Thank you so much Jenjoremy for beta'ing for me and Gredelina1 for encouraging and supporting xxx
ChapterTwenty
"Sam," Dean rasped as the demon's began to squeeze her fingers around his throat. "Help me."
Sam just looked at him blankly, as if oblivious to the fact Dean was being choked to death right in front of him. His inaction scared Dean more than the thought of his own impending death. If Sam wouldn't defend him, would he defend himself? Were they both going to die here and Castiel be taken? He should never have brought Sam with him. He would have been safer and happier with Alfie and Elsie. Because of Dean, he was going to die.
"I've been waiting for you a long time," the demon said. "Crowley told me you would come eventually, and the angel would be with you. Where the Winchesters go, the angel follows." She glanced over her shoulder at Castiel. "Be right with you, angel. Just got to put these two out first."
"Run, Sam," Dean whispered, a tear slipping down his cheek.
"He's not going anywhere," she said. "He doesn't seem all that with it today. Is he drunk?"
Dean didn't, couldn't, answer. He just stared past her at his brother who was watching with a furrowed brow.
"I got bored waiting," she said. "It gave me time to think what to do when you did come. I'm not allowed to kill you, Dean, but there are no rules about hurting you and Sammy a little before I take the angel. I think I'll wait until you're good and unconscious and then I'll have a turn with Sam. I don't think he'll even care, do you? Then I'll take the angel to Crowley and watch him break him apart."
Dean's eyes blurred and fell closed. He felt unconsciousness coming for him, and he fought it back. Then there was a rush of heat over his face and the hand on his throat disappeared. He fell to the floor as his eyes opened. Castiel had his hand on the demon's temple and blue-white light was blazing from her eyes and mouth. When Castiel stepped back, she dropped hard to the floor in front on Dean, her eyes charred hollows.
Dean drew a shaky breath that burned his throat. "Emmanuel," he said hoarsely.
Castiel looked stunned, staring down at the demon with horror. He looked up at Dean and then turned back to Sam, his expression becoming more wrecked by the second. "What did I do?" he asked, sounding horrified.
"You saved my life," Dean whispered, the words ripping through his abused throat. "You killed a demon, one of those things I told you were coming for you." He struggled to his feet and touched his injured neck tentatively. It was going to bruise like a bitch and eating was going to be a problem for a while.
"Let me help you, Dean," Castiel said.
Dean stood still as Castiel reached for him and then he felt the warmth and sting of healing. As Castiel pulled his hand back, he felt the pain disappear and when he spoke his voice was strong. "Thanks."
Castiel still looked stunned. "I am sorry," he said fervently.
"You believe me now then?" Dean asked.
"Yes. I know the truth."
"Good. We've got to deal with this then get out of here. Gather some wood. I'll be right there."
He went to the trunk and pulled out the spare gas can then went to Sam who was still standing unmoving. "You okay?" he asked.
Sam shrugged. "You're okay." It was a flat statement with no emotion behind the words.
"I am." He hesitated before speaking again, not sure he wanted his question answered. "Why didn't you help me Sam?"
"Because it wasn't real," Sam said. "I am not going to let this happen again. I won't be pulled into a war that's just there to distract me from what I need to be doing. I just need to wait until I wake up again, and then I can be with Jess."
Dean swallowed hard. Those were more complex sentences and thoughts than Dean had heard from Sam since the accident, which Dean thought confirmed the damage done to Sam's brain had been healed, but the words burned. The damage might be gone, but Sam's thoughts were still confused. He was stuck at the point of Jessica, and he seemed to have drawn his own conclusions about what he had to do, whatever they might be.
"What do you need to do?" Dean asked.
"I need to find a way to break this delusion. I have to get back to her. She must be so scared. I think it's working already, my focus, because my thoughts are easier now. I don't have to chase them. They're clearer. I just have to keep trying to wake up completely,"
"What do you think has happened to you to do this?" Dean asked.
"I think there was an accident. I remember being scared and in pain, and I'm guessing I hit my head." He sighed. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you, Dean. I know you think you're real, too. But if I do this, let myself become part of it, I will be stuck here. I have to get back."
The worst part was that Dean understood it. He thought he might even do the same in Sam's position. If he thought this was a dream and there was a real Sam out there that needed him, he would do whatever he could to get back to him. He thought he'd known what it meant for Sam to be gone, but if Sam had his way, it wasn't nearly over. Would he find a way to lock himself inside his head forever in an attempt to reach Jessica?
Dean was scared. Unless he could reach Sam somehow, he would lose him to his confusion. Sam would never come back if he thought Jessica was out there, needing him. Dean had to find a way to break through that and make him see the truth, though he had no idea how.
"I've got to help with the wood," he said, needing to get away. "Will you be okay here?"
Sam nodded. "Yeah. Do what you feel you need to do. I'll wait."
Dean turned away and took a breath. He could see Castiel gathering wood and creating a pile a little away from the house. He carried over the gas can over and began to build the wood into a pyre. Castiel came back with another armful and dropped it down.
"I am very sorry, Dean," he said.
Dean shrugged. "You didn't really have a good reason to believe me."
"I thought I was right."
"I know. I had a buddy that thought he was right, too, and he pretty much screwed us all over."
"Castiel?" he guessed.
"Yes."
"Do you know how you feel about him now?" he asked curiously.
"No. It's still confused. I know I'd risk my life and Sam's to help him, so I guess that counts for something, but I still can't forgive him what he did. Especially now that I'm seeing what it's really done to Sam."
"I am sure he's sorry," Castiel said.
"You think?" Dean asked. "That's the problem, Emmanuel, I don't think he would be. I think he was too different to feel real regret."
"I think you're wrong. I think everyone feels regret."
"You didn't know him," Dean said curtly, adding the new wood to the pyre.
"I didn't." He looked like he wanted to say something else, something important, but he shook his head and said, "Can I use your phone? I need to tell Daphne I am going to be away longer than we planned. I won't tell her the truth, but I think she should have some explanation. I wouldn't like someone else innocent to suffer because of me."
Dean frowned. "Who else has suffered?"
"You, Dean."
"I was only choked," Dean said. "That's happened plenty of times before. And I'm certainly not an innocent."
"I think you're wrong," Castiel said quietly. "I think you were before."
Shaking his head, Dean held out the phone to Castiel and then went back to the porch to fetch the demon's body. He would get her burned and then he would get them out of here, somewhere better, somewhere safe.
Dean knew he couldn't keep driving much longer. They hadn't stopped in the night, and it was now almost afternoon. He had been choked and though he had been healed, the trauma and fear of the moment, seeing Sam just standing there, and the conversation that came after had wrecked him. He needed rest.
He drove south a couple hours, eventually coming to a place called Seeley Lake and seeing an office advertising cabin rentals. Dean pulled them to a stop and turned in his seat to Castiel. "I'm going to go get us a place. Will you be okay here with Sam?" He cast his brother a pointed look, indicating that Castiel was to keep watch over him.
Castiel nodded. "We will be fine."
He climbed out and went into the office. There was a couple at the desk ahead of him, and he surmised from their conversation that they were handing in the keys and checking out. Dean hung back and waited for them to finish as they thanked the middle-aged clerk profusely for a great stay. When they left Dean stepped up and returned the man's smile. "Hey, I'm looking for a place to rent for a while."
"Of course," he said cheerfully. "How many will be staying?"
"We'll need three beds if you have it," he said.
"We have plenty available. Tourism has been down lately. Where are you looking for?"
"Anywhere," Dean said. "Well, somewhere out of the way. We need some space and privacy."
"Fishing? Hiking?"
"Yeah, sure, anything," Dean said. "As long as we're out of the way, we'll be fine."
He ran a finger down the page of the book and said. "I have the perfect place. The Bayshore Cabin is vacant. It's right on the edge of the lake and it has beautiful views. It's fully equipped with anything you could need. There is even fishing tackle you are free to borrow. We only ask that you take care with it. You can swim in the lake. It should be warm enough now, but be careful though. It seems shallow at the edge, but there is a pit just off the end of the dock and though it's deep enough to dive, it's deep enough to catch you off guard, too."
"Thanks for the tip," Dean said. "We'll be careful."
"Okay then. It is $550 a week. How long would you like it for?"
"I'm not sure yet. At least a couple weeks."
"That's fine. We have no pending booking for it. If you pay for two weeks now, you can return to us if you need it for longer. I will need a one week security deposit for contents and fittings."
"No problem," Dean said.
He reached into his pocket for the wad of bills that Alfie had given him and peeled the right amount off. He handed it over and smiled as the man thanked him profusely. He guessed if tourism was down, a surprise booking for two weeks was a big bonus. He took the key on the large fob shaped like a tree and the map to the cabin then thanked the man for his help. He shook his offered hand and turned and walked out to the car.
Sam was staring vacantly out of the window but Dean included him in the explanation when he told them that they had a place.
"He says it's got everything we need, but we'll have to pick up some food," he said. "I saw a grocery store on the way in. You two okay if we stop there on the way?"
Castiel nodded but Sam didn't react.
Dean started the engine and drove them out onto the road. The store was only a few minutes away, and Sam was aware again by the time they pulled up out front. "Come on," Dean said. "I need both of you for this."
They all climbed out and Sam trailed behind as they walked into the store. Dean grabbed a cart and led them along the first aisle. It was small place, but they had a selection of more fresh produce than Dean thought any normal person had a right to need. He looked at Sam. "Anything special you want?"
Sam shrugged. "Whatever you need."
Sighing, Dean began to grab stuff from the shelves and stuff it into the cart. He loaded up on fruit, thinking Sam might snack even if he wouldn't eat proper meals. He might not think it was real, but he needed to eat still and he'd been slacking on that recently.
When they had enough, Dean carried on to the fridges and began to gather fresh meat. He figured if they had proper appliances, he could cook some real food for them. Castiel might not need to eat, but if he thought he was human and was sleeping, he'd want to eat, too.
"That's a lot of beef," Castiel said when Dean added a third package of hamburger to the cart.
"I like hamburgers," he said.
He did, but he had been thinking of Castiel when he brought it. The one time he had eaten as an angel, he had mainlined hamburgers, so Dean figured that would be a safe thing to make for him.
They went into the can aisle and he grabbed prepared cans of food in case they couldn't get more groceries delivered. He didn't want to leave the cabin unless he had to once they were there, so he gathered all he could think of. They got fresh bread and rolls and then Dean gathered toilet paper and other necessities.
"Okay, we're done," he said to Sam who was hanging back from them and looking vaguely at a shelf. Dean wondered what he was thinking. How was he trying to pull himself out of what he thought was dream now?
He went to the checkout and waited in line behind a woman who was paying for her shopping with so much change Dean figured she'd raided a kid's piggy bank. When she was finally gone, he stacked the belt with all they bought, pleased when Castiel began bagging it as the young male clerk rang it through.
Dean paid with more of the money Alfie had given him, reminding himself that if he needed to come into town again, he'd need to take more of the cash Garth had given them. Right now it hidden by the spare wheel in the trunk.
"You don't deliver, do you?" he asked.
"Yes, sir, we do. I bring out the groceries to a few places on the lake in the afternoons. What do you need?"
"Nothing yet," Dean said, "But if I call it in, can you get it to us? We're going to be in the Bayshore Cabin. Do you know it?"
"I do. I've delivered to tourists a few times out there. I can bring bait from my dad's shop if you need it, too."
"We'll be okay for that, but we might need more groceries."
The kid jotted down a number on a scrap of paper and handed it over. "If you leave a deposit, we can deliver anything you need."
Dean handed him a fifty and asked, "That enough?"
"Yes, sir, that's plenty. You just call when you need us."
"I will," Dean said. "Thanks."
He tugged Sam's arm to make sure he followed and then went out after Castiel who was pushing the cart to the car.
He felt better now he had one more thing fixed. With groceries coming to them, they could stay longer in the cabin. He wouldn't need to leave Castiel or Sam to go out for supplies. He might be able to make this work out.
Dean knew before he was even in the cabin that it was far nicer than any place they'd stayed before. It was two stories and a good size, and it was made from rich red wood. To the right was the lake and to the left thickly growing trees. There was a dock that led onto the lake and a small shore a little further around the bay.
Inside it was even better. There was a large fireplace and couches that would seat six around it. A dining table stood between the stairs leading upstairs and the kitchen, and there were shelves of books against the wall that pleased Dean. Perhaps he could get Sam to read some. That would keep his mind occupied.
He set the weapons duffel down on the table and went up the stairs to check out the bedrooms. There were three rooms, each with a king-size bed. Dean guessed the cabin was designed for a trio of couples to share. He'd have preferred a room with twin beds so he could share with Sam and keep an eye on him, but there really was no need now. The seizures were probably over since Castiel's healing, and even if they weren't, Sam was still wearing the monitor on his wrist, so Dean would be alerted.
He went back downstairs to where Castiel was carrying in the rest of the bags and Sam was sitting on the couch by the empty fireplace, staring across the room. With a sigh, he went out to the car and grabbed two of the grocery sacks and took them into the kitchen.
"There's three rooms up there," he said. "I've got the middle, but you two can fight it out for the others."
"I don't think we'll need to fight," Castiel said. "I don't mind where I sleep."
Neither did Sam, Dean thought, watching his brother stare aimlessly across the room. He wished he would. He wanted Sam fighting for the biggest bed so he could try to fit all of his too long body in it. He would have fought once. Now he wouldn't fight for anything but to be away from Dean.
Dean unloaded the groceries into a cupboard and the fridge and then uncapped the bottles of Sam's pills. He filled a glass of water and then shook them into his hand.
"Here, Sam," he said carrying them to Sam. "You're running late on a dose, and you heard what Alfie said: you can't just stop these."
Sam held out a hand for the pills and Dean tipped them into his palm then handed him the water. Sam knocked the pills back with water then set the glass down on the coffee table. "I'm going for a walk."
Dean didn't want him out of his sight, so he said. "I'll come."
"I want to be alone," Sam said mildly. "I'll stay close if it makes you feel better. I want to take a look at the lake."
"Okay," Dean said. "But be careful. The guy that rented up the place said there's a deep pit off the dock."
"I will." He walked out of the cabin and clicked the door closed behind him.
"Do you think he'll be okay?" Castiel asked.
Dean sighed and raked a hand over his face. "I think so. He's just going to walk. He won't leave as that would serve no purpose. He thinks he been taken away spiritually not geographically, so leaving will do no good. I think he'll just sit out there searching for a place in his mind."
"What has happened to him?" Castiel said. "You told me there was trouble before the accident. What was it?"
Dean sank down onto the couch Sam had vacated and waited as Castiel came to sit opposite before starting his explanation. "You know demons are real now, so it shouldn't be too much of a shock to know that the Devil and Hell are real, too. Sam has experience with both. Well, we both do with Hell, but Sam is the one ruined because of it."
Castiel nodded for him to go on, his expression thoughtful.
"Sam was in Hell a long time, and it ruined him. I was warned he'd never be the same, but we got a pass from this person we knew, the most powerful person I've ever met. He created a wall in Sam's mind that blocked out the memories of Hell. That worked pretty much fine until it was ripped down. I told you about Castiel; well he was making a big mistake and we were trying to stop him. To distract us he broke Sam's wall. The things that had happened to him were suddenly in his mind. There must have been some kind of barrier still, as Sam told me he could see through the cracks. It confused him. He wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. He began slipping away from me. He saw things and believed things that weren't real."
"What did he see?"
"The Devil. He would taunt Sam and scare him. It was because of Lucifer that Sam had the accident. He wouldn't let him sleep for days and he must have fallen asleep at the wheel. It didn't seem too bad. Sam was sleeping again, and though he had his injuries and still saw Lucifer sometimes, he was alive and that felt like a miracle. But then he got confused. He thought his girlfriend and our friend were still alive. Jessica died years ago and Bobby months, but Sam didn't remember. When he was faced with the truth, this happened." He waved a hand at the door. "He just shut down like this. He thinks we're delusions that are keeping him away from the real world. I don't know how to reach him."
"This was Castiel," he said. "He broke Sam."
"Yes. He stole my brother from me. He didn't even do it quickly and mercifully. Because of what he's done, Sam has suffered for months."
"Do you wish it had been faster?" Castiel asked.
"No. I maybe would have if the accident hadn't happened. I thought I lost Sam more than once after, and I realized then that I would do anything to keep him. I think sometimes that makes me a monster, because I can see he's suffering, but I would keep him if I could anyway. He's my brother."
"That's natural," Castiel said. "Sam is everything to you."
Dean raised an eyebrow. "You've known us two days and you see that already?"
"I knew it the moment you asked me for help," Castiel said. "And I will help. I don't know what I can do for him, but I promise I will try. I won't leave him to suffer like this if there's anything I can to stop it. I see now that I was wrong."
Dean frowned. "You were wrong?"
"When I stopped before," Castiel explained. "I should have tried more, something different. I will again. Whatever I can do to make this right, I will do."
Dean smiled slightly. "Thanks, Emmanuel. I'm sorry I've been a dick to you."
"You're risking everything for me," Castiel said. "I owe you."
"Maybe you do," Dean said, thinking of everything Castiel owed them. "But if you can fix Sam, we'll call it good. Help him, and I'll owe you more."
"It might take time," Castiel warned. "I don't know how to do this."
"I know," Dean said. "We can be patient."
He would have to be. Castiel was their only hope. It didn't feel like enough, but it was something when they'd had nothing. It was Sam's only chance.
So… Sam thinks Jess is still out there. That scene was one of the saddest parts of this story for me, him telling Dean he wasn't real and Jess was waiting for him.
I have mixed feelings about the episode this week. Shout at my inbox if you want to chat about it.
Until next time…
Clowns or Midgets xxx