The days following Ethan's death, the others could see Cal was still struggling to come to terms with the news that Ethan was gone. The day of the funeral arrived and while everyone was ready to head to the church Cal couldn't bring himself to say goodbye.

Outside the department everyone was waiting with the hearse. Cal didn't come out of the hospital.

"Why don't you guys go ahead. I'll meet you at the church." Charlie informed the others.

"Okay. Tell Cal we're here for him." Rita said as the team made their way to the church. Charlie watched them depart before heading back inside. Charlie immediately knew where Cal would be. Charlie found him in the staffroom holding a picture. He approached him slowly before place a hand tentatively on Cal's shoulders.

"We had this picture the taken a week after the car crash." Cal sniffed still looking at the picture. "Our relationship had never been better. We were so much closer than before. I guess the crash made me realise just how much I needed him. How much he needed me."

Cal wiped his tears away with the back of his hand.

"At least you got to tell him." Charlie said coming to sit beside him.

"Yes, but..." Cal started.

"But what?"

"I only wish I told him more often." Cal finished.

Charlie smiled at him.

"I'm sure Ethan knew."

For a few moments the two of them sat in silence. Cal felt comfortable and was glad of Charlie's company.

"Do you think he would have been angry with me?" Cal asked suddenly.

"About?"

"About not telling him the truth as soon as I found out I was adopted."

"No. Why would he be?"

"The fact I lied to him. The fact I pretended that everything was alright when it wasn't."

"Cal, you were only doing what you thought was right. You were only thinking about him. You didn't want to tell him until you knew all the facts. You didn't want him to get hurt." Charlie reassured him.

"Was I really thinking about him?" Cal looked at Charlie. "I mean it was selfish of me for not telling him because I didn't want him to know. I didn't want to break his heart by telling him he would not only lose a niece but, he would also lose a brother too."

"And how is that selfish? You weren't selfish. You cared about him. Ethan would have done exactly the same as you if he was in your position." Charlie explained.

"No, he wouldn't. If he was in my position he wouldn't have waited to do the paternity test. He would have done it as soon as Matilda arrived on the scene. He would have told me we weren't related the minute he found out the results."

Cal paused for a moment inhaling a deep breath.

"I let him down, Charlie. I promised him I wouldn't. Now he's dead and I've let him down." Cal broke down again.

Charlie placed a comforting hand on Cal's shoulder. He hated seeing his friend tear himself up. He was going to let Cal know that everyone was there for him if he needed them to be.

"You haven't let him down." Charlie spoke. "You were a good brother to him and he was proud of that. He loved you as much as you loved him."

"I could have been a better brother." Cal answered in a whisper.

"We've all made mistakes, Cal."

"Yes, I know that. But, at least you've got to accept your mistakes. I've never been able to, I've always relied on Ethan to pick up the pieces after I mess things up and I've always taken him for granted. I've never really appreciated him."

"Ethan knew how much you appreciated him."

"I din't show him enough, did I? I should have told him."

"Look, Cal. Ethan wouldn't want you to dwell on things that didn't happen. He would want you to blame yourself."

"But, I do blame myself. I let him down. My baby brother. He'll always be my baby brother and I let him down."

Charlie didn't know what else to say. He had tried everything to make Cal understand that Ethan wouldn't want him to blame himself yet, Cal wasn't listening to any of it. Charlie stood up from where he sat.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Where?" Cal wondered.

"The funeral."

Cal shook his head.

"No, I can't go. I won't go."

"Why not?"

"Because if I go it will finally be a reality. A reality where Ethan won't be in it. I will have to accept the fact that I won't see him ever again. It would mean I really have lost him. And I don't want to. He's all I got left." Cal explained as tears began to roll down his cheeks.

"I know it's difficult. I know you don't want to say goodbye, but by letting him go you will be able to deal with your grief."

"I don't want to let him go. I don't want to say goodbye."

"It's not easy losing those you love, but in time you will heal. It's going to take awhile but, you've got our support. You will get through this." Charlie replied trying to comfort him.

"I just don't want to forget him."

"And you won't."

Cal smiled at Charlie. Charlie was right. He wouldn't forget Ethan. How could he? He would always have him in his heart. Cal stood up and walked out with Charlie towards the church. It wasn't going to be easy but, Cal knew he had to say goodbye. That night after the team had gone to the pub and Lofty with a help from Max raised their drinks in honour of Ethan, Cal had gone back to the apartment. The apartment he used to share with Ethan. As soon as Cal sat on the edge of the bed the grief finally overtook him and he sobbed his heart out.

"Cal."