"So where do we go from here?"said Mel slowly, both looking andd feeling dazed. It was only a few minutes ago that she was struggling with the tatters of her self-respect to claim benefit to live on. She hadn't a clue where this was heading as self-doubt started to creep in. She couldn't be a solo electric guitar player and singer, could she?
"You've got two girl musicians who're dying to play with you. You're a bit of a cult figure, you and our band," Lorna said with infinite gentleness.
Mel turned around and two young women came into her sight. Her heart stopped in her mouth. They were so young, so dewy-eyed, so positive in the way they moved by comparison that she felt temporarily weary and broken down by contrast. Could she pick up where she had left off, she wondered?
"Hey, we're such fans of your music. We've listened like ages to a CD of you and the rest of the band playing live," said the dark-haired girl with heavy eye makeup in her earnest manner.
"You've got it here? When and where was it recorded as I can't remember," Mel replied, her curiosity roused. For so many years, she'd buried her memories of her rock and roll past and stuck to acoustic. It crossed her mind that she'd have to reinvent herself as she used to be if it didn't all come flooding back naturally. Lorna sensed her old bandmate worry if she could pull it off so she decided to act.
"Hey, Mel's been away from the music scene for a few years. Go get the CD and I'll play it through the studio PA."
Mel shot her a grateful look and then she waited, still slightly tense but moving up in the world. She wondered when on earth the recording had taken place. Therer had been vague stuff about signing a recording contract when the band was at its height but nothing more so this might be a bootleg. The impending surprise scared her as she feared that fond memories of the past might collide against cold reality. She selected a comfortable armchair to lay back in for protection's sake.
Suddenly, they were surrounded by muzzy confused tuning up sounds which gave way to a super confident woman shouting out the band introduction. was that really her, she wondered. In a split swecond, a a chainsaw cutting edge of violent guitar rumbling bass and thundering drums lwed into a glorious rock and roll belter of a song. as the concert unrolled into the rest of the concert, curious dissociated feelings started to buzz around in her head. She loved the music for sure and it became increasingly familiar but was it still hers? As the applause faded away at the end of the concert, Lorna was happy in her new role as background record producer and she looked upon her old friend with sympathetic understanding of her mixture of fears and desires which battled it out for dominance of Mel's soul.
"I guess you'd feel more comfortable with your guitar in your hands Mel," she suggested solicitously, noting how all this time Mel had held back from doing just that.
Mel stared wide-eyed at the psychically terrifying distance between herself and her dreams as if she wasn't worthy of the best birthday present of her life. She became short of breath as she hesitated to make that first step. Wasn't this just as she aslways was when she hit a life-changing fork in the road even though she covered it up with bravado? Fuck it, she muttered under her breath and she edged closer to the guitar, her guitar and sat down on the chair. An enormous thrill ran through her as her left hand gripped the slim fretboard, the guitar strap lay across her shoulder and back and the solid red plastic centre lay across her thigh. All at once, she felt a curious sense of calm and felt at home within her skin, remembering that years of tinkling her acoustic guitar in Larkhall Prison was but a stopgap. This was the real thing, she thought as she stood up and blasted out the first chords of the song that came to mind from the CD and got into the rhythm. Distant memories pulled themselves out of her unconscious as she moved closer to the microphone and launched into the song with crazily amplified loudness. This was the life and, suddenly, out of nowhere, a line of bass guitar expertly implanted itself into the depths of the song. Mel looked round with surprised pleasure to see that the shy kid who'd first greeted her was playing expertly besides her. It couldn't be, she thought, as a series of rhythmic crashesc announced that the second girl had got behind her drum kit and was happily flailing away. With a happy grin, Mel rode the soing home and felt like a kid at her very best birthday party as she propelled herself and her friends, new and old, into the future they were destined for.
The dining room table at Nikki and Helen's flat was transformed into an overabundant display of children's party food for Rose's eighth birthday. Her mothers had slaved away generously to produce all these delicacies and to cram in every inch of spare space now that their fridge had been halfway emptied. they straightened their backs and mopped their brows and both grinned at the humour of the situation, given the guest invitation list. Only Rose could have thought of this, they considered fondly.
Her best friend Emma was an obvious top of her list, written in her firm hand on a sheet of best pink writing paper. Michael and Niamh were natural second and third in the list and, interestingly enough in his mothers' eyes, Michael accepted the invitation with a 'lead me to it' blithe acceptance and no surly adolescent scorn of a kids birthday party. A couple of girls in Rose's form were invited partly because they like Rose, didn't get mainstream social acceptance but functioned precariously on its fringes. After this, Rose's individuality came to the surface as Cassie and Roisin found themselves on the list not out of duty but because she specifically wanted them to be there. Her uncle John and grandparents were on the wish list and Nikki and Helen carelessly assumed thought that their dutiful daughter had been sure to consider family obligations. They blinked and had second thoughts when Rose added their friends and they realised that they'd all childminded for her at one point or another and Rose had liked them all. The penny dropped when she realised that Rose regarded them all as her friends.
"But what are we coming to Rose's birthday party as? I mean all the gang from Chix have been invited," asked Alice in a tone of utter bewilderment when she found out who had been invited.
"I think we should wait and see," grinned George. She'd taken to this little girl as soon as she'd met her, her wilfulness appealing to her own tendencies."We shouldn't worry about how gay we're coming over. We're going to a child's birthday party and should go with the flow."
"I don't understand what's going to happen. This is unfamiliar territory to me," pursued Alice, still dubious about the whole undertaking.
"We should trust to the remarkably inventive little girl who sent out the invitations. I'm sure she has her own ideas," George replied, carefully studying the colourful standard invitation letter with its innocent illustrations.
"So what shall we wear?" Alice answered at last after mulling over her partner's observations at length.
"I'm wearing what I used to wear for my daughter Charlie's birthday parties when she was little. Loose fitting trousers, lowish heels and my best top so I'm not too dull and boring. I'm just being practical. I shall of course overcompensate outrageously next time we go to Chix," George answered mischievously with an underlying seriousness. She knew that Karen and Jo Mills had been thinking along parallel lines from their greater experience with the children and suspected the others would follow suit.
"It feels wierd to be going out this early," commented Beth, conscious of the unnaccustomed sunshine. she was made up to the nines as usual and wearing a smart pair of jeans as she slid into the driver's seat.
"At least we don't have to think about how much we're drinking. It'll be diet coke or orange squash," grinned Karen, her fine blond hair blowing in the wind as she shut the passenger door and put on her seat belt.
As John Deed selected a casual open necked red shirt, his thoughts were working overtime. He'd heard with interest that the gang from Chix would be there and this brought back warm memories of their shared past. He'd thoroughly enjoyed his tutoring sessions with Rose as she'd been quick off the mark once she'd unscrambled her thoughts. He was worrying that she'd fade out of his life once his mission was done. He didn't want this to happen and had had a good look at himself and was sure that his motives for this were disinterested.
Cassie and Roisin were floating in a large bubble of joy as Michael and Niamh cheerfully got themselves ready. Somehow, going to the party was a large step outside their normal routine even if they were only moving next door.
Rose had woken up instantly on her special day. Eight is more than seven, she reasoned though she didn't feel that overnight, she'd clicked onwards to become one year older than yesterday. She knew that her mummies were sure to make today special and it wasn't just about getting presents. Sure enough, they came cavorting into her bedroom loudly singing 'happy birthday' and finally, giving renditions into each ear and kissing her on each cheek. she squealed with pleasure, took each mum by the hand who swung her up off the ground and out to the living room. right in front of her were two carefully wrapped up shapes in totally mad colours. After Rose had feverishly unwrapped the parcels, she was delighted to find a painting kit and a book, both items which she'd happened to mention. It was exactly what she wanted and worth more than the expensive presents her unfavourite form contempories bragged about. She knew that her mummies weren't buying her love but gave it in spadefuls all through the year.
"Do not have an attack of the munchies and start nibbling the party food. I have radar eyes Rose," Helen told her sternly as she saw their daughter start sniffing at the part food smells that wafted through. Despite Rose's 'butter wouldn't melt in her mouth' expression, both women knew that she was easily tempted.
"So we've got to starve mums. You know you always make too much food," she retorted with impeccable logic.
"It's better to be safe than sorry," Helen answered, highly aware of the excruciatingly chiched platitude before selecting a default position."Besides, if you are right, we'll all be able to finish up the left overs."
"Now look here mums. As soon as the door bell, I'll greet my guests and show them through and you act like mums normally do," Rose declared with more force than she intended.
"Ay aye madam," Nikki retorted straight faced, peeling off a slight parody of a military salute."We know our places when your friends arive."
Nikki's droll manner made Rose burst into helpless laughter. She couldn't resist this brand of humour and she knew she'd been over the top.
"You dion't have to be nervous Rose. Just relax and we'll all muck in. Everything will be all right," Helen added in her gentle manner. She drew the little girl into a gentle hug. They'd all got over this attack of nerves and everything was as ready as it could possibly be.
Soon, the first ring on the bell announced the first guests and Rose nipped forward in her best party dress and polite voice. To her pleasant surprise, Trisha and Sally-Anne were smiling down on her, holding a couple of presents.
"We wouldn't miss this for the world Rose. We had great fun when we met last time," Trisha replied with a grin on her face. This cheered Rose right up as she knew these two women were perfectly sincere. In a curiously adult fashion, she welcomed her guests through to be presented to Nikki and Helen. This started off a stream of guests as cars started to line the streets, including Cassie and Roisin, Michael and Niamh, her school friends, and finally her uncle and her tutor. and Mrs Wade found themswelves warmly greeted by their remarkably self-confident granddaughter Rose and escorted into a group of friends of their daughtwer and Helen and a smattering of schoolgirls.
"They're all my friends. I like them so I invited them,"Rose said, divining the meaning behind their puzzled expressions.
"We are. You know that Rose has her ideas about doing things," Wade, grinning all over her face. After a rather melancoly morning's waking up, he'd cheered right at once, they were all gathered together in the cramped space of the living room either sitting or standing and, as she looked around her, the obvious thought came to mind.
"Hey, how come you're dressed for the outside?" she asked in all innocence.
"Because we know enough of you, Rose, to know you've got plans in store for us. After all, it's your special day," Trisha replied smartly, grinning all over her face.
Inwardly, Rose confessed to herself that she'd been so focussed on greeting her guests that she hadn't planned anything. She'd got a much bigger gtroup than she was used to but, hey her mind was starting to turn over ideas.
"Perhaps your friends could give you your birthday presents while you get things properly worked out," suggested Helen helpfully, reading her daughter's muind like a book.
"Oh yeah, great. Hey that's a good idea," the little girl said in a disconnected fashion that amused Emma in her kind-hearted fashion. Neither she nor the other schoolgirls had ever before seen their friend at a loss for words.
Suddenly, some simple fun dance sequence from school jumped into her mind. She'd been told it was a traditional thing so perhaps the grownups knew it already. There was a problem of differing heights but she figured they'd get their way through it somehow. All this happened in seconds while she saw the crowd looking expectantly at her for a lead when her gaze went temporarily blank. She realised that they were only waiting to give her bithday presents and Rose returned to the present.
"I'm really sorry. I was only thinking," she said, a little flustered.
"No harm done Rose darling," Nikki said in her calming fashion."Being your mums, we're first in line when you're ready."
Rose looked up at the two kindly women smiling down on her that had only meant the best for her as they held their wrapped up presents. Nikki's rectangular shape was first which she tore open and there it was, a mystical fairy story with gorgeous illustrations that she'd vaguely heard of. When she opened Helen's present, her mouth opened as she beheld a beautiful pink dress with white lace. It was then that she saw Trisha next in line and others behind her. She couldn't believe her eyes and ears as a fantastic birthday party unfolded before her very eyes. Friend after friend moved forward and gave of herself all her love as embodied in the present and her presence and she loved
it all. Finally, John Deed modestly appeared out of nowhere after her uncle John and glanced shyly at her as her sudden perception registered.
"I hope you like this Rose. I made a blind guess and I hope I haven't made a mistake," he said softly, holding a parcel that was very obviously a book.
Rose's curiosity was aroused as she wondered what surprise this interesting man had in store. To her intense joy and pleasure, it was a copy of "The Hobbit" with a really vivid front page illustration on it.
"Hey, that's so cool, John. It really is exactly what I want. Don't think that it's just a boy's book. Can you write something in it?" she said, her eyes aglow. Smiling, John made a personal inscription in it.
"I'm really glad you like it, Rose. It's sheer luck that I got it right," he said, ending his signature with a flourish.
"You just knew John," Rose said, looking at him directly."...hey Emma, don't worry. I've got it all figured out. we'll do that fun dance we learned the other day."
John marvelled how his young friend could switch conversations with such ease. he watched from afar as they put their heads together much as his daughter Charlie used to do years ago. The other schoolgirls sennsed the way the wind was blowing and they all started chattering together.
"Silence everybody," Rose called out in an unusually carrying tone of voice as the grownups started to chat amongst themselves. She then reeled off an explanation of what she intended them to do.
"We can't possibly do this indoors," interjected Helen firmly, injecting a note of realism.
"So what about outside if you guys don't mind. The pavement's wide enough," intervened Nikki in a calm, reasonable tone of voice."I'm up for it for one."
To Rose's delight at her lovely mums, this sparked off a ripple of approval to run round the room. Now she knew why her grown up friends were dressed the way they were.
"I'm into this. I remember playing this when I was a schoolkid," Trisha said cheerily and George and Jane surprised the children by echoing similar experiences. Things were looking up, Emma and Rose thought, nudging each other with great satisfaction.
"I hate to say this but this is all new to me and probably John and Michael as well," John Wade said, trying not to be too much of a wet blanket.
"It's all right, you guys. We'll take it dead slow to begin with and if you stay at the back, you can follow what we're doing. So don't you get too impatient girls," Nikki said in her kindest fashion, hoping that her brother wouldn't suddenly feel stiff and awkward. She was on their side, shje was trying to convey.
"And later on, after we've had a good time, there's plenty of party food. I'm leading the way," added Helen cheerily, pleasing her daughter and her schoolfriends with her positive encouragement. .
"I'm not sure we're up to this Rose. The spirit is willing but we don't want to crock ourselves up and regret a moment's impulse," Mr Wade intervened as the excited crowd poured into the street.
"We'll be quite as much part of this if we're spectators. The front wall would be ideal to sit on," added Mrs Wade. Instantly, Nikki nipped back to fetch a couple of cushions and she delightedly joined the enthusiastic crowd.
"Oh wow," exclaimed a tired and happy Emma as she, Rose, their school friends and Niamh and Michael occupied every spare inch of her bed. "This is the best birthday party ever."
"I don't get to many. Like the rest of you guys, I always get left out," came a slightly disconsolate contribution. She hadn't been that close to Rose and Emma up till now but this day had changed things. She'd been so shy she'd almost chickened out.
"Who cares what the most socially accepted in guys feel at their exclusive parties? This is the most fun party ever and all your mums' friends, our friends are so so cool," put in Michael. This day had loosened him up so much so anything is possible.
"We'll keep it our secret. Like we don't have to brag about it. Like the other guys at the party, we make up our own rules so long as nobody gets hurt," Rose replied with great satisfaction
*****.
"Well, that's the most unusual children's birthday party I've even been to," Mr Wade said with masterly understatement while his wife turned her hand to making cups of tea for them all as Helen and Nikki were clearly happily exhausted. The way he held his video camera expressed his great satisfaction, having sneaked it from his car while children of all ages happily cavorted about.
"Well, you know Rose. She'll always do things just that bit different from others," replied Nikki with a barely concealed grin, gratefully acceptring a cup of tea for her parched throat. An image permanently etched in her mind were the very sophisticated George and Alice giggling like two schoolgirls and letting their hair down in both senses of the term.
"That remind me Nicola. I'm not entirely happy about Rose going on your Pride event," her father replied.
Nikki restrained herself from jumping down her father's throat and, in the interval, Helen stepped in.
"It's partly Rose's idea. She's been getting some stick at school which she sorted out with my help. Those school friends she has aren't fair weather friends and we're added to the list. Niamh came up with the slogan, 'Proud of our mum's pride' which they're stencilling on T shirts. We did a lot of soul searching about possibly inflicting our troubles onto our children that didn't need to be but that very neat twist in meaning says it all.
"We're in the same boat," intervened Cassie, feeling a glorious sense of satisfied tiredness in her bones.
"I suppose that settles it. We'll support you all in spirit from leafy suburbia," Mr Wade
pronounced with a smile on his face as a toast to their future. He and his wife felt happy to be surrounded by his family and friends.