Chapter 4 - Support
The added years of being essentially a nun helped drive home that she really wasn't comfortable as a guy anymore. The fourteen years as a guy had nothing on the twenty-eight she had as a woman. Especially when of those years, eleven of which she was in a cupboard and abused, the rest had barely in acknowledgment of gender due to being a late bloomer in puberty. That little event was changing already, but it was too late to do anything about the change in her psyche.
The revelation didn't really matter to the teen, as she didn't hold much stock in her gender, barely holding any physical attraction to things. She barely acknowledged things were beautiful and only at a logical level.
Ron was still asleep as everyone was waking up, but Harry didn't bother getting him up. He would have to suffer the consequences for being such a heavy sleeper. By half past nine, everyone but she and Ron had made it downstairs. The sound of marching footsteps told her all she needed to know of who was coming up the stairs.
In response to the impending noise, Harry ducked behind her books and covered her ear closest to the door as she laid on her stomach. There was a loud crash and a shrill screech, "Ronald Weasley! Why are you not up yet?!" The redhead shot up in bed with a startled screech of fright and stared at his mother with wide eyes.
'Dear Emperor, she could wake up Necrons with that kind of voice,' Harry mentally exclaimed as Ron was dragged out of bed and marched out to get ready for the day. She didn't seem to remember Harry was in the same room and that was fine with her. She went back to reading and taking notes on the second year of potions next.
It was an hour before anyone visited her. The sound of the door opening signaled the visitor entering. Looking up revealed to the teen that it was Sirius with a tray of food in hand. He gave a sheepish smile as he sat it down next to the bed on the nightstand. "Thought someone had already sent up a meal and I can't seem to find Kreacher anywhere, not that he is useful or anything."
The teen chuckled nervously and said, "Yeah about that… Did Kreacher look really old?" Sirius nodded his head. "Um… I'm sorry, but I kinda… killed him." Padfoot stared at his godson with wide-eyes of surprise when he heard that.
He looked around for something, trying to collect his thoughts before voicing, "Why?"
Harry rubbed under his nose and answered the thin man. "Well… It was yesterday. I was just in and Pomfrey was fixing me up. That screaming portrait started yelling, so I, of course, blew it up. The elf came from the ceiling with this big ass knife and I shattered his neck with a bludgeoning spell. Pomfrey or Moody didn't tell you guys?"
He shook his head negatively. "That little bastard," he growled as he glared at the wall, a slight manic look in his eye. "Try to take my godson away from me!"
Harry debated with himself for a moment before sighing, drawing Sirius's attention to his form. 'I need to tell someone. This isn't something I can get through alone and Sirius knows how to handle violence in some extent. Or unhinged enough not to mind too much…' Harry took a fortifying breath and told the man, "There is something else, that relates to my outburst of deadly violence that had nothing to do with surprise."
"What is it?" He asked with a tilt to his head, like a curious canine.
"Shut and silence the room, please. This can not get out. No one would understand and well… you probably wouldn't either, but I need to tell someone." Sirius nodded slowly and got up, closing the door and warding the room with temporary spells. He gave a nod as he finished, sitting next to Harry's bed. "Okay. I'm… Please let me finish. I'm not Harry Potter anymore."
Sirius stared at the teen sitting up on the bed, searching for signs that the body on the bed wasn't his godson, but couldn't find any reason to believe he wasn't. "I… Okay. During the dementor attack, something happened. I felt my soul… tearing, or something. I didn't think it was that bad, you know, when it was happening. I was focused on killing the daemon at the time. But the effects were immediate, if took a bit of time to fully show the true colors."
Harry ran her hand through her short hair as she leaned forward. "I had my first flashback, to a life that wasn't my own, almost a second after I got my soul back. I would later find out through multiple other flashes that I was remembering a time where I was Vera Mira. A Sister of Battle under the Adepta Sororitas, a women's military branch of the Imperial Cult. The first flash was a short skirmish with orks, large savage bastards that love war for the sake of war. I was with an Ultramarine by the name of… Titus," Harry growled out the name as if it was venom. Sirius didn't say anything, just gestured for Harry to continue.
"The next flash was of me fighting the daemons the fool was manipulated into releasing onto Cadia, the forgeworld I grew up on. A forgeworld is a planet under the Imperium of Man, humanity's sole empire and greatest threat against the aliens and agents of Chaos. We made sure the empire had arms and bullets. I was a guardsman from fifteen to twenty-five where I fought in several major invasions and a few more skirmishes as Cadia was a heavily sought after world for orks." Harry smirked at the pale man. "We made the best shit and had enough weapons to glass half the damn galaxy."
The smirk lifted in a joyous smile. "Next was all the time I spent in church as a child. All the sermons and teachings of our lord, the God emperor of Man. I can safely say, this was the best thing that came out of the deal, but then..." Harry sighed and the smile fell. "I went through grunt training next and experienced the five years of war as a guardsman."
The teen barked out a laugh. "I've killed so many things, so much sentient life in that time. Orks didn't have self-preservation really. If you were in their way, hundred of thousands were there to kill just you. It was a sport to them and they wanted to be the best. The worst part is... I didn't… don't care. They were aliens in my... Vera's mind and the Emperor dictates that they are to die for existing."
The man listening to every word, quickly asked, "Do wizards fall under alien? Do you still believe that?"
Harry thought for a moment, but easily came to an answer, "No, wizards would've been pskers but we just had to beware them. Healthy dose of paranoia and all. Wizards are actually better as our magic comes from nature, not the void. Well, I was hated for existing here and I would never do that to someone, so that's all fine. Vera was a bit more kindhearted in nature, so it is easy to ignore it, even if our faith tells us to hate them. The Imperial Cult is highly flexible, so I can ignore that creed and still worship everything else.."
"So… You mentioned sisters of battle?" Sirius brought up. "Was that important to your life?"
She gave him a smile as she relaxed back against the wall. "In time, that was a later flash, and yes, Padfoot. I spent a year training as an officer of my world. For four year I was a junior officer. Felt all of it even if it was only… an hour? But in one day, near my twenty-fifth year on Cadia, the big strike hit."
The teen sighed as she rubbed her eyes. "Orks are cunning creatures, but find the stealthy approached cowardly, so we were not prepared when they snuck into our planetary defense cannon , a big ass cannon that could be compared to anti-air gun that fired miniature nukes without the radiation, and took it over from us. At the same time they blew up the officer bunker and I took command from there."
"I lead us to victory, though I sent so many… So many men to their death and they went willingly. We all knew this was going to be the end of the line for most of us and when the daemons appeared, we became more reckless. The men..." Harry stopped and took a breath. Sirius grabbed one of her hands to show his support to the teen, even if he was greatly confused on what the hell the teen was talking about. "The men wanted to die fighting, wanted to kill those fuckers that betrayed humanity for corrupted power of daemons." The amount of vitriol that erupted from her mouth startled the man into letting go of her hand, never having heard such violence from his godchild before. "So I sent them to die in an effort to buy us time. Titus had started it though, so he would be the one to end it."
"He closed the portal that allowed the chaos troops in by destroying an ancient and holy device. I looked up to that device as a pinnacle of mankind's resilience and to see it crumble in seconds. I hated it, but I knew it was necessary if we were to survive. He went alone and ended the invasion by killing the remaining chaos lord that had come through. He showed a resistance to chaos and well… those that can tolerate it are more susceptible to falling to it." Padfoot was made more nervous by the bitter laugh that escaped her lips.
"My skills earned me a place as a novice under the Adepta Sororitas, the sisters of battle you asked about. I trained to be the best warrior I could be to guard the God Emperor as he guarded humanity. I was a strange entry as only orphans from an extremely young age are recruited, but I had proven myself so they allowed it. Two years I trained but then I was pawned off to the Inquisition under an Inquisitor to broaden my experiences." Harry rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Yeah, I learned a lot under the man. In three years, I rooted out traitors and heretics. On the third year, the last outing as a Sororitas Acolyte, what I was considered for going out with the Inquisition, I was ambushed and impaled on the ground." At this, the teen placed her hand onto the scar.
"It hurt, but I made through no worse for wear other than a little scratch. I was sent back to the Order's world where I would continue my training to soon join the Order of the Martyred Lady. I quickly finished my training and was sent to one of the few war worlds where there was constant strife. I don't want to mention what happened there at the moment. It was… horrible to say the least. So many of our men and women died even with command being flawless." The teen placed her head into her hands. "I can still hear the bombs and the screaming. The sun never broke through the haze of ash that was constantly raining around us. That world burned for the entire three years I was there."
A hand fell on her shoulder and she gave a small smile to Sirius. "It's fine, Harry. You're here now and that's what matters." It was obvious he was struggling to understand. It'd be worrying if he wasn't.
She nodded and took another breath. "I'm almost done. I had to cover the retreat, so my girls and I, we set up an ambush and they did magnificently. We destroyed half with explosives then picked them off like ghosts. They never missed a shot and I… I promised them I would get them a full meal! I promised them and when we got to base… all they got in return was watching me get executed for working with Titus for two days! I couldn't even arrange for their meal before I died!" Harry cried out, the reality of her death crashing down on her.
Sirius saw the teen breaking down and pulled her into a hug, letting her cling to him. "I don't even feel like a guy anymore. I'm more comfortable as Vera than Harry Potter! As Vera, I had a mom and dad that loved me, supported me in everything I did! I had a faith that I believed in and comrades, people that looked up to me and in the end, I had sisters that I would have died for! Harry had nothing but an abusive household and constant threat of death over his head with a damned lunatic trying to kill him and no one helping him deal with anything! The public hates him or see him as a circus monkey that is one step away from needing to be put down! I don't know what to do, Sirius!"
The man had absolutely no idea how to help her. He never was good with crying people and that didn't change when he was put in prison. "W-well… um… I… um..." He stopped stuttering and just gave the teen a harder hug.
She grabbed hold of his shirt and tried to pull herself together. 'Sisters don't cry, Mira! You're not Mira though… Pull yourself together Potter, you didn't cry when the basilisk tried to kill you! You have a safe life now, calm down!'
It took a minute of mentally screaming at herself before she was calm enough to disengage from Sirius. Wiping her eyes quickly to take away any trace of tears from her face, Harry sniffed hard, and scrubbed her face. "Okay… Okay, sorry about that, Sirius," She apologized as she looked at the man with one slightly bloodshot eye while rubbing the other.
He looked at her and rubbed his beard. "It's fine, pup." They sat in silence for a bit while Harry pulled herself further together and Sirius tried to figure out what the hell the teen had told him. "Okay… So, let me get this straight. You are Vera Mira and Harry Potter." She nodded at the words. "You were a soldier of a religion and fought in a major war, bigger than anything every here for three years, before being betrayed."
"It's like I didn't just tell you," Harry laughed out her smart ass remark, a trait that Potter and Mira both shared. He flicked her in the forehead for that.
A grin spread on Sirius's face at the remark, but it quickly fell as he continued. "You are a woman of… Thirty-three?" A nod was given to confirm, "And a fifteen year old boy. Though you feel more like the woman…" he sighed as he got up to pace. "I'll have to research a bit, but while I know there are no rituals that can safely be done to change gender, I'm sure there is something that can help you turn into a… girl… if you really want to, at least temporarily. I'm not sure about all this stuff, but I'll help you with what you need help with. You're my god… child after all."
He dropped the wards around the room and scratched his ratty hair. "With how power hungry my family was, I'm sure there's something around here that can help you." he spun on his heels and looked at the teen, pointing his finger at her. "Now, eat. I know you didn't get enough from those bastards you lived with, so eat as much as you can while I go look."
A nod was his only answer, Harry a bit too shocked to even thank the man for his immense understanding and kindness before the man left the room, mumbling to himself, "Now, where the hell to start?"
The rest of the day was uneventful, with Pomfrey checking her over for a bit, deeming that she should be fine with one more day of bed rest. Hermione visited and spent a few hours reading with Harry, occasionally throwing out a thought here and there, but mostly left Harry alone to do her own thing. She was kind enough not to bring up the events of last night even if her eyes strayed to the fresh scars on her face every once in a while.
However, as lunch came around, a thought came to her mind. "Hermione, you think the twins can do permanent transfiguration?" She would need to commission them for a task if they could. Molly had stopped by for a moment to drop her key off, so she just needed to wait for the next day.
"Dunno. Want me to ask them?" Hermione offered and Harry nodded with a thanks. The girl finished a passage she was on before leaving to go ask the two trouble makers the question.
She came back a few minutes later. "They can, but want to know why you wanted to know."
"Oh, just need them to help me make something tomorrow. Nothing big," was the answer the teen gave as she worked on her third year potion book, still taking notes. Hermione accepted this and went back to working.
Ron didn't show up for the rest of the day and didn't say a word as he hopped into bed. He ignored Harry as he went to sleep and Harry just couldn't care.
Had some of these chapters on backlog, maybe one more. I dunno. I wrote it in bulk. A kind fellow messaged me, reminding me that I wrote this. So I wiped the dust off the Gdrive doc and threw it up here. Hope you like. And please. If you flame, think it out