Pick Your Poison
Agitator 4.9
[Saturday, December 4, 2010]
To say I was surprised the Protectorate was finally willing to play ball and work with us would be an understatement. I guess it took a rising death toll on the tail of the Teeth's already massive killing spree for them to reach out to us. I just wish it didn't take so much for the damn government to actually help people.
We arranged a patrol and response plan with the heroes, and today I was patrolling in the afternoon with Whirlygig and Mouse Protector. I squeed when I found out I was going to get to hang out with my favorite hero. A fact that Pantera and Taylor teased me about relentlessly. I in turn told her she'd totally squee if she was invited to patrol with Alexandria, to which Pantera then turned on her, all while Rachel didn't even care and just wanted quiet.
As for the girls, they were all going to patrol with Assault, who I figured was likely paired up with them since he would be the most likely to convince Taylor to join the heroes once they learned we had Taylor's number, but she wasn't one of us, just a friend we want to look out for. The rest of our capes were going to be similarly teamed up with the heroes to patrol, and the crew would be supplementing PRT patrols. The sooner the Maras are dead or caged, the sooner we can move on to the Bloods, and then start rebuilding the city.
Of course, I should've figured our first joint patrol would go to hell in a handbasket.
I grunted in pain as I was rapidly struck by the inhumanly fast 4-foot-nothing Chupacabra. Damn this girl's fast! It's a good thing I'm so durable from my costume and Balcoat-treated scales or I'd be bleeding to death from her claws and blood-sucking fangs.
I tried to slash her with my own, less-pronounced claws, but the wiry little fluffy thing just danced back with a keening little laugh, her triple-fanged maw stretched into a vicious smile of glee as her huge solid-black glassy eyes seemed to shine. She was also naked. Thankfully all the fur helped her modesty, but why she was naked was beyond me.
I'm just lucky I caught her while she's alone. But I also had the misfortune of being alone, since Mouse Protector and Whirlygig were trying to deal with Cipito about a street over. Of course I had to be the one fighting the vampiric murderer while they got the trickster.
"Y'know. If this is all you've got, you might as well surrender." I snarled, trying to project as much danger as possible. I can't possibly take out my slingbow or replacement revolver with this speedy bitch able to just dodge near anything. I've seen videos of her dodging hails of bullets. Some sort of directional precog combined with her lightning reflexes, so no shooting her.
"Oh please! We both know we're at a stalemate! I can't go big without you putting me to sleep, and you can't hit me while I'm tiny! I'm not about to stop when I have someone so fun to fight!" Chupacabra declared with manic joy, and I sighed as I decided to do something drastic.
"Alright. I warned you." I quickly reached into my coat and tabbed open a fogger of Knockout as she bum-rushed me. She was asleep and reverting back to an average-height hispanic teen around my age within a second of hitting the expanding green-tinted cloud. "Silly girl. Never expect a Tinker only has one trick up their sleeve." I tabbed the fogger closed, a feature I wasn't aware of until Leet told me, and I pocketed the fogger to rummage for some zip...what am I doing?
I looked around, confused, I feel like I'm forgetting something. Why was I here? "Ugh, I told her we should've stayed together, but no~ she had to get hands-on with the only guy. Again. Fucking perv." I blinked and looked at a small hispanic boy, around 10 or 11 wearing a comfortable-looking tan coat and a pointy broad-brimmed tan hat. Heh, he looked like a wizard, kinda. "And now I have to drag her fat ass back to Siguanaba so she can punish her."
"Hey kid. What're you doing here?" I asked as he knelt down and...ow, my eyes, for some reason, seeing the kid pick up the girl hurt to look at too closely. Especially since she was floating a couple of feet above where he was holding his hands out.
"Just picking up my friend. Sorry she was so much trouble mister. I'll have momma give her a good talking to." The child beamed up at me, and I chuckled as I waved him off.
"You do that, be careful now. It's dangerous out here." I waved him goodbye as he walked off with the naked girl. Why was she naked? Hm, I can't remember-SHIT! "Fuck! I just got screwed over by Cipito! Damn it!" Now that he was gone and I was out of his range, the order of events fell into place, and I felt like such a tool for falling for his power so easily. No damn wonder Cipito is considered a Stranger 7, Master 1, and Mover 2 with his ability to also teleport when there weren't eyes on him. "Great." I pressed on my mask-mounted comm. "Dealer here. I had Chupacabra, but Cipito bamboozled me and took her."
"Damn. Well at least your patrol is alright. Mouse and Whirly reported in a moment ago saying Cipito gave them the slip, guess we know where he went." Tattletale answered. Since she was the only Thinker we had, and she was indeed part of our group if still in the Undersiders, she was the one helping run things. "Well fluffy, go link up with them and keep on your patrol. Hope you don't run across the worse half of the Maras."
"If those two are part of the better half, then I'm definitely going to stay away from the others if I can." I took out my phone after I hung up on Tats, and unlike the Peepers, she wasn't a stickler for radio protocol. I texted Mouse, and using her directions, sprinted to join back up with her and Whirly. "Hey. I had Chupacabra, what happened with Cipito?"
"He's a slippery little shit is what. Even with my power up to start, I was so turned around once he got close that I powered down and treated him like some random little kid I was bemused about." Whirly had abused our resources quite well. She used to be a scrawny, tiny slip of a thing so skinny she could fit through a tennis racket. Now she was just over 6 feet and built like a 'brick house' according to her own words. She wore a costume of biker leathers with a helmet and had a messenger bag of gravel for her to use with her power.
"Same. I couldn't tag him because the little miscreant had me thinking he was just some kid too. That power of his is so broken." Mouse whined with a pouting lip under her mouse-themed helmet visor. "Oh well. He and Chupacabra don't have much on their heads anyway. Chupa's only killed a few people and Cipito's the only one without any confirmed kills, so they're far from the worst. They're just really hard to nail down."
"Yeah. Chupacabra wasn't giving me any chances, so I had to trick her into knocking herself out. Can't do that next time, so now I've gotta figure out how to pull it off if she comes after me again." I bemoaned, sighing. "Well, let's get back on the route. Where were we?"
"You two were discussing prices on her buying stuff from you while I kept an eye out." Whirly snarked and cocked a hip to rest her hand on it. "Might as well keep doing what we were doing. I'll lead, you two dorks keep chatting." Whirlygig snorted and moved to lead us onward at our moderate jog. Something I was impressed Mouse could keep up with without our modifications. Said modifications she was asking about too.
"Alright then. So Mouse, why do you want to actually be a mouse-woman again?" I questioned of my favorite hero, who even did a cartwheel as we jogged.
"Because then I would truly be the protector of mice! What better way to own up to a gimmick than to live it?!" Mouse gushed with excitement, and I had to appreciate how well-made her armor was, with it being full-coverage it still had full range of movement without snags. If I remember right, I think it was made for her by Chevalier, but that's not important.
"Isn't that a bit much though? I mean, you do so well for yourself already, how else would becoming a mouse benefit you?" Because really. Aside from New Wave, she was the most successful independent hero in the country, having the longest service record alongside Brandish and Lady Photon. She even still had a toy line and other merchandise with a deal she cut with a few companies who approached her due to her popularity. Also, I don't see how being a mouse would help her heroics. She's done so well so far, and mice didn't have many perks.
"Well, I get cute big ears. Cute whiskers. A tail to help me balance. Oh, and even when the Surge makes me all big and stacked, I'll be even more flexible than I am now! Not to mention I would have even faster regeneration for my hands and feet than if I just had Stim." She had a point, at least for the tail for balance and flexibility, but regeneration buffs?
"How's that?" Seriously, how? I didn't notice anything special about my test rats before I modded them, but then again, I didn't do much with them before I went mod-happy on them.
"Mice and rats can completely regrow a lost paw when they're young, but can still regrow small appendages like toes as an adult." Mouse informed me in an obnoxious lecturing tone.
"Really now? I hadn't known. That would explain why the test rats I had were so daring with their paws." You'd think after getting zapped enough times trying to grab a piece of candy corn through a hole they would've learned, but they kept at it until they got the candy. Sure they were modded by that point, but I figured they would've stopped after a few tries.
"So yeah, I wanna be a mouse. I also want tits at least as big as Pantera's and Bitch's." I stumbled at Mouse's request to specifically get bigger boobs.
"Uh...I don't have control over that." Seriously. If I did, I would've prevented it. Big boobs, to me, as a guy, are awesome. But I don't think they're practical by any means of the word, especially at the ridiculous sizes the cafeteria ladies have been pushing themselves to.
"But you could! Can you make a breast-growth formula-." Mouse was interrupted by a pebble smacking her in the visor.
"I am NOT going to let you convince this kid to make something specifically to make boobs grow!" Whirlygig huffed at her from up ahead. "I may appreciate being busty, but there's some ladies who go too far. I don't want him to enable them further."
"I don't want that either. In fact, I was considering making something that reduces breast tissue and mammary gland activity because of some of the Merchant ladies abusing the lactation Surge causes and forcibly overstimulating their breasts into producing more, which makes the glands bigger, etc, etc. It's a very bad cycle and if they weren't superhuman, they'd be handicapped at their sizes." A few of them already had breasts the size of basketballs, and were actually still requesting to get bigger, requests I was not going to fulfill. I mean, really, there has to be a point where big enough, is too big.
"Aw...but could you on commission if I'm not satisfied?" Mouse pouted her lips and made pathetic whimpering noises as she fidgeted with her hands clasped in a pleading gesture. "Please~? I just wanna be stacked." Begged the already well-proportioned woman, who I sighed at in exasperation.
"...Ugh. Fine. But only in that case." I am going to keep it close to the chest so nobody has any 'accidents' and ends up with breasts the size of, I don't know, cars? My powers are bullshit, for all I know, something that fucked up could happen. Hell, it could happen to a man even. We all start out female in the womb anyway. "So how would you pay for all of this?"
"Half in cash, half in favors." Mouse replied as if it was the most obvious thing. "Only an idiot goes in full cash or full favors on this sort of thing. I'm a Hero, so I can't do anything illegal, and I can't afford to blow my money on something this expensive, even if it is for a power-up."
"Sensible. I'll arrange things with Tats, since she's the only Thinker we have. I'm sure she'll figure something out where everyone wins." Seriously. The only thing keeping the Undersiders from being folded entirely into the Merchants is that Grue is more-or-less stuck babysitting his little sister we helped him bring to Haven for safety, and Regent not giving a damn and hanging out with Uber and Leet most of the time since they're all gamers.
"Sounds good! Looking forward to it." Mouse answered and we focused back on the patrol.
With that, the rest of the patrol was rather boring. We caught a few Maras tagging over some of the crew's old signs and bagged them, but aside from that and the initial encounter with Chupacabra and Cipito, it was rather unproductive. That wasn't the same for the others though.
As I was flying back to Haven with Whirlygig, I was informed that on the opposite side of the city, at Captain's Hill, Silbón and Coco had decided to attack New Wave's homes openly. Since they were on patrol with the rest of us, thankfully nobody was home when the two towering brutes decided to wreck both the Dallon and Pelham households. Unfortunately, their neighbors weren't away as well. Silbón's whistle has put all of the Dallon's neighbors into comas, and Coco had decided to eat one of the Pelham's neighbors and use their blood to paint an MS13 mural on the only standing wall left of the Pelham household.
"Those fucking monsters." I snarled as I paced onboard the Skiff, simmering at my impotence. They also didn't tell us until now since we were so far away and couldn't intervene. Besides, unless you were either incredibly fast or had incredible range, those two beasts were a death wish to face. Silbón's whistle was literally an irresistible effect within ten meters of him and Coco was perhaps the only thing besides Siberian and Alexandria that could boast being nigh unstoppable and impervious. Why were they all women too?
"They already had Kill Orders, but this is ridiculous." Mouse snarled in her own feelings of helplessness. "They likely knew New Wave was out too, and did this just to make a statement."
"What statement? That they're monsters? We already knew that." I huffed as I took stock of what I had on me out of habit by this point.
"Not just that. But that no matter where we are, we're not safe." Mouse grimly stated, fidgeting in her seat.
"Pfft. Good luck to them finding Haven then." I seriously doubted that with all the precautions Sherrel had Leet and Trainwreck add on that they would get to Haven through the Skiffs or even the gateways.
"Don't jinx it! Coco's been known to get through effects that stop or ignore everything else! You remember Grey Boy? She just walked into one of his bubbles and killed the poor kid in it." Mouse insisted, and I had to shiver at the idea of Coco just wandering around and ending up in Haven for an all-she-can-eat buffet.
"Which has people figuring her power has something to do with time and space on herself." Whirlygig added, to which I sighed and rubbed my mask in exasperation. How can I take down something like that?
The rest of the ride was uneventful, and soon we were in the safety...hopefully safe, pocket dimension of Haven. I wrote down Mouse Protector's order, calculated the total bill, which I inwardly winced at since I still felt charging this much was criminal...heh, but still.
10,000 dollars for a dose of Stim? 1000 for a jug of Surge? 15,000 for the custom Primal? A refit for her costume through Parian and Leet who would charge her separately for after her transformation? Just from me alone, that's 26,000. You could buy a damn car with that, and both Sherrel and Tats still say I'm undercharging. I wonder how Tats and Sher will work out the favors she could do to pay off half of this.
"I'll get to work on your Primal immediately, since I already got a shipment of lab rats and mice too." Medhall was officially out of business, and their lab animals had to either be bought or killed, so I bought some from the public police auction earlier this week under an assumed alias that Tats made for me. She's scary good at what she does.
"Great! I'll get a ride to the Rig in a bit. I hope we don't end up moving it further out into the Bay with the Maras displaying they don't flinch at the idea of attacking us at home." Mouse Protector sighed, as she somehow wiggled the ears on her mouse-themed helmet. Wait….
"...Can't you just warp there?" I mean, teleporting is one of her chief powers alongside her enhanced strength, dexterity, agility, stamina, flexibility...damn, she got a good power.
"Uh...maybe? Let me check." Without fanfare, Mouse vanished, which made me flinch at seeing it in person for the first time. It was uncannily disturbing how-. "Hey~!" I turned in shock to see Mouse Protector dashing towards me from my lab building. "Nice place you got! But yeah, I can just pop in and out whenever. This'll make working together a bit easier since I don't have to wait with the others. Goodbye you dashing rogue, this is farewell from the sly and sneaky Mouse Protector~!" Mouse cheered as she reached me, and jumped over me before she disappeared.
"...Okay then. She can just pop in and out whenever she wants somehow. When did she tag...my autograph. Sneaky woman." I'll have to move that, but I can't keep it home, so where can I-?
My thought process was interrupted by the PA loudspeakers in the middle of the yard suddenly emitting an impossibly loud variant of the air raid sirens from the old wars, and chills swept down me from snout to tail tip, and all my quills stood on end.
An Endbringer Attack.
I ran at full speed to my lab, tackling through the doors, not caring for how I shredded them and took a full run at my setup. Stim. I need all I can carry. "MERCHANTS! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! BEHEMOTH HAS SURFACED IN PAKISTAN AND IS HEADING TO KARACHI! ALL MERCHANTS REPORT TO THE BAY PLATFORM FOR TRANSIT!"
"Deal!" I felt such relief at hearing Rocksteady, because I would need his help. "Deal, we've gotta go!" I turned and tossed a case at him, which he thankfully caught. "What're you doin'?!"
"Loading up as much Stim as I can!" I handed him a few more cases, and grabed a couple armfuls myself before running back outside. "How're we getting to the opposite side of the world?"
"Leet. How else? Well, he and Squealer worked together on it, but it's this huge version of the gateways you and Taylor use to get to and from your houses. Only this thing isn't rooted to the other end." Rocksteady informed me as he followed, and I tried not to stumble at the sight of every Skiff in Haven rising up and flying towards the Bay Platform.
"So what's the plan then? I know what I'm doing, but what about everyone else?" How could we help with Behemoth, or any of the Endbringers? More bodies are just more targets aren't they?
"Don't worry about it boss. I'm with ya, just focus on what you need to do." Rocksteady insisted, and I gathered my will as I entered the Bay Platform, not too surprised to see several of the clinic staff all toting cases of more Stim and various other medical supplies.
"Dealer, you with us?" Ronald, an older asian man who like the others was far younger and fitter than he had any natural right to be, and the closest thing we had to a doctor asked, to which I nodded. "Good. We're gonna need some muscle to make sure nobody gets in the way of us helping."
"Truce is in effect. We're doing this in good faith and Panacea stands by us. I doubt we'll face too much trouble." I braced myself as the huge archway lit up like the smaller ones and I braced myself. Today I apparently got to play Triage Doctor. Fuck.