Lewis and Hathaway were walking back from the pub when James saw it. They hadn't been drinking much. They'd only had one beer each, neither man really in the mood to drink after the case they'd just wrapped up. A man had killed his baby by accident and then when his wife had cracked under the initial interrogation, he'd killed her as well. So although they got a result...they didn't feel good about it. James was still coming to terms with the idea that a man could kill his child. Hathaway had dealt badly with his visit to the crime scene, finding it difficult to be in the same room as the child's body. Laura had advised that he didn't come to the post mortem and Lewis heartily agreed. He needed James brains on this case, and a shell-shocked and angry James was not a clear thinking man.

So as it was, they were walking back through town and James stopped, frowning as he looked at the roof of the houses opposite.

"Sir...does that look like...does that look like a"

"Fire?" finished Lewis."Yeah. Shit, call the..." James was all ready off, running through one of Oxford's ancient back alleys to get to the next street. As they ran, Lewis dialled 999 and called the fire brigade, giving the address of the street that they were currently running down.

They skidded to a stop as they arrived outside the blazing house. A man across the street ran over to them. James turned to him.

"What happened? We saw the smoke from the other street. Robbie called the fire brigade on the way"

"Dunno mate, there was some sort of explosion. I came out of me house-" Lewis interrupted the man.

"You live on this street? Do you know who lives there?" The man went pale.

"Oh God. Mrs...Mrs Kerman. Mrs Kerman and her sister...I think her sister's staying with her." Lewis and Hathaway exchanged a look and Robbie could see in the young sergeant's eyes exactly what he was thinking. There's been too much death today, I've got to try and prevent this.

"Jim...Jim no, you don't know what you're doing."

"Sir! The fire engine might not get here for another ten minutes."

"James! Its too dangerous."

"Didn't stop you did it...And honestly, if someone had told you not to go in after me, would you have listened?" Lewis couldn't answer and Hathaway nodded as he shrugged his jacket off. "Just call an ambulance, we might need one."

"She might not even be in there James!" Lewis shouted desperately after his sergeant, but Hathaway had already entered the burning building. Nonetheless, he called an ambulance. He considered going in after Hathaway, but he could see that the man who had met them was shaking and Lewis knew that he couldn't leave him alone. Besides, what good would he be? He's not as young as he was, he was at least three years younger last time he had run into a fire to save someone.

Just then, a car pulled into the road and a young woman got out.

"What's...What's going on? D-Doreen...Oh my word...DOREEN!" Lewis grabbed her as she started to run towards the house.

"Easy love, my sergeant's gone in there to find her. Are you her sister?"

"Y-Yeah, I'm st-staying with her for the weekend. What happened?"

"We don't know. James spotted the smoke and we...there's a fire engine and an ambulance on its way Miss. Just try and calm down." He turned around slightly to the neighbour they'd talked to before. "Could you make her a cuppa mate? Lots of milk and sugar eh?" The man nodded and he rushed back to his house to carry out the request and Lewis guided the woman down to the kerb and sat her down. While he was looking after her, he was worrying marginally less about Hathaway.

.

James ran into the house, coughing almost as soon as he did so. The rooms were filled with acrid smoke and there were flames licking at the furniture. Hathaway could feel the heat rolling off the fire. He quickly searched the bottom floor and didn't find any people. He could feel the warm air in his lungs and he suddenly realised just how stupid he was being...just how stupid Lewis had been to run into Zoe Kenneth's house after him. His brow furrowed as he started to climb up the stairs. It was getting hard to breath and he knew if he didn't find Mrs Kerman soon, he'll be in no state to rescue her. He briefly curses himself as he realises that if he doesn't get out, Lewis is going to come in after him and suffer the same fate. He sees flashing blue lights and knows that either the fire brigade or the ambulance has arrived. At the top of the landing, he sees a woman's shoe in the bedroom floor and forges towards the lady, glad that it only seems to be smoke and not fire up here. He kneels down to the lady, coughing, scared for a moment that he may be bringing his lungs up. James started to drag her out, hoping against hope that he stayed conscious for long enough to get them both to the clear, outside air. He was seriously worried about the fact that Mrs Kerman was unconscious, that she had probably been in that position since the fire started.

He finally got her out of the front door and pulled her across the street, gasping for breath as the paramedics took her out of his hands. Lewis ran over to him as he started to try and get back into the building.

"James?...Sergeant! What are you doing?"

"...The...the sister." James panted, breath coming in short, sharp gasps.

"She's here, she wasn't in the house, She's there, sat on the kerb." James nodded slightly as he realised that there was no one else in the house. Meanwhile, the fire service had arrived and were starting to tackle the blaze. As they stood watching, Lewis realised that the paramedics were performing CPR on Mrs Kerman. He tried to guide James away, remembering the look on the younger man's face when they had lost the battle to save Jane Templeton. It as too late, James had noticed and his jaw was working as his chest heaved. As Lewis turned around again to look, he saw the paramedics sake their heads and sit back on their heels, a mixture of resignation and sadness on their faces. He could hear the keening wail of Doreen Kerman's sister as she realised that Doreen was dead.

Expecting to see blankness on Hathaway's face, Robbie was surprised to see desperation and anguish there.

James started to back off slightly, before turning and walking slowly back up the road. Whatever he was expecting, it wasn't this. It wasn't James just walking away, head bowed and steps unsteady. Robbie set off after him, finally reaching the lad and putting a hand on his shoulder. It was angrily shoved off with a subdued mutter. Lewis wasn't having it. They were nearly at the end of the street and Robbie grabbed Hathaway and spun him around to face him. He was shocked to see that there were tears streaming down the sergeant's face, although he wasn't making a sound.

"Jim?"

"NO! Don't try and...just no."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Of course it WAS! I didn't get her out in time, I was too slow, I dunno. But I didn't save her!" James is talking fast, taking quick, shallow breaths. Lewis recognises the panic and guilt that the younger man is displaying. He's seen it before. Last time he saw Hathaway in this state, he'd told the sergeant to get out of his sight and he'd later had to save his life. The lad was verging on hysterical and Lewis could tell from his pupils and his breathing that he really should be seeing a medic.

"James calm down. Look, it wasn't your fault, you have no way of knowing if you'd have been able to save her if we got there any quicker."

"You don't know that."

"And you don't not know it! Christ Jim, the state of the world isn't your fault you know?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, life is shit kidda. That's just the way it goes. Some people live to a hundred, some people don't make it past their teenage years. There are some people who die in their sleep, and there are some people who die in house fires. You can't save them all."

"...You saved me." James looks at the floor. "Its just...all of that and she still...fuck." Robbie guides James to sit down by the roadside, aware that James still isn't breathing like he should be. Lewis puts an arm around him, both for comfort, and to stop him doubling over as he coughs violently.

"You need to see a doctor lad."

"I'm fine. Just smoke in my lungs that's all."

"Don't be an idiot son. You can barely breathe Jim. Come on, we'll get the paramedics to have a look at you." Lewis said in a tone that clearly said 'We'll talk later...right now you need medical help and I'm going to see you get it.'

James merely nodded dejectedly as he let the inspector lead him towards the ambulance. As they got there, Mrs Kerman's sister approached them, eyes puffy and red. James looked straight ahead, scared to look the grieving woman in the eye. Lewis started to apologise for him, but the lady silenced him by putting a hand on James arm.

"Thank you."

"For what?" the sergeant said bitterly, "I failed didn't I?" The dead woman's sister looked at him sadly.

"Maybe...But you tried. That means a lot." Lewis nodded at her as she walked past, grateful that she didn't blame James, he wasn't sure if the younger man could take any blame. They got to the doors of the ambulance and Lewis prodded and helped James into the back of it.

"He went in and got the dead woman. The stupid idiot says he's fine but he can't catch his breath." The paramedic nodded, getting Hathaway to sit in the chair, since the bed was taken with Mrs Kerman's body. Lewis climbed in behind him. The paramedic took one look at James struggling to take a breath and secured a oxygen mask over the young man's head, before closing the doors of the ambulance. He banged on the cab.

"Shake a leg Charlie. The JR, quick as you like." Lewis didn't like the sound of that, but he didn't say anything, realising that the paramedics knew what they were doing and him badgering information out of them wasn't going to help.

It took two minutes and twenty nine seconds for it all to catch up with James. Whether it was the fact that he was within touching distance of the woman he'd tried so hard to save, or because he had finally realised that he was sat in the back of an ambulance finding it hard to breath, but either way it hit him square in the face. Lewis looked up from his hands as he heard the paramedic muttering words to his sergeant. James had his head in his hands and was letting out shuddering sobs, clearly trying to control them but failing miserably. The ambulance technician looked to Lewis, eyebrows raised.

"Try and calm him down mate. He's had too much smoke in his lungs. This really isn't helping him." Robbie's eyes widened and he crouched in front of James, taking both of his shoulders.

"Hey, c'mon now kidda. Stop this eh? You weren't to blame Jim. You know you weren't...deep down you know you did everything you could."

"...not...enough..." Lewis is fully aware that its not only the tears making his sergeant find it difficult to speak. He just hopes that James' lungs aren't permanently damaged.

"That's no way to think. Like her sister said. You tried. That's already enough James. There are other people that wouldn't have even attempted to go in that house."

"Fat lot...of...good...it ...did"

"You can't save everyone kid. You just can't. "

"Should be able...to...fucking...unfair other...otherwise."

"Life is Jim, life is." Hathaway laughs bitterly and rests his head back against some instrument panel, but at least he has calmed down. He's no longer hyperventilating or crying, although there are still tears drying on his cheeks.

When they get to the hospital, James is wheeled off to have tests done on his lungs and breathing rates and all sorts of other things that Robbie didn't really understand.

When he is finally allowed to see Hathaway, the young man is lying in a hospital bed, unconscious and unresponsive. There is a tube feeding oxygen into his nose and an IV drip running into the back of his hand. He's staring at the clip on the lad's left index finger, which is monitoring his heart rate and pulse and all his vital signs. Its while he's staring that a nurse takes pity on him and comes to explain that James had been sedated, that he hasn't jut collapsed. The nurse explains that they needed to sedate Hathaway in order for him to get some proper rest so that his lungs could start to fix themselves. Lewis nods and sits down by the bed, wondering whether he should phone Innocent and let her know that James isn't coming into work tomorrow. He decides that he should, but it takes him a good ten minutes to get around to it.

3 days later, he picks James up from the hospital and drives him home. The lad still has a nasty cough, but he is breathing a lot more like he should be. He's been ordered to take a week off work and Lewis has had to tell Innocent so that she makes him stay at home. They don't mention what happened and James seems to be fine, if a little bit breathless.

Lewis know that this isn't right, that James is still guilt-tripping himself inside. He doesn't say anything though. He knows its futile. The boy will come to him in time. It may be days, weeks, months, even years; but eventually, James will talk to him. And until then, he'll just have to keep an eye on the lad.