly.

"I'm not crawling to you crying my eyes out and snotting up your shirts am I?"

"No."

"Then there's something to celebrate." I huffed, reclining on the backboard of my bed.

"If you and Kurt want to, go ahead, but I won't."

"Whatever, Puck, talk to you later, yeah?"

"Yeah, bye Merce."

"Bye, Noah." I said smiling.

"Really Merce, Noah?" Puck deadpanned.

"If you can hack my name into bits, I can certainly call you by you're given name."

"Whatever, Merce." I could hear the exasperation in his voice. No doubt his hazels rolled.

"Bye, Noah."

He chuckled before he spoke again. "Later, Jones." When I put the phone down, I donned a smile. That boy was really…there are no words.

Kurt was meeting me at the Bean, and I was running late. So, I grabbed my bag, pocketed my phone, and bounded down the stairs. I really shouldn't have been late, but talking to Puck, I lost track of time. Kurt was always on time, and very judgmental of my fashionable tardiness. I know he secretly wished it were he making all the grand entrances, though I wouldn't call any of my entrances grand.

I made it to the coffee shop about ten minutes late and found Kurt at a table by a window not too far from the entrance.

"Hey, Cedes."

"Hey, Kurt. Sorry I'm late. I called Puck to see if he wanted to come, but he didn't think I had anything to celebrate."

"I'm sure. Is he the reason you're late?"

"Yep, you know typical Puck. I'm going to get me a cup of coffee."

After getting my cup of caramel macchiato with extra whipped cream, I joined Kurt ready to start this anti-versary.

"So, it's been six weeks since your hit it and quit it breakup, and you haven't relapsed or called me crying about how much you miss the boy wonder. How do you feel? I know I'm happy for you." Kurt squealed smiling like a Cheshire cat.

"I feel great. I'm feeling like I'm over Sam. I've been over Sam now for some time, but right now, today with you, solidifies it." I took a sip of my very delicious coffee (caramel macchiato the best).

"I'm so glad for you. And if you say you're over Sam, I believe you. Puck and I were talking and we were worried-"

"Puck still is."

"Yeah, he won't believe it until he sees it. Whatever that means. What does he want from you? A ceremony where you burn a dummy Sam in effigy and denounce his existence."

"I don't know. He's just so touchy when it comes to Sam."

Kurt looked at me suspiciously with a glint in his eye. "I wonder why that is?" His left eyebrow lifted. Weird.

"Who knows? Maybe Puck just wants a reason to beat him up. He never really liked him from the beginning. Something about him leeching all his popularity or something like that."

"Hmm…that could be it. Who knows, right?" Kurt said rolling his eyes upward and to the right, then focusing them back on me. For a moment, I felt like he knew something I didn't know but shrugged the thought away because Kurt would never hide anything from me.

"Either way it's his issue not mine. I'm beyond being upset or hurt over anything Sam ever again. I had no idea how much I was wrapped up in him until I finally decided to let him go."

"Really, you mean to tell me you didn't realize you had become all about Sam, when you had abandoned me?"

I looked at my best friend apologetically. "Not really, I was spending ignorant amounts of time with him."

Kurt opened his mouth to say something, I know, I didn't want to hear. So, I beat him to the punch. "We were at my house a lot or this little lake right outside town. We didn't only have sex, in the beginning." I finished lamely.

"I know, Cedes. You're not that kind of girl."

"Thanks, Kurt. I just hate talking about our relationship or lack thereof sometimes because I feel like you guys, especially Puck, think I was some kind of sex bunny or something more negative and that our relationship was only about sex. It wasn't, you know. When we first got together, yeah, we made out a lot, but we also just talked. I just wish things had been different between us. That we had gotten together under the right circumstances because deep down I think Sam is a great person."

Kurt didn't say anything. However, the look he gave me seemed to say everything he did not. He wasn't questioning my resolve. He knew I was over Sam. What I saw in his eyes was sympathy, not pity for once (there's a difference).

"You still love him don't you?"

"Not like that, but yeah. I think I'll always love him. He was my first."

"I understand. If something happened between Blaine and me, I think I would always love him no matter what."

"Thanks, Kurt, but I shouldn't feel anything for him after all I've been through with him."

"That's Puck talking. Feelings don't just evaporate; sometimes they never go away they just get smaller."

I felt tears coating my eyes and for once, they were happy tears. My person finally understood. I've felt alone for so long. So, instead of holding them back I let them fall. "Kurt, you're the best."

"I know, but thanks anyway," he replied in a voice thick with emotion.

I pointed to Kurt's teary eyes and started laughing. "We're such babies."

We both broke out into laughter; however, my laughter was cut short when I saw Sam walk into the Bean. At my abrupt change in mood, Kurt followed my gaze to land his eyes on my ex (sort of).

"Are you okay?"

I snapped out of my daze turning to look at Kurt before Sam looked my way. "Yeah, yeah – I'm fine. Just caught off guard is all." A weird look passed over Kurt's face. "Not – I'm not – I didn't feel anything when I saw him. Caught off guard because seeing him was okay. I'm okay." I said with realization.

"Oh."

"Yeah. Hey, I'm going to get a cookie. Want one?"

"No…a muffin?" Kurt put on his most innocent voice and puppy dog eyes, which he didn't have to; all he had to do was ask.

"No problem."

On my way to the counter, I caught a glimpse of Sam coming from the men's room; I didn't think he saw me though. I paid the barista and went back to join Kurt. Before I made it back to the table, I had eaten the entire cookie.

"Here."

"Thanks, Cedes. Uh, don't look now, but we're about to have company in 3, 2, 1…"

"Hey, Mercedes."

I turned around in my chair to see Sam standing right in front me with his hands in his pockets and his soft green eyes beamed in on mine. "Hey, Sam." I spun back around toward Kurt, but Kurt kept his baby blues on the intruder behind me, those eyes were murderous. Clearly not over Sam's impromptu intrusion, Kurt cleared his throat to get his attention.

"Uh, Hey Kurt." I heard Sam mumble obviously annoyed with my best friend (served him right).

"Sam." Kurt clipped out (the diva) then rolled his eyes to look at me. It was all but a blatant dismissal for Sam, but being the bright bulb he can be, Sam didn't get the hint (or didn't want to).

"Mercedes…can we talk?"

"Sure." "No!" Both Kurt and I said simultaneously.

I looked to my friend silently admonishing him. "Kurt." Who gave him permission to speak for me? "Kurt you can't make that decision for me." I whispered vehemently.

"But Mercedes-"

"Kurt, I know what you're thinking, and it's okay." I grabbed Kurt's hand squeezing it firmly. I had this. I did. And as much as I appreciated his protection, I didn't need it. I was a big girl; he and Puck had done what they needed and now they needed to let me fly.

With a worried look in his eyes tinged with anger Kurt addressed Sam. "Well, sit down, Sam."

But Sam didn't sit. Instead, he squared his shoulders and worked the tightness in his jaw before speaking to my best friend. "Kurt, I want to talk to her alone."

As if Kurt didn't know that. He called himself controlling the situation for my good. I could see the fire blaze in Kurt's eyes. How dare Sam request – demand anything of his beloved Mercedes? I giggled a little at his blatant maneuver, but considering Sam's last encounter with one of my close friends, I knew Kurt was needling him and it was working. I didn't have to see his face to know that he wanted to snatch Kurt from his seat and take it for himself.

But Kurt just couldn't leave well enough alone. "She doesn't want to-"

"I can talk to you, Sam," I voiced eying Kurt, "alone."

I felt Sam's breath blow my hair as he deflated. "Okay, Mercedes, you want to go outside?"

"That's cool." I got up from my seat, but I couldn't leave, not with the look Kurt was giving me. "Go ahead; I'll be out in a sec." I sat back down.

"Okay, I'll be out on the patio."

As soon as Sam was out of earshot, Kurt lost it. "Really, 'Cedes, you're going to entertain him after all he's done to you? Really?"

"I'm – yes – if that's what you want to call it, but I see it as just talking. He can't hurt me anymore; so, I see no harm in just talking."

"Mercedes, you're fresh off the turnip truck when it comes to Sam. You say you're over him – don't give me that look – and I believe you, but why go poking at the sleeping bear?"

"I'm not poking at anything. He wants to talk so I'm going to let him talk. It's not a big deal. I won't do anything I'm not supposed to do, promise."

"Whatever, Mercedes, but whatever happens, I told you so. Remember that."

"I will," was my silent response then I was out the door to join Sam at his table on the patio.

"I thought you changed your mind."

"No, just had to take care of something with Kurt."

"No doubt he told you not to come out here."

I just shrugged. I didn't agree or disagree, and he didn't say anything else. For a few minutes, I let him be; maybe he was getting his thoughts together. After too long, I decided he'd had his chance and I didn't want to waste anymore time watching him watch me. "Sam, if you've gotten your fill of talking to me, I'll be on my way." I rose from my seat and walked past Sam, but when I reached his side he grabbed my arm (déjà vu but not quite).

"Mercedes wait."

His softly somber voice crept into my ear, but I snatched my arm from his grasp. "What for? Huh? So you can stare at me some more? I'd rather not."

"No – um – I was just – you look so beautiful, and it's the first time you or your goons have allowed me to be this close to you. I got caught up is all. But I did have something to talk to you about."

I stepped back, but I didn't sit down. I needed to be able to make a hasty escape if it came to it. "Then talk."

There's no need to describe my tone of voice, take it how you read it, but it incited the side of Sam that always broke me down and caused me to give in to his every whim. Sad, puppy dog green eyes, and the most adorable pout took its place on his face; however, I didn't crack. Not that time. I stood my ground. "If you're not going to talk then I'm gone."

"No, I wanted to ask you – would you go out with me?"

"No. No Sam – I'm not-"

"Not like that or whatever you're thinking. I mean on a real date. In public. Breadsticks?"

"No Sam."

"What about if-"

"No."

"Will you hear me out?"

I didn't answer. I mulled over my options: to hear, or not to hear. Either way I owed him nothing.

"Please, Mercedes just let me talk."

With my mouth sealed, I sat down, folded my arms, and lifted a brow as a gesture for him to do what he so desperately wanted to do.

"Okay." He swallowed hard and sat down rubbing his thighs possibly to rid his hands of sweat. "I miss you-"

"Sam." I warned.

"I'm sorry, but it's true. I miss you. And I'm not talking about making out in the janitor's closet or hooking up at your house."

I rolled my eyes. "That will never happen again."

"I know, but I'm not talking about any of that. We used to talk MJ. You weren't only my girl; you were my friend. I want us to be that again, friends. So will you go out with me as a friend and only as a friend?"

In my head, I could hear Kurt scolding me and see Puck's face livid and beet red with anger. I could hear him screaming my head off and threatening to kill Sam. I knew all of this could happen. I also knew that I wanted to make my own decisions. Decisions influenced by no one but me. I'm my own person and I have the right to do what I please even if I'm not sure if I'm making the right decision. How could I truly know if I had gotten over Sam (which I believed wholeheartedly) if I didn't do things my way? For a couple of minutes, I stewed over his proposition. What was the harm in being his friend? I was just telling Kurt about how much I wished things had ended differently with Sam. I guess in a way this was my chance but not for anything else. I wanted to be his friend and only his friend. There was no way I would even think about having anything more with him. He'd hurt me too much for that.

"Fine. We can go out, but only as friends. Nothing else. I'm not going there with you, Sam, so don't go there with me. Got it?"

"Got it."

"Really, Sam, I mean it."

"I get you, Mercedes."

"Okay."

I sat waiting for Sam to give me a date and time, but he just sat there staring at me. Ugh, he'd have plenty of time to do that when we hung out. Speaking of, while he continued to stare I decided I would take control of the situation. I was going out with him, but wanted to make it extra clear that this was not a date in any way. "I know you said something about Breadsticks but how about we do something less datish and more just friend stuff."

Sam's brows twitched inward then smoothed. His voice came out somewhat strained. "Um, sure, that's cool. We could go to the indoor go-cart tracks?"

I chewed on that thought as well as my bottom lip for a bit, tried to play out any possibility of things going left (romantically) and came up with nothing. "Works for me."

"So tomorrow at seven?"

"Make it three?" He looked confused. I rolled my eyes; I hate having to explain everything. "It's not a date."

His eyebrows did that frowning thing again. "Yeah, okay. Tomorrow three." He went silent again but I didn't care I'd been away from Kurt too long as it was.

"See you then, I'm going back inside. I would invite you but Kurt would probably poop a bedazzled brick."

"Yeah, tomorrow, bye."

"Bye, Sam."

I left Sam out on the patio and made my way back to Kurt who was probably fuming. Not only had I left him to talk to Sam but I had also been gone for nearly half an hour. Why can't I do right by Kurt? Why?

"I'm back." I huffed as I sat down to join my most favorite person in the world who wasn't at the table. I looked around but I didn't see him anywhere. Who could blame him for leaving? Not me. He probably thought I was reverting back to my friend ditching ways. But I'm not, I swear.

I sat at the table alone for a while hoping Kurt hadn't bailed on me I really needed to tell him what had happened between me and Sam as soon as possible. I couldn't let this linger. After ten minutes, it was obvious that he had left, but just as I was about to walk out of the Bean, Kurt came galloping up to me with a big smile plastered on his face.

"I thought you had abandoned me. Where were you and why are smiling like a drag queen in Ru Paul's closet?"

"I wouldn't ditch you Mercedes, at least not without giving notice. As for the smile…Blaine has a surprise for me tonight. Things have become very serious between us and better than ever, so, I can't imagine what he has planned but I'm super excited."

"Good for you guys. Tonight must be some kind of milestone or anniversary or something?"

"Not really. He's just a great boyfriend. Speaking of boyfriends, or exes in your case, how did it go with Sam?"

I lowered my head to evade Kurt's gaze. He was going to flip. I just knew it, but I had to tell him. Full disclosure, that's our deal. That's how we work.

"You have to promise not to say anything until I finish, promise not to yell at me, and promise you won't say a word of this to Puck." I peered at my now skeptical friend making sure he understood that these were the rules; he had no choice. Follow rules get details. He deliberated in his pretty little head until finally nodding his assent.

"I promise."

"He asked me out on a date," Kurt looked appalled and ready to speak, but sealed his lips after catching my stern eye, "but I squashed that as soon as I heard it." The satisfied smirk on Kurt's face irritated me a little, so, I said the next part with satisfaction I know I should be ashamed of. "Then he suggested we go out as friends and I accepted."

"Merce-"

"I'm not finished. You promised, Kurt," I whined.

With a huff and a roll of his eyes, Kurt closed his mouth and gestured for me to continue.

"Just as friends, Kurt, I made sure he was aware of the boundaries and he's not going to cross them. Sam is a good person. This time I made myself clear. I left no room for confusion just friends. Only friends and I think he gets that." I paused for a minute.

"Can I speak now?"

"Before you do Kurt this is not me giving in to Sam. Everything was on my terms. It was my say. I was – am in control."

"Now?"

"Yes, now you may speak, Kurt."

"I'm not going to lecture you, sweetie, what good would that do? You've already decided to go out with the sex crazed Neanderthal. I just want to know why Mercedes? That's all."

"Because I wanted to."

"Really, hun, really?"

"Yeah, I – we just talked about this, Kurt, you know I miss his friendship and just because I don't want to date him doesn't mean I don't want to be or can't be his friend."

"Okay, so I guess I get that. I get that that's what you want for whatever reason, but does he get this? Because I was there in glee when he sang to you, and it didn't seem too friendly to me at all. And didn't he and Puck almost get into a fight on your front door step over him pressuring you to talk to him about being anything but his friend? Mercedes do you think he really wants to just be your friend?"

I rolled my eyes so hard at Kurt. This guy, ugh, couldn't he just listen to himself and not lecture me and … "I thought you only had one question, Kurt?"

"They needed to be addressed and I couldn't leave them unquestioned."

I frowned, but he's Kurt of course he's going to ask more than one question. Even one's I'm sure I already addressed. "Whatever, as I've said before, he gets it. I made it clear. Doesn't really matter what he wants outside of that, which I know he'll respect. He didn't argue with me on the issue; so, I'm pretty sure he's okay with it."

"Whatever you say, darling." Kurt seemed perturbed, but what could I do? I wasn't going to back out on Sam simply because Kurt disapproved of my decision. I tried to break the tension between us for the duration of our time together; yet, nothing I did worked. He was peeved and he also had a hot date night with Blaine. Tiring of his agitation with me, I sent him on his way. It was a good day. I had something to celebrate; I didn't want to feel like I had lost all my ground when I hadn't.

I must be a masochist because once I got into my car I called Puck to break the news to him. I certainly didn't want him to find out from somebody other than me. The dread I felt through the three rings was unnerving. When he answered, I tried to play it as cool as I could (which wasn't that cool).

"Hey."

"Hey, Puck, what ya doin?" I said in a singsong, definitely conspicuous tone.

He answered gruffly. "Nothing why?"

"Oh, nothing. Just thought I'd call to see what you were doing." I knew I was sending off all kinds of alarms. I really had no idea how to break this to Puck without him losing his mind. I hate when he snaps. It's always so truthful.

"We both know I have nothing to do today. What do you really want?" His voice lightened this time around though I could hear traces of trepidation.

"I don't want anything. Why do you think I want anything?" Oh, the nervous quaking voice.

"Stop playing dumb, Merce, 'cause either you want something, something I would hate to do or give or something happened." Puck's weary voice faded into a brief moment of silence, then to worried aggravation. "What happened? Please tell me it doesn't have anything to do with that ex you were celebrating being over."

Silence.

"Mercedes!" Exasperation, annoyance, and discontentment raged in his screech.

"It's not as bad as you think, well…maybe it is, but I'd rather you hear it from me than Kurt or anybody else."

"This doesn't involve some kind of indecent exposure, massive PDA, or you hooking up with that guy does it?"

"No! Oh God no! No. Jeez. Get your mind out of the gutter. No. Something way milder. Like much milder – well…in comparison."

"Just spill it already."

"Okay. I agreed to go out with Sam. Before you say anything, it was just as friends. I promise."

"Don't worry. I don't have nothing to say."

"Puck-"

He hung up on me.

Thanks for reading. I had fun writing this chapter especially the last bit with Puck hanging up on Mercedes I could see him doing something like that. Anyway.

Review let me know what you think.

And

HAPPY THANKSGIVIVNG!

nakala