A/N: Chapter 17 is here, bit of Naomi at the beginning but mostly Naomily interaction from Emily's pov.

After a lot of deliberating Naomi is ready to give Emily her answer about meeting Danny. What will it be? Will the blonde cruelly crush the redhead's heart? As if I really need to answer that...

As always I can't thank you enough for reading and posting reviews, so I hope you like it and I'll do my best to update soon.

Now let's take a peek and see if our girls might be inching towards a reconcilliation...

Naomi

I sat staring blankly at the screen and blinked a few times before I realised my mind had drifted off again. This time I hadn't even pretended to keep typing so I quickly looked around to see if anyone had noticed my inactivity but luckily someone who was on maternity leave had brought in their 'new addition' and everyone was cooing over it. I'd had a quick look, which only confirmed what I'd always suspected. Namely the phrase 'there's no such thing as an ugly baby' was, in fact, a downright lie.

Ever since I'd been to see Emily I'd noticed children all over the place, it was like they were stalking me or something. It's a bit like when you come across an unusual word one day and all of a sudden you see it in the paper or someone says it on the telly. I'm never sure if it's just spooky or whether you're more aware of it because it was in your conscious anyway. But regardless of whether I had become an overnight child magnet or I was just noticing them more due to my current predicament, they seemed everywhere.

Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't like I had anything against kids per se. I fully understood that the human race needed to produce these needy creatures called babies that slept, cried and crapped all the time in order to survive. I also knew that in general society considered the suggestion that 'they should be locked well out of my fucking way until their 18th birthday when they might finally be interesting' (copyright, E. Stonem) to be unacceptable. But as a 22 year old only child, I had to admit my experience with children was fairly limited and they rarely entered my thoughts unless they were annoying the shit out of me in public, which seemed to happen quite a lot.

Effy had, very unhelpfully in my humble opinion, pointed out I did have an obvious advantage when it came to kids, I should be able to relate to them easily. When my puzzled look indicated I didn't know what the fuck she was on about she asked me to count up how many times someone had referred to me as childish, puerile or a five year old. She and Cook had pissed themselves laughing after that, needless to say finding out that I was contemplating whether or not I should meet Danny had been enough to push her daily score even closer to the magic seven mark.

I sighed loudly, apart from my starring role in the Effy Stonem recovery plan, I was painfully aware I had a pretty big decision to make, one that had the potential to go wrong in so many ways. I'd had a conversation with Mum about it last night, which helped but ultimately left me feeling under greater pressure.

"Hi Mum." I said as I wandered into the kitchen.

She smiled, "Sorry? Do I know you?"

I rolled my eyes and began opening random cupboard doors until I found what I was looking for, "Ha fucking ha."

She poured me a cup of tea and watched in amusement as I ripped open the packet and shoved three garibaldis into my mouth in quick succession before taking a gulp of my drink.

"How's Effy?" she asked in a concerned tone.

Because my mouth was full I ended up doing a poor Marcel Marceau impersonation as I shrugged, made a comme ci, comme ca gesture with my hand and held up six fingers.

"Improving then, that's much better than this time last week." she replied.

I nodded and washed the last bit of biscuit down with another sip of tea, "Yeah, she seems to be on the mend."

Mum tutted, "Honestly, I really don't understand Anthea sometimes. If she's not happy with Jim bloody divorce him but don't keep putting your family through the ringer by shagging around."

I shrugged, "I'm not sure how well Effy would cope with that either, you know it's a recurring nightmare of hers."

"Probably because they've been arguing since she was a small child when it seems like the scariest thing in the world, I bet she'd cope a lot better than she thinks these days." Mum responded.

I started eating another garibaldi, "Yeah, well she might get the chance to find out this time, Jim is refusing to have anything to to with Anthea and insists he's had enough."

Mum sighed, "Poor Effy. I know you missed out in some ways because your Dad wasn't around and it was always something that worried me, but honestly I think it would have been far more damaging for him to stay when he really didn't want to."

I'd been wondering how to broach my dilemma, this seemed as good a way as any, "Did you try to stop him leaving?"

"Naomi! What sort of question is that? Of course I did." Mum said indignantly.

I held up my hands, "Sorry Mum, I wasn't having a go, I just wondered at what point you thought it wasn't worth trying anymore?"

She calmed down, "What your Dad referred to as being a 'free spirit', I called being an 'irresponsible prick'. He used to say to me "Gina, baby, I can't be tied down, it'd stifle me". What he meant was he wanted to come and go as he pleased and have everything on his terms. He could be a right sulky sod if he didn't get his own way."

She looked at me and raised her eyebrow.

"What? I don't sulk." I protested.

She smiled, "Love, you have some of your Dad's qualities, it's not a bad thing and I'm not complaining, it's what makes you special."

I rolled my eyes and blushed slightly, "Mum..."

"So anyway, looking back he was always a bit unreliable but when we first met I found it exciting, it seemed spontaneous and romantic. Some days he'd wake up, drag me over to the window and say "There's a whole world out there G, where do you want to go today?" Often it wasn't anywhere that exotic, but it always felt slightly thrilling." she said almost wistfully.

I sat engrossed, I wasn't used to hearing her speak about my Dad like this, normally she was far more scathing.

"One day he came home and said he had a surprise for me. He pulled out two plane tickets to India, he wanted to go the next day of course, travel around and fuck on every beach in Goa. I can still remember the look of almost childlike glee on his face. It soon became a look of panic when I told him I had a surprise for him too, I was pregnant. He started to make all these excuses about being too young to settle down, how it would suffocate him, he even questioned whether the baby was actually his. So I told him to go to India without me, the callous bastard didn't even try to hide his relief as he turned straight around and walked out." Mum said more angrily.

I looked sadly at her, "I can only apologise..."

She smiled at me, "Don't be silly love, having you was the greatest achievement of my life, I wouldn't change it for the world."

I looked perplexed, "So if he fucked off to India, how come I have a few vague memories of him?"

"Oh he came back a few times, he'd be his usual charming self and sweep in with all sorts of presents and promises. He was smitten with you, he always wondered how he'd created something so perfect." she continued.

I can't hide my surprise, "Really?"

She nodded, "Oh yes, you were such a beautiful child, everyone commented on it."

"Hmmm, what went wrong eh?" I say self depreciatingly.

Mum tutted, "Adolescence I think."

"Oy! I wasn't that bad." I shot back, "if he was so enamoured with me how come he didn't stay?"

She sighed, "That was always the trouble with your Dad, lots of enthusiasm at first but then he'd start to get itchy feet. It'd start off with small things like he'd go off for the day or say he'd do something and forget because he got distracted elsewhere. I learnt to recognise the signs and would usually tell him to go before it started to get too bad, I didn't want you to see us fighting. In the end I got tired of having to pick up the pieces each time he pissed off. You were always devastated and were too young to understand why he kept disappearing. So I gave him an ultimatum, grow up, take responsibility and stick around for good or get out of both of our lives forever. Guess which one he chose?"

"Mum, you know I don't blame you? For Dad not being around." I said gently.

She smiled ruefully, "Not now maybe but you did for a long time. I know you thought I should have tried harder to keep him here."

I took her hand and gave it a squeeze, "I'm really sorry I gave you shit about it, I know you were only thinking about what was best for me."

"Thank you," she said with a smile, "Now don't take this the wrong way, I'll always be honest with you about your Dad but why the sudden interest?"

I took a deep breath, "I saw Emily on Friday."

"Oh I'm glad, how did it go?" she asked.

I shrugged, "It was ok I think. Actually it was good to talk to her, I missed that, being with someone who just gets me, you know?"

Mum smiled, "I do know, yes. So what happened?"

I paused for a second, what did happen?

"We both apologised and had a pretty open discussion about how we felt. Emily explained why she hadn't been honest and I sort of understand even if it still hurts. Then she said I could meet Danny if I wanted and I didn't know what to do so I said I'd think about it." I replied.

Mum stared at me, "What's on your mind?"

I sighed deeply, "It's a big step, meeting Danny I mean. What if we can't stand each other?"

"Who on earth could resist your charming and sunny disposition?" Mum replied wryly.

"I'm being serious, if all you can do is take the piss..." I said indignantly.

She looked contrite, "Sorry, I understand this is a big decision for both you and Emily. It must have taken a lot of soul searching for her to offer in the first place."

I frowned, "Great now there's something else for me to add to my list of worries, I hadn't even thought about that."

"Naomi, it's a big deal choosing to let someone into your child's life, especially if one of their parents isn't around. You worry that one or both of them might not like the other or at the opposite end of the scale maybe they'll get too attached. What happens if the relationship doesn't work out? It's not just your own feelings you have to take into account. Why do you think I never introduced you to anybody when you were growing up?" Mum explained.

I smiled cheekily, "I just thought you were lousy with men."

She took a swipe at me, "Don't be cheeky. I'll have you know I did perfectly fine thank you. Communal living has it's advantages when it comes to having sex on tap."

"Ewwww, please Mum, your sordid sex life isn't really the issue here is it?" I replied with a grimace

She rolled her eyes, "Oh sorry did I offend your genteel nature? The point was that I didn't want to be like some of my friends who brought a succession of 'uncles' into their kids lives. Some of them were only around five minutes before they moved them in. Usually it'd end badly and not only were they alone again they had to explain why their latest bloke wasn't there anymore to their children. It was bad enough with your Dad, I didn't want to keep subjecting you to the uncertainty."

I raised my eyebrow, "What about Kieran?"

Mum tutted, "Oh Naomi, you were 17 for Christ's sake..."

"I know, but it still traumatised me to catch you in bed with my politics teacher." I said with a shudder at the memory.

"Honestly, you can be so melodramatic," she stated, "but we're digressing, let's get back to you and Emily. Where were we?"

"You said it wasn't just my feelings I had to consider in case the relationship didn't work out and that worries me too. What if I can't forgive Emily? Danny and I might get on like a house on fire but it doesn't mean anything if I can't bring myself to trust Emily not to hurt me again." I said sadly.

Mum smiled, "I think you've already partly forgiven her, otherwise you wouldn't be in this position."

"I suppose so." I paused, now we were at the part that really scared me, "What if I'm like Dad? You said yourself I've inherited some of his qualities."

She looked puzzled, "What do you mean? Like your Dad how?"

I looked at my hands, "What if I can't handle the responsibility? What if I feel trapped and can't deal with a kid?"

My head shot back up as I heard Mum laugh, cheeky fucking cow. "Naomi, don't be so silly. The fact that you're even thinking about these things proves you're not the same as your Dad, he never considered the consequences of any decisions he made or the impact they might have on other people at all. I'm very proud of you for how seriously you're taking this and I know you'll make the right decision in the end."

I blushed at the compliment, "I hope so Mum, because I really don't want to get this wrong."

I was brought out of my thoughts by a loud thump on the desk next to me, "Stop fucking daydreaming and photocopy these."

I smiled sweetly, "Sure Mandy, no problem. How many copies?"

Her eyes narrowed, "One of each and bring them into my office when you're done."

"Bitch." I muttered quietly to her retreating figure as I picked up the papers with a sigh.

I meandered over to the copier and started to load the documents, there were bloody loads of the things but on the plus side it did give me time to think some more about Emily's offer. I felt a bit bad because I told the redhead I wouldn't leave her hanging around for an answer. It was already almost a week later and she was bound to be fretting. It was just that I didn't want to rush into making a decision and live to regret it. I had vacillated between yes and no so many times it was starting to make me feel dizzy, not to mention the fact my indecisiveness was starting to piss Cook and Effy off. As far as they were concerned none of the facts had altered so it was about bloody time I bit the bullet and made a fucking decision. I knew they were right, the trouble was I still wasn't sure which way was the correct one to go.

I finished the copying in contemplative silence as I ran thought the pros and cons for the millionth time. When they were done I picked up the bundle of papers and made my way to across the office. When I was about half way a door flew open and a pissed off Mandy poked her head out.

"Will someone please get that baby to shut the fuck up, it's giving me a headache and I can't concentrate." she shouted.

There were various tuts from the assembled group but never the less the mother decided that maybe it was time for her to go. I walked into the office and placed the photocopying on Mandy's desk.

"Not there you idiot, on the cabinet." Mandy snapped as she rubbed her temples.

Dutifully I picked them up and relocated them, "Sorry, my mistake."

Mandy sighed, "Has that screaming infant left yet?"

I nodded, "Yes, your polite request seems to have done the trick."

"Did you see them all? The whole office came to a standstill just to go ooh and aah over a baby that wouldn't have looked out of place in a horror movie. Talk about having a face only a mother could love." Mandy grumbled.

"That's a bit harsh Mandy." I replied but she stopped me.

"I saw you recoil when you glanced in the pram, so I know you agree with me." she said as she wagged her finger.

I smiled sheepishly, "I thought I'd hidden it well, obviously not."

"You'll soon discover that's one of the best things about being gay, no horrible brats to worry about." Mandy continued.

This was too good an opportunity to miss, maybe I could get some more information about Danny before I finally made up my mind.

"But didn't you say your ex, Emily was it, had a kid?" I questioned innocently.

Mandy tutted, "Yeah, precious little Danny. I'd have avoided her like the plague if I'd known about him."

"So did you finish things as soon as she told you?" I asked.

What? So maybe it's a bit sneaky trying to double check Emily's story but you can't really blame me.

Mandy snorted, "I found out by accident. Imagine my shock when I ran into them in town one Saturday."

Almost as shocking as being told by you I imagine I thought bitterly but my face remained impassive.

"So that was it then? Hello kid, bye bye Mandy?" I pushed.

Mandy smiled "Not exactly, I mean you met Emily, she's gorgeous, even more so when you get her clothes off. Incredibly pert tits, amazing arse and her cu..."

"Woah there Mandy, too much information." I interrupted, that was one sentence I really didn't want to hear the end of.

"Oh don't be such a prude Naomi," Mandy said with a laugh, "So anyway, it seemed like I didn't have much choice if I wanted to keep sampling the delights of Emily I needed to meet the kid properly."

I felt my fists clench slightly, I didn't want to think about anyone apart from me 'sampling Emily's delights' as Mandy had so eloquently put it, but especially not her.

"So I'm guessing it didn't go well then? The meeting?" I'm surprised I managed to keep my voice calm.

Mandy shook her head, "Understatement of the century, I couldn't stand the little shit."

Now we're getting somewhere, "Why not?"

"Where do I start? He was so needy, every two minutes it was 'Mummy can I have a drink?' or 'Mummy, I'm hungry'. It pissed me right off and spoiled the meal totally." Mandy started.

So I'm guessing they went to a posh restaurant and Mandy got annoyed because Danny had the temerity to ask for something to eat. I waited patiently for her to continue.

"He was also clingy, a proper Mummy's boy, always demanding Emily's attention, I hardly got a look in." Mandy stated.

Honestly Emily, fancy bringing your child on a date and paying him any attention at all when obviously you should have ignored him and only been focused on Mandy.

She was warming to her theme now, "And don't even get me started on the constant drivel that came out of his mouth. He'd just started school and was constantly telling Emily about things he'd learnt. The poor cow actually looked like she was interested, which was a massive turn off if I'm honest. Then there were the questions, he never shut up asking me things like why was the sky blue, I mean who fucking cares?"

I hid a smile, I imagine there were a lot of questions Mandy couldn't answer and being made to look stupid by a four or five year old wasn't exactly flattering.

"So after that I made sure he never came out with us again, which for some reason pissed Emily off. She was the one who finished with me, can you believe it?" Mandy said incredulously.

I shook my head, "How terrible after you'd made such an effort."

The stupid cow didn't pick up on my sarcasm, "I know! I should have been the one to end it because of the brat but I gave her a chance only to have her tell me things weren't working out. She had the nerve to tell me that because I didn't get on with Danny we didn't have any future and then she said the sex was getting boring so there was no real reason for us to keep seeing each other. I mean talk about adding insult to injury."

Where as I'm the best lover she's ever had I thought smugly while trying to look sympathetic.

Mandy looked at me, "Why are you so interested anyway?"

Quick Naomi think, I can hardly tell her the truth can I? I don't think the words 'actually Mandy it's because I'm fishing for information about Danny before I decide if I should meet him' would go down well.

"Emer has a kid with her ex. She has her some weekends and that's what we were fighting about a couple of weeks ago. Whether it was too soon to meet her." I'm impressed with my lightning response.

Mandy pulled a face, "Seriously Naomi, take it from me, never date anyone with a kid. It's just not worth the hassle. They get totally in the way. Stick to being a couple not a threesome. "

You'd do well to follow that advice yourself Mandy, I thought but simply said, "Thanks, I'll bear that in mind."

She waved her hand, "Now fuck off and stop bothering me. First it was spawn of Frankenstein, now it's you and your stupid problems, do I look like an agony aunt?"

"No Mandy, sorry for taking up your time. I'll go for lunch shall I?" I offered.

She nodded, "Yeah, get out of my sight."

I walked towards the door, things had worked out perfectly because I'd finally made up my mind and now I could see Emily to give her my answer.

"Bring me back a sandwich as a way of repaying me for my words of wisdom." Mandy demanded.

I rolled my eyes as I made my way to my desk to collect my wallet, I suppose things working out almost perfectly would have to do.

Emily

I stared at the clock willing the hands to go faster, it was dead in here today and I'd already finished my book. I had another one upstairs but Katie had a 'shoe emergency' this morning so I was on my own and couldn't leave to get it. Oh and by a 'shoe emergency' I mean that Katie had been leafing through a magazine at breakfast this morning and had seen a pair of shoes she really, really had to own before the day was out. She screamed loudly and ran out of the house fast enough to put Usain Bolt to shame. Danny made me laugh when he said very seriously that Auntie Katie was like the boy who cried wolf and one day she'd have a real emergency but no one would believe her.

Thinking about Danny made me wonder if today would be the day Naomi came in. To be honest ever since she'd left on Friday it was never far from the forefront of my mind, let's just say a few more items of crockery had fallen foul of my lack of concentration.

I was being totally genuine when I said she could take all the time she needed on Friday, this was a complicated decision for both of us, I knew that. It may have seemed that the thought of Naomi and Danny meeting had just occurred to me but I'd thought long and hard about it in the few weeks when we weren't speaking.

The door went and I looked up expectantly, "Oh it's you. Emergency over?"

Katie had the biggest shit eating grin as she twisted her foot towards me, "Have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your life?"

I stared at the shoes, they were ok I suppose but I couldn't really see what set them apart from the thousands of others she owned, "Hmmm, they're lovely."

"Lovely! How dare you use such a wishy washy word to describe something so perfect. Lovely indeed." Katie replied in disgust.

"Alright they're amazing, the best shoes in the world." I responded.

Katie glared at me, "There's no need to be sarcastic Em. It's not my fault I inherited all of the fashion sense and you're the geek."

I rolled my eyes, "I can't win. How much?"

She shrugged "five."

I reassessed my opinion, "They're not bad for a fiver..."

I'm sure the snort of derision could be heard on the other side of Bristol, "Hundred Emily, five hundred."

"WHAT? How the fuck can you spend that much on a pair of shoes?" I spluttered.

"They're Manolo's and they were in the sale which is why I had to go today, they were a bargain." Katie explained patronisingly.

"I don't care whose they are, that's obscene." I countered.

Katie stared pityingly at me, "How much did you spend on that iPad thingy?"

I frowned, "That's completely different, it has a multitude of functions."

"So why do you only use yours to watch films you've already seen a million times and play angry birds?" she asked with a sneer.

"Hey! I do other things with it." I protested.

Katie raised her eyebrow, "Such as?"

I racked my brains, aha got it, "It's educational for Danny."

"I can't believe you'd shamelessly use your child like that and we both know he doesn't get anywhere near it most of the time, you make him use the laptop." she responded.

Time for a quick subject change Emily, "Anyway, you're fortunate it's been quiet so I could spare you."

Luckily Katie decided to let the matter go, "Any sign of blondie?"

I shook my head, "Not yet, but she's got a lot to think about."

"Jesus Christ Emily, how hard can it be? Either she wants to meet Dan or she doesn't, why is it taking her so bloody long?" Katie said.

I sighed, I'd tried explaining to my twin that this wasn't something where I expected an instant answer when we were discussing it last Friday night but apparently the message hadn't sunk in.

"We've been over this K, I told Naomi to take her time because I don't want her to feel rushed into making a decision that she's not happy with." I explained.

She still looked sceptical, "Oh come on Em, that's all very noble but I know you've been worrying about it. I can tell you wish she'd put you out of your misery too."

"Alright." I conceded, "I meant it when I told Naomi to take as long as she needed but the fact she seemingly still hasn't made up her mind makes me think her decision is going to be no and she's avoiding telling me. I'd rather get it out of the way, regardless of her answer."

"Maybe I can help you with that." the blonde's voice cut in.

My head turned to the door, "Hi, I didn't hear you arrive."

She smiled unsurely, "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"No, not at all. Come in and sit down." I replied as my heart leapt into my mouth.

Oh shit, Naomi's here. That must mean she's decided. What if her answer is no? Katie was right I had been worrying about it, some might say obsessively. It was all well and good putting on a brave face and saying 'just tell me', but what I really meant was 'please don't destroy the last nugget of hope I've been clinging on to and break my heart'. I knew it made me sound a bit pathetic but I couldn't help it.

"Coffee?" Katie asked as she tottered behind the counter.

Naomi nodded, "Please. Nice shoes Katie, are they new?"

I rolled my eyes, "Don't even go there, you'd have kittens if you knew how much they cost or what Katie considers a bargain."

Katie smiled, "Ignore her and thank you for noticing Naomi. At least not everyone is a philistine."

"I'm not sure you can count someone who doesn't like shoes as a philistine, the cultural hostility tends to centre around things a bit more intellectual than that." Naomi replied without thinking as Katie's smile disappeared.

My twin left the coffees on the counter before she tersely informed me she'd be upstairs. My hands were shaking slightly as I retrieved them but I managed to get back to the blonde and sit down without spilling any.

"Sorry, it just came out, I didn't mean to imply she was shallow or anything" Naomi said apologetically.

I smiled, "I think we all know, including Katie herself, that she's about as deep as a puddle sometimes."

She shrugged, "I didn't need to point it out though. How much did she spend on the shoes?"

"Seriously Naomi, it's safer for your health if you don't know." I replied.

We sat sipping our coffees as silence descended. I didn't want to push her but I was starting to get really anxious the longer this was being drawn out. Naomi was behaving in a friendly enough manner but that could mean anything. Maybe it was her way of softening the blow.

She took a deep breath, "Sorry, I know I said I wouldn't keep you waiting but I didn't want you to think I was treating this casually. We've already talked about some of the things I needed to consider so I'm not sure repeating them will be that helpful other than where they've influenced my decision."

I gulped, she was being so solemn and I wasn't sure if that was to stop her seeming flippant or if it was because she thought it would be inappropriate to be to jokey when she was about to turn me down. The thought of her saying she didn't want to meet Danny, which by extension meant she didn't want to see me anymore made my stomach churn and I realised how much I'd been deluding myself. I cared deeply about her answer and I was desperate for her to give me a second chance, the thought of losing her again terrified me.

"Are you ok?" Naomi asked in concern.

All I could manage was a nod.

Naomi glanced at my knuckles which had turned white as I gripped the edge of the table, "You look a bit peaky."

Of course I bloody well do, I felt perilously close to vomiting I was so nervous.

"Emily, deciding to meet Danny or not has been one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. The fact he's your seven year old son carries enough risks on its own in the first place but there's also the hurtful way I found out about him and the implications that has for the way I feel about you." Naomi started as my heart continued to beat furiously in my chest.

She took a sip of coffee, "You know how hard I find it to trust people, which makes me incredibly cautious about letting you back in my life in case I get hurt again. That's a major hurdle I'm still not 100% sure we ever can get over. Then there's all the usual stuff about whether we'll like each other, I know you said it isn't necessarily a deal breaker but I can't see how it would work if Danny hated me or vice versa."

I tried to keep my face neutral but I could tell I'd failed miserably. I felt like crying, I knew it was asking a lot for Naomi to forgive me but I'd never let go of the hope that she would. With each passing word that came out of the blonde's mouth, my optimism was being gradually eroded.

"I've talked to my Mum and I know what a massive responsibility it is coming into a kid's life so I would hate to mess it, him or you up. Understandably, it's never something I've really thought about before because I figured having children was a long way off for me if it happened at all." Naomi said gravely.

I nodded to let her know I understood her reasoning.

"Finally, it was a bit sly of me but I spoke to Mandy about the time she met Danny. She didn't paint a very pleasant picture and told me dating a woman with a kid was more hassle than it was worth." Naomi concluded.

I briefly interrupted my state of inner angst to get annoyed. I could fucking kill Mandy, first she blurts out to Naomi that I have a son and now she'd influenced the blonde's decision somehow, even if she didn't do it knowingly.

The blonde gave me a half smile, "Sorry, I'm not deliberately dragging this out but I wanted to explain how I reached my decision so you'd understand."

"I do understand and I really appreciate you giving it a lot of thought." I replied sadly.

Rip the band aid off Naomi, don't do it bit by bit and prolong the pain. I held my breath.

"So after careful consideration and in spite of all the potential problems I've just mentioned I'd like to meet Danny, if that's still ok?" she said quietly.

I sat mute as my brain tried to process what I'd just heard. I was so prepared for there to be a sorry or it's too much to ask, I hadn't quite caught up. Did she really say yes, she wanted to meet Danny? It must be my ears playing tricks because I was desperate for it to be true. Everything Naomi said prior to that indicated that there were all sorts of insurmountable problems.

"Em? Emily? Did you hear what I said? My answer is yes, I'd like to meet Danny." Naomi confirmed.

A wave of relief washed over my whole body and I slowly let go of the breath I was holding. Then in a turn of events that surprised even me, I burst into tears.

Naomi stared at me in horror, "Oh God, you've changed your mind?"

I shook my head and sniffed as fresh tears fell down my cheeks. Oh for fuck's sake Emily, pull yourself together. If Naomi wanted to do an about turn straight away I wouldn't have blamed her.

"What is it? I thought you'd be happy." she said gently as she offered me a tissue.

I took a few deep breaths and blew my nose, really nice touch Emily, that makes you seem so much more attractive.

"Sorry, I convinced myself you were going to say no, so when you said yes I suppose I found it a bit overwhelming." I explained lamely.

She looked confused, "Why did you think I'd say no?"

I shrugged, "When you were explaining your decision making process it seemed that everything was too big an issue to get over."

Naomi frowned slightly, "God I'm sorry Em, I didn't mean to make you think that. I just wanted you to know I hadn't taken the decision lightly, that I do understand how big a deal it is for you to allow me to meet Danny and that I take the responsibility seriously."

I gave her a weak smile, "Rest assured, I got that message loud and clear Naomi. When you said you weren't sure you could trust me I really thought it was over."

She reached for my hand, "I thought you'd realise I meant that I was prepared to trust you enough now to give you a chance, it was your suggestion after all."

I raised my eyes to meet hers and I smiled, "Thank you smartarse. So what about all the stuff you said about talking to your Mum, the responsibility and being too young to think about kids?"

Naomi shrugged, "It's the truth, it's never been something I've considered at any great length. Are you telling me you'd have been any different at my age if it wasn't for Danny?"

I shook my head, "Probably not. You've got to concede saying Mandy didn't paint a pleasant picture of Danny was a bit misleading."

"Why? This is Mandy, I hate the woman so why would I take any notice of what she says? In fact, I took it as a good sign she didn't like him because it probably means I will." Naomi said in a puzzled tone.

I shook my head, "Naomi, when you explain it like that it seems reasonable, but I'd worked myself into such a state everything felt like it was leading down a path I was dreading."

"Christ, I'd have cut to the chase more quickly if I'd known you were stressing that much. I'd never be deliberately cruel like that." She said sheepishly.

I looked tenderly at her, "I know that, your kindness is one of the things I love most about you."

Naomi shifted in her seat and coughed awkwardly.

"Sorry, did that make you feel uncomfortable?" I asked.

She sighed, "A little bit but only because I don't feel ready to say it back yet."

I smiled as she began to panic as the implications of what she'd said sunk in, "Let me clarify. When I said yet, it might have implied that it was something that was certain to happen at some point in the future. Which it isn't. Of course, if things go well, then there's always the possibility of it happening, but it's not definite. When I feel ready, shit, I mean if I feel ready then I'll tell you."

"It's ok Naomi, there's no need to explain. I know it'll take time to rebuild things and even then there are no guarantees. You need to understand that I don't want to tell you I love you because I'm expecting to hear it back, even I'm not that optimistic, it's just I find it hard to hide my emotions. But I'll try if it's going to make things awkward." I replied.

"No that's not fair, the fact you wear your heart on your sleeve is one of the things I love most about you," her eyes widened and she smacked her forehead, "For fuck's sake, past tense Naomi, it's basic English, how hard can it be to remember you dozy bitch."

I watched her self rebuke with an amused smile, "I've missed you."

She blushed, "I missed you too. But what I was trying to say is we won't get anywhere if we can't be honest about how we're feeling or what we're thinking, so you shouldn't feel you have to hide anything."

"That is how we got in this mess in the first place." I quipped before I could stop myself.

Her eyebrow raised, "It might be slightly too soon to joke about it Em."

I looked sheepish, "Sorry, it slipped out. I agree though, we need to make sure we're totally honest."

Naomi cleared her throat, "Which is why I have a bit of a confession."

Oh God, it was heart in mouth time again. Shit maybe she'd gone back to meaningless one night stands. Oh fuck, what if it wasn't with blokes this time, what if it was with a woman? Or women, plural?

"I kissed Effy. Not for long and there were no tongues or anything like that. It wasn't sexual at all, it was all about comfort and it was the only way I could quickly show her I was sorry." Naomi said looking at her hands.

I sighed with relief, "That's it? That's what you wanted to confess?"

She nodded, "I thought you should know."

"Oh thank God for that, when you said you had something to tell me I thought it might have been that you'd slept with someone else. Which would have been fine, difficult to deal with maybe but we weren't together, technically we were on a break..." I rambled on.

Naomi squeezed my hand, "Em, I doubt the Ross defence would hold much water, it didn't even work for him did it?"

I paused, "So you didn't sleep with any guys? You know like you used to?"

She snorted, "I think my days of being in denial about the fact I'm gay are long gone don't you?"

I knew I should leave it but unless I asked it would drive me crazy, "What about women, did you have any one night stands?"

Naomi paused slightly too long and my stomach flipped inside out.

"No I didn't." we both exhaled, "But for a split second I did think about sleeping with Mandy."

"I'm sorry?" I said in disbelief.

She blushed, "Mandy propositioned me and I thought about saying yes."

I still can't believe it, "Why?"

"I was angry and very briefly I thought it might be a way of getting back at you, to spite you for hurting me. I'm not very proud I even thought it, but it really was fleeting." Naomi said quietly.

"So let me get this straight. In order to get revenge on me you thought sleeping with my ex girlfriend, whom you despise and are repulsed by, was the way forward?" I questioned.

She nodded, "I was a bit drunk, not thinking clearly and I realised how rubbish it was straight away. Please Em, don't be too mad."

It was no good, I couldn't control myself any more and my shoulders started to shake as several snorts of laughter erupted from my mouth, "I'm not angry, that's hilarious."

Naomi glared at me which only set me off again. "Wait until I tell Katie this."

"Do you need to tell her absolutely everything?" Naomi said with a scowl. "I thought it might make you jealous."

I held my side, "Please Naomi, don't, it's starting to hurt..."

She folded her arms until I began to calm down, "Quite finished?"

I nodded and bit my lip to stop a lone giggle escaping, "All done, sorry."

Naomi narrowed her eyes and then started to laugh, "Alright, I admit, thinking about shagging someone who makes my skin crawl just to pay you back wasn't exactly my most well thought out plan, but I'd never gone through with it."

I smiled, "Glad to hear it. Sorry to go on about her, but what exactly did she say about Danny? I bet most of it was biased, I know I'm his Mum, but he's really sweet, honestly. He can be a bit of a handful, but that's normal. Mandy hated the fact she couldn't have me all to herself or that I refused to drop everything and come running as soon as she called."

Naomi squeezed my hand, "It's ok Em, like I said the more she spoke about how awful he was the less I took any notice, Mandy was the one who ended up looking like a spoilt child. I'm guessing she took you to some restaurant that frowned upon kids, she was clearly pissed off she didn't have your undivided attention and then it sounds as if Danny ran rings around her."

I nodded, "Pretty much spot on. I suggested we go to the cinema or for pizza but Mandy refused. She said she wanted to meet him properly but what she meant was on her own turf, I'm not sure she thought it through properly. Seriously Naomi, she took us to this stuck up restaurant and wondered why he was bored. Then she started to engage him in conversation and got annoyed when he kept asking her things which she couldn't answer."

"I don't think she liked the questions or the, and I quote, 'constant drivel' that came out of Danny's mouth. She seemed genuinely perplexed that you listened or found it interesting." Naomi informed me wryly.

I frowned, "The cheeky fucking bitch. I admit Danny is inquisitive and yes, he does sometimes have a lot of questions. I suppose some people might find it irritating but I think it's wonderful he's so curious about everything. I'd rather have a conversation with my son than Mandy any day of the week"

Naomi smiled, "And here I was thinking it was Mandy's sparkling wit and intellect that first attracted you to her."

"More like I was desperate for a shag," I stopped when I saw the look on Naomi's face, "Sorry."

The blonde shrugged, "Can't change the past Em. So she mentioned it was you who ended it?"

I nodded, "After that disastrous evening she would only see me on my own and Danny was very vocal about how much he didn't like her. He'd keep asking if I was going out with 'stupid, mean Mandy' and everytime I said yes he'd pull a face. So yeah, it did start to change the way I looked at her too, it was inevitable. I worked hard in the week and I didn't mind the occasional meal out but mostly I wanted to be at home for Dan's bed time. Mandy refused to compromise and come over to my house for dinner which meant I could see her and still put Danny to bed. She always preferred it if we stayed at her flat or a hotel. I wanted to spend the weekends relaxing and playing with my son, Mandy wanted us to go off to country hotels or on city breaks. Don't get me wrong, as an occasional treat it was nice but she wanted to monopolise me every weekend. It was as if she wanted to pretend Danny didn't exist and it really started to piss me off."

"If she didn't like the fact you came as a package, why didn't she just end things?" Naomi questioned me.

I coughed and blushed, "I suppose there were other benefits, things that were easier to do in Mandy's flat or certain types of club maybe."

She looked confused, "Look Naomi, I'm not trying to make you jealous but Mandy had a bit of a thing for leather and we'd sometimes go to fetish clubs. It's not hugely original I know, but when you're a single mother who hasn't had sex in a long time it was sort of exciting, at least at first."

Naomi took a deep breath, "I think there might have to be some exeptions to the total honesty rule. That's not a mental image I ever want to have again, well not of Mandy, the vision of you was pretty good."

I coughed and she blushed slightly, "So let's face it the 'relationship' wasn't going anywhere so the only thing we were really together for was sex and even that got really boring after a while, there was no closeness or intimacy you know? The final straw was her suggestion that we had a threesome with Shelly, so I ended it and apart from once or twice with Mandy, which only reminded me why we'd split up, I hadn't been with anyone else until I met you."

Naomi frowned, "What in a relationship you mean?"

I shook my head, "In any sense Naomi."

Her eyes widened, "Really? Christ and yet you still didn't push me to have sex before I was ready."

I shrugged, "I'd never force you to rush into anything you weren't comfortable with, whether that's sex or making a decision about Danny. I meant it Naomi, I'm really grateful you've thought about this as thoroughly as you have, most people would have just thought 'sod it' and rushed in without thinking about the ramifications."

Naomi smiled, "I guess I'm not most people. So anything else I should know about Danny before I meet him?"

I pulled my hand away and retrieved my bag before I found a photo. I pushed it across the table, "This is what he looks like and don't let the angelic smile fool you."

I watched as she studied it, after a few minutes she looked up, "He has your eyes."

I nodded, "Yep, the famous Fitch puppy dog stare has been successfully passed down from generation to generation for years now. Danny's might even be more effective than mine."

"Really? Thanks for the advance warning." Naomi replied with a smile as she turned back to the photo.

"Go on say it." I encouraged.

The blonde glanced up unsurely, "What's with the hair?"

I shrugged, "Believe me I've tried everything but Danny hates having it cut short because he's seen photos of JJ and he knows it makes him look more like his Dad."

"So apart from crazy hair and beautiful eyes, is he more like JJ's or your personality?" she asked.

"Well, I like to think he's a good mixture. He's into computers and science like his Dad, but he loves reading which he definitely got from me. He's logical like JJ, frighteningly so sometimes, but he's also very kind and thoughtful which is a bit more like me. Don't get me wrong JJ was too but his Aspergers sometimes made it difficult for him to express himself." I explained.

"I didn't realise JJ was autistic." Naomi stated.

I nodded, "He was on medication to control it but he still got locked on or freaked out in certain situations. When we were at school people teased him a lot, you know how cruel kids can be. It was one of the main reasons I offered to sleep with him, the other girls wouldn't go anywhere near 'mong boy' and I thought it might help his confidence."

"Nice sounding people." Naomi said sarcastically, "So Danny hasn't inherited it?"

"We don't think so, he's had all the tests and nothing has shown up so far. He can be a bit socially awkward or shy, sometimes he worries about the most bizarre things and he can be a bit obsessive, but to be honest it's just as likely he got that from our side of the family as JJ's." I said with a smile.

She handed back the photo, "So, I suppose the next big question is when and where can I meet him?"

"Whenever you want, what sort of thing did you have in mind?" I replied.

Naomi paused, "I'll fit in around you two, maybe come along somewhere you were already planning on going? I don't want you to think I'm not making an effort, I just don't want to make Danny feel awkward like Mandy did."

My heart swelled, "That's really thoughtful of you."

The blonde snorted, "It's not totally selfless Em, I'm going to be nervous enough without adding in the additional pressure of unfamiliar surroundings."

"Tell you what, why don't you come to the house on Saturday. You could meet Dan and then we're going to the park for a picnic so maybe you could come too? He'll be off playing for some of the time so you don't have to be in each other's faces all day." I suggested.

Naomi nodded, "That sounds good, shall I bring the picnic food?"

I paused, "It's ok, I'll do the food, you just bring yourself."

She stared at me strangely, until a grin broke out on her face, "I get it, you want to control what he eats and don't trust me not to bring processed crap, like last time."

"It's not that Naomi, I'm sure whatever you bring along will be lovely..." I trailed off as her eyebrow raised, "Alright, you've busted me. I'll eat anything but I'm an adult, I like to be a bit more disciplined with Danny and I can sometimes be a bit of a control freak about his diet."

Naomi drummed her fingers across her lips, "Hmmm, did you say something about Danny being slightly obsessive?"

I gently kicked her leg under the table, "Shut up you, it's important."

Naomi held up her hands, "Far be it from me to tell you how to be a good Mum. Anyway, it's one less thing for me to worry I'll get wrong. But so I know how much breakfast I need to eat, how healthy is it?"

I rolled my eyes, "You make me sound like some sort of tosspot earth mother. It'll be perfectly plentiful and edible Naomi, just freshly prepared and not full of additives and fat."

She smiled, "I was only teasing. Shit is that the time? Mandy's going to kill me I was supposed to be back with her lunch by now."

"I can rustle you up something quickly if you like?" I offered.

"That'd be fantastic, what's the most horrible sandwich you have?" she said with an evil grin.

"Naomi! I'm not sending you back to work with an inferior sandwich, it's not a great advert is it? SandFitches, for all your food poisoning needs." I chastised her.

The blonde looked along the row of containers and turned to me with a glint in her eye, "What about the beef? Looks a bit leathery wouldn't you say?"

I laughed, "If you can say that to her and keep a straight face I'll buy you an ice cream in the park."

"Come on Em, hurry up please, I need to get back, I'll tell Mandy I went hell for leather to get her lunch." Naomi continued with a giggle.

I shook my head as I gave her the sandwich, "You silly sod, now you'd better bugger off and I'll see you Saturday."

As she left the shop she gave me a wink, "See you about midday?"

I nodded, "That'd be great, I'm looking forward to it."

She smiled, "Me too Em, I'll see you then."

I watched her disappear out of sight and was still laughing quietly to myself when Katie came back downstairs.

"I thought I heard the door go, has Naomi gone back to work?" she asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, she's just left."

Katie raised her eyebrow, "I'm guessing because you're smiling, it's good news?"

"It was a bit touch and go for a while, I honestly thought she was going to say no K, but she wants to meet Danny. So she's coming to the park with us on Saturday." I responded.

Katie brightened, "Does that mean I don't have to? I can go shopping instead?"

I shrugged, "I suppose so, although I thought you might want to spend some time with your nephew."

She pretended her hands were scales as she weighed up her options, "Nah, shoes and clothes win every time."

"Don't let Danny hear you say that," I said with a tut.

"He knows I love him to bits really. Anyway, you don't want me there for the big meeting do you, it'll be stressful enough as it is without witnesses. When are you going to tell Dan that a complete stranger is gate crashing his Saturday ritual?" she questioned.

I shrugged, "Tonight I suppose, I've learnt my lesson about putting things off or keeping secrets."

Katie smiled, "I'm sure he'll be fine and Em, I'm really glad it looks like things might work out for you and Naomi."

I returned her smile, "It's early days and we've got a long way to go but you know what? I think it's going to be ok."

As I said the words I realised for the first time in weeks I wasn't simply repeating some positive mantra to try to make myself feel better, this time I actually believed they were true.