Dear Mother and Father
This is the letter that I never want you to receive but I know I have to write for you, especially with this being my fourth tour. I know that eventually Lady Luck isn't going to be smiling on me.
You know how I feel about being stuck behind a desk. I would much rather be living out of my bergen and in a tent. I don't think I'm one who can live a "settled life", at least not a life like Rebecca wanted.
You also know why I had to do this tour. It wasn't all about duty and honour, yes part of it was. There was a part that about making amends for the death of one of my men on the last tour. But that wasn't all of it.
My being away will allow Rebecca to organise everything to do with the divorce. You know that I don't care about any of it as long as I get to see Sam at the end of all this. Rather pointless if you're reading this letter.
I'll make sure that in the custody agreement that you two will still get to see Sam, if the worse should happen, but I don't believe that Rebecca would be that cruel to you both or to Sam. But I promise you, I'll get it in the agreement.
So all I ask of you both, is to make sure that Sam has a happy life, that he is loved and cared for. I've arranged my new will, I have left everything I own in this world to Sam. Of course, it will be held in trust until he is 21.
Talk to him about me, share stories of my childhood, my rugby days, and my time at University and Sandhurst. But most importantly, the days when I was incredibly happy - the day I found out I was to be his dad and then the day he was born. I don't even care if you tell him I shed a few tears. Tell him everything and how much I loved him.
I have put some extra letters for Sam in here. Envelope 1 is for now. It's a bit of what I'm doing here and how much I love him. Envelope 2 is for his 21st birthday, envelope 3 is for his wedding day and the last one for when, or if, he decides to join the army.
I can't leave them to Rebecca. I can't trust that she would give any of them to Sam, especially the last one, seeing how Rebecca hates my chosen profession. I know you will do this one last thing for me. You know how important it is to me to leave some sort of legacy for Sam.
I love you both. And thank you for all the support you have given me throughout my entire life, especially the last few years. Things have been awkward and hard for you both with your friends since the problems between Rebecca and I became common knowledge and I am sorry for that.
Trust me when I say that, I go into this tour with my eyes wide open. I plan to stay focussed, to stay alert and stay alive. But if it all goes wrong, and obviously it has, I know I don't need to ask you to love and look after my boy. Just tell him every time you can, how much his Daddy loved him.
Your son
Charles