Author's note
As always, thank you so much to everyone who has read/followed/reviewed/favourited this story so far, or liked/reblogged it on Tumblr! It means so much to get your feedback. Please do keep telling me what you think, it really inspires me! :)
Warning - angtsy feels ahead! This chapter has been in my head since the story began, and now that it's here, I really hope you can trust me to get our babies through this.
Chapter 17 - Cataclysm
"Hold it, hold it – OK, let it go!"
Tom launched the kite into the strong autumn wind. Sybil had made him watch "Mary Poppins" with her a couple of weeks before, and he had laughed with her as she unashamedly sang along to all the songs, while noticing which one was her favourite and surprising her with a present that morning over breakfast. His note said – "You always make my heart soar, love – I'll bet you can do the same with this."
She felt the kite pulling on her arms and shifted her stance a little, bracing her knees to hold it steady and get used to the feel of it. He ran up to her and wrapped his jacket around both of them before putting his arm around her waist.
"Tom, thank you again for my present! I never had one of these as a child, somehow Lord and Lady Grantham of Downton Abbey didn't seem to go in for such simple pleasures. I didn't know how much fun this was!"
He kissed her cheek and they were silent for a while, listening to the kite's tail whip through the air and savouring a perfect London day. The sun was shining and the air was crisp and clear, making the vivid colours of the kites above Hampstead Heath shine out strongly, like a flock of birds against the blue of the sky.
"Hey, isn't it my turn yet?"
She turned towards him, pretending to pout. "Oh really, you want to fly MY kite? I think we will have to work out some kind of rental agreement, don't you?"
"Mmm – how about this? If you give me a turn, I'll..." and he finished his sentence while whispering in her ear.
She quirked an eyebrow at him, eyes sparkling – "You have yourself a deal, mister – payment terms are within 24 hours, OK?"
"Oh, you don't need to worry about that, Sybil – I'll redeem the IOU as soon as I can get you somewhere a bit more private."
Tom wrapped both arms around her from behind and took the strings from her, still keeping her within the warmth of his jacket. Sybil felt a pulse ripple out from her core as she felt the muscles of his thighs straining and flexing against hers, and watched his hands teasing the kite into submission, making it twist and dive before racing upwards again. She felt a strange connection with the kite as she imagined it was her on the end of a string, being guided towards the heavens by his strong, flexible fingers.
After they each had another turn, he pulled the kite back in. "Want to get some lunch, Sybil? I know they do a great Sunday roast at the Flask. I'll treat you – you're going to need all your strength later on this afternoon!"
He took her hand and they wandered down Parliament Hill, kicking up the red and gold leaves that lay beneath their feet. They strolled back towards civilisation along one of the winding paths through the woodland, just wild enough that you could still get lost along the way if you tried hard enough.
Spotting a friendly tree, he pulled her off the path and pressed her up against it, just out of sight of passing walkers. They shared a deep, breathless kiss, then another and another, until she lost count – the kinds of kisses she'd never known until she met him and that made her ever more irrevocably his.
"Consider that a down payment for the kite rental, Sybil." His hair was mussed up from her hands raking through it, and she reached up to smooth it for him.
"I'll be holding you to that, don't forget I can be tough when I have to be!"
"That's just what I was hoping for, milady."
He winked at her and her heart turned over in her chest before she darted away from him and began to run – "Come on – I'm hungry! Yorkshire pudding awaits!"
She thought she heard him say something as he bent down to pick up the kite, but it was lost in a passing gust of wind. "What was that, Tom?"
"Never mind, love – I'll ask you later."
Sybil clinked glasses with her friend Imogen and settled back to enjoy a good girly catch up. They were in a wine bar in Westminster, winding down with a few glasses of pinot gris after a gruelling double shift.
"What was up with Dr Gillingham today – he's normally not that bad, but today he was more evil than Lord Voldemort!"
"I know, right! The way he sprang that question on me in front of everyone – when I was stammering away like a fool, I almost hoped someone would take pity on me and knock me over the head to put me out of my misery!"
"Don't worry, Sybil – I think he likes you, really, he only picks on the people he thinks are good. Haven't you noticed?" They exchanged grins.
"Well, enough of that, what about our new registrar? I saw the way you two were talking the other day after rounds, and I could swear I saw you blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl crushing on Harry Styles."
Imogen dipped her head, brushing her corn-gold hair back behind one ear – "Yeah, Charles is cute all right, I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating toast. Do you know if he's married, or gay, or lives with his mother?"
"Based on what I hear, that's no, no and no. I heard he was dating a lawyer but they broke up. If you like him, why not ask him out? What's the worst that could happen?"
"I could fall flat on my face as he laughs at me derisively before walking off into the sunset with a stunning model. Ah, maybe I will – just have to find the right moment. But enough about me – you know I only have a lovelife by living vicariously through you, right? Tell me what's going on with you and Tom."
"I don't know what to say, Im. I've never had a relationship like this before, I didn't believe they existed. He makes me feel so loved, so beautiful, so happy, so safe. I'm totally myself with him but somehow – the best version." She laughed to hear herself and looked at her friend – "Sorry, I must sound super lame!"
"Not at all – I'm so happy for you, Sybil. It gives all of us hope that there are decent guys out there somewhere – maybe I should go looking at the local high school, though."
"Ha bloody ha. There's a lot to be said for the younger man. If I told you what he did to me last night in the taxi, and then in the kitchen, and then in the shower, you'd be smiling on the other side of your face, my friend!"
"I'm only messing with you, hon. You know I think Tom is a sweetie, I just wish I could find someone half as lovely as he is."
Sybil took her friend's hand and squeezed it. "Look at me – I never expected to fall for Tom the way I did, but I let him into my life and now – I love him like crazy, I'd be lost without him. He's in my mind and heart every minute and I hope he always will be. You'll find someone too, I know you will. You're beautiful, smart, funny – you just need to get out of your comfort zone a little, take a chance."
Imogen smiled ruefully – "You're right, I know. I haven't been on a date in so long, I'm a bit out of practice!"
"Well, I do think Charles Blake likes you. Look at the way he saved the last chocolate Hobnob for you this morning. That's definitely a signal!"
"Mmm – yes, and he had a bit of chocolate on his lip, did you see? I really wanted to put my tongue out and taste it."
Sybil waved over the waitress to order another round. "More wine please – and let's get a bowl of wedges too, I think we'll be here for a while and I don't want to get too drunk and give Dr Gillingham another reason to humiliate me tomorrow!"
There was a wintry chill in the air as Sybil and Tom got out of the cab outside their front door, and a swirl of rain caught her face as she laughed at a silly joke he made. She felt her breath jump a little as their eyes met and his hand came up to her cheek – Just the touch of his fingers and I melt – what am I like!
"I'll go first and get this ice cream in the freezer." She gave him a quick kiss.
"OK, love – let me pay for the cab and get the rest of this stuff sorted out. Won't be long."
Pushing open the door, she headed for the stairs and began to climb. As she approached the first floor, plastic handles of the shopping bags already digging into her hands, she immediately felt a strange prickling sensation on her skin, as if she were being watched, and hurried a little to reach the top.
She emerged onto the landing outside their flat and saw she wasn't alone. In the early evening gloom, she could not make out the face of the woman leaning against the wall, but the streetlight outside made her fair hair glow, and her slender frame and confident stance rang a warning bell in her mind.
Who the fuck is this? It looks like... Edna?
"What the hell are you doing here?"
The other woman spoke calmly – I don't remember her having an accent?
"Charmed, I'm sure. Well, as the mother of Tom's child, I have every right to be here. Where is he?"
The air screamed out of Sybil's lungs, and she thought she was about to faint. The woman's words tolled like a bell –
The mother of Tom's child...
The mother of Tom's child...
The mother of Tom's child...
Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she stepped back, the shopping bags falling from her hands. She heard a wine bottle smash and watched the red pool spread out over the floor, hoping that Agent Gibbs would step out from somewhere and start photographing the fake NCIS crime scene she had wandered into by mistake.
It can't be true! It just can't be! Tom would never do that to me! He loves me, I know he does!
Then, the horrible realisation hit her with full force, and she doubled over in pain, her stomach clenching. It was true, she was really standing here, listening to another woman, a woman she had always been a little jealous of if she admitted the truth to herself, tell her that she was having Tom's child.
She opened her mouth to ask – when, how – and then realised she didn't want to know. Her life was crashing down around her and the mechanics of the affair didn't matter one iota.
There was only one thought in Sybil's mind – she had to get away from here, from him, from the man she had loved so deeply, trusted with her life, and who had carelessly stamped her hopes and dreams into the dust.
She stumbled down the stairs, almost falling down the last flight before reaching the front hall just as Tom was coming in. He saw she was in an awful state and stepped towards her.
"Sybil, what is it? Have you had bad news? Come here, sweetheart."
She raised her arms as if to ward off a blow, moving backwards away from him. Looking into his face, voice thick with tears, she spoke –
"Tom, how could you? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? I loved you with all my heart, I trusted you, you made me feel... and you were lying, all the way along. It was never real, any of it."
Tom's face went white as he tried to reach out for her but she dodged past him and ran towards the door. He grabbed her hand – she pulled it away and turned back to slap him across the face.
"Get away from me – I never want to see you again. You've broken my fucking heart, you bastard."
Her last sight of him as she went out into the street was her own palm print standing out in sharp relief on his cheek.
Hardly able to see through her tears, she tried to find a cab. The one they had just got out of a few minutes before was still there, stuck idling at the lights, so she ran towards it and got in. She needed to crawl into a hole, like a wild animal with a deep wound, to try and heal herself, and there was only one place she could think of to go – to her sister.
"Take me to Chelsea, please."
As she waited for the lights to change, she heard footsteps running along the footpath through the rain, which was coming down in earnest now, and knew it was him. She deliberately didn't look back as he called out to her, begging her to stop, to talk to him.
He reached the taxi and pounded on the window with his fists. Leaning forward – "Can you lock the doors?" – Sybil kept staring straight ahead, ignoring Tom's pleas. She found that she could see his reflection in the pane of glass between her and the driver, and she had never seen his face look the way it did now – like hers, it was desperate and streaming with tears.
"Sybil! Please, darling, don't go! Whatever it is, whatever I did, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I hurt you – please, let's talk about it. Don't give up on me, on us! I love you so much! You're my life, I'll do anything..."
His cries faded into the background as the slowest traffic light in London finally went green and released her.
The cab slipped away into the darkness and she leaned her face against the cool glass of the window, not even seeing the shining streets race by outside through the black shadow that had fallen over her. She closed her eyes, trying to get rid of the sound of Edna's voice, but she couldn't escape it. Those awful words would be in her mind forever, burning back through her life with Tom like acid, destroying everything.
An image came into her mind of him and Edna together, and she leaned forward, tapping on the glass –
"Can you pull over please? I'm going to be sick."
Sybil retched into the gutter until her stomach protested, then slumped back into her seat. The cab drove away again when she shut the door, and tears slipped down her cheeks afresh as she contemplated the wreck of her future without Tom, of what it would mean to be apart from him every day from now on, of missing him more than she could bear to imagine. He had branded himself indelibly into the fabric of her soul in the time they had spent together, and wrenching him out was going to tear her in two.
A/N -
I've always had Romola Garai (aka my Tumblr avatar) in my mind as Imogen, Sybil's friend from the hospital. More to come soon, I promise!