Chapter 12

(1:30 pm, underneath the Mississippi River)

Doofenshmirtz was continuing to drive his submarine underneath the Mississippi to within range of the Memphis conference center.

"And so, Perry the Platypus! In about ten minutes, my Elvis-Impersonator-begone-inator will fire at the convention, making one of the most annoying group of people in my horrible life disappear right before your very eyes! And there's nothing you can do about it!"

While Doofenshmirtz surfaced right exactly on the Mississippi-Tennessee state line, his Elvis-Impersonator-begone-inator almost ready to fire, Agent P ducked his head in the rhinestone jumpsuit trap and found a weakness in the trap, a small tear in the crotch area. Heinz had his back turned the entire time.

The clamps restrained the jumpsuit, but not his hands, feet or tail. He used the spur on his hind limbs to make the small tear bigger.

A loud rip was heard and Agent P landed on the floor feet-first in a fighting pose.

"Perry the Platypus! Did I just hear a loud 'RIIIIIIP' from you?" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed, turning his head around.

He gasped in fright! Agent P had escaped!

"What the heck?! Perry the Platypus! How did you manage to get out my jumpsuit trap?!"

Then Doofenshmirtz looked at the large tear in the crotch area of the jumpsuit.

"Ugh...they shouldn't have made a cheap fabric out of it! Stupid internet!"

And then Agent P jumped at him and whacked Doofenshmirtz's face with his tail.

Not far from them, the steamboat race was still going on. Both steamshipswere running neck and neck. The finish line was only a mile away.

"Come on, guys! Full speed ahead!" Phineas insisted as the Perry sped ahead of the Biff . Buford tried to keep up but the Perry crossed the finish line two boatlengths ahead of the Biff.

"And the winner is…the Perry!" Baljeet proclaimed.

Isabella hugged Phineas and said, "Oh Phineas, I'm so proud of you!"

"Thanks, Isabella!" Phineas said with a grin. "Now time to congratulate Buford."

Buford, climbing off the defeated Biff, shook hands with Phineas. "That was an exciting steamboat race, Dinner Bell. But what are we going to do with these steamboats since we finished with them?"

"We'll just give them to the judges, Buford! They'll put these boats to good use." Phineas said. "Anyways, we got a Tom Sawyer re-enactment to do!"

Candace jumped off the ship, with the giant lollipop still stuck in her hair. "Not so fast, you twerps! Not until Mom sees these steamboats that you did! She's going to have a field day when she sees them!"

Then she looked around, "Um…where is Mom by the way?"

"Didn't she tell you, Candace?" Stacy replied, "She's at the quilting class in the convention center!"

"Oh, right. I almost forgot about that! Thanks, Stace!" Candace quickly said.

All Stacy can do was look down at the mud at the banks of the river.

Candace then ran from the group, screaming "Mom! Mom! Mom!" all the way to the center. Phineas and the group, meanwhile, walked away towards where Linda arranged for them to meet up for the Tom Sawyer reenactment.

The two judges looked curiously at the boats.

"So, do you know how to operate it?" the first judge asked.

"Don't look at me!" the second judge snarked. "I only know how to operate steamboats from the nineteenth century, not the twenty-first!"

"Look, I've been judging boats for the past thirty years! I've never seen one like this one, and probably there won't be boats like this ever again!" the first judge countered.

The second judge looked around and saw a yellow button labeled "RAFT DEPLOYMENT". He curiously pushed the button as the steamboats roared to life. A wooden raft began to emerge at the back of the boat. Both judges got on the raft as both the Perry and the Biff zoomed away from them.

"Well…so much for advancin' racing steamboats." the first judge said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Wanna start whittlin'?" the second judge asked.

"Don't mind if I do!" the first judge grinned.

Both of them got of the raft and walked away.

Back on the river, a few miles upstream, Agent P punched Doofenshmirtz in the stomach. This forced him back to the control panel.

"Urgh….you really forced my hand, Perry the Platypus! Time for me to fire the Elvis-impersonator-begone-inator!"

He pressed a button…and it activated the windshield wipers for his windows.

"What…?"

Doofenshmirtz looked down and realized…to his horror…that he forgot to label the buttons.

"Oh great! I should've labeled them before I took off this morning!"

Suddenly, he heard glass shattering from above the hull.

"Now what is going on…?"

Syrup then began to pour all over Doofenshmirtz.

"Oh no! I'm covered in Canadian syrup! Let me check on the status of my –inator!"

He climbed up the ladder and gasped. The tank containing the syrup was shattered by a metal pipe. Since it relied on syrup to operate, the Elvis-impersonator-begone-inator was rendered useless.

"No….No…No….NOOOOOO!"

Agent P, meanwhile, took off on his jet pack.

"Looks like Perry the Platypus has left the building!"

Doofenshmirtz began to slip and fall from the ladder, screaming and landing on his behind.

"This just keeps going from bad to worse…."

He tried to stand up and his pants were ripped from his behind, covered by the syrup.

"Alright….that's it! Time to turn this baby around! I will get you yet, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz proudly proclaimed before pressing a button, assuming that it would turn the submarine around.

It was actually the self-destruct button.

"SELF-DESTRUCT sequence in 30 seconds!"

Doofenshmirtz sighed, "Why do I get myself involved in these things…."

Candace, meanwhile, ran through a part of the Tom Sawyer re-enactment scene as her right foot landed in a can of whitewash pant.

"Gotta get Mom! Gotta get Mom! Gotta get Mom!" she continued to chant, the crazed look in her eyes.

At the quilting class, Linda was carefully listening to the instructions of the teacher.

"And sew with your thimble….great concentration and quietness is needed! It's just you, the fabric, the thimble and the needle!"

Linda was sewing away. She was about 95 percent done with her sample quilt. Those skills were going to come in handy for Betty Jo's birthday.

What the teacher and Linda didn't account for was an almost 16-year old teenage girl in a sailor suit, lollipop in her hair, and a can of whitewash paint stuck in her right foot flinging the doors open violently.

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" Candace shouted for all of the class to hear, "Phineas and Ferb made giant steamboats on the Mississippi River and raced them at over 100 miles an hour!"

"Candace! How many times do I have to say this is to never interrupt me during my classes?!" Linda chided her daughter. "Especially when your Betty Jo's birthday is coming up!"

She then observed her daughter's hair "And why do you even have a lollipop in your hair?"

"Mom! No time for that explanation! Go look at the river!" Candace insisted.

Linda took a deep sigh and said, "Okay… I'll look!"

Candace wringed her hands with maddening glee.

"He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he!"

Self destruct sequence in 10….9…..8….7….

"My plans have been foiled once more and….." Doofenshmirtz lamented before observing two steamboats at him, at full speed. He tapped on the screen twice and, to his horror, discovered that no was at the helm. Upon further discovery, the schematics read that no one was aboard the two ships.

"Hmm…two steamboats controlled by robots are going to collide my sub at the same time…..I guess that fortune teller was correct about my future!"

Then the steamboats collided with the submarine at the very same time the self-destruct feature went to zero. A large explosion ripped through the river, destroying the Elvis-impersonator-begone-inator before it even had a chance to fire.

Doofenshmirtz catapulted in the air, screaming madly before landing in a national forest of the Delta. He landed, face-first into some vines, completely covered in syrup.

He yelled out at the top of his lungs.

"Curse you, Perry the Platypus….and my inability to label buttons!"

Doofenshmirtz sighed, another chance of his evil plans to succeed ruined by unfortunate luck. Then he began to scratch his clothes.

"Oh, why do I itch all of a sudden?"

A sign next to the vines read, in bold letters "POISON IVY, DO NOT TOUCH!"