Thank you so much Jenjoremy for all you did for this chapter. You're a star. Thank you also Gredelina1 for all your help. I'm sorry for the late update last week. I thought I'd prepped the chapter to post from Sweden, but I'd forgotten. I'm home now so we can get back to our usual update schedule.
Chapter Thirteen
Dean heard a lot of clattering coming from the kitchen when he and Sam came downstairs on Sunday morning. He glanced at Sam and raised an eyebrow, but Sam just walked past him into the kitchen without a word. He'd done a lot of that over the past couple days. He wasn't engaging with them. It seemed like he was lost in thought a lot of the time. It wasn't the same as when he would vague out and see Lucifer, but it was similar. He just didn't seem to notice them until they'd called his name a couple times. It was upsetting to see, and frustrating for Dean, as he wanted to do more for him.
Sighing, Dean followed him into the kitchen and smiled at what he saw. Alfie was at the stove, waving a dishcloth over a smoking skillet that was filling the air with an unpleasant smell. There was a pot of lumpy batter on the counter beside him and a tray of pancake toppings.
"Having fun there, Alfie?" he asked.
Alfie shook his head. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I copied everything Elsie does."
"The oil is too hot," Dean explained. "Can I help?"
Alfie looked surprised. "You can cook?"
"A little."
"That never made it into the books."
"It wouldn't have," Dean said. "It's a fairly recent thing. Do you want me to do it?"
Alfie sighed, defeated. "Yes, please."
"Where's Elsie?" Sam asked, wandering to the window and looking out.
"She likes a regular dose of God, so she's gone to church," Alfie said. "She's not one for the fire and brimstone, so she's mixing with the Methodists. She tried to talk me out of making breakfast, but I wanted you boys to have something good to wake up to. She was right, as usual; I shouldn't have bothered."
"We appreciate you trying," Dean said. "Why don't you have a rest while me and Sam fix something up. Sam, can you come help me?"
With a pleased nod, Alfie sat at the table and opened his newspaper. Sam wandered over to Dean and asked, "What are we doing?"
"Making pancakes," Dean said. He took the smoking pan from the heat and lowered the burner. He opened the window to dispel the smell and began to search through the cupboard for what he needed. He had learned to make pancakes when he was with Lisa, but he hadn't made them in a long time. He found the pots and pans, and he took out a fresh skillet, then searched for the dry goods.
"Can you get me an egg, some butter and milk, Sam?"
Sam went slowly to the fridge and opened it. He stopped for a moment with the door open, just staring in, and Dean resisted the urge to remind him of what he was doing there. He wouldn't usually, and he wanted to treat Sam as normally as possible.
He sifted in the dry ingredients and waited for Sam, not watching him. After a moment, Sam came back with the milk and eggs, but he'd forgotten the butter.
"Thanks, Sam. Can you get me some butter, too?" Dean asked, trying to introduce it as a new request.
Sam went back to the fridge while Dean added the eggs and milk. He stirred it a few times and then, when Sam came back, he held the bowl out and said, "Mix this for me."
Sam took the bowl and began to beat the mixture. Pleased, Dean dropped a knob of butter into the skillet and watched as it melted.
He was paying attention to what he was doing, so he didn't notice something was wrong with Sam until Alfie called his name. Sam was gone. He quickly took the bowl from Sam's loosening fingers and set it down on the counter.
"Keep going," Alfie advised. "Make it feel like nothing is different for him."
Dean nodded and finished beating the batter, casting Sam occasional sidelong glances. The batter was smooth and ready before Sam was back, and he ladled it into the pan. It sizzled and Dean smiled slightly at the sound and memories it brought back of that time in his life. It had been very difficult to be without Sam, but he had found pleasure in providing simple things for Lisa and Ben.
Sam sucked in a breath as he snapped back to the present, and Dean sighed with relief and flipped the pancakes. "Get me some plates, Sammy?" he asked.
Sam nodded and took a platter and some smaller plates from the cupboard. He put the platter down at Dean's elbow and then carried the plates to the table. Dean was pleased and relieved that he was acting without instruction now. It wasn't huge, knowing what to do, but each small step made a difference to them.
He slid the pancakes from the skillet onto the platter and then added more batter. When he had enough for them all and some for Elsie should she want them when she returned, he turned off the stove and carried them over to the table and went back for the toppings. He sat himself down and said, "Load up then, Sam. See how good a chef your brother is."
Sam smiled slightly. "You can cook?"
"I can now," Dean said, pleased by the smile.
"And you're actually rather good," Alfie said appreciatively, taking another bite of his pancakes.
"What do you think, Sam?"
Sam took a bite and smiled. "I like it."
Dean grinned. "See, your brother has skills."
Sam nodded.
Dean dumped maple syrup over his own stack and began to eat. They were good, and he was pleased and a little proud that he hadn't let them down with his first foray into cooking in a while.
They ate in appreciative silence for a while, the only sound the scraping of forks, and then there was a clatter as Sam dropped his fork. Dean looked up and saw he was gone again.
"Dammit," he muttered, hating that Lucifer was back already. It had been good for just a little while.
"He's okay," Alfie said. "Keep eating."
Dean knew what he meant, keep it normal for Sam, so he ate the pancakes that now tasted like ashes in his mouth.
When Sam came back, he blinked slowly and then pushed his plate away and stood.
"What are you doing, Sam?" he asked.
"Going away," Sam said curtly.
Dean made to stand but Alfie said his name softly and he sank down again as Sam walked out.
"He just needs a little space," Alfie said. "This is hard for him, too."
Dean pushed away his own plate and ran a hand over his face. "What if he tries to leave?" he asked.
"We'll hear the door. I don't think we will though. Sam has shown no signs of wanting to leave thus far, has he?"
"No," Dean admitted. "He needs his meds though."
"Let's give him some time and then I will take them to him. I'll make sure he takes them."
Dean nodded.
Alfie continued to eat while Dean stared at the door Sam had left through, wishing he could be with his brother while still making him feel capable.
Sam's voice drifted back to them and Dean heard enough to quickly know he was talking to Bobby again.
He bowed his head and sighed.
It was Monday and Dean had just taken Sam his meds in the sun room where he was reading. He was carrying the plate and glass back into the kitchen when he heard Elsie speaking on the telephone in the hall. He didn't listen but carried on into the kitchen and added the plate and glass to the small pile from breakfast beside the sink. He started the water running and squeezed in some dish soap.
"You don't need to do that," Alfie said, getting up from the table bringing his empty plate for the stack.
"I know, but Sam's pretty distant this morning, so I thought it was a good idea to cut him a break," Dean said.
"Yes, and I agree, but I meant that I could do it. We didn't invite you here so you could do all the chores, Dean. We have noticed how much you are doing. I know some of it is to encourage Sam, but we want you to feel that this is your home, too, so you can relax here. You don't need to be on alert for tasks at all times."
"I don't want to make it harder for you by having to clean up after us," Dean said. "You're doing so much. Elsie is cooking almost everything we eat, and she's doing our laundry. We can do that stuff."
He had asked her to show him how the washer worked so that he could do their own laundry and save her a job, but she'd shrugged him off with the explanation that it was contrary and there was a knack to using it.
"She doesn't mind," Alfie said. "And it's not hard having you here at all. In fact, she's enjoying it as much as I am. It's like the old days, having our family here again, with you and Sam. If we felt pressure from it, we would tell you, but right now we're just happy to have young company."
"It's tough though," Dean said. "Sam being the way he is, his seizures, it has to be hard on you."
"In a way," Alfie said. "For me, at least, it's familiar. I know what I am dealing with. I think we can agree that it's much harder on you. We don't mind the days Sam is more withdrawn as we understand it now that we know the truth of what he went through. Dean, you saved the world together. What we are doing for you is the smallest thanks for that."
"Sam saved the world," Dean corrected.
"And yet I doubt it was him alone," Alfie said. "I know your world. Neither of you are anything without the other."
Dean shook his head. He didn't understand. It was Sam that had taken the dive and Sam that had suffered all that time. What Dean had been through at the mercy of Lucifer's fists felt like nothing.
"It was Sam," he said again, returning his attention to the dishes.
Alfie took them from the drainer and loaded them into the dishwasher, a thoughtful frown on his brow. Dean could tell he hadn't convinced him of the truth, but he didn't bother to try again. Alfie wouldn't believe him anyway. He only had the books to guide him when it came to their history, and Chuck wasn't the greatest writer.
He had just closed the door of the loaded dishwasher and set it to working when Elsie came into the room. She looked troubled and distracted.
"What's wrong, Elsie?" Alfie asked.
"That was Alison on the phone," she said. "Her sitter has let her down and she's been called in early. Calvin won't be home until five, and she'll not finish until late."
"Ah," Alfie said. "What did you tell her?"
"What could I say but yes? She's on her way here now. I was thinking I could take Izzy to that Plucky's place she likes."
Alfie nodded. "Yes, that will work."
"What's going on?" Dean asked.
"Alison, our daughter, has to work," Elsie explained. "She wants us to take care of Izzy for the day. It's okay though. There is a place in town I can take her. She'll be happy to spend the day in the ball pit and on the arcade games."
"Those places are hell," Dean said. "Why not bring her here? Oh." The reason dawned on him. "You're worried about Sam? That's okay. We can hang out upstairs while she's here. Or we can go out somewhere. He hasn't left the house since we got here. He might like it."
Though would he? Sam was kinda vulnerable at the moment. Maybe dragging him out of familiar surroundings would upset him. They could stay upstairs though. Their room was plenty big enough and he could take some books up for Sam. They'd be fine.
"I'll make sure he doesn't upset her," he said.
"No!" Elsie said, clearly affronted. "We're not driving you out, and we're not worried about Izzy. It's Sam we were concerned for.
Alfie cleared his throat. "We agreed when you came to stay here that we would make it as easy on you both as we could, and that means reducing the stresses for Sam."
Dean considered. It was true he had no idea how Sam would react to a change in the form of a child's arrival, but he couldn't allow Alfie and Elsie to put themselves out more for them. He wouldn't let Elsie spend a day in the migraine inducing Plucky's just to save Sam from some stress.
"Have her here," he said. "If Sam struggles, we'll go somewhere else. It's your home, so it's right that your granddaughter should be here."
"We don't want to drive you out, Dean," Elsie said.
"Exactly. Neither do we. Sam wouldn't want this either. If you don't mind her being here with us, then she should come, and we'll see how Sam handles it." He hesitated as he realized the complication to the visit. "What if Sam seizes though? That'll freak her out. No. We'll stay upstairs. I don't want to traumatize the kid."
Alfie smiled and shook his head. "You won't traumatize her, and you won't hide upstairs either. Children are more accepting of things like this than adults. If Sam seizes, Izzy will deal with it, I am sure. We won't leave her watching for Sam's sake, but she'll be fine with it."
"You sure?" Dean asked.
"We're positive," Elsie said, reaching out and squeezing his hand. "We'd love for you and Sam to meet her."
"And you might be surprised," Alfie said. "Sam has been withdrawn recently, but Izzy is a magnetic character. I think she might be good for him."
"You think?" Dean asked hopefully.
"I do," Alfie said. "It might help him a little even."
"I'll go explain to Sam's what's happening," he said.
He went into the sun room where Sam was sitting on the comfortable couch. He had a book in his hands, but he wasn't reading it. He was looking vague. Dean wasn't sure if he was gone or just thinking, and he was pleased when Sam looked up as he sat down beside him and said his name.
"Someone's coming," Dean said.
"Here?"
"Yeah. Alfie and Elsie's daughter is bringing their granddaughter over for the day." He hesitated before going on, not sure if he should ask but thinking Sam deserved the choice. "Are you going to be okay with this? If you don't want company, me and you can go out or hang upstairs a while."
Sam frowned. "She's a little girl?"
"Yeah. Her name's Izzy."
"Will I scare her?" he asked. "What if it happens again?"
Dean shook his head. "No, Sammy. Alfie and I talked about that. He thinks she'll handle it better than we do. Kids are different."
"Okay. I want to stay."
"Awesome," Dean said, genuinely pleased.
"When's she coming?" Sam asked.
"I don't know. Soon. They were on their way." At that moment Dean heard the chime of the old-fashioned doorbell and Elsie's quick footsteps on the tile floor of the kitchen; then they disappeared as Dean assumed she passed into carpeted hall. "Or now."
Sam nodded and raised his book again.
There were muffled voices in the hall and then Dean heard them coming into the living room. "I made you a picture, Grams!" an excited child's voice said.
"That's lovely, Izzy," Elsie said. "Come in here and meet our friends."
"Oh, yes, your houseguests," a woman said with obvious doubt in her tone.
Dean stood as Elsie led a woman into the room, followed by a little girl.
"Dean, this is our daughter, Alison," Elsie said. "Alison, this is Dean and Sam."
Alison looked a lot like her mother. Her hair was deep red and her eyes were the same warm brown. She didn't look warmly at him though. She was definitely appraising him as she held out a hand.
Dean shook it and said, "It's good to meet you."
"You too," she said coolly. "I have been hoping for a chance to speak to you for a while. My parents have been protective of you."
Dean nodded. "They're good people."
"Yes, they are," she said pointedly.
Elsie had remained oblivious to her daughter's veiled hostility as she was examining the picture Izzy was showing her. Dean cast a glance back at Sam to see if he'd noticed Alison's reaction, but he was staring at the book in his hands with a concentrated look.
Dean looked at Izzy as she danced around her grandmother. She had red hair, too, but hers was a lighter shade, almost blonde. It was tied in a braid that hung down the back of her pink t-shirt. She had shockingly blue eyes and they were bright with excitement.
"Say hello to Sam and Dean, Izzy," Elsie said.
Izzy beamed at Dean, showing gaps in her teeth. "Hello, Sam."
Dean smiled. "I'm Dean. This is Sam."
She looked past him and said. "Hi, Sam."
Dean waited to see how, or even if, Sam would react. He looked up slowly from his book and looked uncertain for a moment before smiling slightly. "Hi, Izzy."
Izzy grinned at him. "What's your book about?"
Sam closed it and checked the spine. "I'm not sure. I haven't read much yet."
Dean was willing to bet he hadn't really read any of it. He suspected it was just Sam's way of distancing himself from what was happening around him.
Alfie came into the room then, drawing Izzy's eyes from Sam. "Where's my best girl?" he asked.
Izzy flew at him. "Grandpa!" She threw her arms around him and he bent to hold her. She clung to him for a moment and then said. "I met Sam and Dean."
"That's good," Alfie said. "They're Grandpa's friends."
She released him and bounced back to Elsie to retrieve the picture she'd drawn from Elsie to show Alfie.
"I should go," Alison said. "Come say goodbye, Izzy."
Izzy rushed back to her mother and kissed her cheek as she bent to her. "Bye, Momma."
"It was nice to meet you, Dean," she said. "I'll see you again." It sounded like a threat.
Alfie followed her out to the door, and Dean checked on Sam again. He was watching her exit with a furrowed brow, and Dean guessed he'd been aware of the tension of their exchange. His gaze drifted to Izzy as she bounced back to him and thumped down on the couch beside Sam. In her hand was the picture she'd been showing Alfie. She held it up to Sam and said. "Do you like it? It's me and Bailey."
Dean looked at the shapes on the paper and tried to make them out. One was obviously Izzy as she had given herself orange hair and a pink top, but the other wasn't clear. It looked like a brown ball with a red line coming from it.
"It's good," Sam said. "I like it."
Izzy beamed at him. "I like to walk with Bailey and Daddy. I can't hold him yet because I'm too little, but Momma says I will one day."
"Bailey is Izzy's spaniel," Alfie explained, sitting down on the other couch with Elsie. "He's still a puppy, isn't he, Izzy?"
"Yep. He hasn't even had one birthday yet. I want to give him a party but Momma says dogs don't get parties. I don't think it's fair, because I had one for my birthday and it was fun. We went to the zoo with all my friends, and I saw the lizards."
Dean raised an eyebrow as he took a seat in an armchair. He wouldn't have thought lizards featured big on little girls' lists of favorite animals.
"You like lizards?" he asked.
Izzy nodded solemnly. "Daddy says dinosaurs are lizards and I like dinosaurs. There aren't any left. A star fell down and killed them all."
A small smile crept over Sam's face and he asked, "What's your favorite dinosaur?"
Dean's mouth dropped open at the question. Other than direct enquiries about their environment and mentions of Jess, Bobby and Castiel, Sam hadn't really asked anything, especially not such a question, of any of them.
"The T-Rex," Izzy said excitedly.
"Why that one?" Sam asked.
"It's the scariest," Izzy said. "Dinosaurs can be scary, and I think the T-Rex would be the only one that didn't get scared as he has such big teeth. I'd want to be a T-Rex. What do you want to be?"
Sam considered for a moment as they all watched him expectantly. Dean felt the anticipation in the air. Elsie looked as pleased as he felt by Sam's reaction to her, but Alfie didn't seem that surprised. He'd said Izzy might be good for him. Was this what he'd meant? Did he know Izzy would cast this magic over the room and Sam?
"I'd want to be a pterodactyl," Sam said eventually.
"They're not so scary," Izzy said dubiously.
"But they can fly," Sam said. "That'd be better than being scary."
Dean felt his eyes burning. Sam was engaged in a way he hadn't been before. He was fully focused on the conversation, sharing thoughts, not just needs and expressing emotions. He seemed happy even.
Izzy nodded. "I think flying would be fun, too." She brightened. "I'm going to fly."
"Now?" Sam asked, a smile curling his lips.
"No." She giggled. "In an airplane. We're going to Disney World. Me and Momma and Daddy. We have to fly to get there. Momma said there will be a window and I can watch the earth go under us. And when we get here, there will be all the princesses. Do you like princesses?"
"Some," Sam said. "Which one do you like?"
"Ariel's the best," she said knowledgably. "She can swim. I'm learning to swim at the pool. I have lessons with Miss Katie. I don't need armbands anymore, but I like the noodle as it holds me up. Sometimes you go under without it, and water gets up your nose and in your ears. I don't like that."
"Do you think that happens to Ariel, too?" Sam asked.
"Maybe," she said thoughtfully. "Not when she's a mermaid. When she's a mermaid she can sing in the water. When she has legs she might not sing anymore because of the water, but I bet she doesn't mind."
"I liked Flounder," Sam said.
She nodded eagerly. "He's great. I think Ariel must miss him and Sebastian when she doesn't live with them in the water anymore, but she can go swimming and see them."
"She could have put them in the bathtub," Sam said. "Then she could have talked to them all the time."
Izzy laughed. The sound was so young and innocent, and when Sam joined her laughter, Dean did, too. It felt good. There was no hysteria, just enjoyment of this magical moment. Sam was reacting, talking and sharing, and it was incredible.
Elsie picked up one of her ever-handy sketchbooks and a pencil from the table. Her hand flew over the page as she drew something Dean couldn't see. Alfie caught Dean's eye and winked.
"Who's your princess?" Izzy asked.
Sam grinned. "I don't really have a princess, but I do like Cinderella. I like Simba the best, and he's a king."
"Simba's okay," she conceded. "He's brave."
"He is," Sam agreed. "He went home, even though he was scared, because he wanted to help. He had a happy ending."
"All Disney has a happy ending," Izzy said.
"Not always," Sam said. "The baddies never get a happy ending."
Izzy clawed her hands at Sam and made her voice a growl. "Like Scar!"
"Exactly. Scar has the end he deserves."
Izzy turned to Dean, "Do you like Disney, too?"
"I've never seen any," he admitted.
"How can you not see Disney?" she asked, sounding scandalized. "Doesn't Sam share?"
Sam turned to him and his eyes were bright with amusement and what looked almost like surprise. It was as if he had lost himself so completely in talking with Izzy that he had forgotten there were others there. "I don't see much Disney anymore," he explained. "I used to watch it a long time ago."
"Why don't you watch it now?" she asked.
"Because I used to watch them with Jess and she's…"
Dean froze, seeing the spark in Sam's eye die and be replaced with a look of confusion.
"She's what?" Izzy asked.
"I don't know," Sam said. "I think she…" His gaze became distant and his face lost all expression. He was gone again.
"Sam?" Izzy said, looking confused when Sam didn't react.
Elsie got to her feet and said, "Come along, Izzy, Let's make some drinks and snacks. I bet Grandpa is thirsty."
"I am," Alfie said, nodding eagerly. "Will you make me one of your special juice cocktails, Izzy?"
"Sure," she said, though she still sounded a little confused. She followed Elsie out of the room and Dean turned his gaze back to Sam. He was staring blankly across the room, though Dean saw something glistening on his cheek. When he looked closer he saw it was a tear, trailing down his cheek.
"He's crying," he said miserably.
"I know," Alfie said. "Look at this though."
He held up the sketchpad Elsie had been drawing on. Dean saw an unfinished sketch of Sam. She had captured the moment he had laughed with Izzy. It hurt Dean's heart to see it, the evidence of that moment while he brother sat motionless and crying close to him.
"He's crying now, but he laughed before," Alfie said. "Look at it, Dean. He was happy. He can be happy. This is just another episode. He'll be back and laughing again."
Dean nodded, though he didn't feel that comforted. Sam might have laughed before, and maybe there would be another magic moment that would bring him back again, but right now he was crying, and Dean couldn't help him.
So… What did you think of Izzy? I wanted someone for Sam to connect with and she seemed the perfect choice. Children can sometimes cast a spell with their innocence, and I like the idea that Sam could have this moment.
Until next time…
Clowns or Midgets xxx