TMW Chapter 30
It took some time, like until the middle of summer before Puck was able to even talk to me on the phone. He'd been worried about me. He didn't tell me himself; I got that tidbit of info from Kurt. Since school was out, he couldn't see me every day (I saw him keeping an eye on me); so, for a month there was no contact whatsoever between me and Puck except for the updates – or whatever he got from Kurt about me – that is, until Kurt went on vacation. Without his daily (I assume) updates he got worried (me assuming again), caved and called me himself. It was supremely awkward. He didn't say anything outside of 'hi' then went silent. I had to try to keep him talking. Can I say it was the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had to sit through. The boy wanted to talk he should have talked because I didn't really know what to say. I needed him to take the lead (it wasn't like he didn't know how). The whole thing seemed so unlike us. It was like we were strangers, which we kind of were, I guess. I was morphing into the beautiful black butterfly I'd heard about on one of my mom's old albums, and he was kind of a different person, sort of enlightened you could say.
Either way, our communication finally rolled into a comfortable place. Kurt was right; I didn't have to worry about Puck ducking out because I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. He came around, and I'm so glad he did. I'm no hippie who believes in unicorns that poop rainbows, I expected things to be a little off kilter between us. How could it be anything different? You have a temperamental hothead housing unrequited feeling and a burgeoning butterfly (thank you and two-finger snap) who would be cheating herself if she didn't take this time to build on the solid self assured foundation she's laid, breeding for weirdness if you ask me. That being said, the dynamic is different, but solid.
I hate that I lost a confidant the moment Puck told me he loved me. In all fairness, now I can't talk to him about anything Sam related. I won't. Even though we've gotten closer since he first called and things seem better, I still refuse to even mention Sam. That would be a hussy move if ever.
I'm no hussy.
Because I know how to keep my mouth shut, we get along just fine, even if it is a bit strained.
The sad part about all of this is I want to talk to Puck about Sam. For once, I have something to tell him that I think he would be proud of or at least satisfied to hear. I'd told Puck that I didn't reject him because of Sam and I meant it. I'm over Sam. And I owe part of that to Puck. It took some slips and near disasters to get there but I'm there now, and outside of telling my bestie Kurt, I want Puck to share in my accomplishment because he's been there for me since the beginning. I'm learning and finally growing and I can't help but want Puck to be a part of that.
I hope that's not selfish of me.
I know you're thinking my summer had to be about more than me and Puck playing the silent game on the phone, well it wasn't. My summer was full of only that until it was almost over. A couple of weeks before school started I got a visit from none other than Mr. Samuel Evans.