I was really laughing my ass off when I became inspired by two of my favorite movies for this chapter, "American Pie" and "Men at Work". Anyone familiar with the movies should see the connections and the lovable dialogue and content.

A certain "shotgun to the ass" scene will take place from "Men at Work" as well as a speech similar to the vow of celibacy the four friends in "American Pie" took that is vital to the movie's main plot, but I won't spoil any further. ;D

Chapter Twenty-Four

Of Shotguns and Predators

"Two weeks?!" Harley shrieked as she and the group - herself, Iris, Eddie, Pamela, and Jon - all hid in the bushes outside Dr. Warner's house. Edward didn't like being here, but the harlequin insisted on being here because she "suggested" a "brief look-in on the good professor's nightly activities". Harley couldn't even contain herself like he couldn't, either, at the news of when and where the wedding would take place. "Two weeks and you are really gonna marry that disgusting old man, Blue?!" She reached up and ruffled the neckline of her buttoned-up bright ruby cardigan over her yellow top of springtime flowers as though it was getting hot at hearing the news.

Edward looked beside him just as Iris scoffed and shook her head. "Of course not. You all know I'm not going to…as long as I have you guys," she said with a grateful smile.

"You all know that she has no choice but to proceed with the plans," Jon said, leaning against the white van that Ivy had stolen for them, where she and Harley volunteered to keep watch on Warner and decide on the next move before the "big day". The situation may have changed, but the game was still the same. "You realize this, right? Farnsworth had been made by Maria DeLaine a long time ago to draw up her final will for this and keep it sealed away until the 'time was right'," he finished with a near-perfect imitation of the lawyer's resigned voice.

Edward took this in with very little time to waste. Okay, he admitted it; getting married in two weeks was an absolute rush, but at least Joker always found a way to make things more "interesting" - if he were here, but now Harley would do his jobs. He looked down at Iris' left hand, perched on her knee, where the diamond ring of her late model mother glittered despite the darkness of the early night. Earlier she'd mentioned that the plan was to have the wedding at her home - her own home of all places - and reliving an Egyptian-themed ceremony and reception in the ballroom just like her parents' had been. Knowing her and Jon too well, her having this big wedding was her mother's dream come true and not hers. Not to mention, her choice of groom. He wanted to vomit at the image of her standing before the old man, and him looking at her the wrong way. Well, he was going to make him regret that, and for doing what he tried to protect Jon from. As the old saying went, "You can't change the past, but you can always change the future."

"Well, if I may," he said, getting everyone's attention - all but Pamela's, who was just deep in the bushes across the street from the suburban two-story brick house that was Warner's residence, and zooming in on any activity in the currently lit house with a telescope - as they stood a short distance behind the spying clown. "This is very simple, and it came to my mind just now, but maybe it's not as simple as Joker used to put it. I mean, what if we crashed the wedding with concrete evidence against him?"

He had no idea why he didn't think of this before. He had never got the chance to finish his search of the house before he was found and blackmailed regarding his father, but for some reason, he'd always suspected Warner was a suspected sex offender long before he went onto Jon, but there had been no proof. Sometimes the facts and evidence were hidden deep within the offender's home - "safely" from the public eye. He was sure there was something there that would have his ass thrown behind bars once and for all.

Jon looked down at him, appalled. "Eddie, there's no proof of any kind that he's a sexual predator. None in my case and none before then, you know that."

He'd had enough and stood up from sitting on the ground. "Guys, this situation has become more complicated than any other we've been in. Here's the deal: we proceed the way we're doing right now, and Iris continues to keep him after her as long as he doesn't put his hands on her, and after buying time with the investigation and not involving the police since we all know there are still some of those corrupt bastards around, we show up and present the facts, and if things go well, we got him out of our lives for good."

"But we all know he'll be let off the hook because he's tenured," Jon insisted.

"But not if we have the queen herself," Edward pointed out, nodding to Iris, who beamed coyly. "She's our rock, would do anything to protect those she cares about…even homicide," he finished with a wink, having witnessed a couple of shows of her dirty little work as the Empress. "So if they let him go, she'll off him off, won't you, Iris?"

"That's right. You know I never use my trusty scythe unless it's special occasions."

"That's what I'm talking about!" Edward loved how this was going. "Separate, we are flawed and vulnerable…but together we are the masters of justice."

Jon's eyes grew the size of saucers. "Oh, now you're talking justice? Just think that three of us are into the seemingly non-existing justice while the other two are the very opposite." He motioned with his head to where Harley was perched beside her redhead vixen, crouched and facing them.

"Hey! Red and I are now doing everything we can to help you guys."

"Guys!" Edward held up both hands to silence everyone. "This is literally serious here. I mean, two of our very members and cherished friends' lives are at stake here. We must fight and fight our best if we are to get Warner out once and for all. We will make sure he faces our justice for the crimes he got away with, for tearing apart the lives and innocence of every poor soul out there, and no one will stop us. This is a battle that we will - and shall - win. By God, we will not stand by and let him condemn another bright young spirit to his sick and twisted desire. We will make a stand and stand together in this far-from-over war…and we will succeed."

He received a trio appraise of "We will kill Warner!" before Pamela interrupted the moment.

"If you all are done there, you got take a look at this." Everyone crowded around him, but she handed Edward the end of the telescope borrowed from his and Joan's place so he could take his look first. His stomach dropped.

There was the old man himself, walking into the scene of his living area, but he was not alone. Behind him walked in a young woman of about twenty years old, her soft auburn hair in a high ponytail and wearing a light khaki floral print top and matching pants, carrying an armful of books, her face bright and innocent and eager for help on her career of choice…but the look on the teacher's face was clearly more than that, just as Edward remembered. "What the hell?" he choked, drawing back as though feeling like he was electrocuted.

"What is it?" Jon took his place and placed his eye before the telescope. His jaw dropped. "Oh, hell no. I don't like where this is going."

Iris did not need to peek through to know, as she could tell from afar what was happening. She walked away from them and for the van, where the double rear doors were opened, and came back less than a minute later with - "What are you going to do with that?" Edward asked, hearing the click from the shotgun that she kept on the mantle of her living room. Pair that with her leather jacket and pants, you do the math.

"Shoot him," was her simple answer.

"WHAT?!" Edward heard Harley's voice mirror his own at the thought of her shooting Warner dead right here, right now from a long-range distance. Well, the window of that place they were watching through was opened anyways, and he could imagine ending it all tonight would fix the problem anyway. Jon snickered and nudged him.

"It's the principle, Eddie. Not like she'll kill him too soon."

"With a shotgun?" Edward returned. "What's she going to accomplish with that stupid thing if she's not going to kill him?"

Ivy was watching Iris remove the safety with an interested eye. "I'll say settling the conflict without changing the course of history, Nygma."

"That's right, boys," Iris answered as she took up position and aimed the rifle just as she wanted it. "It also stings like a bitch." Edward leaned forward to the telescope and watched as the young girl gave the professor a frightened look as she began to slip off her shirt, but Warner's back was facing the window so that Edward couldn't see his face. He turned away so that he wouldn't see any more of what that poor thing was going to endure.

And then there was the sound of a gunshot.

"Alright, let's roll, ladies and gents!" Harley shouted, picking up the telescope and making way for the van, tossing it in and then hopping in for the driver's seat, Edward and the others following. He heard her and Pam both squealing with laughter as the latter closed the rear doors, the blonde started the engine and reared them out of there.

Once they were settled in, Edward looked to see Jon leaning into Iris, face beet red from attempting to hold his laughter in, while Harley was shrieking it off with her girl in the front of the van. He couldn't keep a snicker from escaping himself. "Did you hit him?"

"Ass shot," Iris answered, slapping a hand over her mouth. "He'll never touch her again. Or ever."

~o~

Iris was hoping she would never have to lay eyes on this hell again. Gotham State University had always been the seventh layer of hell, at least in her opinion. She strode the halls in a blue iris turtleneck and black trousers and boots with her coat slung over one arm and her purse in the other, in a worse mood than she was before. All day she'd received looks from staff and patients alike, even heard the whispers as though she'd developed telepathic powers: The doc's getting married. And to a man old enough to be her grandfather! How disgusting and unattractive is that? Oh, they had no idea. Well, once things were fixed, life would go on.

She listened to Jonathan's voice on her Bluetooth. "Not a happy return, I know."

She scoffed. "You have no idea," she whispered so that no one would hear her. "Least of all heading to the dean's office to ask where his classroom is."

He chuckled. "Doesn't being back there bring back so many happy memories?" he asked, sarcasm half there and half not there.

"Indeed, and I feel sick." Iris smiled as she finally stopped in front of Dr. Long's office. Not that she was smiling because she was here - well, half because she would get the direction as to where Dr. Warner's classroom was. "But just the ones of us are putting a smile on my face." She put her hand on the knob. "I'm here now, so hang on and listen." She then reached up to turn on the small button next to the speaker - no, not for Jonathan's voice to be heard - for him to listen in on her conversations with others.

Jonathan gave a heavy sigh. "Won't be pleased hearing his voice again."

"Not that I ever wanted to be here, despite him calling me away from work to come here just for a question. Could have told me on the phone for all I care," Iris replied with a snort. But no, he had to say it was important for me to face him. She removed her hand from the knob and knocked once, twice.

"Come in," called a familiar elderly voice from her past that she hadn't heard until now.

"Hello, Dr. Long." Iris closed the door behind her, pushing her hair past her shoulder and facing the familiar wizened, white-haired, and mustached face of the man responsible for her beloved's disgrace. His eyes widened behind his glasses in recognition.

"Why, Iris DeLaine. It's been a long time." He rose from behind his desk to greet her, looking her over. "You've grown more beautiful than you were then. What brings you back after all these years?"

"Surely you know of my reputation," Iris answered with a frost to her voice as she accepted the older man's handshake.

"Ah yes, head of the Arkham Asylum, following your former teacher after he lost it all." Her anger was rising again - it was so easy for foul talk of Jonathan to get to her so fast - but she remained aloof on the outside as always. "But I heard he's been reformed and now you two are an item. How is he, if I may ask?" She wasn't sure if he really meant his words or if he was only saying them just to be polite.

"Very well. He's head librarian of the Gotham Memorial Library," she answered smoothly. "And we're very happy."

"But what's this I hear about you and one of my revered psychology professors? Dr. Victor Warner? He tells me that you and he are -"

Iris cut him off sharply. "That is confidential, but I'll keep it short. He is using every dirty little trick he has to ruin my life, but I have no proof to keep him away, so until then, this is my battle against him. Now the reason I'm here is I would like to know what classroom number he is."

Dr. Long cast her a searching, wary look before he cleared his throat. "Oh, um…room 313. I trust you remember the way, then, Miss DeLaine?"

"It's Doctor now," she said coldly, turning to leave, before she felt his hand on her arm.

"Forgive me, Iris, but I've been meaning to ask you this. I wish that, in the future, we could put any unpleasant encounters and events aside and move forward?"

Given how he ruthlessly cast her lover out like he was garbage? Iris glared at him, then at his hand, and shrugged it off. "I'll consider. Thank you, Dr. Long, and good day to you."

"Well, he sure knows how to flatter and feebly get out of situations at hand," Jonathan commented in her ear.

Iris hissed as she walked up the staircase she remembered having difficulty due to the width and height of the steps. "Not to mention pretend we don't have a difficult past."

She found room 313 with no difficulty, as this had been her classroom and on the same floor of her days here, where Jonathan's office had been along the corridor like everyone else's, except his class had been taken over by Dr. Johannes, an old windbag who often took a working vacation and always got away with it. But now Johannes was retired, and in his place was none other than Dr. Warner. She hesitantly knocked on the door, remembering the good old days with Jonathan as her teacher and all those glorious times together.

The door opened, and there was the man himself sticking his head out and peering at her with another sickening grin of his. "I knew you would come." He slipped out of the classroom and closed the door behind him. He winced, and she mentally smirked, knowing exactly what was making him do so.

"So, why have you deliberately made me come all the way out here when you could have saved the trouble by telling me over the phone?"

He chuckled. "Well, I just wanted to see your sweet face again." He tried to put his hand on her cheek, but she backed away. He laughed. "Don't be like that, Iris. We'll be married soon before you know it, and you'll have to get used to me touching you."

She heard Jonathan's sharp hiss at what he heard and felt her stomach run again. "I would rather die than have someone like you take me to bed or anywhere in the world."

"You'll might as well have to get used to this. Soon I'll have you and whatever you have to own. So…" He put his hands on his hips. "I would love for you to come by my house tonight at eight. Since you're my wife in practice if not by law just yet, I would suggest you start getting used to me before that day comes. So…dress appropriately…" The way he said that word drew the feeling again not only to her stomach but also to her heart and nerves. Her head clicked at the possibility of him laying on her the way he did to Jonathan. "…and I'll get the house ready for tonight. Be there, no excuses." The menacing look in his eyes faded, replaced by a friendly smile. "I shall see you tonight, Iris."

"Until tonight," Iris answered, turning to leave.

"God, this means I have to call in the others," Jonathan moaned on the other line. "Look, I have to go, my love, but please be careful."

"Aren't I always?" Iris replied, confidence returning along with a smirk, before placing a loud kiss for him to hear and ending the connection. Just as she was about to reach the stairs and find the entrance doors, she spotted a familiar face walking her way, handbag held close to her, auburn hair again in a ponytail, wearing faded jeans and a hot pink t-shirt. Iris recognized her as the girl Warner brought home just last night. She had a somber, distant look on her face that showed she wasn't all there, and looked like she came from the girls' restroom or someplace to get away from Warner.

"Excuse me," she said, bringing the girl to a sudden halt. She walked up to her, courage swelling to protect this person from the monstrous teacher. "I'm sorry to bother you, but may I ask what your name is?"

"Amber," came the timid reply, and Iris' heart broke.

"Amber," she repeated. "My name is Iris DeLaine. I'm a doctor, and I run the Arkham Asylum, and I know what happened between you and Dr. Warner." She lowered her voice to a hush in case anyone was listening. She saw the girl go rigid at the mention of her teacher's name. "I have a loved one who used to be his student at another school before this, and I know what he did to him, which I can't explain for his sake. But tell me…did he do the same to you?" Amber gave her a fearful look, and quickly hurried over to a bench and sat down, face downcast to the floor. Iris followed her, putting both hands on her back for comfort. "Amber, it's okay. You can tell me. Whatever you say will be between us, and anything you can say will help me put him away for a long time. He's been a suspect for repeat sex assaults on others before you and my loved one, so I need your help."

This was when Amber finally looked up at her, her eyes colored of her name red-rimmed and glassy with tears, fear evident in them. "Well…" she began hesitantly. "…I'm one year until graduation, and I want to be a doctor one day, and he…offered to help me succeed, so he invited me to his house. I didn't know that he…wanted me to…" She broke off with a hiccup and a sniffle, a tear finally rolling down her cheek that Iris wiped away with a single finger.

"Shhh. It's okay. He's not going to hurt you. Listen to me, Amber." She reached into her bag and pulled out her card with the asylum's address, her office number, and her cell number. "If you ever need me, this is my card. Just call or visit me yourself. And whatever you do…do not go anywhere alone with him, okay?"

~o~

"There's going to be the old man having you in his house, making you play house just to get into your pants later. Or at least, try to get into your pants," Edward heard Harley say through the phone connection on his way home, via speakerphone. "And all you'll do is shock him without any more fun than that?"

This conversation was getting pretty boring especially with him having to listen to those two back and forth, Harley from the van she'd kept a distance from DeLaine Manor, and Iris in her SUV on the way to the library to pick up Jonathan. "What else am I supposed to do, Harley? Broadcast it on the Internet?"

Edward was hoping none of the sorts, given the scandal it would cause if viewers knew that the asylum's youngest female director was recorded on YouTube with a man three times her age - even if she were engaged to him. But the harlequin was heaving heavy breaths as though the idea struck her happy. "Yeah."

His heart just about leaped into his throat, and he felt his blood flow chill. "No, Harley, she can't do that. You ought to know the scandal it'll cause on her reputation if -"

The blonde's squealing laughter cut him off. "Eddie, shut up, will you? If Blue doesn't do this and shock him with her undies and post the event online, how will we make his life before the will-be-crashed wedding all the more fun?"

Edward sighed at the same time as Iris, who voiced exactly what he was just thinking about at the very moment he stopped at the red light. "I don't like it, Eddie, but she's got a point."

"See?" He could picture Harley pointing in her direction to prove her point. "Even the lady herself knows I mean well. Now…all we gotta do is set up a private link into his house - cordless, of course - and we know that Jervis can devise it before tonight. Not that he ever stops his genius creations at all times of the day anyway. And then Red and I will privately link it on the net, saying that the engaged good professor is having the time of his life before the big day…and enjoying his last days and nights as a single man."

~o~

"I do not like the looks of this," Jonathan said infuriatingly to Eddie as they sat before the laptop in DeLaine Manor's sitting room. The screen was blank, but Iris had installed a spy communications device into the bra of her latest shock undergarment set so that she could hear what they were saying to her, and so she could talk to them - the former which could be heard through her barely visible ear device and unheard by others around her, very much like the FBI movies.

By now Iris was on her way to Warner's house again in Ivy and Harley's van, with the feminine duo watching the footage from the van, hidden within the forestry of the suburbs, of course. Jonathan did not adore the idea of the love of his life doing this for a hidden camera to be broadcasted at the same time for everyone on the Internet at this time - ranging from perhaps Joan Leland to any of the inmates with computer access at the asylum, to anyone on the board and student body of GSU, to anyone in Gotham - but Harley was masterfully convincing, as ever.

"So glad you could make it," Warner's voice sounded on the speaker, making Jonathan stiffen at once. "You look…rather daring."

"Well, you did say dress appropriate," Iris returned, seduction all but crept into her voice. She was good at mastering seduction even if she hated a certain person, and that was something Jonathan had been drawn to about her from the very beginning.

"Well, follow me, my dear, and we can begin."

Edward groaned. "I did not like the way he said that." He reached for the bottle of ale beside him and took a swig.

"Me, too." Jonathan reached for his own but did not drink it, only stared at it, impatient for all of this to be done with. "But at least we get to see Warner humiliated some more. Jervis' invention is meant for putting him out for a while." If I recall, he thought, an indefinite period of time, but no more than a week. He'll probably lose his job for no return calls and then be put into a hospital.

Iris' voice broke him out of his reverie. "Say, Victor, why don't you get the champagne, and I'll get situated in here? Be the gentleman and do that for me?" Innocence and vulnerability were adorable in her even when she was acting it. Warner chuckled at that.

"Oh, now you want me to retrieve it all for you? Just because we'll be married soon, you want the old man to do everything for a little lady like you?" How dare he speak of Iris like that? She was stronger than he thought, and more capable than he ever was. He just saw her as a toy for his carnal pleasures. Well, that was a mistake Jonathan made in believing a long time ago, yet Iris was more aware than he ever had been. She noticed his moves and language on her more than he ever did.

Silence passed by before the screen on the computer came on, and there the two men had the footage of the living room. It was still the same as they remembered: like they'd stepped inside the mind of a lust-filled asshole, and that was what Dr. Warner was. There was a vibrant red futon lounger thrown with a Tapas throw woven with rich hues of chili red, coffee brown, and gold. Standing beside it was a tall elephant of embossed, painted metal, its long trunk extending in the air toward a large, artful medallion mirror behind the futon. The crafted scrolled metalwork stand of a lamp was lit to add warmth to the room despite the situation…meant to be luring and seducing, but not to a fiery vixen like Iris DeLaine.

And then there was Iris, standing there before the camera she'd placed hidden somewhere in a bookcase that faced that part of the sitting area. She was absolutely alluring in the figure-hugging black velvet dress that reached her wrists and the floor, and her hair was done up into a larger bun than usual behind her head, curled lovingly and laced through with pearls. Vintage crystal chandelier earrings accented her ears, and the black metal Venetian mask did its wonders in shielding her true face from the world. Sleek black leather gloves covering her hands to prevent the leaving of fingerprints ran under her sleeves. Since none of the actual dancing footage had been recorded yet, neither had previous conversations as the goal was for Iris to be dressed as a random masked stripper that the old man brought to his home. "Now this is where I say 'Thank you for this wonderful night,'" Jonathan said to Eddie, who shared a laugh with him over his beer. "Now I think I can safely say that I'm going to thank Harley now."

Just then the phone rang, and Eddie answered it for him. Only one person could call them at this time. "What's up, Harl?"

Her voice giggled hysterically through the speaker. "Looks like Blue's ready to get her game on."

"I heard that!" Jonathan yelled, receiving a cackle.

"Of course, you did, Jonny. That's your girl, after all. Anyways, I'm calling to let ya'll know that I addressed the net system. This is going out to every computer in Gotham." She giggled again. "Boy, this is gonna be fun to watch again and again. Mistah J would be proud of me if he were here."

Eddie scoffed and set the phone down, not hanging up though. He and Jonathan then watched as Warner himself came into the scene. "I thought that the little doll was getting ready," he said with a raised eyebrow, "because I brought us a piece of celebration." He raised the bottle of champagne in his hand for emphasis. Iris smirked first at the camera and then turned around to face him.

"Well, I have a better celebration idea in mind, Professor, so please sit down." She nodded to the futon and turned and started for the stereo that seemed to be on the same bookshelf as the camera. Behind her back, Jonathan saw the professor give her a wink at her backside - he longed to take Iris' scythe and slice him up to pieces - before sitting down on the futon as instructed. Pretty soon, upbeat music began to fill the room, a song he recognized as Calling Your Name by Anomaly, and she began to shake it off as she turned back to face the professor, who was watching her with a patient hunger in his expression.

"Now we're in business," Eddie said, though there was disgust evident in his voice just as Jonathan felt it in his gut as he watched his lover sashay, dip, and turn in every direction with each movement to the ugly old man on the futon. As the seconds passed, the more Jonathan would turn back to face him and see his expression deepen from calm to… "This is disgusting," he said finally, reaching for his bottle for a drink to calm himself down.

Jonathan shook his head in agreement, and that was when Pamela chipped in her own idea of an agreement with "What the freak is this?" but he could also imagine the bubbly Harley dancing off to the music in the background. He pitied any other poor soul watching this at this moment and time.

And then Iris did this: she began to drop her dress very slowly, starting from the shoulders and down the arms until it was off at the wrists. The velvet had been pulled down to reveal the bra piece of the "corset collection" of her electric undergarments, which was very much the resemblance of its name, the piece black as her dress - lace underlined with black lurex and lacing in the front between the bust. She began to hump her buttocks - which faced the professor's predator gaze - at the same time she began to slip off the rest of her dress to show the lace garter skirt and thong part of her underset…and then she made the adorably clumsy mistake of turning around as she began to remove the rest of her dress the way off, and literally fell to the floor. Jonathan couldn't contain his laughter in spite of himself, putting his face in his hands to hide his eyes from the awkward sight, which he knew that viewers would end up doing the same. Pamela and Harley's shrieking laughs were heard on the phone still lying where it was. Eddie had fallen back against the head of the sofa, roaring with laughter.

Iris eventually managed to recompose herself and toss aside her dress somewhere across the room, before moving and pulling out a nearby chair and proceeding to do her thing by humping her hips against it like she was "riding a horse". Eddie groaned and hid his face in his hands. "She did not just take out that chair."

But Jonathan nodded. "Yep. She took out the chair." This segment didn't last long before Iris discarded it and moved for Warner on the chair, placing one foot on the futon while the other leg remained planted where it was, keeping her balanced.

"So…be gentle with me, Professor, and touch me like you mean it…" Now this was what he didn't want to see. That sick old man touching the woman that was his and his only. He unwillingly watched as Iris took his hand and guided it not on her breasts, but down her stomach - this was the point where Harley shrieked - and then let that hand go for him to reach the waistband of her garter and…

Then it happened in a flash. Warner screamed as the surge of an electrical current shot from the hidden wires under the lace and lurex, convulsed as though from barbed fence wire that you'd find around a prison, and then he flopped back onto his futon and laid perfectly still as stone. Jonathan cheered in relief that Iris had accomplished the next step of their mission, then watched as she picked up her dress and rushed over to grab her dress and shut off the radio before getting the camera as soon as the footage turned black and presumably rushed away from the scene.

Harley's wild laugh was then heard: "Houston, we have a problem."

AHAHAHAHAHHHA! I LOVED doing the "shocking Warner" scene from the get-go, much thanks to the scene in "American Pie" when Jim stripped for Nadia to the same song here. It's always the reason I watched that movie. XD And thanks to Cells-girl's "shock undies" inspiration.